Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Why do I not find my wife attractive?

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
712
Reaction score
146
DID YOU NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THIS WOMAN BEFORE MARRYING HER?????

HOW COULD IT NEVER OCCUR TO YOU??? DID YOU NOT FVCK THE BIATCH BEFORE GETTING MARRIED?? OR WERE YOU FVCKING HER WITH NO PROBLEMS AND THEN SOMETHING WENT BAD???

YOU ARE NOT MAKING FVCKING SENSE
Super religious virgin. The last virgin I fvcked wasn't anywhere near as bad as her, and a heck of a lot more physiologically compatible.
 

Grinderman

Banned
Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
288
Reaction score
304
So you didn't get to test drive her first. Ok your post makes more sense now. In future don't leave out important details

does she like to get oral? to be rimmed? anal? Tied up?

Ever drugged her? does she like whisky?

try new things. This can be revived! You've just got to spice things up for both of you.

Till death do us part.
 

bat soup

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
2,524
Reaction score
2,865
Age
41
I don't find my wife sexually attractive. Been married for over a year and have not had sex, not because she didn't want it, but because I did not want to do it with her. There's nothing wrong with the way she looks, but she does not have any confidence in the way she looks (body issues) and I think this is the root of it.
Here are some observations:

Observations of what and possibly why I am attracted to:

  • Strong, but submissive libidos. Or they may be aggressive and sexualized, but the relationship does not last long.
  • Brunettes who appear to be “smarter and healthier” maybe appear more confident and high energy.
  • They have been mostly young, but some are in their 30’s. Most have been brunettes, but some blondes.
  • Young, pretty, and confident, but also submissive in bed.
  • Girls who appear to be high maintenance. Perhaps as a sign of high value, high confidence (respect ~ sex).
  • I look at obtaining women as a symptom of self-improvement, and if I stay with her, then I will not self-improve (?)


Observations of my relationship with her, and possible causes:

  • She is socially awkward and has body image issues, the girls I was with before didn’t have that problem.
  • The relationship makes demands from me that I view as aggressive toward me, such as getting emotionally involved, to slow down, giving into demands that are not a part of my goals. She is emotionally involved because she cares more about me, which I am not used to.
  • She is boring when she talks to me. Probably because she sits at home all day, and has few friends.
  • During attempted sex, she does not feel aroused enough by my actions. Probably because I don’t act in a way that I find her attractive.


Possible root causes:

My libido draws from my core values, but does not match with my expected values, that is, living aggressively. My libido corresponds with my ambitions.



I have to see her as sexualized (confident with her body), submissive in bed, not getting in my way. I expect a woman to be turned on sexually by me being aggressive.
If you don't find this woman attractive, why on earth did you marry her?
 

TheCharmingGuy

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 19, 2020
Messages
182
Reaction score
161
Age
24
If you like a woman, you will find her attractive as a result. It’s better to find someone attractive because you love them than to love someone because you find them attractive. It sounds like this guy didn’t do either of those, so he must either be gay, a troll, an idiot, or very, very confused.
Sorry dude. You’re a basket case.
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
712
Reaction score
146
If you like a woman, you will find her attractive as a result. It’s better to find someone attractive because you love them than to love someone because you find them attractive.
If I read that correctly, it sounds like a lack of experience on your part. I want you to clarify these two sentences again
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
712
Reaction score
146
If you don't find this woman attractive, why on earth did you marry her?
Let me explain this in a different way:

My logical, forward thinking part of my brain did all of the thinking, my d!k did no part of the decision making process. I know that sounds insane, but I can sometimes make something 'work on paper' but I don't take all of the variables into account. I never thought that my d!k wouldn't like a reasonably attractive girl
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
712
Reaction score
146
does she like to get oral? to be rimmed? anal? Tied up?

Ever drugged her? does she like whisky?

try new things. This can be revived! You've just got to spice things up for both of you.

Till death do us part.
I'm aggressive in bed, and like to smack women around a little bit. My kind of girl would get wet from that, but my wife doesn't enjoy that very much. We are exploring different possibilities. She's tying on new outfits as I type this.
 

SirBigBell

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Dec 28, 2018
Messages
367
Reaction score
695
OP, sorry bro but I think you are missing a trick here. You are seeing an opportunity as a problem and you need to fix that fast.
If i understood you well, you married a religious virgin who had zero sexual experience. Effectively you married a clean slate, a blank untainted canvass. You are failing to realise therefore that you are the artist who needs to mould and shape her into the masterpiece you desire.

Your sexual appetites are aroused by traits common in sexually experienced women, i.e women who have been rammed by a couple of dudes. Instead of viewing your blank canvass as an opportunity to create a customised one-off from the ground up, you’re pining for canvasses already painted over by multiple artists.

With the patience of a primary school teacher, you can slowly coach and develop her into the woman of your dreams. Sometimes we dont get the outcomes we want because we are giving wrong or poorly timed instructions. Sometimes its not what we say, but how we say it.

Think about it. This is a good opportunity to create a true original
 

spikeanut

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 9, 2016
Messages
129
Reaction score
260
OP, sorry bro but I think you are missing a trick here. You are seeing an opportunity as a problem and you need to fix that fast.
If i understood you well, you married a religious virgin who had zero sexual experience. Effectively you married a clean slate, a blank untainted canvass. You are failing to realise therefore that you are the artist who needs to mould and shape her into the masterpiece you desire.

Your sexual appetites are aroused by traits common in sexually experienced women, i.e women who have been rammed by a couple of dudes. Instead of viewing your blank canvass as an opportunity to create a customised one-off from the ground up, you’re pining for canvasses already painted over by multiple artists.

With the patience of a primary school teacher, you can slowly coach and develop her into the woman of your dreams. Sometimes we dont get the outcomes we want because we are giving wrong or poorly timed instructions. Sometimes its not what we say, but how we say it.

Think about it. This is a good opportunity to create a true original
100% agree. This is a blessing in disguise OP; now you and her both can explore your mutual likes. If you can't get it up, then that's more of a mental issue with you. If you are still watching porn, I would advise against it for a while. Realize that you can mold your virgin wife into someone who caters directly and only to your tastes.
 

spikeanut

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 9, 2016
Messages
129
Reaction score
260
Also OP, some after-thoughts, if your wife is not feeling aroused enough during attempted sex, then the issue is you, not her. Remember, she is the blank slate, meaning she does not have any aversions or dislikes for any particular sex act; likewise she doesn't not have any preferences. She doesn't know what she is missing out on. It is your job, as the experienced partner, and as the husband, to teach her what is enjoyable.

I say this from experience with a complete virgin a couple years ago, and also numerous anal virgins that I've been lucky enough to break. First couple times for sex were not enjoyable for either of us. I had to stop and realize that she didn't yet know what is enjoyable and I had the opportunity to teach her the things I liked. It's just like introducing someone to anal. If you are extremely rough and cause pain the first time; they won't want to ever do it again. However, if you focus on them, ensure they are well lubed, and they orgasm from it...they'll want to do it everytime. By the time I was done with my virgin; she was submissive in every facet of the word when it came to sex. I invested extra time on her enjoyment every time I introduced a new position, or hole, or toy. But after that initial investment; it was all about me. Sex with her, and the anal virgins, became some of the most arousing for me; not one because everything they did was geared towards my direct preferences since that's all they knew, but knowing they owed all their sexual experience and joy to me was intoxicating. GL OP, again, this sounds more like a mental hurdle that only you need to overcome.
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
712
Reaction score
146
Also OP, some after-thoughts, if your wife is not feeling aroused enough during attempted sex, then the issue is you, not her. Remember, she is the blank slate, meaning she does not have any aversions or dislikes for any particular sex act; likewise she doesn't not have any preferences. She doesn't know what she is missing out on. It is your job, as the experienced partner, and as the husband, to teach her what is enjoyable.

I say this from experience with a complete virgin a couple years ago, and also numerous anal virgins that I've been lucky enough to break. First couple times for sex were not enjoyable for either of us. I had to stop and realize that she didn't yet know what is enjoyable and I had the opportunity to teach her the things I liked. It's just like introducing someone to anal. If you are extremely rough and cause pain the first time; they won't want to ever do it again. However, if you focus on them, ensure they are well lubed, and they orgasm from it...they'll want to do it everytime. By the time I was done with my virgin; she was submissive in every facet of the word when it came to sex. I invested extra time on her enjoyment every time I introduced a new position, or hole, or toy. But after that initial investment; it was all about me. Sex with her, and the anal virgins, became some of the most arousing for me; not one because everything they did was geared towards my direct preferences since that's all they knew, but knowing they owed all their sexual experience and joy to me was intoxicating. GL OP, again, this sounds more like a mental hurdle that only you need to overcome.
With the few virgins I had been with before, I did not have this problem. The virgin I'm with now is the first time where she was totally not sexualized even by a little bit.
 

Grinderman

Banned
Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
288
Reaction score
304
With the few virgins I had been with before, I did not have this problem. The virgin I'm with now is the first time where she was totally not sexualized even by a little bit.
WHERE THE FVCK ARE YOU GETTING THESE VIRGINS FROM????!!!

i'd sign up to that app.
 

bat soup

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
2,524
Reaction score
2,865
Age
41
Let me explain this in a different way:

My logical, forward thinking part of my brain did all of the thinking, my d!k did no part of the decision making process. I know that sounds insane, but I can sometimes make something 'work on paper' but I don't take all of the variables into account. I never thought that my d!k wouldn't like a reasonably attractive girl
You always have to listen to the boss
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
712
Reaction score
146
WHERE THE FVCK ARE YOU GETTING THESE VIRGINS FROM????!!!

i'd sign up to that app.
haha)

One I met at a high school dance (while I was in hs), Homecoming, I was 17 and she was 16. Another I met at work, I was 23 and she was 18. Third was at work and I was 30 and she was 18

also, before I get __ thrown at me, all three were ready and willing.
 

TheCharmingGuy

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 19, 2020
Messages
182
Reaction score
161
Age
24
If I read that correctly, it sounds like a lack of experience on your part. I want you to clarify these two sentences again
So I’m confused... reading this thread it sounds like everyone who gives you advice, you respond to them and try to shut down what they said. Don’t ask for advice and then attack and slander the person giving it. If you don’t want to take the advice, just move on. I’m a stranger, you aren’t forced to value my opinion.

That being said, what I meant by those sentences was: If you like a woman for any sort of personality-based reason at all, her physical attractiveness will go up about 1 or 2 points on the 1-10 scale. I know because I have dated girls of about equal attractiveness (according to other people whom I asked), but I thought that the ones I spent LTR’s with were more attractive than the ones I spent 1 or 2 dates with. The point is, if you get in a LTR with a woman, she will naturally become more attractive to you (as long as you actually care about her and aren’t just using her for sex).

Once again, man, if you don’t want my advice, just don’t take it. It is your loss. Contrary to your opinion, I am not inexperienced. I am also not an idiot. This sounds like some insecure trolling to me.
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2008
Messages
712
Reaction score
146
So I’m confused... reading this thread it sounds like everyone who gives you advice, you respond to them and try to shut down what they said. Don’t ask for advice and then attack and slander the person giving it. If you don’t want to take the advice, just move on. I’m a stranger, you aren’t forced to value my opinion.

That being said, what I meant by those sentences was: If you like a woman for any sort of personality-based reason at all, her physical attractiveness will go up about 1 or 2 points on the 1-10 scale. I know because I have dated girls of about equal attractiveness (according to other people whom I asked), but I thought that the ones I spent LTR’s with were more attractive than the ones I spent 1 or 2 dates with. The point is, if you get in a LTR with a woman, she will naturally become more attractive to you (as long as you actually care about her and aren’t just using her for sex).

Once again, man, if you don’t want my advice, just don’t take it. It is your loss. Contrary to your opinion, I am not inexperienced. I am also not an idiot. This sounds like some insecure trolling to me.
:rofl: bro, relax
 

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
4,736
Reaction score
4,892
Why would you get married then? You are living a lie. I suggest you be honest with yourself, get a divorce and find someone more to your liking.
 
Last edited:

Barrister

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 28, 2018
Messages
938
Reaction score
1,187
Age
35
I don't find my wife sexually attractive. Been married for over a year and have not had sex, not because she didn't want it, but because I did not want to do it with her. There's nothing wrong with the way she looks, but she does not have any confidence in the way she looks (body issues) and I think this is the root of it.
Here are some observations:

Observations of what and possibly why I am attracted to:

  • Strong, but submissive libidos. Or they may be aggressive and sexualized, but the relationship does not last long.
  • Brunettes who appear to be “smarter and healthier” maybe appear more confident and high energy.
  • They have been mostly young, but some are in their 30’s. Most have been brunettes, but some blondes.
  • Young, pretty, and confident, but also submissive in bed.
  • Girls who appear to be high maintenance. Perhaps as a sign of high value, high confidence (respect ~ sex).
  • I look at obtaining women as a symptom of self-improvement, and if I stay with her, then I will not self-improve (?)


Observations of my relationship with her, and possible causes:

  • She is socially awkward and has body image issues, the girls I was with before didn’t have that problem.
  • The relationship makes demands from me that I view as aggressive toward me, such as getting emotionally involved, to slow down, giving into demands that are not a part of my goals. She is emotionally involved because she cares more about me, which I am not used to.
  • She is boring when she talks to me. Probably because she sits at home all day, and has few friends.
  • During attempted sex, she does not feel aroused enough by my actions. Probably because I don’t act in a way that I find her attractive.


Possible root causes:

My libido draws from my core values, but does not match with my expected values, that is, living aggressively. My libido corresponds with my ambitions.



I have to see her as sexualized (confident with her body), submissive in bed, not getting in my way. I expect a woman to be turned on sexually by me being aggressive.
You’ve done a good deal of self-reflection which is a positive. Not to be flippant, but why exactly did you marry her? She seems to lack almost everything you want.
 

FuzzX

Banned
Joined
Feb 22, 2021
Messages
658
Reaction score
403
Age
40
I started talking about this thread last night with my wife while I was banging her, she thinks I don't like her anymore... lol
 

DonJuanjr

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 6, 2021
Messages
683
Reaction score
470
Age
33
FuzzX is playing ultimate dread games with his wife!
 
Top