The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[jamesfromhouston]

Hello gents.

Back again with my monthly update. Another month has gone by.

It is now:

NC 240 (8 Months)

For those who have followed (and those that have not) read my monthly updates, I have been doing well for months!

But things have been a bit tough and down lately (starting from month 6 - 7). Following my last update, I have sunk into a lower point because of an insane dry spell I've been going through. As I mentioned, I have moved somewhere with stricter Covid restrictions, for a period of time it has been strict lockdown. So I've not been able to really go out and date women. Being locked down has forced me to really be myself and I found my thoughts often going back to the high moments of my past relationship especially during moments when I have felt lonely. It doesn't help that recently a friend of mine had told me that the ex has moved to Barcelona, somewhere we talked about settling down in together. No doubt, she is starting her own life there.

At the same time, I am aware that I should not be thinking or feeling like this, I am consciously aware (from RP awakening) that the relationship was toxic, the girl had many red flags but it is hard to control the emotions at times. I feel pathetic and frustrated I cannot erase this person from my mind. In fact, to my very surprise, I have had 2 dreams about the ex within the past month (surprising since I've not dreamt about her for the whole year).

Interestingly, this resurfacing pain has recreated a momentum for me to amp up my self-improvement. (I talked about in earlier months that as I was recovering and the pain was gone, I've started to slack on my gym and self-help routines.) I am starting to amp up the frequency of my exercises, read and journal more. Also, it has really led to question the source of my self-esteem and value, maybe rather than focus it on the girl (or any girls), I should really draw value from within myself and learn to be happy being alone.

An interesting thought I had was on the idea of how women 'flow' into your life. When I was with that ex, I had women literally vying for my attention, a lot of plates were spun; top quality ones too. It was really really effortless. In a way because I was with the ex, I did not actively cared or chased. Now, that I am in a dry spell, it has been difficult to set up plates, requires so much effort. Even if I am trying deliberately now with much effort, the results have not been good at all. So I find it interesting how, when they come, they come in droves and when they're gone, they're gone in droves too.

Anyway, good news is, the restrictions for Covid are now gone and I am recently vaccinated, so I believe I will bounce back from the dry spell and get back to normal life again. I will keep you guys updated for sure.

For those who are reading this for a reference/indication of breadcrumbs; the ex has not left any, not after 8 months, not a single spec.

Take care brothers.

-James

 

[andreihaha]

Hello gents.

Back again with my monthly update. Another month has gone by.

It is now:

NC 240 (8 Months)

For those who have followed (and those that have not) read my monthly updates, I have been doing well for months!

But things have been a bit tough and down lately (starting from month 6 - 7). Following my last update, I have sunk into a lower point because of an insane dry spell I've been going through. As I mentioned, I have moved somewhere with stricter Covid restrictions, for a period of time it has been strict lockdown. So I've not been able to really go out and date women. Being locked down has forced me to really be myself and I found my thoughts often going back to the high moments of my past relationship especially during moments when I have felt lonely. It doesn't help that recently a friend of mine had told me that the ex has moved to Barcelona, somewhere we talked about settling down in together. No doubt, she is starting her own life there.

At the same time, I am aware that I should not be thinking or feeling like this, I am consciously aware (from RP awakening) that the relationship was toxic, the girl had many red flags but it is hard to control the emotions at times. I feel pathetic and frustrated I cannot erase this person from my mind. In fact, to my very surprise, I have had 2 dreams about the ex within the past month (surprising since I've not dreamt about her for the whole year).

Interestingly, this resurfacing pain has recreated a momentum for me to amp up my self-improvement. (I talked about in earlier months that as I was recovering and the pain was gone, I've started to slack on my gym and self-help routines.) I am starting to amp up the frequency of my exercises, read and journal more. Also, it has really led to question the source of my self-esteem and value, maybe rather than focus it on the girl (or any girls), I should really draw value from within myself and learn to be happy being alone.

An interesting thought I had was on the idea of how women 'flow' into your life. When I was with that ex, I had women literally vying for my attention, a lot of plates were spun; top quality ones too. It was really really effortless. In a way because I was with the ex, I did not actively cared or chased. Now, that I am in a dry spell, it has been difficult to set up plates, requires so much effort. Even if I am trying deliberately now with much effort, the results have not been good at all. So I find it interesting how, when they come, they come in droves and when they're gone, they're gone in droves too.

Anyway, good news is, the restrictions for Covid are now gone and I am recently vaccinated, so I believe I will bounce back from the dry spell and get back to normal life again. I will keep you guys updated for sure.

For those who are reading this for a reference/indication of breadcrumbs; the ex has not left any, not after 8 months, not a single spec.

Take care brothers.

-James

Sometimes the only thing that can cure a broken heart is time...
And, more important than that, someone new.
In the end it is up to you to decide if you're willing to work towards meeting someone new or torturing yourself with the past.
To me, it seems like you think about her waaay too much after 8 months. It's not ok.
I do hope you'll get better bro, but in all honesty, it's all up to you. Man up and go out there!

 

[mjb3617]

Hello gents.

Back again with my monthly update. Another month has gone by.

It is now:

NC 240 (8 Months)

For those who have followed (and those that have not) read my monthly updates, I have been doing well for months!

But things have been a bit tough and down lately (starting from month 6 - 7). Following my last update, I have sunk into a lower point because of an insane dry spell I've been going through. As I mentioned, I have moved somewhere with stricter Covid restrictions, for a period of time it has been strict lockdown. So I've not been able to really go out and date women. Being locked down has forced me to really be myself and I found my thoughts often going back to the high moments of my past relationship especially during moments when I have felt lonely. It doesn't help that recently a friend of mine had told me that the ex has moved to Barcelona, somewhere we talked about settling down in together. No doubt, she is starting her own life there.

At the same time, I am aware that I should not be thinking or feeling like this, I am consciously aware (from RP awakening) that the relationship was toxic, the girl had many red flags but it is hard to control the emotions at times. I feel pathetic and frustrated I cannot erase this person from my mind. In fact, to my very surprise, I have had 2 dreams about the ex within the past month (surprising since I've not dreamt about her for the whole year).

Interestingly, this resurfacing pain has recreated a momentum for me to amp up my self-improvement. (I talked about in earlier months that as I was recovering and the pain was gone, I've started to slack on my gym and self-help routines.) I am starting to amp up the frequency of my exercises, read and journal more. Also, it has really led to question the source of my self-esteem and value, maybe rather than focus it on the girl (or any girls), I should really draw value from within myself and learn to be happy being alone.

An interesting thought I had was on the idea of how women 'flow' into your life. When I was with that ex, I had women literally vying for my attention, a lot of plates were spun; top quality ones too. It was really really effortless. In a way because I was with the ex, I did not actively cared or chased. Now, that I am in a dry spell, it has been difficult to set up plates, requires so much effort. Even if I am trying deliberately now with much effort, the results have not been good at all. So I find it interesting how, when they come, they come in droves and when they're gone, they're gone in droves too.

Anyway, good news is, the restrictions for Covid are now gone and I am recently vaccinated, so I believe I will bounce back from the dry spell and get back to normal life again. I will keep you guys updated for sure.

For those who are reading this for a reference/indication of breadcrumbs; the ex has not left any, not after 8 months, not a single spec.

Take care brothers.

-James

I hear you bro but stop analyzing your relationship through the RP lens. It's good to reflect and understand where you went wrong, but don't keep replaying it in your head.

What's in the past is in the past. Leave it there.

 

[Raasay]

Hi all,

2nd post, here, I'm Nico (30) from GER, was tired of my GF, made her dump me after 5 years, 3 months later a big crisis hit me, tried to get her back, failed, now I'm doing the challenge, this is day 1.

Yesterday, I had my final talk with her, pushed her to say, that it is over forever vs. she saying "over for now", "maybe in future" etc. Inside I knew it was over but somehow these "maybe in future" statements gave me some irrational hope. I was relieved, even in a good mood for some hours and ready to move on until I went to bed and memories started to haunt me all night, in the end I slept 3 hours before going to work. I will describe how miserable I feel, not to get your compassion but because it is part of the story and it somehow helps to write it dow here.

To be honest, I do not know whether it is good or bad that it is over, maybe it is even good, which this is hard to believe in my current situation. On the other hand I know that I am especially missing and loving the girl she used to be, I am missing an old version of her, old times that are in my memories and that are bound to places and all kind of things in my life and it is those memories that have turned my days into a nightmare for nearly 4 weeks now. I wish I could just put them in a box until I am over it. Interestingly it is not only old memories but also memories which happened just a few days before the break up. It seems to be a very selective perception of my mind, only showing me the great things and ignoring everything which was bad. But this insight does not help me emotionally - at least not now. It is also weird, that it was the exact opposite that lead me into the break up: my mind only showing me negative things and ignoring everything which was positive. I need to get this in control, else it has the potential to ruin further parts of my life.

In the last weeks after the break up I seem to have learned more about myself than ever before and I am grateful for this reflection but also deeply disappointed of myself at the same time. I was extremely arrogant, selfish, a coward, running away from problems, ignoring everything which was outside my comfort zone, always happy and overly confident (the confidence of an idiot who does not know himself), looking down on people who had problems I could not understand and more. I know I am not a terrible person but it scares me that I let myself become like this without consciously knowing, just pushing it all away.

I also learned a lot about my former girl friend and it feels that even a tiny part of what I know today about myself and herself could have made a huge difference in our relationship. It is sad that things like our break up have to happen for me to open my eyes.

Edit: I will take three weeks off work to be with myself and start getting over her. No update from me during that time.

 

[gettinit]

As amazed as I am, I'm back in here. I had dated a long time friend and caught feelings. She is moving a couple hours away and had given me the friends speech. I had made it clear when we split that I had crossed a line, friends wasn't an option for me and told her to get back in touch if things change. I cut all contact, never texted her and never responded to a text sent by her a month later. I had posted about some interactions since then, where I refused a hug and she took it pretty hard. I hadn't posted about the breakup on this thread and rode it out.

I thought that I was all good after four months and dated quite a few others, but she showed up again where I was (yet again), sat down next to me and we spent the night catching up. She had been pretty persistent in trying to reopen things with me over the last month and I finally caved. I had been avoiding her and leaving whenever she showed up. Long story short, we talked like the last months never happened, closed the place and made out a bit at her car. She sent me a text the following morning that it was really nice to see me again and I simply replied, same here. A week later, there I was at her place (last night). She had showed up again, we closed the place again and invited me back to her place for a drink. On my end, I realized that my heart was still attached. I tried to make a move, but she shut me down, saying in short: "what's the point, I'm moving". In my "logical" head, I shouldn't even have been there, but the brain chemicals had definitely clouded my judgement. It seemed that she was trying to freindzone me, but I wasn't buying and it ended up being a repeat of the original break up. Right now, I feel like I just got back on the same roller coaster that I had boarded months ago and just went over the big hill. I have to say that my pride took quite a hit and I am mad at myself, since I thought that I knew better than to allow myself to start to feel close to her again or provide her with any validation.

Red pill, blue pill, whatever. If you aren't a narcissistic robot, emotions can get the best of you and sneak in when you never thought that they would. I'm a realist and have lived both sides of breakups enough to know that if it's not there on both ends, that's just the way that it is and there is nothing that you can do on your end to fix it. When things don't work out, someone always gets hurt and it was simply my turn. Being that I understand that a woman will be a woman, I really don't have any animosity towards her, but this would probably be easier if I did.

So, I am going to have to change hang out spots for a bit to avoid any further contact, continue dating others (read as distract myself at possibly another person's emotional expense) and get my head straight, again. In a few weeks, hopefully, I'll be over this.

I probably won't post again on this unless someone has a question.
In hindsight (always 20/20), I should have left when she sat down or at least declined her invite. Why does my brain fail me at critical times?

Thanks for reading.

 

[Ava Ross]

interesting thread

 

[Raasay]

It's been more than 3 weeks now that I had contact with her the last time, see above, final talk, last time trying to get her back, didn't work out.

Today there was some interesting development: I still get letters to our old address, so I texted her, where my letters are. She told me where and asked when I'd be in town to get them and how I'm doing. As usual I ignore everything which is not "administrative". So I get my letters which she brought to my new apartment and I realize that she still has the keys for my cellar.

So I go to her apartment, call her, text her, tell her I want my keys, I'm quite rude tbh. No answer on the phone, I ring the bell multiple times, no answer. Finally she says, she needs 10 mins, we can meet at my new apartment which is close. I say no, I don't want to wait, she should just throw the keys out of the window or whatever, no need to make a big thing out of it. It goes back and forth, she wants 10 mins, I say just hand them over immediately, after some mins, she appears, I get the keys, say thanks, bye, leave. I'm annoyed about this drama about the keys and text her something like what the **** was this drama about.

She starts texting me "I don't know what I did to you, why are you so unapproachable, I try everything to be kind and nice and you are like this, I was looking forward to seeing you but this is not how I imagined it, I listen to songs of your profile picture everyday (have a drawing of an Linkin Park album cover, which helps me to handle the pain, in my profile picture) etc.

I ignore all of this. I guess she just needs a best friend for the time when she is not sucking the **** of my successor. Still interesting, I know women do this, but I told her multiple times, that how I feel or how I'm doing is not her busy anymore and I don't want to have any business except the administrational stuff with her anymore - still she keeps trying, quite selfish I think...

Anyways, I'll continue the no contact thing, it seems like the right thing to do.

 

[dude99]

It's been more than 3 weeks now that I had contact with her the last time, see above, final talk, last time trying to get her back, didn't work out.

Today there was some interesting development: I still get letters to our old address, so I texted her, where my letters are. She told me where and asked when I'd be in town to get them and how I'm doing. As usual I ignore everything which is not "administrative". So I get my letters which she brought to my new apartment and I realize that she still has the keys for my cellar.

So I go to her apartment, call her, text her, tell her I want my keys, I'm quite rude tbh. No answer on the phone, I ring the bell multiple times, no answer. Finally she says, she needs 10 mins, we can meet at my new apartment which is close. I say no, I don't want to wait, she should just throw the keys out of the window or whatever, no need to make a big thing out of it. It goes back and forth, she wants 10 mins, I say just hand them over immediately, after some mins, she appears, I get the keys, say thanks, bye, leave. I'm annoyed about this drama about the keys and text her something like what the **** was this drama about.

She starts texting me "I don't know what I did to you, why are you so unapproachable, I try everything to be kind and nice and you are like this, I was looking forward to seeing you but this is not how I imagined it, I listen to songs of your profile picture everyday (have a drawing of an Linkin Park album cover, which helps me to handle the pain, in my profile picture) etc.

I ignore all of this. I guess she just needs a best friend for the time when she is not sucking the **** of my successor. Still interesting, I know women do this, but I told her multiple times, that how I feel or how I'm doing is not her busy anymore and I don't want to have any business except the administrational stuff with her anymore - still she keeps trying, quite selfish I think...

Anyways, I'll continue the no contact thing, it seems like the right thing to do.

She probably had new guy in her apartment and wanted to avoid the awkward confrontation of you seeing him there.

She wanted you to leave and go back to your apartment and bring you the keys to avoid the awkward meeting.

There is no other reason she couldn't just open the door , go "here" then close the door. She was afraid of how she would look. Plain and simple. 95 % of the time women are responsible for the break up and 100% of the time they won't take responsibility. Hence her fake words playing the wounded bird of "why are you so mean to me now?.i am sad, hurt and listen to your songs blah blah blah."

Don"t fall for the BS. Just comment " i got what i wanted."

Then ignore. Delete. Block. Next the s#!t out of her moving forward.

She had new dude over. She was scared of you seeing him there..plain and simple.

 

[Raasay]

Thought about this too... thanks for sharing your view, mate. Anyways, just found it interesting to share somehow, I don't plan to further dwell over it, although in hindsight I got to admit that there is still some unrealistic hope that we get together again and this chat somehow nurtured it. I guess that's just part of a natural process, I won't committ myself to these thoughts and they will fade over time.

 

[Raasay]

1 - The Rational Male
2 - Book of Pook

Hit the gym in between of reading this books

I started Rationale Male before the break up and after the break up it didn't help me at all to process anything. If you want to puss.y out of the big **** you can try to start hating your former girl (I know people who do this) and maybe Rationale Male helps with it. I consider my break up as a gift as it gave me very deep and powerful self reflection that is hard to get without a major crisis or so. If I turn all responsibility for the failed relationship to my ex gf, I turn myself into a helpless victim and I waste a big opportunity to become a better person. So my recommendation as of now is not so much reading but rather judging yourself, maybe take some notes about it, listen to music (for me e.g. Linkin Park helps) and if you read which is not the most important thing at first imo, I support the stoicism suggestion.

 

[Barrister]

I started Rationale Male before the break up and after the break up it didn't help me at all to process anything. If you want to puss.y out of the big **** you can try to start hating your former girl (I know people who do this) and maybe Rationale Male helps with it. I consider my break up as a gift as it gave me very deep and powerful self reflection that is hard to get without a major crisis or so. If I turn all responsibility for the failed relationship to my ex gf, I turn myself into a helpless victim and I waste a big opportunity to become a better person. So my recommendation as of now is not so much reading but rather judging yourself, maybe take some notes about it, listen to music (for me e.g. Linkin Park helps) and if you read which is not the most important thing at first imo, I support the stoicism suggestion.

Hating your ex solves nothing. In fact, stoking up a feeling of hatred is just going to delay your healing because it places focus on her. Rational Male is not at all about hating women, however. It is 100% Red Pill. It may not help you feel better right now, but it is absolutely required reading for a man who wants to better understand women.

As for how to best get over your ex: get in the gym multiple times throughout the week, go to places with your bros (preferably not places you frequented with your ex), spend time on your own hobbies, and once you are ready start meeting and dating other women. This is a great opportunity for your personal growth because you can focus 100% on yourself for the first time in a long while.

 

[powersize]

1 - The Rational Male
2 - Book of Pook

Hit the gym in between of reading this books

3 - Anti-Dump Machine

 

[Raasay]

She keeps texting me, meanwhile she visits the doctor because she suffers from the break up so much, luckily the pain is still not so strong to stop her from f*cking the next guy

She does not want me back because she doesn't say "I thought about you getting me back, can we talk" or so and it is better this way. I have 2 cats with her, which I don't want to lose as well... but as long as this continues I will not be able to finally let her go. At the moment my life is not 100% functional anyways, mostly because I do not have an apartment and need to stay at my parent's house ad interim. I plan to try to hold on until my new apartment is available. If I manage to minimize all interactions to close to zero with her by then I'll just pick up the cats every couple of weeks to have them with me for some days - if that doesn't work out I will have to let go of the cats as well and then I could finally remove her from my life entirely (I know it sounds crazy and I'm sure they are not concerned about me but I just love those little guys...).

I'm also thinking about to offer her to come over, to hear her out (to stay in good terms for the cats), also I'm somehow curious if I can still kiss or even sex her, but I suspect that this is just a form of wanting her back, still loving her, still being attached to her etc. so it's clearly not a good idea and I imagine what you guys will comment on it. But this is just the truth, what's going on and I'm sharing it here. For now she remains on ignore and I'm quite busy with other stuff in my life. Not sure actually if this is helping anyone but me but I guess that's the idea of this thread.

 

[dude99]

She keeps texting me, meanwhile she visits the doctor because she suffers from the break up so much, luckily the pain is still not so strong to stop her from f*cking the next guy

She does not want me back because she doesn't say "I thought about you getting me back, can we talk" or so and it is better this way. I have 2 cats with her, which I don't want to lose as well... but as long as this continues I will not be able to finally let her go. At the moment my life is not 100% functional anyways, mostly because I do not have an apartment and need to stay at my parent's house ad interim. I plan to try to hold on until my new apartment is available. If I manage to minimize all interactions to close to zero with her by then I'll just pick up the cats every couple of weeks to have them with me for some days - if that doesn't work out I will have to let go of the cats as well and then I could finally remove her from my life entirely (I know it sounds crazy and I'm sure they are not concerned about me but I just love those little guys...).

I'm also thinking about to offer her to come over, to hear her out (to stay in good terms for the cats), also I'm somehow curious if I can still kiss or even sex her, but I suspect that this is just a form of wanting her back, still loving her, still being attached to her etc. so it's clearly not a good idea and I imagine what you guys will comment on it. But this is just the truth, what's going on and I'm sharing it here. For now she remains on ignore and I'm quite busy with other stuff in my life. Not sure actually if this is helping anyone but me but I guess that's the idea of this thread.

Dude no contact is no contact. You said it yourself you can't move on if she does,'t stop. You need to block her on all fronts.

Do not answer her texts. Do not answer her phone calls. Do not engage in social media in any way. Block her on all fronts. Zero replies. She had her chance and now she blew it. She is suffering because of the break up? Good. She should be. She blew her chance. Hanging in there because of the cats will delay your healing. Trying to kiss her of have sex will delay your healing. She will know this and use it against you to reel you in when she wants validation. She will lead you on again and again over and over and then blame you when "you get the wrong idea."

Do not let her do this to you. It isn't fair to you. You will feel worse and worse and her ego will get bigger and bigger

You said it yourself. She doesn't want you back. Do not do this to yourself. Cut. Delete
Block.

 

[Raasay]

She texted me again, this time about the castration of our youngest cat... Idk if there is a deeper meaning behind and tbh I don't really care.

But I thought about how to proceed in general and I see 2 paths. 1) Keep the cats, close all administrational stuff around the break up (she owes me also something around 2,5k-5k EUR) at the price of a minimum of contact with her and the pain attached to it.
2) Let go of everything and hopefully cut all ties for good. But even then she could simply walk over to my place ring and say whatever...

I want to try 1) because of the cats (let's not go too deep here, I might be just a bit crazy about them and I'm willing to take some pain if it works in the end) and even with 2) she can find a way to contact me anytime, be it just a letter that she drops in my mailbox.

For me the damage was done, once I received her messages, not replying was good and I'm still in no contact, but the damage is done once she reaches out to me and I cannot do much about it. So I'm thinking about having her come over, tell her again (...) in a friendly manner that I do not want to hear from her ever again, that she shall please respect it, pay my money back etc. We are in good terms and she paid pack around 8k EUR already. So chances are that it might work out... she also seems to think, that me wanting no contact is some kind of phase that will end at some point, so I could try to clarify that it is not. In the long-term the only contact I want to have is "hey, picking up the cats on date X, bringing them back on date Y, bye".

I'm not decided yet, for now still no contact, it's been around 30 days now I think.

 

[dude99]

She texted me again, this time about the castration of our youngest cat... Idk if there is a deeper meaning behind and tbh I don't really care.

But I thought about how to proceed in general and I see 2 paths. 1) Keep the cats, close all administrational stuff around the break up (she owes me also something around 2,5k-5k EUR) at the price of a minimum of contact with her and the pain attached to it.
2) Let go of everything and hopefully cut all ties for good. But even then she could simply walk over to my place ring and say whatever...

I want to try 1) because of the cats (let's not go too deep here, I might be just a bit crazy about them and I'm willing to take some pain if it works in the end) and even with 2) she can find a way to contact me anytime, be it just a letter that she drops in my mailbox.

For me the damage was done, once I received her messages, not replying was good and I'm still in no contact, but the damage is done once she reaches out to me and I cannot do much about it. So I'm thinking about having her come over, tell her again (...) in a friendly manner that I do not want to hear from her ever again, that she shall please respect it, pay my money back etc. We are in good terms and she paid pack around 8k EUR already. So chances are that it might work out... she also seems to think, that me wanting no contact is some kind of phase that will end at some point, so I could try to clarify that it is not. In the long-term the only contact I want to have is "hey, picking up the cats on date X, bringing them back on date Y, bye".

I'm not decided yet, for now still no contact, it's been around 30 days now I think.

Here is my advice and i am sure most here will agree with me.

Get your own cat. Ignore her message. Delete her message. Block her number and go meet new women.

You are prolonging your own healing trying to hang in there for a cat.
.

 

[Raasay]

I know you are right, and I genuinely appreciate your advice (!), I cannot explain it, I'm just attached to those little f*ckers and I do not want just any cat. Besides that the little one seems to be my ally, since I moved out he has started to p*ss and sh*t outside his toilet^^ Maybe I'll regret it, I can imagine, that in the end I'll suffer much more than I originally expected it...

I'm meeting new women, I will meet a girl this Sunday. Actually I have more girls available to meet than I have time - not bragging here, I have little time, they are decent but not as good as my ex gf (not in a oneitis sense, I'll have to work on myself and maybe need some luck if I want to date this league of girls in future, probably they are also just rare).

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey gents.

Back again, with my monthly NC update! Nice to touch base.

Like I said, I'll be doing these updates for at least 12 months, hopefully some of you bros will get something out of my journey.

NC 270 (9 months)

As some of you bros know I was in a dark place in the past 2 months. Originally I was doing better but then I moved to a place that had some serious Covid restrictions which imprisoned me at home most of the time. I was unable to go out, meet and spin plates. It was probably one of the worst periods of the NC journey, almost on the same level as the first months of NC. I was feeling very miserable and lonely. Its really funny at times like that when you're going through a dry spell, your mind starts to rationalise how bad it is and exaggerates it. I literally became very desperate and tried OLD but I just had no luck. Desperation attracts desperation. During this time, my negative feelings about my ex came back, I was thinking about my ex loads.

GOOD NEWS is that the restrictions have gone. My life has been back to normal over the past couple of weeks. I immediately jumped on the opportunity to spin new plates and meet girls. I've met a lot since. Had a lot of fun. There was one recent and memorable week, I went out every single night and ended up making out with my first dates back to back every single time. I plan to lay some of those dates now. They've now become plates so let's see how I play it. This is a stark contrast of the loneliness that I was going through in lockdown.

So I guess note to self and to others here is: however miserable or desperate you feel because of NC added on with Covid, bear in mind that it isn't permanent. It might feel like one bad news after the other but once the wheel spins again, you'll be back in action. You might question whether you'll find the fun again; just be patient and keep pushing.

Dating Girls

So following this note, I've begun to experience some of the lethargy when it comes to dating. Now that I've met so many girls, had passionate moments. It does feel a bit tiring. Something I wrote about in my earlier NC's was how, hooking up always gives you an immediate high of the night but then it eventually dies down and I'll end up chasing it again in the next date. This cycle can be a bit tiring after awhile especially if like me, you've been going out every night. So it has re-empashized my earlier conclusions that new girls/dates cannot be your solution to get better after the break up. True happiness will have to come from other sources, probably more meaningful sources like working on yourself or spending time on yourself.

Online Dating

Beginning to feel that online dating is a massive waste of time with very small sliver of value. Girls there are super flakey, entitled and generally just bitches. Yet at the same time, most of my dates have come from girls from OLD since Covid. So basically you got to invest very carefully into it, most girls there will waste your time. I learnt that with first hand experience, had many girls who were apparently into me on OLD and Social Media yet when it came to meeting up, they flaked and just acted like princesses. Its all about identifying true interest level and fake ones.

Interest Levels & Chasing

A bit part of NC is about practising and applying my RP lessons into my life. One evident area I've changed and seen application is the importance of interest levels and how you chase. I used to be a very desperate and thirsty guy who would chase really hard to get the girls I want. Deep inside it made them the prize. Now, I'm more reactive. I've only fed attention to girls who seem interested in me. This has made a world of difference in my dating life and mental health. I've been able to close these high IL girls much more easily. They often give me attention and bend to my life rather than the other way round. It is such a relief that I don't need to exert so much effort to chase someone who might not have any interest me at all in the first place and wasting tiring energy to build that interest. This has been the biggest thing I've applied lately. Sure, it means your ideal dating pool might be smaller but it makes life so much easier and enjoyable.

Breadcrumbs & Getting Over Ex

So my ex has not yet contacted me in any form even after 9 months. Absolutely 0 bread crumbs. As I mentioned many times, comes to such a surprise since she was so into me. Surprising she can just turn off like that. Yet it doesn't really bother me anymore. I do still think about her time to time and have dreams about her but it doesn't really hurt. More so curiosity than anything else (e.g. how is she, what she is up to). I find that keeping my life busy, especially with the presence of other plates, women and dates definitely do help because I basically don't even think about her during those moments. But at the same time, I am looking to get to a point that even without the dates, and distraction of *****, I am not thinking about her. I feel like I am getting there but it takes time.

Anyway, hope my bros are good.

-James

 

[Raasay]

As I mentioned many times, comes to such a surprise since she was so into me.

Read "War Brides" in Rationale Male if you are interested in a theory that might answer this. You can observe this behavior also in other mammals, e. g. lionesses so there seems to be something about it. Besides that, I don't know what happened between the 2 of you, but my experience is, if you hurt a girl very much, they won't come back because they have to protect themselves just like we do it here. For me, only the girls came back that hurt me.

 

[bcude]

Read "War Brides" in Rationale Male if you are interested in a theory that might answer this. You can observe this behavior also in other mammals, e. g. lionesses so there seems to be something about it. Besides that, I don't know what happened between the 2 of you, but my experience is, if you hurt a girl very much, they won't come back because they have to protect themselves just like we do it here. For me, only the girls came back that hurt me.

Something that most suffering men also seem to miss is the fact that women break up long before the actual "talk". By the point he finally hears about it and starts his grieving, she's already made her mind up in the months earlier and processed the break up while being together with him. The signs are usually there, yet we decide to ignore them only to be taken by surprise when she wants to have "the talk". When we go back to analyze the broken relationship and break it down to impressive level of detail - a common trait among men - we see the signs very clearly in hindsight. So men and women are usually on complete different paths when a relationship eventually ends.
I believe, however, that with the right amount of work and self-improvement we get better with every relationship on how to identify the signs of waning respect in our state of chemical induced madness (called love) and walk away before she does... because we all know how brutally cold women can be when they have to do the breaking up. That's also when you really get to know her true character.