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Any books you guys could recommend to get through the pain?
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1 - The Rational MaleAny books you guys could recommend to get through the pain?
Your biggest mistake here is that you are focusing only on her and what she want and not you. That is lack of confidence. Your move now is to not want her back rather you need to start speaking with new girls asap.I plan to do the challenge asap but how do manage aspects like
1. we lived together for 4 years and splitting contracts, the things we own, financial things takes forever, i dont want to wait until this is done and its also tearing me apart to do this now.
2. we have 2 cats i love that stay with her and i dont want to lose them as well. maybe i should just not see them for 60 days...
3. in case we have to be in contact, how should i behave? if im very cold, distanced, serious she will see how much im hurt and i dont want that. I would rather like to be funny, relaxed, happy, maybe a bit flirty... or what do you think?
4. her birthday, if i dont wish her happy birthday same as above probably or she will simply think im an *******.
besides that, like everyone in my phase, i hope to get her back (lol) but i have to move on and get over it. at the same time i dont want to show myself in a way to de-value (sad, crying, desparate etc.) myself in her eyes, i know she is still somehow interested, but too much hurt and too little convinced that we can get better. i want to demonstrate that it was a mistake to let me go because i believe this will also help me to process it.
You be yourself and do your thing. You do not go out of your way for her at all. What she thinks doesn't matter because she isn't a priority to you any more.I plan to do the challenge asap but how do manage aspects like
1. we lived together for 4 years and splitting contracts, the things we own, financial things takes forever, i dont want to wait until this is done and its also tearing me apart to do this now.
2. we have 2 cats i love that stay with her and i dont want to lose them as well. maybe i should just not see them for 60 days...
3. in case we have to be in contact, how should i behave? if im very cold, distanced, serious she will see how much im hurt and i dont want that. I would rather like to be funny, relaxed, happy, maybe a bit flirty... or what do you think?
4. her birthday, if i dont wish her happy birthday same as above probably or she will simply think im an *******.
besides that, like everyone in my phase, i hope to get her back (lol) but i have to move on and get over it. at the same time i dont want to show myself in a way to de-value (sad, crying, desparate etc.) myself in her eyes, i know she is still somehow interested, but too much hurt and too little convinced that we can get better. i want to demonstrate that it was a mistake to let me go because i believe this will also help me to process it.
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This "challenge" is about doing the best for you.I plan to do the challenge asap but how do manage aspects like
1. we lived together for 4 years and splitting contracts, the things we own, financial things takes forever, i dont want to wait until this is done and its also tearing me apart to do this now.
2. we have 2 cats i love that stay with her and i dont want to lose them as well. maybe i should just not see them for 60 days...
3. in case we have to be in contact, how should i behave? if im very cold, distanced, serious she will see how much im hurt and i dont want that. I would rather like to be funny, relaxed, happy, maybe a bit flirty... or what do you think?
4. her birthday, if i dont wish her happy birthday same as above probably or she will simply think im an *******.
besides that, like everyone in my phase, i hope to get her back (lol) but i have to move on and get over it. at the same time i dont want to show myself in a way to de-value (sad, crying, desparate etc.) myself in her eyes, i know she is still somehow interested, but too much hurt and too little convinced that we can get better. i want to demonstrate that it was a mistake to let me go because i believe this will also help me to process it.
Sometimes the only thing that can cure a broken heart is time...Hello gents.
Back again with my monthly update. Another month has gone by.
It is now:
NC 240 (8 Months)
For those who have followed (and those that have not) read my monthly updates, I have been doing well for months!
But things have been a bit tough and down lately (starting from month 6 - 7). Following my last update, I have sunk into a lower point because of an insane dry spell I've been going through. As I mentioned, I have moved somewhere with stricter Covid restrictions, for a period of time it has been strict lockdown. So I've not been able to really go out and date women. Being locked down has forced me to really be myself and I found my thoughts often going back to the high moments of my past relationship especially during moments when I have felt lonely. It doesn't help that recently a friend of mine had told me that the ex has moved to Barcelona, somewhere we talked about settling down in together. No doubt, she is starting her own life there.
At the same time, I am aware that I should not be thinking or feeling like this, I am consciously aware (from RP awakening) that the relationship was toxic, the girl had many red flags but it is hard to control the emotions at times. I feel pathetic and frustrated I cannot erase this person from my mind. In fact, to my very surprise, I have had 2 dreams about the ex within the past month (surprising since I've not dreamt about her for the whole year).
Interestingly, this resurfacing pain has recreated a momentum for me to amp up my self-improvement. (I talked about in earlier months that as I was recovering and the pain was gone, I've started to slack on my gym and self-help routines.) I am starting to amp up the frequency of my exercises, read and journal more. Also, it has really led to question the source of my self-esteem and value, maybe rather than focus it on the girl (or any girls), I should really draw value from within myself and learn to be happy being alone.
An interesting thought I had was on the idea of how women 'flow' into your life. When I was with that ex, I had women literally vying for my attention, a lot of plates were spun; top quality ones too. It was really really effortless. In a way because I was with the ex, I did not actively cared or chased. Now, that I am in a dry spell, it has been difficult to set up plates, requires so much effort. Even if I am trying deliberately now with much effort, the results have not been good at all. So I find it interesting how, when they come, they come in droves and when they're gone, they're gone in droves too.
Anyway, good news is, the restrictions for Covid are now gone and I am recently vaccinated, so I believe I will bounce back from the dry spell and get back to normal life again. I will keep you guys updated for sure.
For those who are reading this for a reference/indication of breadcrumbs; the ex has not left any, not after 8 months, not a single spec.
Take care brothers.
-James
I hear you bro but stop analyzing your relationship through the RP lens. It's good to reflect and understand where you went wrong, but don't keep replaying it in your head.Hello gents.
Back again with my monthly update. Another month has gone by.
It is now:
NC 240 (8 Months)
For those who have followed (and those that have not) read my monthly updates, I have been doing well for months!
But things have been a bit tough and down lately (starting from month 6 - 7). Following my last update, I have sunk into a lower point because of an insane dry spell I've been going through. As I mentioned, I have moved somewhere with stricter Covid restrictions, for a period of time it has been strict lockdown. So I've not been able to really go out and date women. Being locked down has forced me to really be myself and I found my thoughts often going back to the high moments of my past relationship especially during moments when I have felt lonely. It doesn't help that recently a friend of mine had told me that the ex has moved to Barcelona, somewhere we talked about settling down in together. No doubt, she is starting her own life there.
At the same time, I am aware that I should not be thinking or feeling like this, I am consciously aware (from RP awakening) that the relationship was toxic, the girl had many red flags but it is hard to control the emotions at times. I feel pathetic and frustrated I cannot erase this person from my mind. In fact, to my very surprise, I have had 2 dreams about the ex within the past month (surprising since I've not dreamt about her for the whole year).
Interestingly, this resurfacing pain has recreated a momentum for me to amp up my self-improvement. (I talked about in earlier months that as I was recovering and the pain was gone, I've started to slack on my gym and self-help routines.) I am starting to amp up the frequency of my exercises, read and journal more. Also, it has really led to question the source of my self-esteem and value, maybe rather than focus it on the girl (or any girls), I should really draw value from within myself and learn to be happy being alone.
An interesting thought I had was on the idea of how women 'flow' into your life. When I was with that ex, I had women literally vying for my attention, a lot of plates were spun; top quality ones too. It was really really effortless. In a way because I was with the ex, I did not actively cared or chased. Now, that I am in a dry spell, it has been difficult to set up plates, requires so much effort. Even if I am trying deliberately now with much effort, the results have not been good at all. So I find it interesting how, when they come, they come in droves and when they're gone, they're gone in droves too.
Anyway, good news is, the restrictions for Covid are now gone and I am recently vaccinated, so I believe I will bounce back from the dry spell and get back to normal life again. I will keep you guys updated for sure.
For those who are reading this for a reference/indication of breadcrumbs; the ex has not left any, not after 8 months, not a single spec.
Take care brothers.
-James
She probably had new guy in her apartment and wanted to avoid the awkward confrontation of you seeing him there.It's been more than 3 weeks now that I had contact with her the last time, see above, final talk, last time trying to get her back, didn't work out.
Today there was some interesting development: I still get letters to our old address, so I texted her, where my letters are. She told me where and asked when I'd be in town to get them and how I'm doing. As usual I ignore everything which is not "administrative". So I get my letters which she brought to my new apartment and I realize that she still has the keys for my cellar.
So I go to her apartment, call her, text her, tell her I want my keys, I'm quite rude tbh. No answer on the phone, I ring the bell multiple times, no answer. Finally she says, she needs 10 mins, we can meet at my new apartment which is close. I say no, I don't want to wait, she should just throw the keys out of the window or whatever, no need to make a big thing out of it. It goes back and forth, she wants 10 mins, I say just hand them over immediately, after some mins, she appears, I get the keys, say thanks, bye, leave. I'm annoyed about this drama about the keys and text her something like what the **** was this drama about.
She starts texting me "I don't know what I did to you, why are you so unapproachable, I try everything to be kind and nice and you are like this, I was looking forward to seeing you but this is not how I imagined it, I listen to songs of your profile picture everyday (have a drawing of an Linkin Park album cover, which helps me to handle the pain, in my profile picture) etc.
I ignore all of this. I guess she just needs a best friend for the time when she is not sucking the **** of my successor. Still interesting, I know women do this, but I told her multiple times, that how I feel or how I'm doing is not her busy anymore and I don't want to have any business except the administrational stuff with her anymore - still she keeps trying, quite selfish I think...
Anyways, I'll continue the no contact thing, it seems like the right thing to do.
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I started Rationale Male before the break up and after the break up it didn't help me at all to process anything. If you want to puss.y out of the big **** you can try to start hating your former girl (I know people who do this) and maybe Rationale Male helps with it. I consider my break up as a gift as it gave me very deep and powerful self reflection that is hard to get without a major crisis or so. If I turn all responsibility for the failed relationship to my ex gf, I turn myself into a helpless victim and I waste a big opportunity to become a better person. So my recommendation as of now is not so much reading but rather judging yourself, maybe take some notes about it, listen to music (for me e.g. Linkin Park helps) and if you read which is not the most important thing at first imo, I support the stoicism suggestion.1 - The Rational Male
2 - Book of Pook
Hit the gym in between of reading this books
Hating your ex solves nothing. In fact, stoking up a feeling of hatred is just going to delay your healing because it places focus on her. Rational Male is not at all about hating women, however. It is 100% Red Pill. It may not help you feel better right now, but it is absolutely required reading for a man who wants to better understand women.I started Rationale Male before the break up and after the break up it didn't help me at all to process anything. If you want to puss.y out of the big **** you can try to start hating your former girl (I know people who do this) and maybe Rationale Male helps with it. I consider my break up as a gift as it gave me very deep and powerful self reflection that is hard to get without a major crisis or so. If I turn all responsibility for the failed relationship to my ex gf, I turn myself into a helpless victim and I waste a big opportunity to become a better person. So my recommendation as of now is not so much reading but rather judging yourself, maybe take some notes about it, listen to music (for me e.g. Linkin Park helps) and if you read which is not the most important thing at first imo, I support the stoicism suggestion.
3 - Anti-Dump Machine1 - The Rational Male
2 - Book of Pook
Hit the gym in between of reading this books
Dude no contact is no contact. You said it yourself you can't move on if she does,'t stop. You need to block her on all fronts.She keeps texting me, meanwhile she visits the doctor because she suffers from the break up so much, luckily the pain is still not so strong to stop her from f*cking the next guy
She does not want me back because she doesn't say "I thought about you getting me back, can we talk" or so and it is better this way. I have 2 cats with her, which I don't want to lose as well... but as long as this continues I will not be able to finally let her go. At the moment my life is not 100% functional anyways, mostly because I do not have an apartment and need to stay at my parent's house ad interim. I plan to try to hold on until my new apartment is available. If I manage to minimize all interactions to close to zero with her by then I'll just pick up the cats every couple of weeks to have them with me for some days - if that doesn't work out I will have to let go of the cats as well and then I could finally remove her from my life entirely (I know it sounds crazy and I'm sure they are not concerned about me but I just love those little guys...).
I'm also thinking about to offer her to come over, to hear her out (to stay in good terms for the cats), also I'm somehow curious if I can still kiss or even sex her, but I suspect that this is just a form of wanting her back, still loving her, still being attached to her etc. so it's clearly not a good idea and I imagine what you guys will comment on it. But this is just the truth, what's going on and I'm sharing it here. For now she remains on ignore and I'm quite busy with other stuff in my life. Not sure actually if this is helping anyone but me but I guess that's the idea of this thread.