No, he’s a victim of emotional abuse and beat down by it…
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Oh no he's not healthy. His Mom basically abandoned him when she ran off with her younger toyboy lover when he was around 10. He was always a quiet kid. Wouldn't say boo to to a goose kind of thing.
AttackFormation
Master Don Juan
You might think so, but....
I rest my case. The guy is a codependent wreck himself, and that's how they found each other.
So you obviously think young child abandonment by a mother doesn’t cause emotional abuse or injury…
He was abandoned by the mother and now wifey abandons him to go bang other men.
I call that emotional abuse…
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AttackFormation
Master Don Juan
Nah, I thought that he was already damaged before he met his wife and it wasn't the wife who turned him from hero to zero and codependence, and indeed that was the case.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
From what I understand it's his first relationship.
Yes his unhealthy codependence was started by the emotional damage done by the mother, and now he’s getting downright emotional abuse from his wife. Codependence always has a causative factor involved…
The seeds were sown in childhood and his wife watered them.
AttackFormation
Master Don Juan
I find it hard to have sympathy in these cases. You can't help someone who sabotages themselves knowingly.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
You call him codependent but don’t realize it has psychological implications and now you say he sabotages himself… smh
It’s like blaming a crippled person for not being able to walk correctly.
That's why I stay way out of it. Haven't seen him since he was 12 ish. He knows the score but also knows he won't see his kids again if he leaves her. She's already made that clear