I feel like a fool.
The past twelve months, I've been on and off with my girlfriend. She's going through a divorce. She broke up with again last night. When we got back together for the third time, we had a long conversation of where we were at relationship wise. She mentioned previously that she was only half invested, but this time, she would be "two feet in", and was wanting to prove to my family and friends that she was committed for the long term.
Even though I have strong feelings for her, for my own sanity and self-respect, I can't and won't go back again.
The thing is, which I regret TERRIBLY, the night when we got back together, was originally going to be a night of our final goodbyes in person. Here's the kicker, I went out on a date the night prior with an absolute stunningly beautiful woman that I met on Bumble. She was keen to meet, we knew mutual people. Took her out to a pub for a few drinks, then changed venues to a bar where I'm a regular at. Normally at my local bar, I believe in the philosophy of don't sh!t where you sleep, so don't attempt to approach women. There, in front of all the bar staff I knew, with my date, started kino, and ended up with a make out session. I told her a few days later that my Ex and I were going to give it another go. GOD I REGRET THAT! I showed her photo to a younger female friend of mine (ex of a friend), and she called her an Elf Queen. I wish I stayed with the Elf Queen, and it's too late now to try and reconnect with her, because it would look extremely flakely, and treating her like second best, when in hindsight, she should've been my number one option. Guys here might have suggested that I spin plates, but honestly, I'm not really comfortable doing that... I'm a one girl guy.
Thinking of taking a break from women for a few months, before I fire up the dating apps again.