The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Lotus Effect]

Changing the subject

it’s not the same vibe being single with 34 years old as it was the previous times when I was 28 and 25

i feel old
I don’t have the same energy to go out and pickup chicks

and I don’t know if it’s just me or it’s a Brazil kind of thing

but chicks nowadays are extremely annoying

they all feel like they are entitled little beaches
They are overly sexualized
There’s not one that I’ve met who is not either leftist, feminist, pro LGBTQIA’s, an all around hore or all of those things

and I actually feel that they are not giving a flying f to men in general

is it just me or here or is this actually a thing?

ps: I’m good looking so that’s not my issue

 

[Lotus Effect]

I’m really ****ing sad/mad

she was wife material

family oriented
Easy going
I was her first boyfriend
Got her when she was 21 (I was 28)
we had history (I’ve met her when she was 17)
Never cheated
Super effing rare

it was all there

but I let it slip through my fingers
I took it for granted and let it get cold

like anyone here with half a brain I’m well aware that it was my fault

i started fvking less
She wanted it but I was too tired from work

I choose many nights with friends whereas I could have been with her instead

and then when she said she wanted to talk
I played the macho and said
Let’s just break up

what an incredible douche

She was devoted to me

a chick like that is going to be hard to find again

 

[member160292]

I’m really ****ing sad/mad

she was wife material

family oriented
Easy going
I was her first boyfriend
Got her when she was 21 (I was 28)
we had history (I’ve met her when she was 17)
Never cheated
Super effing rare

it was all there

but I let it slip through my fingers
I took it for granted and let it get cold

like anyone here with half a brain I’m well aware that it was my fault

i started fvking less
She wanted it but I was too tired from work

I choose many nights with friends whereas I could have been with her instead

and then when she said she wanted to talk
I played the macho and said
Let’s just break up

what an incredible douche

She was devoted to me

a chick like that is going to be hard to find again

Hey bud,

It's all about the experience, I'm happy you enjoyed your time with her. There are things you did that didn't help the relationship and she did, as well. Learn what you could change from it.

Break ups are tough and everyone will go through them at one point in their lives. Know that the only person that remains is yourself. A day that you spend not improving yourself is a day taken away from your life. We're only allotted a certain amount of time on this earth, some shorter than others. Be the best you can ever hope to achieve with that time.

Is this hope to win her back or have you resolved to never taking her back even if she wanted to? Hanging out with her will only delay your healing, unless you made up you mind to never give her another chance and you are are already dating other women

She knows I'm dating other women and accepts that because we have great times together. I can see myself seeing her years down the road, but a relationship with her is not what I'm looking for right now.

 

[Redwolf]

Changing the subject

it’s not the same vibe being single with 34 years old as it was the previous times when I was 28 and 25

i feel old
I don’t have the same energy to go out and pickup chicks

and I don’t know if it’s just me or it’s a Brazil kind of thing

but chicks nowadays are extremely annoying

they all feel like they are entitled little beaches
They are overly sexualized
There’s not one that I’ve met who is not either leftist, feminist, pro LGBTQIA’s, an all around hore or all of those things

and I actually feel that they are not giving a flying f to men in general

is it just me or here or is this actually a thing?

ps: I’m good looking so that’s not my issue

I feel the same way. I know an attractive woman who is a hard worker but outside of that has a terrible attitude towards men. Claims to be lesbian or bi but can't keep a relationship with anyone. There are a lot of messed up women these days. I believe a lot of the problem is social media. They are too caught up in what's going on in their phone they ignore reality.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day 13 of NC

8 months and 20 days since the breakup

it’s all the same
I fell extremely sad, and I’m feeling hopeless
Cried a lot

You all know… the basic stuff

What really upsets me is that’s been 8 flipping months and I not actually interested in dating other chicks
In a very sad and pathetic way, it kinda feel that I’m cheating on her

I completely lost the interest in dating
And I keep on hoping that I find someone to love
So I can go back into not being single

But one thing can’t happen without the other one

Anyway, I’m sad and lonely and not seeing much light at the end of the tunnel

 

[Foe]

I’m really ****ing sad/mad

she was wife material
it was all there

i started fvking less
She wanted it but I was too tired from work

I choose many nights with friends whereas I could have been with her instead

and then when she said she wanted to talk
I played the macho and said
Let’s just break up

what an incredible douche

She was devoted to me

a chick like that is going to be hard to find again

Dude your romanticizing the relationship. Its a normal part of breaking up, trust me Ive been through it many times. You tend to see everything through rose coloured glasses and miss all the good stuff while completely forgetting the reason why your here.

Take it from someone who did the opposite of what you did 4 times, that is staying in the relationship well past its due. It was a absolute sh!tshow. You should be proud of yourself that you were able to identify the end before the end and take the alpha frame to leave, this is awesome and something I WISH I had done so many times.

You choosing your friends over your relationship is a good thing, I didnt, I put mine before my friends and guess how that ended up. I know how it feels to think you will never get something like that again, my ex is still haunting me like a ghost but consider this, I once heard that every new relationship is better, girl is hotter in each new relationship you find.

Its been the case for me, and why should this time be different. 34 is young man, Im 43....Still in the game

 

[Lotus Effect]

Dude your romanticizing the relationship. Its a normal part of breaking up, trust me Ive been through it many times. You tend to see everything through rose coloured glasses and miss all the good stuff while completely forgetting the reason why your here.

Take it from someone who did the opposite of what you did 4 times, that is staying in the relationship well past its due. It was a absolute sh!tshow. You should be proud of yourself that you were able to identify the end before the end and take the alpha frame to leave, this is awesome and something I WISH I had done so many times.

You choosing your friends over your relationship is a good thing, I didnt, I put mine before my friends and guess how that ended up. I know how it feels to think you will never get something like that again, my ex is still haunting me like a ghost but consider this, I once heard that every new relationship is better, girl is hotter in each new relationship you find.

Its been the case for me, and why should this time be different. 34 is young man, Im 43....Still in the game

Thanks a lot man!

I’ve been yearning to read something like that!

I had a tough night today, and your words were well appreciated!

Cheers

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day whatever

still feeling xitty

anyway
Starting to feel a little bit better

still not in the mood for dating other girls

 

[Foe]

Day whatever

still feeling xitty

anyway
Starting to feel a little bit better

still not in the mood for dating other girls

Im day 50ish. I still pass her place on the way to the shops and see her car out the front. Im starting to not get the lightning bolt reaction to it as I did. Spinning plates with no intention for a relationship as well as not finding them as attractive as my ex. I still read through old emails/messages for assurance I did the right thing as 90% of the drama was documented in text it helps to some degree. I want to get to the point where I no longer care but its taking time.

Other then dating heaps Im working out and working more. One upside is that I no longer have the constant stress of trying to please her. Just me and my thoughts.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I had to cut off two girls from my life for good. One I have known for years, is quasi-engaged and it is never going to happen we will be united because countries are between us, and also the years we have not seen each other, she is also together with a man whose nationality is reprehensible and I cannot stomach that, even if they should broke up she is tainted.

The other girl I have known for months, she was very attracted to me and when she realized she developes love for me she suddenly makes distance and pretends she was never attracted to me to begin with, while clearly showing otherwise when were on dates. She was wasting my time with her hot/cold games and had to let go.

The former was easier to break off since it was sealed years ago it is not going to work out, the latter still stings and cannot fathom her stupidity and contradictory words and behavior.

A nationality is reprehensible? Really? C'mon man...that is beyond ridiculous. Not sure what this is called, probably not racism but it's a different form of the same thing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Day whatever

still feeling xitty

anyway
Starting to feel a little bit better

still not in the mood for dating other girls

You need to do it regardless of whether you are in the mood to or not. Your modd can be regulated by your actions. Most people rely on their actions to be regulated by their mood.

It works in reverse too. Most people don't realize that or use it to their advantage.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

I feel like a fool.

The past twelve months, I've been on and off with my girlfriend. She's going through a divorce. She broke up with again last night. When we got back together for the third time, we had a long conversation of where we were at relationship wise. She mentioned previously that she was only half invested, but this time, she would be "two feet in", and was wanting to prove to my family and friends that she was committed for the long term.

Even though I have strong feelings for her, for my own sanity and self-respect, I can't and won't go back again.

The thing is, which I regret TERRIBLY, the night when we got back together, was originally going to be a night of our final goodbyes in person. Here's the kicker, I went out on a date the night prior with an absolute stunningly beautiful woman that I met on Bumble. She was keen to meet, we knew mutual people. Took her out to a pub for a few drinks, then changed venues to a bar where I'm a regular at. Normally at my local bar, I believe in the philosophy of don't sh!t where you sleep, so don't attempt to approach women. There, in front of all the bar staff I knew, with my date, started kino, and ended up with a make out session. I told her a few days later that my Ex and I were going to give it another go. GOD I REGRET THAT! I showed her photo to a younger female friend of mine (ex of a friend), and she called her an Elf Queen. I wish I stayed with the Elf Queen, and it's too late now to try and reconnect with her, because it would look extremely flakely, and treating her like second best, when in hindsight, she should've been my number one option. Guys here might have suggested that I spin plates, but honestly, I'm not really comfortable doing that... I'm a one girl guy.

Thinking of taking a break from women for a few months, before I fire up the dating apps again.

 

[Baibars]

I feel like a fool.

The past twelve months, I've been on and off with my girlfriend. She's going through a divorce. She broke up with again last night. When we got back together for the third time, we had a long conversation of where we were at relationship wise. She mentioned previously that she was only half invested, but this time, she would be "two feet in", and was wanting to prove to my family and friends that she was committed for the long term.

Even though I have strong feelings for her, for my own sanity and self-respect, I can't and won't go back again.

The thing is, which I regret TERRIBLY, the night when we got back together, was originally going to be a night of our final goodbyes in person. Here's the kicker, I went out on a date the night prior with an absolute stunningly beautiful woman that I met on Bumble. She was keen to meet, we knew mutual people. Took her out to a pub for a few drinks, then changed venues to a bar where I'm a regular at. Normally at my local bar, I believe in the philosophy of don't sh!t where you sleep, so don't attempt to approach women. There, in front of all the bar staff I knew, with my date, started kino, and ended up with a make out session. I told her a few days later that my Ex and I were going to give it another go. GOD I REGRET THAT! I showed her photo to a younger female friend of mine (ex of a friend), and she called her an Elf Queen. I wish I stayed with the Elf Queen, and it's too late now to try and reconnect with her, because it would look extremely flakely, and treating her like second best, when in hindsight, she should've been my number one option. Guys here might have suggested that I spin plates, but honestly, I'm not really comfortable doing that... I'm a one girl guy.

Thinking of taking a break from women for a few months, before I fire up the dating apps again.

you feel like a fool because you are a fool. You should drop her immediately and delete everything about her from your life. Then start making better choices.

 

[Barrister]

I feel like a fool.

The past twelve months, I've been on and off with my girlfriend. She's going through a divorce. She broke up with again last night. When we got back together for the third time, we had a long conversation of where we were at relationship wise. She mentioned previously that she was only half invested, but this time, she would be "two feet in", and was wanting to prove to my family and friends that she was committed for the long term.

Even though I have strong feelings for her, for my own sanity and self-respect, I can't and won't go back again.

The thing is, which I regret TERRIBLY, the night when we got back together, was originally going to be a night of our final goodbyes in person. Here's the kicker, I went out on a date the night prior with an absolute stunningly beautiful woman that I met on Bumble. She was keen to meet, we knew mutual people. Took her out to a pub for a few drinks, then changed venues to a bar where I'm a regular at. Normally at my local bar, I believe in the philosophy of don't sh!t where you sleep, so don't attempt to approach women. There, in front of all the bar staff I knew, with my date, started kino, and ended up with a make out session. I told her a few days later that my Ex and I were going to give it another go. GOD I REGRET THAT! I showed her photo to a younger female friend of mine (ex of a friend), and she called her an Elf Queen. I wish I stayed with the Elf Queen, and it's too late now to try and reconnect with her, because it would look extremely flakely, and treating her like second best, when in hindsight, she should've been my number one option. Guys here might have suggested that I spin plates, but honestly, I'm not really comfortable doing that... I'm a one girl guy.

Thinking of taking a break from women for a few months, before I fire up the dating apps again.

1. Don't lament on missed chances with women - there are always more with better looking women than that one.

2. Your on again/off again ex needs to be shown the door for good. Period. Do you not see how a woman going through a divorce is always a HUGE red flag to get involved with? She still has feelings for the ex because things are so fresh. You are playing with fire right out of the gate. Stop doing this to yourself and start enjoying dating again.

3. Do yourself a favor and begin NO CONTACT today, right now. Stop responding to her attempts to string you along and act as her emotional tampon for dealing with her soon to be ex husband.

Good luck, brother.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

I feel like a fool.

The past twelve months, I've been on and off with my girlfriend. She's going through a divorce. She broke up with again last night. When we got back together for the third time, we had a long conversation of where we were at relationship wise. She mentioned previously that she was only half invested, but this time, she would be "two feet in", and was wanting to prove to my family and friends that she was committed for the long term.

Even though I have strong feelings for her, for my own sanity and self-respect, I can't and won't go back again.

The thing is, which I regret TERRIBLY, the night when we got back together, was originally going to be a night of our final goodbyes in person. Here's the kicker, I went out on a date the night prior with an absolute stunningly beautiful woman that I met on Bumble. She was keen to meet, we knew mutual people. Took her out to a pub for a few drinks, then changed venues to a bar where I'm a regular at. Normally at my local bar, I believe in the philosophy of don't sh!t where you sleep, so don't attempt to approach women. There, in front of all the bar staff I knew, with my date, started kino, and ended up with a make out session. I told her a few days later that my Ex and I were going to give it another go. GOD I REGRET THAT! I showed her photo to a younger female friend of mine (ex of a friend), and she called her an Elf Queen. I wish I stayed with the Elf Queen, and it's too late now to try and reconnect with her, because it would look extremely flakely, and treating her like second best, when in hindsight, she should've been my number one option. Guys here might have suggested that I spin plates, but honestly, I'm not really comfortable doing that... I'm a one girl guy.

Thinking of taking a break from women for a few months, before I fire up the dating apps again.

Why would get back with someone two times? What did you think was gonna be different the third time? Don't expect a different outcome if you ever get back with her again.

Also you really need to work on yourself. Forget about the Elf Queen as well. The fact that you're saying that you're a one girl man speaks volumes. With this mentality you'll jump from one bad relationship to another, and you'll never be able to screen out trashy women from the worthy ones.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

you feel like a fool because you are a fool. You should drop her immediately and delete everything about her from your life. Then start making better choices.

It's hard to shake the feeling of "oneitis".

 

[Bokanovsky]

No offense but I have no idea where guys on this forum are coming from who expect a woman is going to put a guy in front of their kids priority wise or make decisions based on him versus their kids needs.

IMHO, this would be a humongous red flag in terms of her not only being a garbage Mom, but also a garbage human being.

I have no earthly idea how guys complain about not finding quality women but then expect a woman to do the thing that would make her about the lowest quality woman they could be. It's in direct opposition to each other and it's makes absolutely no sense to me.

Clearly most guys here are not parents or don't have kids so they have no comprehension of how this actually works in real life. Only explanation I got, because if you have kids and you are expecting this, I feel bad for both you and your kids. And if you don't have kids and actually think like this...please don't have kids. There are enough deadbeat Dads as there are, no need to add another to the list.

I agree, any decent parent would make their kids their top priority. Which is precisely why you NEVER want to even try to have a serious relationship with a single mom.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would enter into a relationship with a single Mum. I guess though, that I thought now at my age, it would be more than inevitable.

 

[Grizzly]

I have an interesting question about this: what if your rational mind actually doesn't want to get back with her and you are getting along with her well as friends?
In that case if you completely cut her off, there is a better chance of her wanting to get back together and you loose a friend too.
But if you do exchange a few (strictly friendly) messages every couple of weeks / months - which sometimes you initiate, sometimes she, then she will probably have less inclination for her to want to get back with you - plus you also get to keep a friend.

This of course only makes sense if you really don't ever want to get back together with her, and if the opportunity presents itself you firmly decline it.
What do you think?

 

[Raggendecanton]

I have an interesting question about this: what if your rational mind actually doesn't want to get back with her and you are getting along with her well as friends?
In that case if you completely cut her off, there is a better chance of her wanting to get back together and you loose a friend too.
But if you do exchange a few (strictly friendly) messages every couple of weeks / months - which sometimes you initiate, sometimes she, then she will probably have less inclination for her to want to get back with you - plus you also get to keep a friend.

This of course only makes sense if you really don't ever want to get back together with her, and if the opportunity presents itself you firmly decline it.
What do you think?

I think there is two sides too that coin. If you truly know deep inside you dont want her back, and you are actually getting value out of this "friendship" (I cant really think about what kind of value you would get out of that relationship but okay), then sure why not? But are you not lying too yourself? Would you still have sex with her if she asks? And you answer yes, thats dangerous. If you guys just broke up, you cant really think clearly about what you want. You dont know if your brain is lying too yourself to "stay in contact" with her, because you are addicted too her. Thats why most people advocate no-contact, not too get her back, but to get your emotions back and get your grounding back. So you can think clearly again after a couple of months. Use that time too reflect, too learn, too invest in yourself.

So my advice would be, take a couple of months off. If you both value the friendship more then the romantic side, then that friendship would still be there after a couple of months of no-contact. In fact i have re-connected with some ex lovers purely as friends. But that was only after years of no contact and both of us moving on too better things.