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The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

Mike41090

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Your head seems to be at a good place, just don't go out of your way to avoid her. That also sends a message. Indifference and living well is the best approach.
I hear ya, I’m kinda aware it sends a message but I don’t want to go to the same place as her because I just feel it could have the potential to ruin my night considering I don’t know how I’d feel if I ran into her socially.
 

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art1210

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Writing here as I'm missing both girls today

Day 120 - girl no. 1
  • She slowly disappears from my thoughts but I still catch myself missing her, the trips we took and thinking "I wish she could be here"
  • I decided to delete her numbers and remove her from my Instagram - haven't received a single text from her for the last 4 months so she's definitely not coming back
  • Came to realisation it was bound to happen as the distance and not seeing each other frequently played a big role so nothing I could've done differently
Day 14 - girl no. 2
  • It's been 2 weeks since we last talked, she hasn't reached out and even if she did, I'd ignore her
  • I miss her a lot and I wish she hadn't come back to her country 1.5 years ago as again it's the distance that messed it all up
  • Feeling much better as I started to accept it's over but she still occupies my mind almost all the time
  • Not sure I'll be able to get over her as she was in my dreams from time to time even after a year when she was gone
  • It's hard for me to find the same connection with other girls
All in all, I'm getting though both of them but it's ridiculously hard. I'm still gaming, seeing some other girls, got a PT to help me with my body in the gym, new job is going amazing and I'll be traveling to a couple of places soon but I'm missing both of them.
 

Mauser96

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It most certainly mine.
I didn't see the signs, 3 weeks after I was broken up she was joking around about having a baby on text. Couple of weeks later I took her out for a night in the city for being such a good friend we ended up having a few drinks and made out. I figured I was safe to get totally drunk because she has 2 kids at home and she is not going to wake them to sex. Anyways we get back to her place and the kids are gone she had her mother grab them for the weekend. She strips down naked and begging me for sex, I put the only condom I have on. She asks me to take it off because it ruins all the feelings, comes over and rips the condom off throws it in the trash. Next thing I know I'm banging her and she begging me to put a baby inside her. I was pretty drunk rebounding and not thinking straight.

I don't know what to say to this. You made a $250,000 mistake.
 

Sponty

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Oh jesus, already had 2 kids. Really wanted another one and used you for it. Alcohol is never an excuse sir. Women sooner or later tell you everything you need to know if you just observe and listen to them and their actions. She literally told you she wanted a baby over text and executed the plan at the first opportunity.
Yea I was stupid and didn't see it and it was right in front of me. I knew she wanted to **** but I didn't think it would go this far, I been dating other girls to keep me from getting too emotional trapped to her.

I don't know what to say to this. You made a $250,000 mistake.
Yup. I tried to salvage it by pushing a relationship but she didn't want that and now I'm moving on and she doesn't want that either, trying to control me. It is only going to end up badly for her, I hate that whole attitude of have their cake and eat it too it just doesn't work out that way.
 
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art1210

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Day 18
I dreamt about her last night and she's like a drug that got taken away. I saw some guy carrying her with her arms around him and them kissing and laughing together in the dream. Why the hell my brain can't just let go and let me forget about her?!

The truth is she's never done much for me but still expected me to give her compliments, say I miss her and remember about her birthday etc. I've got a Spanish girl that is going to visit me and bring a gift for me in a month, a Ukrainian one that I slept with on New Year's Day who brought me a gift, I got numbers from a Marroccan and Indian girl that seem excited to see me in the next 2 weeks. Yet, I still think about her and the fact it's over - just can't forget about the one that "got away" coz of stupid distance.

Bottom line - stupid distance, stupid brain, stupid feelings and stupid dreams.
 
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will123

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It's been about 3 weeks or so. I've moved on in the true sense of the word. Zero interest in her at all. Yeah I am polite with her at evening class, but I ignore her when it comes to her wanting my attention. She was bit pissed too lol. Zero ****s given now.
 

art1210

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Day 30 - the longest time we've ever gone without contact
- I miss her a lot, even when she's not here
- I won't hear from her ever again so nothing to lose
- I think about her from time to time
- I want to completely forget about her, about my feelings, emotions and just forgot she ever existed

As a conclusion, again, same as my previous message - stupid emotions, feelings and thoughts so I wish I'll forget about her soon. It gets better indeed so the rest of you - there's hope.
 

NSX-R

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I made a post in this thread quite some time ago but there has been an update since then .Well that was few months ago but just another proof why no contact works .
day 370 of no contact. I blocked her on every way possible and none of us tried to come into contact during this time. I had no idea if she was still “ alive” .
Received an unknown phone call early in the morning. Woke me up and responded.

It was her . She asked me how i was doing . I responded friendly as i would with every stranger i would meet .Lucky for her i was in the area when she called (haven’t been there for 10 months as i live in a different country) She offered to meet for a cafe and i agreed.We met, she was different, shorter hair , more calm and serious. She told me that what i said during our last talk was very mean and bad but it made her reconsider her point of view and her habits. I said whatever i said back then i ain’t taking back cause i was dead serious and I’m almost always honest . Anyway she offered to meet again but i told her I’m seeing someone else and that I have also changed since then and i don’t want anything further with her . She seemed to be in shock but i couldn’t care less . I felt that one hard back then when we split and I’m not intending to go through something similar anyway sooner or later.

There’s been another girl that i was seeing a bit seriously.We haven’t met since 3 weeks . I’m in no contact with her since the last time we met but she keeps on initiating and i can’t resist the urge to talk with her . Well the only thing we do when we talk is fighting. For some reason i can’t resist and humiliate her every single time we talk cause she’s quite provocative . Anyway last time we talked was 2 days ago .The last she told she found a new boyfriend and that she’s been cool with him . I don’t know if i have to believe her or not . Anyway she texted me early in the morning and we started fighting as soon as she first texted .Kept on fighting,told heri don’t want to talk with her again and she should never text me ever again . Well she kept on texting. Didn’t reapond the first time . She texted again . I didn’t respond again . Then late at night she texted me again and then i responded . Told her she should never text me again cause she has new bf to care about and not me . She said she never cared for me and i said good , since you don’t care then stop texting me . She kept on texting me and i just responded with have a good nicht and she didn’t respond further .

Anyway , I’m in no contact for 2 days . I don’t feel anything for her . I just feel rage that she found someone else so soon . I know whichever is the other guy , he’s no way better than me and i don’t want to be sounded ****y but there are few guy’s my age in her area to be better than me and they already taken . It’s her bad and I’m sure she knows that .She said she wanted supposedly something serious so i was serious with her but i got played . Terrible mistake . Hopefully I’m still young and there are still lots of things to learn .
 

xplt

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Over seven months that I haven't seen or heard from her.

The last two weeks my anger regarding her and this ugly breakup seemed to disappear.
I didn't like it first, but meanwhile I feel very released and it's great to let go some of that baggage.

I met with a buddy who works with her for a few beer last night and he told me she wanted to give him a box with some of my belongings I left. Don't miss anything and I couldn't care less, but I'll see what it is, but I've some mixed feelings about this.

I got curious and asked how she's doing.
He said she got in a rebound about two months after our breakup. The new guy is just as emotional abusive as her. Controlling, insecure, jealous. She hasn't learned a bit from our breakup. So like attracts like I think...
Also she has gained a good amount of weight, developed acne and looks unkempt with greasy hair. He straight told me "bro, she looks un****able".
When she was with me she always looked about herself, was very clean and groomed, adopted my habits of working out and eating a healthy diet. Didn't expect to hear that.

However, letting go of that anger feels like a good step in healing.
Hearing from her hasn't fazed me, gave me some kind of satisfaction to hear that I took a better path. I even feel kind of sorry for her.

I love my life, still got some work to do.
 
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Mauser96

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I will insert comments in bold

Over seven months that I haven't seen or heard from her.

The last two weeks my anger regarding her and this ugly breakup seemed to disappear.
I didn't like it first, but meanwhile I feel very released and it's great to let go some of that baggage.

I met with a buddy who works with her for a few beer last night and he told me she wanted to give him a box with some of my belongings I left. Don't miss anything and I couldn't care less, but I'll see what it is, but I've some mixed feelings about this.

I got curious and asked how she's doing.
He said she got in a rebound about two months after our breakup. The new guy is just as emotional abusive as her. Controlling, insecure, jealous. She hasn't learned a bit from our breakup. So like attracts like I think...
Also she has gained a good amount of weight, developed acne and looks unkempt with greasy hair. He straight told me "bro, she looks un****able". Clearly her life isn't going great. I would imagine she has developed an addiction as well, to let herself go like this.
When she was with me she always looked about herself, was very clean and groomed, adopted my habits of working out and eating a healthy diet. Didn't expect to hear that. Who broke up with who?

However, letting go of that anger feels like a good step in healing.
Hearing from her hasn't fazed me, gave me some kind of satisfaction to hear that I took a better path. I even feel kind of sorry for her.

I love my life, still got some work to do.

I'd be curious to hear more background on how you broke up
 

xplt

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Clearly her life isn't going great. I would imagine she has developed an addiction as well, to let herself go like this.
She was smoking ever since i knew her, in the last months of our relationship she became a really heavy smoker. She also liked to drink, even if she cut back a lot in the four years we were together, sometimes she lost control and blacked out.
In the last two months we were together she went off the pill, perhaps she's going through hormonal changes.

Who broke up with who?
She turned our relationship in an on/off thing. She broke up four times in one month, trying to gain control. Two times she came back on her own, two times her sister told me she's hurting a lot and wants me to come back, and I did two times - bad mistake.
The fifth and final breakup was my decision. That was the last day I saw her. Till today...

I forgot a key at my buddies flat yesterday and because I needed it for work I had to drive to their company two hours ago.
Parked my car few streets away, so nobody can see me and met with my buddy. I told him straight that I doesn't feel comfortable... We were sitting in the car for a few minutes talking and suddenly I saw her passing my car with a few of her coworkers. She looked at me, waved with her hand and came to the drivers door, reached to the door pull. But I was faster and only let the window down. We greeted unexpected friendly. She was little bit nervous, I just smiled friendly and to my surpise I was little bit nervous, too but acted really calm.

Asked each other "how you are" "good"...
She: "I have found some stuff from you. Just books and some other stuff, do you want it?"
Me: "yeah, he told me. I don't miss anything, but just give it to him and I get it when I visit him"
She: "Ok"
Me: "I found a book from you in my boxes, too. Should I give it to him, so he can bring it for you?"
She: "No, I don't need it anymore."
Me smirking: "Ok, bye."
She: "Bye..."

Little bit awkward nonsense... I'm sure I noticed she was disappointed, that I didn't act out of character. One of her coworkers, who's a good friend of her and also knows me for years, turned red like a tomato.

Damn, my buddy didn't lie... She had a thick jacket, so I couldn't notice any more weight at her than I am used to, but her hair were greasy, her whole face full of acne and scars everywhere from scratching the pimples. I was shocked. She looked aged a few years and I wasn't able to see the beautiful woman I know for more than five years. If I met her like this, I never had made a move on her.
I can't tell that she looked happy. She noticed, that I observed her face during our conversation - I wasn't able to hide.

I can't feel anything than pity for her right now.

What I heard also the last night, she tried to run mind games over mutual friends. Everyone was told by me to don't let me know of anything if she reaches out. Thankfully, they managed to stay silent the whole time.

Strange that this happens all, right after I'm able to let go of my anger. Two weeks ago I think I wouldn't have been able to be confronted with her.

@Mauser96 I will send you a PM.
 
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Mauser96

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I read an interesting quote that has stuck with me......read it several times, let it sink in.

"If someone dumps you, and later tries to come back......remember , they are coming back now for THEIR benefit, not yours."
 

YeeZus

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NC - Day 4

This girl said something that I think was disrespectful. I told her not to talk to me like that but in a fun way she said "I will" (She was drunk). To this I did not talk to her the entire time we were along spend the time watching football. After I was done, i asked the waiter to pack rest of the stuff and I started moving to which she joined and i dropped her home and I left. Din't speck to her since then.

She's about 8 years younger to me. Been on NC before as well for a week wherein she reeled me in.

Just received a text few mins back saying "You have until tonight to text or call me, if you don't there is no coming back". She had told me during the last NC too that if next time you disappear that is the last time its the end.

What do you'll think?
 

bcude

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Ultimatums and threats never work, especially coming from a weak position. She can't handle the fact that you're not talking to her, it feels like rejection which is something women can't stand so she's trying the desperate way to get her control back.

This girl said something that I think was disrespectful. I told her not to talk to me like that but in a fun way she said "I will" (She was drunk).
Should have walked away right there or thrown her out if it was truly disrespectful. Removing your attention is good maintainance but here i take it as you wouldn't stand up for yourself when she's giving you an attitude, since you went silent but still stayed to watch the game and brought her home afterwards.

Been on NC before as well for a week wherein she reeled me in.
Here is the heart of the problem. She reeled you back in, meaning you two broke up and you took her back? Unfortunately women lose respect for you when you do and sh1t like this start to happen more frequently. Which is also one reason why this forum teaches not to go back to an ex.

Anyway, you don't cave in and follow her lead. She did something disrespectful in your eyes, she also needs to know that's why you're silent and the only way she wouldn't know that is if she was so drunk that night that she doesn't remember anything from what happend.
If she still could walk straight she remembers and knows exactly what she did and why you're silent, which is where i would remain and focus on other plates. She'll probably come around sooner or later with a more humble tone. If not, it's not a loss really.
 
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Mauser96

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My comments in bold

NC - Day 4

This girl said something that I think was disrespectful. I told her not to talk to me like that but in a fun way she said "I will" (She was drunk). To this I did not talk to her the entire time we were along spend the time watching football. After I was done, i asked the waiter to pack rest of the stuff and I started moving to which she joined and i dropped her home and I left. Din't speck to her since then.

She's about 8 years younger to me. Been on NC before as well for a week wherein she reeled me in.

Just received a text few mins back saying "You have until tonight to text or call me, if you don't there is no coming back". She had told me during the last NC too that if next time you disappear that is the last time its the end.

What do you'll think?

She is getting desperate. That is why the ultimatum. Bottom line, she is DEMANDING you contact her. If she was done with you and didn't want to see you? She simply wouldn't bother, she would carry on with her life.

I guess you have to decide what you are willing to tolerate, and how bad you want to keep things going.

I think my response would be "That doesn't sound like an apology. Get back to me when you are ready to make one"
 
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YeeZus

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NC - Day 4

This girl said something that I think was disrespectful. I told her not to talk to me like that but in a fun way she said "I will" (She was drunk). To this I did not talk to her the entire time we were along spend the time watching football. After I was done, i asked the waiter to pack rest of the stuff and I started moving to which she joined and i dropped her home and I left. Din't speck to her since then.

She's about 8 years younger to me. Been on NC before as well for a week wherein she reeled me in.

Just received a text few mins back saying "You have until tonight to text or call me, if you don't there is no coming back". She had told me during the last NC too that if next time you disappear that is the last time its the end.

What do you'll think?

Just got a call that I din't pick up.
 

Lynx nkaf

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Keep his number blocked, and focus on yourself right now. He ended it. Twice. He is no longer your problem. Get busy focus on hobbies, exercise take care of you.
It would have been NC-Day approx. #184 if I wasn't so weakly "romantic"?
Valuable lessons.
 

Lynx nkaf

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It would have been NC-Day approx. #184 if I wasn't so weakly "romantic"?
Valuable lessons.
+ another #62 days or so from first dumping mid July.
I'm embarassed.
But ready to admit it here, thanks for reading.

That's a lot of healing I've missed out on. You can't unread the encouraging, logical words of the forum members who helped me last summer. I was too stubborn and loyal to try keeping my word and let's face it, horrified to be alone again....but those words of advice are helping me now stay firm.


I would have regretted not trying....I literally promised I would keep trying at the first consummation.


Which, doesn't make sense....obviously it wasn't reaaaallllyy natural attraction from the beginning but rather a settling because of each other's extreme loneliness.

Awwwww.

Please help me if he contacts me first, he probably won't but then, I posted in this thread again, just in case.
 
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