Why do I not find my wife attractive?

[Bingo-Player]

had similar issues with my EX gf

She had next to no confidence in herself physically or mentally

attraction just died partly because i had to constantly reassure her she was attractive

She wouldn't go to the gym , i think in 4 years of relationship she initiated sex about 3 times

by year 4 i realised i wasn't in a relationship i was in a friendship

End it

 

[Plinco]

I'm up this late night thinking about it. Sexual attraction is a physiological response that forms the basis of romantic relationships. The problem I have with her, and how I got into my situation is that she met a checklist of traits that I needed in a long term relationship without taking into consideration of whether or not I had that physiological response.

 

[dark god]

"Been married for over a year and have not had sex, not because she didn't want it, but because I did not want to do"
That statement alone has me baffled

 

[BMX]

You digested too much of the redpilled community's advice and got yourself a clueless, lifeless virgin. That advice is not always practical in reality. I get it, we aren't out to get someone with a bodycount of 150 and expect them to settle down into a lifelong loving marriage, but this thread is just as appalling as it gets (opposite end of the spectrum). I've had LTR's with two different virgins. I will be d@mned if I get fooled thrice this point in life. They both knew close to nothing about life itself and most definitely nothing in the bedroom. They both became my used up leftovers for someone else to simp over while they "explored" other d!cks, tricking those guys into thinking they got themselves a religious dime or whatever. There came a time in both relationships where we both knew they weren't going to cut it anymore. If anyone wants to date a virgin LTR, be sure to get her a vibrator and get yourself a Rolex and a bottle of Blanton's. Treat yourself good because they won't likely know how to themselves. This reminds me of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" when he said he hooked another virgin...ah this sh!t again...here we go...

 

[Plinco]

You digested too much of the redpilled community's advice and got yourself a clueless, lifeless virgin. That advice is not always practical in reality. I get it, we aren't out to get someone with a bodycount of 150 and expect them to settle down into a lifelong loving marriage, but this thread is just as appalling as it gets (opposite end of the spectrum). I've had LTR's with two different virgins. I will be d@mned if I get fooled thrice this point in life. They both knew close to nothing about life itself and most definitely nothing in the bedroom. They both became my used up leftovers for someone else to simp over while they "explored" other d!cks, tricking those guys into thinking they got themselves a religious dime or whatever. There came a time in both relationships where we both knew they weren't going to cut it anymore. If anyone wants to date a virgin LTR, be sure to get her a vibrator and get yourself a Rolex and a bottle of Blanton's. Treat yourself good because they won't likely know how to themselves. This reminds me of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" when he said he hooked another virgin...ah this sh!t again...here we go...

When it comes to sex, it really depends on the person and compatibility. I've been in two LTR's with virgins. The current one is not working out well at all, but I had another one before that, that in a sexual way worked out very well; I could actually train her... and I did very well haha.

I think the problem is, and with every community, is that they all have limited approaches and thinking. They all need to think outside the box.

 

[Lookatu]

I'm up this late night thinking about it. Sexual attraction is a physiological response that forms the basis of romantic relationships. The problem I have with her, and how I got into my situation is that she met a checklist of traits that I needed in a long term relationship without taking into consideration of whether or not I had that physiological response.

Bingo.

You've discovered that you need both mental AND sexual chemistry for things to succeed.

It sounds like you made some efforts but nothing has changed. As other's said, maybe it's time to realize the mistake you've made and not live with it for the rest of your life and throw in the towel on this one. If there's no kids involved, you should be thankful for that as it allows an easier break up.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I asked him to go on ahead and "be nice to her", still have sex with her even though she's not his preference. It will cause to sexualize her and to cause her confidence in herself to rise. Give it about 3 months. Let her learn how to please you. I'm sure she also thinks it's a wierd position. Unless he's giving disparaging looks and a mean tone of voice all the time cutting her to shreds.

The situation does bring to the light that the physical and sexual part is a important part of attraction and relationships in sexual people. It's the same thing for a woman. If you flip it, no man should stand being in a relationship with a woman who does not hugely sexually desire him, because she is using him for non-sexual by default, sex is doing him a favor and she doesn't really want you. It'll tear a man down into shreds.

 

[Lookatu]

I asked him to go on ahead and "be nice to her", still have sex with her even though she's not his preference.

If she can't pass the boner test then sex can't even happen. Just sayin...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If she can't pass the boner test then sex can't even happen. Just sayin...

Let her give him head at least.

 

[Plinco]

Well I don't want to give up just yet. I'm taking a two month break from her (she's going to see her family) and see how I feel without her.

 

[Plinco]

An aside, your wife looks fine but she is not going to trigger the pornbrained mind of a porn watcher. Your exes will because they are more voluptuous. You need to cut porn out so that she becomes more sexualized in your mind.

hmmm interesting observation. I have not seen any porn in many years so I don't know what effect that still has.

 

[metalwater]

OP, you sound objective and rational.

another guess;

she is not turned on by you but accommodates you as a proper wife should but out of duty and even respect but not from desire. you can feel that she is not fighting you because she chooses to accommodate you. her desire is not, and your desire is dependant on her desire. or at least some different emotional response other than what she is doing.

not her fault based on the descriptions of the situation.

she could be low libido due to low hormones (medically) but probably not.

get/take some meds if needed and have sex with her. in a good way. might cause her to have different feelings.

 

[Plinco]

OP, you sound objective and rational.

another guess;

she is not turned on by you but accommodates you as a proper wife should but out of duty and even respect but not from desire. you can feel that she is not fighting you because she chooses to accommodate you. her desire is not, and your desire is dependant on her desire. or at least some different emotional response other than what she is doing.

not her fault based on the descriptions of the situation.

she could be low libido due to low hormones (medically) but probably not.

get/take some meds if needed and have sex with her. in a good way. might cause her to have different feelings.

It's not her it's me, 100%

 

[BMX]

Hard pass. Dump her.

 

[MatureDJ]

Is she fat? That will reduce your libido like nothing else.

 

[Plinco]

Is she fat? That will reduce your libido like nothing else.

No she's thin.

 

[Plinco]

I just realized something. The added pressure and stress of her demands and wanting a family that I am not ready to have is what makes me not want to have sex with her. Whenever I get angry or stressed out I don't feel sexual.

 

[BMX]

"And it was in that moment I realized, no one is going to fvcking come save me." ---David Goggins moments before setting off on his hardcore life-altering path to freedom and real living.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It's not her it's me, 100%

So lets make you the lady and her the male. In that situation where the husband is not sexualized and the wife is starving him out. He's getting less and and less attractive by the day, as she "validates" a non-sexual image of that male. He might as well not have a c0ck in her image of him.

LET him get out and go get a girlfriend and start ****1ng. His sexual swag will raise in a few sessions. His movements even his tone of voice will be more steady and confident. She will be able to HEAR the sex in him and it will turn her on. Now that his image has been sexualized by another she "can set it", now she's horny.

I asked you to just be a decent person and sexualize her. You don't have to use her. Show her some things. If she is willing to learn and willing to please you, she will grow. Her beauty will become ignited from your validation and treatment.

You were aware that your treatment of a female can dog her down and make her almost ugly? And your treatment of a female can also lift her up,inject confidence and assuredness and make her more attractive. It's about the energy.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So lets make you the lady and her the male. In that situation where the husband is not sexualized and the wife is starving him out. He's getting less and and less attractive by the day, as she "validates" a non-sexual image of that male. He might as well not have a c0ck in her image of him.

LET him get out and go get a girlfriend and start ****1ng. His sexual swag will raise in a few sessions. His movements even his tone of voice will be more steady and confident. She will be able to HEAR the sex in him and it will turn her on. Now that his image has been sexualized by another she "can set it", now she's horny.

I asked you to just be a decent person and sexualize her. You don't have to use her. Show her some things. If she is willing to learn and willing to please you, she will grow. Her beauty will become ignited from your validation and treatment.

You were aware that your treatment of a female can dog her down and make her almost ugly? And your treatment of a female can also lift her up,inject confidence and assuredness and make her more attractive. It's about the energy.

I mean if you had real confidence in your deck game you'd know these things.