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Why do I not find my wife attractive?

bat soup

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nah that wouldn't work either haha
I think the best thing to do would be to admit that you made a mistake and get divorced. It's better to do that now, rather than continue making bad decisions that will make you miserable for the rest of your life, such as getting her pregnant and mixing your assets.

Now it's hard to do, maybe, but if you're not ready for that yet then I'd suggest taking a trip somewhere alone so that you can clear your head and think about it.
 

jimwho

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Maybe stop being so serious about the situation. Fix it, bring her coffee in the morning in bed. Makes you feel good and she will too. Go on dates. People need to like each other to have fun in the sack.
 

Plinco

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Maybe stop being so serious about the situation. Fix it, bring her coffee in the morning in bed. Makes you feel good and she will too. Go on dates. People need to like each other to have fun in the sack.
I don't think that will do it. Tried things like that already. Having fun does not make me attracted to her physically.
 

ThisIsSparta

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This is her
She looks like an innocent highschool girl.

That wouldnt be my type either. Leaving the still obvious question aside (WHY THE HELL DID YOU MARRY HER?!), the good news are, she is not ugly..... so a type change/change of style might fix a lot on her looks.
 

Plinco

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She looks like an innocent highschool girl.

That wouldnt be my type either. Leaving the still obvious question aside (WHY THE HELL DID YOU MARRY HER?!), the good news are, she is not ugly..... so a type change/change of style might fix a lot on her looks.
Yes, objectively her looks is not the problem.
 

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Bingo-Player

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had similar issues with my EX gf

She had next to no confidence in herself physically or mentally

attraction just died partly because i had to constantly reassure her she was attractive

She wouldn't go to the gym , i think in 4 years of relationship she initiated sex about 3 times

by year 4 i realised i wasn't in a relationship i was in a friendship

End it
 

Plinco

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I'm up this late night thinking about it. Sexual attraction is a physiological response that forms the basis of romantic relationships. The problem I have with her, and how I got into my situation is that she met a checklist of traits that I needed in a long term relationship without taking into consideration of whether or not I had that physiological response.
 

dark god

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"Been married for over a year and have not had sex, not because she didn't want it, but because I did not want to do"
That statement alone has me baffled
 
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BMX

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You digested too much of the redpilled community's advice and got yourself a clueless, lifeless virgin. That advice is not always practical in reality. I get it, we aren't out to get someone with a bodycount of 150 and expect them to settle down into a lifelong loving marriage, but this thread is just as appalling as it gets (opposite end of the spectrum). I've had LTR's with two different virgins. I will be d@mned if I get fooled thrice this point in life. They both knew close to nothing about life itself and most definitely nothing in the bedroom. They both became my used up leftovers for someone else to simp over while they "explored" other d!cks, tricking those guys into thinking they got themselves a religious dime or whatever. There came a time in both relationships where we both knew they weren't going to cut it anymore. If anyone wants to date a virgin LTR, be sure to get her a vibrator and get yourself a Rolex and a bottle of Blanton's. Treat yourself good because they won't likely know how to themselves. This reminds me of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" when he said he hooked another virgin...ah this sh!t again...here we go...
 

Plinco

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You digested too much of the redpilled community's advice and got yourself a clueless, lifeless virgin. That advice is not always practical in reality. I get it, we aren't out to get someone with a bodycount of 150 and expect them to settle down into a lifelong loving marriage, but this thread is just as appalling as it gets (opposite end of the spectrum). I've had LTR's with two different virgins. I will be d@mned if I get fooled thrice this point in life. They both knew close to nothing about life itself and most definitely nothing in the bedroom. They both became my used up leftovers for someone else to simp over while they "explored" other d!cks, tricking those guys into thinking they got themselves a religious dime or whatever. There came a time in both relationships where we both knew they weren't going to cut it anymore. If anyone wants to date a virgin LTR, be sure to get her a vibrator and get yourself a Rolex and a bottle of Blanton's. Treat yourself good because they won't likely know how to themselves. This reminds me of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" when he said he hooked another virgin...ah this sh!t again...here we go...
When it comes to sex, it really depends on the person and compatibility. I've been in two LTR's with virgins. The current one is not working out well at all, but I had another one before that, that in a sexual way worked out very well; I could actually train her... and I did very well haha.

I think the problem is, and with every community, is that they all have limited approaches and thinking. They all need to think outside the box.
 

LARaiders85

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There's nothing wrong with the way she looks, but she does not have any confidence in the way she looks (body issues)
Makes a big difference. I'm surprised you were compatible enough to build chemistry and marry. These imbalances in mindset never get past a date or two in my experience. Are you in a Western country?

An aside, your wife looks fine but she is not going to trigger the pornbrained mind of a porn watcher. Your exes will because they are more voluptuous. You need to cut porn out so that she becomes more sexualized in your mind.
 
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Lookatu

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I'm up this late night thinking about it. Sexual attraction is a physiological response that forms the basis of romantic relationships. The problem I have with her, and how I got into my situation is that she met a checklist of traits that I needed in a long term relationship without taking into consideration of whether or not I had that physiological response.
Bingo.

You've discovered that you need both mental AND sexual chemistry for things to succeed.

It sounds like you made some efforts but nothing has changed. As other's said, maybe it's time to realize the mistake you've made and not live with it for the rest of your life and throw in the towel on this one. If there's no kids involved, you should be thankful for that as it allows an easier break up.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I asked him to go on ahead and "be nice to her", still have sex with her even though she's not his preference. It will cause to sexualize her and to cause her confidence in herself to rise. Give it about 3 months. Let her learn how to please you. I'm sure she also thinks it's a wierd position. Unless he's giving disparaging looks and a mean tone of voice all the time cutting her to shreds.

The situation does bring to the light that the physical and sexual part is a important part of attraction and relationships in sexual people. It's the same thing for a woman. If you flip it, no man should stand being in a relationship with a woman who does not hugely sexually desire him, because she is using him for non-sexual by default, sex is doing him a favor and she doesn't really want you. It'll tear a man down into shreds.
 

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Plinco

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Well I don't want to give up just yet. I'm taking a two month break from her (she's going to see her family) and see how I feel without her.
 

Plinco

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An aside, your wife looks fine but she is not going to trigger the pornbrained mind of a porn watcher. Your exes will because they are more voluptuous. You need to cut porn out so that she becomes more sexualized in your mind.
hmmm interesting observation. I have not seen any porn in many years so I don't know what effect that still has.
 

metalwater

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OP, you sound objective and rational.

another guess;

she is not turned on by you but accommodates you as a proper wife should but out of duty and even respect but not from desire. you can feel that she is not fighting you because she chooses to accommodate you. her desire is not, and your desire is dependant on her desire. or at least some different emotional response other than what she is doing.

not her fault based on the descriptions of the situation.

she could be low libido due to low hormones (medically) but probably not.

get/take some meds if needed and have sex with her. in a good way. might cause her to have different feelings.
 

Plinco

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OP, you sound objective and rational.

another guess;

she is not turned on by you but accommodates you as a proper wife should but out of duty and even respect but not from desire. you can feel that she is not fighting you because she chooses to accommodate you. her desire is not, and your desire is dependant on her desire. or at least some different emotional response other than what she is doing.

not her fault based on the descriptions of the situation.

she could be low libido due to low hormones (medically) but probably not.

get/take some meds if needed and have sex with her. in a good way. might cause her to have different feelings.
It's not her it's me, 100%
 
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