The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Grizzly]

I think there is two sides too that coin. If you truly know deep inside you dont want her back, and you are actually getting value out of this "friendship" (I cant really think about what kind of value you would get out of that relationship but okay), then sure why not? But are you not lying too yourself? Would you still have sex with her if she asks? And you answer yes, thats dangerous. If you guys just broke up, you cant really think clearly about what you want. You dont know if your brain is lying too yourself to "stay in contact" with her, because you are addicted too her. Thats why most people advocate no-contact, not too get her back, but to get your emotions back and get your grounding back. So you can think clearly again after a couple of months. Use that time too reflect, too learn, too invest in yourself.

So my advice would be, take a couple of months off. If you both value the friendship more then the romantic side, then that friendship would still be there after a couple of months of no-contact. In fact i have re-connected with some ex lovers purely as friends. But that was only after years of no contact and both of us moving on too better things.

I completely agree with you. I was definitely not thinking clearly and would have been lying to myself in the
first couple of month after the breakup if I told myself it was just continuing to be friends: I would have probably gotten back into the relationship if there was a chance.
Now about 6 months passed and I can honestly say even if she would propose to get back I wouldn't do it. Neither rationally nor emotionally does it make any sense and I started dating again.

Regarding the value in the friendship: it's just little things like that we had similar taste on movies and series so recommending stuff to each other or talk about ones we both saw. Or happenings with common friends / news / politics, or sending traveling tips or simply just funny videos. These chats are random and sometimes a couple of times a week and sometimes there is nothing for weeks.

So I think the big takeaway is that after the breakup, no contact for at least a few good months and especially if she was the initiator of the breakup.

 

[Raggendecanton]

I completely agree with you. I was definitely not thinking clearly and would have been lying to myself in the
first couple of month after the breakup if I told myself it was just continuing to be friends: I would have probably gotten back into the relationship if there was a chance.
Now about 6 months passed and I can honestly say even if she would propose to get back I wouldn't do it. Neither rationally nor emotionally does it make any sense and I started dating again.

Regarding the value in the friendship: it's just little things like that we had similar taste on movies and series so recommending stuff to each other or talk about ones we both saw. Or happenings with common friends / news / politics, or sending traveling tips or simply just funny videos. These chats are random and sometimes a couple of times a week and sometimes there is nothing for weeks.

So I think the big takeaway is that after the breakup, no contact for at least a few good months and especially if she was the initiator of the breakup.

Yes i think you sound reasonable. But always be aware of what your brain is telling you (Do you miss her etc.). Because even after a "a few good months" it can be a trap. Especially if she was the initiator of the breakup (Which u say she is).

You do say you have common friends and if you are going too run into her from time too time, then yes just stay cordial and friendly, no talks about your time together or anything semantic. And tbh, you are saying it is the little things of the friendship. Those little things (and probably more) you are able too find in a new girl, who can be hotter, better in communication, better matching interest, and higher "value" etc. So why not go for finding a new women instead of trying too go with the old one? Its just a matter of time until you will find someone "hotter" and better then her, if you put yourself out there and keep improving yourself. She sounds like a placeholder too me untill you find someone better. Just my two cents though!

 

[GreenlandShark]

Hello Everyone,

I need your opinion on this No Contact that I have been observing since Dec 2021.

Here is the brief background about us - We (both 29 now) live in the same area and went to same under graduate school. Although we never dated during the school, we dated for a brief period ( 4 months during in 2017, 2-3 years after graduation) and then I was the friendzoned (also hard core blue pill) who tried to win her affection/love from 2018 - 2021 (with many ups and downs with many brief no contacts in between). In short, a classic oneitus case.

I am now quite red pilled aware for last 2 years and have improved in physical, career and money (career, money wise I would rank in top 5% of my country but she is also in the same bracket career wise) . I also realized that during this extended current No Contact period ( that is still going on since end of 2021), I became emotionally stable and gained some mental peace (She was indeed an emotional roller ride and I must admit, I had literally no frame to deal with her ****ty behaviour). Now with the frame and everything (red pill knowledge), I am confident that I could no longer be manipulated. During the last meet in end of 2021, I had confessed my feelings (in retrospect, a beta move) and she categorically rejected saying she does feel this way for any person and thus our current no contact period began.

Since we live in the same area, I had bumped into her in mid 2022 when I chit chatted (did not ask her our or show any interest)for a brief period (around 30 secs) and then went my way. Fast forward to few minutes back, I again bumped into her, however, this time, I did not stop by (so we both were facing the direction, I was walking and she was standing and chit chatting with some female friend but she must have seen me once I passed through by her)

My question to you, should I have stopped by and said hello to her? Honestly, last 14-15 months of no contact were really good for me but 'she is the girl that got away' type! (things never went beyond kissing). Should I reinitiate the contact (not overtly but if I bump into her again, should I ask her out) or completely ignore? I understand my ego is involved here and banging her may bring that final revenge

PS - I am not involved in any relationship currently. I had seen someone dropping her to her home in mid 2022 (the 30 secs meet that I described earlier) so she could be dating/relationship (but she has always said she does not want to get married and blah blah) Please feel free to ask any additional information that you may need to give suggestions.

Thanks a lot
GreenLand Shark

 

[startstrongtoday22]

Hello Everyone,

I need your opinion on this No Contact that I have been observing since Dec 2021.

Here is the brief background about us - We (both 29 now) live in the same area and went to same under graduate school. Although we never dated during the school, we dated for a brief period ( 4 months during in 2017, 2-3 years after graduation) and then I was the friendzoned (also hard core blue pill) who tried to win her affection/love from 2018 - 2021 (with many ups and downs with many brief no contacts in between). In short, a classic oneitus case.

I am now quite red pilled aware for last 2 years and have improved in physical, career and money (career, money wise I would rank in top 5% of my country but she is also in the same bracket career wise) . I also realized that during this extended current No Contact period ( that is still going on since end of 2021), I became emotionally stable and gained some mental peace (She was indeed an emotional roller ride and I must admit, I had literally no frame to deal with her ****ty behaviour). Now with the frame and everything (red pill knowledge), I am confident that I could no longer be manipulated. During the last meet in end of 2021, I had confessed my feelings (in retrospect, a beta move) and she categorically rejected saying she does feel this way for any person and thus our current no contact period began.

Since we live in the same area, I had bumped into her in mid 2022 when I chit chatted (did not ask her our or show any interest)for a brief period (around 30 secs) and then went my way. Fast forward to few minutes back, I again bumped into her, however, this time, I did not stop by (so we both were facing the direction, I was walking and she was standing and chit chatting with some female friend but she must have seen me once I passed through by her)

My question to you, should I have stopped by and said hello to her? Honestly, last 14-15 months of no contact were really good for me but 'she is the girl that got away' type! (things never went beyond kissing). Should I reinitiate the contact (not overtly but if I bump into her again, should I ask her out) or completely ignore? I understand my ego is involved here and banging her may bring that final revenge

PS - I am not involved in any relationship currently. I had seen someone dropping her to her home in mid 2022 (the 30 secs meet that I described earlier) so she could be dating/relationship (but she has always said she does not want to get married and blah blah) Please feel free to ask any additional information that you may need to give suggestions.

Thanks a lot
GreenLand Shark

When you go no contact, you have to stay no contact. There are no exceptions, and there is no obligation that you have to respond, react or do anything. Who cares what she thinks, she is old news. The fact that you wrote this post means you still have feelings for her, or you would not have written it. We all have feelings for exes, but the only way to heal and get over it is no contact, and eventually when someone else comes, you get over it - it takes time, it could take many years...but it will happen. Stay no contact, and next time just ignore her, who cares about common courtesy - she does not pay your rent or pay your finances or she isn't your boss - so you do not need to acknowledge her.

This post changed my life, and it helped me forward, and regain the power against an ex who after leaving was trying manipulate me again because she said I was an ******* lol. I ended up getting the power back.

 

[Barrister]

Hello Everyone,

I need your opinion on this No Contact that I have been observing since Dec 2021.

Here is the brief background about us - We (both 29 now) live in the same area and went to same under graduate school. Although we never dated during the school, we dated for a brief period ( 4 months during in 2017, 2-3 years after graduation) and then I was the friendzoned (also hard core blue pill) who tried to win her affection/love from 2018 - 2021 (with many ups and downs with many brief no contacts in between). In short, a classic oneitus case.

I am now quite red pilled aware for last 2 years and have improved in physical, career and money (career, money wise I would rank in top 5% of my country but she is also in the same bracket career wise) . I also realized that during this extended current No Contact period ( that is still going on since end of 2021), I became emotionally stable and gained some mental peace (She was indeed an emotional roller ride and I must admit, I had literally no frame to deal with her ****ty behaviour). Now with the frame and everything (red pill knowledge), I am confident that I could no longer be manipulated. During the last meet in end of 2021, I had confessed my feelings (in retrospect, a beta move) and she categorically rejected saying she does feel this way for any person and thus our current no contact period began.

Since we live in the same area, I had bumped into her in mid 2022 when I chit chatted (did not ask her our or show any interest)for a brief period (around 30 secs) and then went my way. Fast forward to few minutes back, I again bumped into her, however, this time, I did not stop by (so we both were facing the direction, I was walking and she was standing and chit chatting with some female friend but she must have seen me once I passed through by her)

My question to you, should I have stopped by and said hello to her? Honestly, last 14-15 months of no contact were really good for me but 'she is the girl that got away' type! (things never went beyond kissing). Should I reinitiate the contact (not overtly but if I bump into her again, should I ask her out) or completely ignore? I understand my ego is involved here and banging her may bring that final revenge

PS - I am not involved in any relationship currently. I had seen someone dropping her to her home in mid 2022 (the 30 secs meet that I described earlier) so she could be dating/relationship (but she has always said she does not want to get married and blah blah) Please feel free to ask any additional information that you may need to give suggestions.

Thanks a lot
GreenLand Shark

There is no woman that is ever "the one that got away." You are pedestalizing her by even thinking of her like this.

What I have found is that generally the more chaotic and hot and cold a relationship is the harder it is to ween yourself off of it. This type of thing with the highs and the lows greatly resembles the high your body/mind experience with a drug, and it is why most of us men (myself included) have generally been more attached in the past to Cluster B types more so than mentally healthy women. Once you can step away and recognize how destructive it is to your psyche, you begin to realize it is not worth the soul-sucking energy it takes to be in a relationship with a woman like this.

This woman you describe certainly sounds like this. Cluster B's are masters at "push-pull" tactics and I think you, even now, would probably go back to her if she suddenly texted you to come over to her apartment and fvck her brains out. You would be all in in a matter of hours. This is how you know you aren't well yet, brother.

Stay the course with NC. See other women. And above all else, keep improving yourself. Don't let some crazy tail temporarily put your life in a rut. Good luck.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Hello Everyone,

I need your opinion on this No Contact that I have been observing since Dec 2021.

Here is the brief background about us - We (both 29 now) live in the same area and went to same under graduate school. Although we never dated during the school, we dated for a brief period ( 4 months during in 2017, 2-3 years after graduation) and then I was the friendzoned (also hard core blue pill) who tried to win her affection/love from 2018 - 2021 (with many ups and downs with many brief no contacts in between). In short, a classic oneitus case.

I am now quite red pilled aware for last 2 years and have improved in physical, career and money (career, money wise I would rank in top 5% of my country but she is also in the same bracket career wise) . I also realized that during this extended current No Contact period ( that is still going on since end of 2021), I became emotionally stable and gained some mental peace (She was indeed an emotional roller ride and I must admit, I had literally no frame to deal with her ****ty behaviour). Now with the frame and everything (red pill knowledge), I am confident that I could no longer be manipulated. During the last meet in end of 2021, I had confessed my feelings (in retrospect, a beta move) and she categorically rejected saying she does feel this way for any person and thus our current no contact period began.

Since we live in the same area, I had bumped into her in mid 2022 when I chit chatted (did not ask her our or show any interest)for a brief period (around 30 secs) and then went my way. Fast forward to few minutes back, I again bumped into her, however, this time, I did not stop by (so we both were facing the direction, I was walking and she was standing and chit chatting with some female friend but she must have seen me once I passed through by her)

My question to you, should I have stopped by and said hello to her? Honestly, last 14-15 months of no contact were really good for me but 'she is the girl that got away' type! (things never went beyond kissing). Should I reinitiate the contact (not overtly but if I bump into her again, should I ask her out) or completely ignore? I understand my ego is involved here and banging her may bring that final revenge

PS - I am not involved in any relationship currently. I had seen someone dropping her to her home in mid 2022 (the 30 secs meet that I described earlier) so she could be dating/relationship (but she has always said she does not want to get married and blah blah) Please feel free to ask any additional information that you may need to give suggestions.

Thanks a lot
GreenLand Shark

Forget about her. Pull younger/hotter girls.

 

[DeCarlo]

Get your value up, muscles up, tinder profile poppin and be done with this nonsense. I used to be this way in most my 20s. When I had wack game, a ****ty wardrobe, low self esteem and the works. Guarantee all these dudes in here wouldnt be hung up on one girl that isnt feeling them anymore if they had more options in their DMs. Its a simple goddamn equation. Suffer more and deal with more low quality women and romanticize ****ty relationships you want to get back to because you yourself are ****ty/dont have options.

or level the **** up.
"the girl next door", "elf queen", no contact for months but you dont have new options yet. ridiculous. when all you gotta do is hit that gym, takes pics and upload them.

We really are a weak generation of men. ****s sad. Our ancestors had to hunt tigers, work in steel mills or go to war to get a decent woman.
All you gotta do is get in shape and spin plates and we cant even do that.

No wonder the women are so out of hand nowadays. How we gonna check women when we arent even willing to improve ourselves? Look at us. Lame. Talking to my past self as well.

 

[soulforge]

I am the dumper, but still feel kinda down in the dumps about it.

I have admit that I love her, but simply can't seem to get along with her.

It's 5 months in, and pretty much once a week we end up in a little argument.

She just rubs me up the wrong way, by either saying something borderline disrespectful... Or she will get argumentative over something that isn't worth arguing over.

She has been hot headed since the day I met her.. so it's not something that has developed over time.

Last night she began arguing with me, so I told her to leave my house. I couldn't deal with her BS at all.

So she grabbed all her bel from my house and called her an Uber.

While in the uber she sent me a few abusive messages. She told me to fuk off

However a couple of hours later, when her anger resided she sent me the following.

You broke my heart
I thought you loved me
Are you going to leave things like this

Anyway I don't know what the F to do now.

I think too much damage has been done. Breaking up with her, then getting back with her, will more likely become a toxic cycle.

I just don't see things working out with her in the long run.

 

[soulforge]

Has anyone got into a relationship which felt somewhat toxic?

 

[Murk]

Has anyone got into a relationship which felt somewhat toxic?

Yes, best to walk away but you already know this. It's a waste of time and energy, well done for standing your ground. There's a reason you broke up with her, the many threads over these months. She sounds like a fvcking headache bro, there are MANY women that will fall into your frame. This girl was never really in your frame. Much easier to start fresh and enter a new relationship with solid frame. Someone less damaged, she's a loose canon I don't care how hot she is or how good the sex is, it's never worth it long term.

I would advise against even banging her again (because you could, but thats easy, that's weak, she'll be on some new D in 2 weeks if not sooner. Take everything you've learned from this and be better next time.

I broke up with my ex GF of 2 years recently and it was hard because I do love her, but love isn't enough when faced with so many red flags and billions of hotter younger, more compatible women out there.

Good luck soulforge you're a good man and you are destined for better.

 

[soulforge]

Yes, best to walk away but you already know this. It's a waste of time and energy, well done for standing your ground. There's a reason you broke up with her, the many threads over these months. She sounds like a fvcking headache bro, there are MANY women that will fall into your frame. This girl was never really in your frame. Much easier to start fresh and enter a new relationship with solid frame.

Your right man... It's been 4-5 months of fukin headache.. back and forth...

She has been like this from day one... It's her personality, moody, aggressive..

I think she does have high interest in me, but she can't help reacting the way she does.

 

[Murk]

Your right man... It's been 4-5 months of fukin headache.. back and forth...

She has been like this from day one... It's her personality, moody, aggressive..

I think she does have high interest in me, but she can't help reacting the way she does.

Yeah because she's damaged and mentally off-key - probably because of the partying and broken hearts. Remember, women can't really fvck a dude without emotional connection, so if she's had feelings for so many other men she will be broken mentally. None of the threads you posted said she was feminine and submissive, pure headache, grief and confrontation. Don't look back.

 

[soulforge]

Yeah because she's damaged and mentally off-key - probably because of the partying and broken hearts. Remember, women can't really fvck a dude without emotional connection, so if she's had feelings for so many other men she will be broken mentally. None of the threads you posted said she was feminine and submissive, pure headache, grief and confrontation. Don't look back.

She is 24 so unlikely she has smashed hundreds of dudes.. but she does have depression and anxiety.. also drinks alot.. and been burnt by her ex..

All that comes into play

 

[Murk]

She is 24 so unlikely she has smashed hundreds of dudes.. but she does have depression and anxiety.. also drinks alot.. and been burnt by her ex..

All that comes into play

She drinks a lot and I remember you saying she used to party a lot - that's minimum 15 bodies right there. Damaged, confrontational, argumentative, she's trash.

 

[soulforge]

She drinks a lot and I remember you saying she used to party a lot - that's minimum 15 bodies right there. Damaged, confrontational, argumentative, she's trash.

Yes she used to go out alot and drink alot.. also addicted to social media and attention.

Definitely not long term wifey material here

 

[Fowo]

I broke up with my ex GF of 2 years recently and it was hard because I do love her, but love isn't enough when faced with so many red flags and billions of hotter younger, more compatible women out there.

Had similiar situation a month ago, except that it's been a 4 years long one and she didn't have that many red flags actually. But after finally realizing that we want different futures for ourselves I understood that sooner or later either her or me are going to get tired and not feel good with the direction we'd head to. I'm not into breaking up after 10+ years so despite such a long time together and feelings being strong, decided to grit my teeth and do it. It's better for both of us, even if it really sucks short term

 

[dude99]

Has anyone got into a relationship which felt somewhat toxic?

I would say most of us here have. It is probably how most guys find sosuave. If you feel the relationship is toxic then you did the right thing.

In the first 5 months she is going to be on her best behaviour and the best her she will ever be. If she is toxic this soon then you did the right thing. Guys need to remind themselves we are not put on this earth to entertain toxic women.

 

[Monkeynuts]

Yes she used to go out alot and drink alot.. also addicted to social media and attention.

Definitely not long term wifey material here

Oh the addicition to social media - what is it with chicks these days...constantly seeking validation by posting selfies

I would love to meet a chick who didnt give a **** about insta or facebook - would be so much easier.

The amount of dudes sliding in their DM's....they love the attention

 

[Baji]

Day 1
I've been a bit back and forth with my ex since we broke up, and I'm taking the No Contact seriously from today. I'm going to get a gym membership, explore hobbies, and hang out with my bro's more often. I plan to write here once a week, but we'll see how it plays out

 

[startstrongtoday22]

Day 1
I've been a bit back and forth with my ex since we broke up, and I'm taking the No Contact seriously from today. I'm going to get a gym membership, explore hobbies, and hang out with my bro's more often. I plan to write here once a week, but we'll see how it plays out

Buddy, no contact means, even if she contacts you, you do not respond, and she has to come to your house and still beg, and still and you go no contact. Did you dump her or you got dumped?