The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Designer Man]

Day 2

I woke up this morning disgusted with myself. I wasn't a nice person to be around at times and I have put myself in her shoes to see how it made her feel. The aggression, the negative behaviour was not good and it must have been awful for her. I may not have put hands on her but I did get in her face, I slammed doors, I lashed out and it would have frightened her. What type of person does that to someone they love? Why did I react to the nasty things she said and behave like a psychopath? I should have controlled myself better and walked away from the situation. At times I did, but not often enough. I would get up in her face and then back away as I knew I was in the wrong but I let her push my buttons and I should have been a lot stronger than that. I intimidated her, I invaded her personal space, I am honestly appalled by my behaviour. She lashed out herself at times but I can't comment on the things she said or done, I can't reflect on her behaviour I can only reflect on mine. Today I hate myself and I don't understand why it has taken a break up for me to realise how awful I was and she stuck with me in the hope things would get better.

 

[soulforge]

Breaking up is painful man, but within it are many many opportunities for self improvement and becoming a better, stronger man. And a wiser person.

 

[Designer Man]

I'm struggling today. I have been thinking about reaching out, although I'm blocked on everything I think I can get through via e-mail or to her work phone but I'm holding strong and I'm not doing it. I want to tell her that I have been so wrong so many times and I am so sorry for what I have put her through and the way I made her feel. I love her so so much and given my time again I wouldn't let a minute go by without showing her how much I love and adore her. I'm so tempted yo reach out whether that's via email or sending it to her sister to pass on for me. I know it's wrong but I just want her to know that I'm not carrying on with my life and that I am sorrowful.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You're doing her a favour by not contacting her at all. Even if you are sincere, she doesn't give a sh!t. Trust me on that.

 

[soulforge]

I'm struggling today. I have been thinking about reaching out, although I'm blocked on everything I think I can get through via e-mail or to her work phone but I'm holding strong and I'm not doing it. I want to tell her that I have been so wrong so many times and I am so sorry for what I have put her through and the way I made her feel. I love her so so much and given my time again I wouldn't let a minute go by without showing her how much I love and adore her. I'm so tempted yo reach out whether that's via email or sending it to her sister to pass on for me. I know it's wrong but I just want her to know that I'm not carrying on with my life and that I am sorrowful.

Bro unfortunately that will not work.

It's upto you. Many would say don't do it, however if you feel you where the cause of the break up most of the time, then do what is best for you.

living with regret is also very very painful.

If you attempt to reach out and let her know how you feel, and if she doesn't respond back then .. You must Walk Away

 

[Designer Man]

Bro unfortunately that will not work.

It's upto you. Many would say don't do it, however if you feel you where the cause of the break up most of the time, then do what is best for you.

living with regret is also very very painful.

If you attempt to reach out and let her know how you feel, and if she doesn't respond back then .. You must Walk Away

She will have not had time to digest anything yet. If I know her, it takes her a few days to process everything sometimes up to a week. We've been here before but we have never gone longer than a day without talking. I'm willing to wait a bit longer before saying something. I feel I have to tell her that I know how awful I have been and that I didn't do enough to help manage her stress. Right now I don't think it's the right time to say anything. I have to allow her to breathe.

 

[Designer Man]

What is the reason for girls changing their profile picture after a break up? Is there a psychological reason behind it?

 

[Dr.Suave]

I never talked about this at the time, not a big deal I guess but here it goes:

So I was a few months in my new Relationship, happy af. My ex contacted me (like someone else said, its like they "sense" when you moved on or something and they want to pull you back in)

Supposedly, she wanted my help planning a vacation to "X" place (a place I loved and have happened to visit a bunch of times). She said something along the lines of: "I want to take my mom with me but she doesnt want to go. Oh well, I guess Im going to have to go by myself, all alone".

I blocked her.

My current girl thinks my ex had regrets about the break up and wanted me back. Maybe she did, its happened to me before. Who knows, who cares.

 

[Designer Man]

Gentlemen I am happy to say that I am officially over my ex. Took me about a week and a half to move on. I had my second date with a new woman last night. Get out there and start dating new women. It makes a big difference.

Doesn't it just mask over the pain though? I'm not ready for that yet, everything is a major blur.

If she reaches out, I would suggest relationship counselling, there shouldn't be a taboo around it and may be helpful. If she doesn't reach out then I'll just continue taking it day by day.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Doesn't it just mask over the pain though? I'm not ready for that yet, everything is a major blur.

The blur is the mask. As long as you feel 'pain', you're not emotionally disconnecting from her. No contact is also for your benefit that you stop thinking about her and focus on other women.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If she reaches out, I would suggest relationship counselling, there shouldn't be a taboo around it and may be helpful. If she doesn't reach out then I'll just continue taking it day by day.

There's is no taboo around relationship counselling, except that everybody knows that counselling mostly helps women to express their grievances, but rarely lead to a balanced relationship.

 

[Designer Man]

There's is no taboo around relationship counselling, except that everybody knows that counselling mostly helps women to express their grievances, but rarely lead to a balanced relationship.

Can I ask you why she would shut me down in an argument/discussion and not allow me to get my point across? It was so frustrating and I found it difficult to communicate which would result in me losing my head and she thrived on that.

 

[Designer Man]

I have just spoken to my Dad on the phone. It took me a couple of days to pluck up the courage but I cried throughout the whole call.
My Dad is in his 70's and my ex has a great relationship with him. They have a special bond and he adores her so much and vice versa. She helps him with his food shopping, his bills, his care needs, appointments etc and is brilliant. He asked me what was going on as they had spoken earlier today and she told him I had left and that she still loves me and I just couldn't speak. She is going to see him tomorrow and he asked me to come over. I said no, I just can't face it and I don't think it would be right so soon. What do you think? Should I go?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Sounds like you need your Dad to be the arbiter of your relationship.

 

[Adz--]

Day 60 something

As per the rules, i read my all my NC posts. From day 1 till now I can definitely say that there’s been a massive growth and improvement in terms of my mental state, more balanced emotions, better understanding and all round much better me.
I was definitely going through the range of emotions through it all but didn’t see it at the time (only realised till I read another SS member post).

What i felt at the beginning was pain, sadness, embarrassment, why me etc etc. What i feel now is calmness, more solid in terms of my thoughts, feelings and more importantly thinking logically. I can say for certain that I am a lot better now and I am in a much better place now than I was 60 something days ago. I still get thoughts but they’re not intense or anything like that at all. I think they’re thoughts that are missing “the idea of her” which in reality don’t mean jack sh*t because they’re not logical nor do they truly represent how she was, so they get nipped in the bud before they can snowball in mind as soon as they pop up.

Still got the same plate I mentioned a while back that comes over to my place, still working on being a better Don Juan, still trying go improve myself all areas as best as I can.

Onwards & upwards!

Adz—

 

[Glassguy]

Doesn't it just mask over the pain though? I'm not ready for that yet, everything is a major blur.

If she reaches out, I would suggest relationship counselling, there shouldn't be a taboo around it and may be helpful. If she doesn't reach out then I'll just continue taking it day by day.

I would strongly recommend NOT mentioning counseling. If she reaches out, keep it to light conversation. 5 minute phone call. Let her bring up any conversation about the breakup. If she brings it up, don't get deep into it. Just let her talk.

 

[Designer Man]

I would strongly recommend NOT mentioning counseling. If she reaches out, keep it to light conversation. 5 minute phone call. Let her bring up any conversation about the breakup. If she brings it up, don't get deep into it. Just let her talk.

She reached out to me today via text. She said she is sorry for what has happened and the way she made me feel. She said she will regret this for the rest of her life. She told me how she felt that I didn't love her anymore and lost interest in her and her walls went up as a result. I responded to the text and I apologised for the things I done wrong and how I made her feel. I also said that I never stopped loving her and I should have done so much more when I had the chance.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

She reached out to me today via text. She said she is sorry for what has happened and the way she made me feel. She said she will regret this for the rest of her life. She told me how she felt that I didn't love her anymore and lost interest in her and her walls went up as a result. I responded to the text and I apologised for the things I done wrong and how I made her feel. I also said that I never stopped loving her and I should have done so much more when I had the chance.

Open communication over needs and wants and boundaries is crucial in any relationship, but especially when you aim for LTR. Do not apologise too much, avoid the blame game, but talk towards clearly communicating when you're upset about something and how to make each other feel good about being with each other.

 

[soulforge]

Approaching Month 5 NC

Things are getting easier & it's funny how with time and distance you see more clearly how toxic that situation was. When you're deep in that relationship you often become blind to the chaos all around you.

I have a question?

Would you consider this behaviour as irresponsible drinking or outright suspicious behaviour?

Month 3 of seeing my ex, she was supposed to text me after work on Friday at 5pm & let me know she is on her way to my house, as we had a date planned.

I noticed something was not quite right throughout the Friday as she didn't login to her WhatsApp for the entire day. Anyway come 5pm no text message.

Around 9pm, hours later from our date time, I get a text message asking me, how my day has been.

No mention of her not showing up for the date, no apology, and no phone call to tell me why she didn't show up.

Turns out the night before (Thursday) she went to a friend's house, and they began drinking. She got that badly drunk, that she didn't show up for work the following day & slept through the entirety of Friday & obviously slept through & didn't text me about meeting up for our date.

Obviously alot of drama ensued after this fuk up of hers, and I ghosted her, till she came begging on my doorstep for another chance.

Some months back I noticed a pattern in her behaviour that was suspicious to me.

We had a pattern of texting eachother breifly at night between let's say 8-12pm..

Anyway I get a text message off her telling me that she is going to her sisters house. She then went off the radar with very slow texting & then no texting at all.

I thought fuk it, and just went to sleep. Around 1.30pm in the morning I get a text from her... hey babe I fell asleep at my sister's house haha, just home now.

fair enough, she fell asleep.. I found it odd though, it's a week day. Her sister & family have likely a job to go to in the morning, why would they just let her fall asleep on the sofa for that long & not wake her up and tell her to go home.

(By the way my ex's family they are big time alcohol drinkers, like all the time)

My feeling was, that she didn't fall asleep, more likely got blind drunk again.

Another 2-3 weeks later, same cenario again, she goes to her family barbeque, I get a text off her late at night, that she fell asleep at her family's house putting the Kids to sleep.

Soo.. She tried this crap with me again around a month before I broke up with her.. She text me, said it's her brother in law's birthday & she is going over to his house with her mom.

I said cool, speak to you later enjoy yourself.

She goes off the radar again for the night, and doesn't text me till around 2am in the morning.

I get a text message.. Hey babe fuk sake I fell asleep at the my brother in law's.

I Message her back with this..

"You didn't fall asleep at all, your over there getting drunk"

So she panics after reading my text message, and immediately video calls me.. I take her call & guess what? She is super drunk, at home and in her bedroom.

She tries to pretend that she isn't drunk, but literally her words are slurry and I know when I am looking at a drunk person.

By the way I managed to find out, that she did in-fact go to her brother in law's that night.

But I found all this "I fell asleep & then ending up drunk behaviour highly suspicious or the least irresponsible level of drinking.

I don't have proof, but I am certain every other time she claimed that she fell asleep, she was likely getting drunk.

 

[Designer Man]

Approaching Month 5 NC

Things are getting easier & it's funny how with time and distance you see more clearly how toxic that situation was. When you're deep in that relationship you often become blind to the chaos all around you.

I have a question?

Would you consider this behaviour as irresponsible drinking or outright suspicious behaviour?

Month 3 of seeing my ex, she was supposed to text me after work on Friday at 5pm & let me know she is on her way to my house, as we had a date planned.

I noticed something was not quite right throughout the Friday as she didn't login to her WhatsApp for the entire day. Anyway come 5pm no text message.

Around 9pm, hours later from our date time, I get a text message asking me, how my day has been.

No mention of her not showing up for the date, no apology, and no phone call to tell me why she didn't show up.

Turns out the night before (Thursday) she went to a friend's house, and they began drinking. She got that badly drunk, that she didn't show up for work the following day & slept through the entirety of Friday & obviously slept through & didn't text me about meeting up for our date.

Obviously alot of drama ensued after this fuk up of hers, and I ghosted her, till she came begging on my doorstep for another chance.

Some months back I noticed a pattern in her behaviour that was suspicious to me.

We had a pattern of texting eachother breifly at night between let's say 8-12pm..

Anyway I get a text message off her telling me that she is going to her sisters house. She then went off the radar with very slow texting & then no texting at all.

I thought fuk it, and just went to sleep. Around 1.30pm in the morning I get a text from her... hey babe I fell asleep at my sister's house haha, just home now.

fair enough, she fell asleep.. I found it odd though, it's a week day. Her sister & family have likely a job to go to in the morning, why would they just let her fall asleep on the sofa for that long & not wake her up and tell her to go home.

(By the way my ex's family they are big time alcohol drinkers, like all the time)

My feeling was, that she didn't fall asleep, more likely got blind drunk again.

Another 2-3 weeks later, same cenario again, she goes to her family barbeque, I get a text off her late at night, that she fell asleep at her family's house putting the Kids to sleep.

Soo.. She tried this crap with me again around a month before I broke up with her.. She text me, said it's her brother in law's birthday & she is going over to his house with her mom.

I said cool, speak to you later enjoy yourself.

She goes off the radar again for the night, and doesn't text me till around 2am in the morning.

I get a text message.. Hey babe fuk sake I fell asleep at the my brother in law's.

I Message her back with this..

"You didn't fall asleep at all, your over there getting drunk"

So she panics after reading my text message, and immediately video calls me.. I take her call & guess what? She is super drunk, at home and in her bedroom.

She tries to pretend that she isn't drunk, but literally her words are slurry and I know when I am looking at a drunk person.

By the way I managed to find out, that she did in-fact go to her brother in law's that night.

But I found all this "I fell asleep & then ending up drunk behaviour highly suspicious or the least irresponsible level of drinking.

I don't have proof, but I am certain every other time she claimed that she fell asleep, she was likely getting drunk.

I find it odd when women feel they have to hide the fact they have had a drink, I had to deal with that a few times and it happened when I was out for the day, she had people round and had drinks and tried to deny the whole thing, there were wine glasses in the sink when I come home and the music channels had been left on. Why not just be open and tell me what was going on? It's like a dark secret and made even more worse when treated in this manner. I didn't care if she had a drink but then it came across that there was a problem when she did and her friends began to believe I had an issue with it because she done it that way.