The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

bcude

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Bros before hoes, the betrayal of a friend stings way worse since we atleast expect a man to know the true meaning of the words honour, loyalty and respect. I cut out a longtime friend from my life who tried to steal the women i was trying to pickup along with other things, just pathetic.
 

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Mauser96

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I did reply with a thank you when she sent me birthday wishes. I stopped responding three years ago.
She still tries to initiate. Last one month ago.

I didn't know better back then
It is satisfying to know she knows she ****kkked up and is still chasing/suffering
 

rando5495

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Very simple. You look for actions and not words and see her true intentions right there. Does she also show you the willingness to change by actions or not? It doesn't sound very genuine if she's chasing another guy.
My guess, she's probably badly hurting because she lost her validation, attention and looks for it desperately.
I'll just be straight that I think she's the most attractive woman that I've been with. When a very sexy girl is pining over you proper, it messes with one's head. I actually started feeling guilty for a moment there which just isn't like me at all. I haven't been doing a proper no-contact at all and have been checking her stuff loads.

Regarding change, I've been there with different ex's. They change for a few weeks. Think another smart fellow on here said that going backwards for women means facing the same exact issues. They were right.

Regarding genuine, really hard to say. Is it a genuine sense of loss? or is it a blow to the ego? or Is it both? Life is messy.

I don't think I go backwards with this girl again tbh. But it's a change point that i've only experienced about 3 times before. Time to be more a f.cuking adult.
 

bcude

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You're only human and attractive women can certainly screw with our heads and validate our ego. Thing is, in your head you describe her as the most attractive woman you've been with, which then pedestalizes her in your mind, she's 'different' from the rest and the scarcity mindset kicks in which makes you behave less rational and more emotional. A place where men don't take the best decisions generally. If you're still checking up on her, you haven't cut the bond to her fully yet. Maybe even some hope left? How are your options when it comes to women?

It's genuine when words and actions align, over an extended period of time. You will notice that. Otherwise it's just for herself, the breakup is a sense of loss for her as it is for every healthy human being.
When she's chasing another guy at the same time as she's pining over you, what does that tell you? Does it sound like she realised she made the biggest mistake of her life and want to have your babies and noone else's in the future?

The same thing that led to the breakup will repeat itself over again, if not one or both of you really work on yourselves solving the potential issue during the time apart. Problem is, working on yourself is hard and takes motivation. A motivation only the dumpee usually experiences since pain and trauma are the best motivators for change to happen. It's never advisable to go back, sometimes it can work when external factors have been the issue but it's more the exception then the rule and not a good investment of your precious time.
 

narcissist

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goodbyehorses

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The onus is on her to reach out. She broke it, she needs to fix it .
This is right. In my case though, I was the one who broke it but feel no onus, except to what I owe to myself.

Day 53.

I was very busy last weeks and hanging up with some girls. But I'm at home with a bad flu now, and thoughts of her are eating me. I don't feel like I'm healing at all. Still 37 days to go for me, I hope I will begin the psychotherapy I asked for in the meantime. But I doubt that I will manage to keep NC after the 90 days if I will feel like now. I'm not saying I would like to hang up with her again but I have this devouring need to express my feelings.

In November there'll be a meeting I will moderate, to which she might come along with some of her friends we now have in common. If she will be there I really don't know how I will manage to stay whole.
 

narcissist

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narcissist

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Mauser96

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xplt

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Four months to the day since I left her.
Had several set backs after nights out with alcohol, so I quit on drinking.

I was walking on the street yesterday when she passed by in her car. I noticed her too late and looked her right into the eyes. Felt like a punch into my stomach. Never had a woman such an emotional impact on me.
 

Mike41090

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Broke up five days ago. She said she didn’t see the relationship professing. I stated I agreed with her, we’re just just not compatible, no hard feelings. Haven’t seen or heard from her since. Just a little bummed but that’s about it. I DO NOT plan on contacting her whatsoever
 

Mike41090

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7 days of no contact. I’ve been honestly feeling pretty good which confuses me because I thought I’d be a lot more bent outta shape about the whole thing. Truly think I can take this NC for the long haul because I would not get back together with her even if she did reach out to me which I do not think she will, which also helps. Not gonna lie, she is on my mind i’d Say almost constantly but the red flags about her were much more common then the green flags so to speak which make it easier. I do not check her social media but have still remained friends with her on Snapchat/fb/Instagram, basically to put my fortitude to the test.
 
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Mauser96

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7 days of no contact. I’ve been honestly feeling pretty good which confuses me because I thought I’d be a lot more bent outta shape about the whole thing. Truly think I can take this NC for the long haul because I would not get back together with her even if she did reach out to me which I do not think she will, which also helps. Not gonna lie, she is on my mind i’d Say almost constantly but the red flags about her were much more common then the green flags so to speak which make it easier. I do not check her social media but have still remained friends with her on Snapchat/fb/Instagram, basically to put my fortitude to the test.

Personally, I would delete her off all social media. Don't worry about "appearing butthurt" or what she thinks. Do what is BEST for you - I think it is best to delete her. Out of sight, out of mind. Plus, it shows that if she wants you out of her life, you are ALL the way out. Let that hamster spin as she wonders what you are doing - and can't find out.

Hit the gym, stay busy
stay social, spend lots of time out with friends.
Being alone is your enemy for now.
 

Mike41090

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Hmmm, the thing is I can stay strong not looking at her stuff. And we share a decent amount of mutual friends in a small Town. If it gets too hard for me then I’ll eventually delete her off of social media.
 

rezarect

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Day 1

this is my first day of the challenge, although i have been in NC since November 7th.

I was dumped by my ex-fiance in August. I got the usual "let's be friends. I don't see us having a future" etc. spill. Of course the real reasons were she no respected me as a man and was ****ing her co-worker but i digress. The utility of our relationship had ran its course. So her love did too.

I realize now how beta I allowed my feelings for her to make me. I completely shattered my frame to fit into her's. I see now how that led to our destruction. I spent so much time trying to make her happy instead of doing what I needed for myself. Never again. My sense of validation was completely based on how we were. Everything else became trivial at best and irrelevant at worse.

I did the typical begging and pleading and bargaining. However i am proud of the changes i have made. I'm working on my appearance... I've never been bad looking but we all could do better am i right? I've changed jobs, gotten back into writing, and moved. Funny... The laundry list of things she said were her reasons have all been checked off... Yet broke up we remain.

I honestly don't want her back at this point. I realize i don't want anything serious. Do i miss her? Of course. I just want to get back over this lingering feeling i have in the back of my mind. This place she still has in my heart. I had an sexy plate in my bed last night. She was with whatever. I sealed the deal; you don't pass up opportunities like that. But I still caught myself wishing it was her.
 

bcude

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Day 1

this is my first day of the challenge, although i have been in NC since November 7th.

I was dumped by my ex-fiance in August. I got the usual "let's be friends. I don't see us having a future" etc. spill. Of course the real reasons were she no respected me as a man and was ****ing her co-worker but i digress. The utility of our relationship had ran its course. So her love did too.

I realize now how beta I allowed my feelings for her to make me. I completely shattered my frame to fit into her's. I see now how that led to our destruction. I spent so much time trying to make her happy instead of doing what I needed for myself. Never again. My sense of validation was completely based on how we were. Everything else became trivial at best and irrelevant at worse.

I did the typical begging and pleading and bargaining. However i am proud of the changes i have made. I'm working on my appearance... I've never been bad looking but we all could do better am i right? I've changed jobs, gotten back into writing, and moved. Funny... The laundry list of things she said were her reasons have all been checked off... Yet broke up we remain.

I honestly don't want her back at this point. I realize i don't want anything serious. Do i miss her? Of course. I just want to get back over this lingering feeling i have in the back of my mind. This place she still has in my heart. I had an sexy plate in my bed last night. She was with whatever. I sealed the deal; you don't pass up opportunities like that. But I still caught myself wishing it was her.
Great post and very similar to a story of mine. When the respect is gone, it's over and afterwards you just cringe of your behavior. Your head seem to be at a good place but i can also recommend you to read "no more mr. nice guy" by Robert. A. Glover.
Stay strong and stay in NC and you will get over her sooner rather than later, remember SHE has to put in the work if she wants your attention in any kind of form now, don't give it to her for free. Breaking up has consequences. Your focus should be on you and you only.
 

rezarect

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I just finished a 2nd reading of "rational male" and I'm working through "48 laws of power" as we speak. I'll add it to my list.
 
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