The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Redwolf]

Changing the subject

it’s not the same vibe being single with 34 years old as it was the previous times when I was 28 and 25

i feel old
I don’t have the same energy to go out and pickup chicks

and I don’t know if it’s just me or it’s a Brazil kind of thing

but chicks nowadays are extremely annoying

they all feel like they are entitled little beaches
They are overly sexualized
There’s not one that I’ve met who is not either leftist, feminist, pro LGBTQIA’s, an all around hore or all of those things

and I actually feel that they are not giving a flying f to men in general

is it just me or here or is this actually a thing?

ps: I’m good looking so that’s not my issue

I feel the same way. I know an attractive woman who is a hard worker but outside of that has a terrible attitude towards men. Claims to be lesbian or bi but can't keep a relationship with anyone. There are a lot of messed up women these days. I believe a lot of the problem is social media. They are too caught up in what's going on in their phone they ignore reality.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day 13 of NC

8 months and 20 days since the breakup

it’s all the same
I fell extremely sad, and I’m feeling hopeless
Cried a lot

You all know… the basic stuff

What really upsets me is that’s been 8 flipping months and I not actually interested in dating other chicks
In a very sad and pathetic way, it kinda feel that I’m cheating on her

I completely lost the interest in dating
And I keep on hoping that I find someone to love
So I can go back into not being single

But one thing can’t happen without the other one

Anyway, I’m sad and lonely and not seeing much light at the end of the tunnel

 

[Foe]

I’m really ****ing sad/mad

she was wife material
it was all there

i started fvking less
She wanted it but I was too tired from work

I choose many nights with friends whereas I could have been with her instead

and then when she said she wanted to talk
I played the macho and said
Let’s just break up

what an incredible douche

She was devoted to me

a chick like that is going to be hard to find again

Dude your romanticizing the relationship. Its a normal part of breaking up, trust me Ive been through it many times. You tend to see everything through rose coloured glasses and miss all the good stuff while completely forgetting the reason why your here.

Take it from someone who did the opposite of what you did 4 times, that is staying in the relationship well past its due. It was a absolute sh!tshow. You should be proud of yourself that you were able to identify the end before the end and take the alpha frame to leave, this is awesome and something I WISH I had done so many times.

You choosing your friends over your relationship is a good thing, I didnt, I put mine before my friends and guess how that ended up. I know how it feels to think you will never get something like that again, my ex is still haunting me like a ghost but consider this, I once heard that every new relationship is better, girl is hotter in each new relationship you find.

Its been the case for me, and why should this time be different. 34 is young man, Im 43....Still in the game

 

[Lotus Effect]

Dude your romanticizing the relationship. Its a normal part of breaking up, trust me Ive been through it many times. You tend to see everything through rose coloured glasses and miss all the good stuff while completely forgetting the reason why your here.

Take it from someone who did the opposite of what you did 4 times, that is staying in the relationship well past its due. It was a absolute sh!tshow. You should be proud of yourself that you were able to identify the end before the end and take the alpha frame to leave, this is awesome and something I WISH I had done so many times.

You choosing your friends over your relationship is a good thing, I didnt, I put mine before my friends and guess how that ended up. I know how it feels to think you will never get something like that again, my ex is still haunting me like a ghost but consider this, I once heard that every new relationship is better, girl is hotter in each new relationship you find.

Its been the case for me, and why should this time be different. 34 is young man, Im 43....Still in the game

Thanks a lot man!

I’ve been yearning to read something like that!

I had a tough night today, and your words were well appreciated!

Cheers

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day whatever

still feeling xitty

anyway
Starting to feel a little bit better

still not in the mood for dating other girls

 

[Foe]

Day whatever

still feeling xitty

anyway
Starting to feel a little bit better

still not in the mood for dating other girls

Im day 50ish. I still pass her place on the way to the shops and see her car out the front. Im starting to not get the lightning bolt reaction to it as I did. Spinning plates with no intention for a relationship as well as not finding them as attractive as my ex. I still read through old emails/messages for assurance I did the right thing as 90% of the drama was documented in text it helps to some degree. I want to get to the point where I no longer care but its taking time.

Other then dating heaps Im working out and working more. One upside is that I no longer have the constant stress of trying to please her. Just me and my thoughts.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I had to cut off two girls from my life for good. One I have known for years, is quasi-engaged and it is never going to happen we will be united because countries are between us, and also the years we have not seen each other, she is also together with a man whose nationality is reprehensible and I cannot stomach that, even if they should broke up she is tainted.

The other girl I have known for months, she was very attracted to me and when she realized she developes love for me she suddenly makes distance and pretends she was never attracted to me to begin with, while clearly showing otherwise when were on dates. She was wasting my time with her hot/cold games and had to let go.

The former was easier to break off since it was sealed years ago it is not going to work out, the latter still stings and cannot fathom her stupidity and contradictory words and behavior.

A nationality is reprehensible? Really? C'mon man...that is beyond ridiculous. Not sure what this is called, probably not racism but it's a different form of the same thing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Day whatever

still feeling xitty

anyway
Starting to feel a little bit better

still not in the mood for dating other girls

You need to do it regardless of whether you are in the mood to or not. Your modd can be regulated by your actions. Most people rely on their actions to be regulated by their mood.

It works in reverse too. Most people don't realize that or use it to their advantage.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

I feel like a fool.

The past twelve months, I've been on and off with my girlfriend. She's going through a divorce. She broke up with again last night. When we got back together for the third time, we had a long conversation of where we were at relationship wise. She mentioned previously that she was only half invested, but this time, she would be "two feet in", and was wanting to prove to my family and friends that she was committed for the long term.

Even though I have strong feelings for her, for my own sanity and self-respect, I can't and won't go back again.

The thing is, which I regret TERRIBLY, the night when we got back together, was originally going to be a night of our final goodbyes in person. Here's the kicker, I went out on a date the night prior with an absolute stunningly beautiful woman that I met on Bumble. She was keen to meet, we knew mutual people. Took her out to a pub for a few drinks, then changed venues to a bar where I'm a regular at. Normally at my local bar, I believe in the philosophy of don't sh!t where you sleep, so don't attempt to approach women. There, in front of all the bar staff I knew, with my date, started kino, and ended up with a make out session. I told her a few days later that my Ex and I were going to give it another go. GOD I REGRET THAT! I showed her photo to a younger female friend of mine (ex of a friend), and she called her an Elf Queen. I wish I stayed with the Elf Queen, and it's too late now to try and reconnect with her, because it would look extremely flakely, and treating her like second best, when in hindsight, she should've been my number one option. Guys here might have suggested that I spin plates, but honestly, I'm not really comfortable doing that... I'm a one girl guy.

Thinking of taking a break from women for a few months, before I fire up the dating apps again.

 

[Baibars]

I feel like a fool.

The past twelve months, I've been on and off with my girlfriend. She's going through a divorce. She broke up with again last night. When we got back together for the third time, we had a long conversation of where we were at relationship wise. She mentioned previously that she was only half invested, but this time, she would be "two feet in", and was wanting to prove to my family and friends that she was committed for the long term.

Even though I have strong feelings for her, for my own sanity and self-respect, I can't and won't go back again.

The thing is, which I regret TERRIBLY, the night when we got back together, was originally going to be a night of our final goodbyes in person. Here's the kicker, I went out on a date the night prior with an absolute stunningly beautiful woman that I met on Bumble. She was keen to meet, we knew mutual people. Took her out to a pub for a few drinks, then changed venues to a bar where I'm a regular at. Normally at my local bar, I believe in the philosophy of don't sh!t where you sleep, so don't attempt to approach women. There, in front of all the bar staff I knew, with my date, started kino, and ended up with a make out session. I told her a few days later that my Ex and I were going to give it another go. GOD I REGRET THAT! I showed her photo to a younger female friend of mine (ex of a friend), and she called her an Elf Queen. I wish I stayed with the Elf Queen, and it's too late now to try and reconnect with her, because it would look extremely flakely, and treating her like second best, when in hindsight, she should've been my number one option. Guys here might have suggested that I spin plates, but honestly, I'm not really comfortable doing that... I'm a one girl guy.

Thinking of taking a break from women for a few months, before I fire up the dating apps again.

you feel like a fool because you are a fool. You should drop her immediately and delete everything about her from your life. Then start making better choices.

 

[Barrister]

I feel like a fool.

The past twelve months, I've been on and off with my girlfriend. She's going through a divorce. She broke up with again last night. When we got back together for the third time, we had a long conversation of where we were at relationship wise. She mentioned previously that she was only half invested, but this time, she would be "two feet in", and was wanting to prove to my family and friends that she was committed for the long term.

Even though I have strong feelings for her, for my own sanity and self-respect, I can't and won't go back again.

The thing is, which I regret TERRIBLY, the night when we got back together, was originally going to be a night of our final goodbyes in person. Here's the kicker, I went out on a date the night prior with an absolute stunningly beautiful woman that I met on Bumble. She was keen to meet, we knew mutual people. Took her out to a pub for a few drinks, then changed venues to a bar where I'm a regular at. Normally at my local bar, I believe in the philosophy of don't sh!t where you sleep, so don't attempt to approach women. There, in front of all the bar staff I knew, with my date, started kino, and ended up with a make out session. I told her a few days later that my Ex and I were going to give it another go. GOD I REGRET THAT! I showed her photo to a younger female friend of mine (ex of a friend), and she called her an Elf Queen. I wish I stayed with the Elf Queen, and it's too late now to try and reconnect with her, because it would look extremely flakely, and treating her like second best, when in hindsight, she should've been my number one option. Guys here might have suggested that I spin plates, but honestly, I'm not really comfortable doing that... I'm a one girl guy.

Thinking of taking a break from women for a few months, before I fire up the dating apps again.

1. Don't lament on missed chances with women - there are always more with better looking women than that one.

2. Your on again/off again ex needs to be shown the door for good. Period. Do you not see how a woman going through a divorce is always a HUGE red flag to get involved with? She still has feelings for the ex because things are so fresh. You are playing with fire right out of the gate. Stop doing this to yourself and start enjoying dating again.

3. Do yourself a favor and begin NO CONTACT today, right now. Stop responding to her attempts to string you along and act as her emotional tampon for dealing with her soon to be ex husband.

Good luck, brother.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

I feel like a fool.

The past twelve months, I've been on and off with my girlfriend. She's going through a divorce. She broke up with again last night. When we got back together for the third time, we had a long conversation of where we were at relationship wise. She mentioned previously that she was only half invested, but this time, she would be "two feet in", and was wanting to prove to my family and friends that she was committed for the long term.

Even though I have strong feelings for her, for my own sanity and self-respect, I can't and won't go back again.

The thing is, which I regret TERRIBLY, the night when we got back together, was originally going to be a night of our final goodbyes in person. Here's the kicker, I went out on a date the night prior with an absolute stunningly beautiful woman that I met on Bumble. She was keen to meet, we knew mutual people. Took her out to a pub for a few drinks, then changed venues to a bar where I'm a regular at. Normally at my local bar, I believe in the philosophy of don't sh!t where you sleep, so don't attempt to approach women. There, in front of all the bar staff I knew, with my date, started kino, and ended up with a make out session. I told her a few days later that my Ex and I were going to give it another go. GOD I REGRET THAT! I showed her photo to a younger female friend of mine (ex of a friend), and she called her an Elf Queen. I wish I stayed with the Elf Queen, and it's too late now to try and reconnect with her, because it would look extremely flakely, and treating her like second best, when in hindsight, she should've been my number one option. Guys here might have suggested that I spin plates, but honestly, I'm not really comfortable doing that... I'm a one girl guy.

Thinking of taking a break from women for a few months, before I fire up the dating apps again.

Why would get back with someone two times? What did you think was gonna be different the third time? Don't expect a different outcome if you ever get back with her again.

Also you really need to work on yourself. Forget about the Elf Queen as well. The fact that you're saying that you're a one girl man speaks volumes. With this mentality you'll jump from one bad relationship to another, and you'll never be able to screen out trashy women from the worthy ones.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

you feel like a fool because you are a fool. You should drop her immediately and delete everything about her from your life. Then start making better choices.

It's hard to shake the feeling of "oneitis".

 

[Bokanovsky]

No offense but I have no idea where guys on this forum are coming from who expect a woman is going to put a guy in front of their kids priority wise or make decisions based on him versus their kids needs.

IMHO, this would be a humongous red flag in terms of her not only being a garbage Mom, but also a garbage human being.

I have no earthly idea how guys complain about not finding quality women but then expect a woman to do the thing that would make her about the lowest quality woman they could be. It's in direct opposition to each other and it's makes absolutely no sense to me.

Clearly most guys here are not parents or don't have kids so they have no comprehension of how this actually works in real life. Only explanation I got, because if you have kids and you are expecting this, I feel bad for both you and your kids. And if you don't have kids and actually think like this...please don't have kids. There are enough deadbeat Dads as there are, no need to add another to the list.

I agree, any decent parent would make their kids their top priority. Which is precisely why you NEVER want to even try to have a serious relationship with a single mom.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would enter into a relationship with a single Mum. I guess though, that I thought now at my age, it would be more than inevitable.

 

[Grizzly]

I have an interesting question about this: what if your rational mind actually doesn't want to get back with her and you are getting along with her well as friends?
In that case if you completely cut her off, there is a better chance of her wanting to get back together and you loose a friend too.
But if you do exchange a few (strictly friendly) messages every couple of weeks / months - which sometimes you initiate, sometimes she, then she will probably have less inclination for her to want to get back with you - plus you also get to keep a friend.

This of course only makes sense if you really don't ever want to get back together with her, and if the opportunity presents itself you firmly decline it.
What do you think?

 

[Raggendecanton]

I have an interesting question about this: what if your rational mind actually doesn't want to get back with her and you are getting along with her well as friends?
In that case if you completely cut her off, there is a better chance of her wanting to get back together and you loose a friend too.
But if you do exchange a few (strictly friendly) messages every couple of weeks / months - which sometimes you initiate, sometimes she, then she will probably have less inclination for her to want to get back with you - plus you also get to keep a friend.

This of course only makes sense if you really don't ever want to get back together with her, and if the opportunity presents itself you firmly decline it.
What do you think?

I think there is two sides too that coin. If you truly know deep inside you dont want her back, and you are actually getting value out of this "friendship" (I cant really think about what kind of value you would get out of that relationship but okay), then sure why not? But are you not lying too yourself? Would you still have sex with her if she asks? And you answer yes, thats dangerous. If you guys just broke up, you cant really think clearly about what you want. You dont know if your brain is lying too yourself to "stay in contact" with her, because you are addicted too her. Thats why most people advocate no-contact, not too get her back, but to get your emotions back and get your grounding back. So you can think clearly again after a couple of months. Use that time too reflect, too learn, too invest in yourself.

So my advice would be, take a couple of months off. If you both value the friendship more then the romantic side, then that friendship would still be there after a couple of months of no-contact. In fact i have re-connected with some ex lovers purely as friends. But that was only after years of no contact and both of us moving on too better things.

 

[Grizzly]

I think there is two sides too that coin. If you truly know deep inside you dont want her back, and you are actually getting value out of this "friendship" (I cant really think about what kind of value you would get out of that relationship but okay), then sure why not? But are you not lying too yourself? Would you still have sex with her if she asks? And you answer yes, thats dangerous. If you guys just broke up, you cant really think clearly about what you want. You dont know if your brain is lying too yourself to "stay in contact" with her, because you are addicted too her. Thats why most people advocate no-contact, not too get her back, but to get your emotions back and get your grounding back. So you can think clearly again after a couple of months. Use that time too reflect, too learn, too invest in yourself.

So my advice would be, take a couple of months off. If you both value the friendship more then the romantic side, then that friendship would still be there after a couple of months of no-contact. In fact i have re-connected with some ex lovers purely as friends. But that was only after years of no contact and both of us moving on too better things.

I completely agree with you. I was definitely not thinking clearly and would have been lying to myself in the
first couple of month after the breakup if I told myself it was just continuing to be friends: I would have probably gotten back into the relationship if there was a chance.
Now about 6 months passed and I can honestly say even if she would propose to get back I wouldn't do it. Neither rationally nor emotionally does it make any sense and I started dating again.

Regarding the value in the friendship: it's just little things like that we had similar taste on movies and series so recommending stuff to each other or talk about ones we both saw. Or happenings with common friends / news / politics, or sending traveling tips or simply just funny videos. These chats are random and sometimes a couple of times a week and sometimes there is nothing for weeks.

So I think the big takeaway is that after the breakup, no contact for at least a few good months and especially if she was the initiator of the breakup.

 

[Raggendecanton]

I completely agree with you. I was definitely not thinking clearly and would have been lying to myself in the
first couple of month after the breakup if I told myself it was just continuing to be friends: I would have probably gotten back into the relationship if there was a chance.
Now about 6 months passed and I can honestly say even if she would propose to get back I wouldn't do it. Neither rationally nor emotionally does it make any sense and I started dating again.

Regarding the value in the friendship: it's just little things like that we had similar taste on movies and series so recommending stuff to each other or talk about ones we both saw. Or happenings with common friends / news / politics, or sending traveling tips or simply just funny videos. These chats are random and sometimes a couple of times a week and sometimes there is nothing for weeks.

So I think the big takeaway is that after the breakup, no contact for at least a few good months and especially if she was the initiator of the breakup.

Yes i think you sound reasonable. But always be aware of what your brain is telling you (Do you miss her etc.). Because even after a "a few good months" it can be a trap. Especially if she was the initiator of the breakup (Which u say she is).

You do say you have common friends and if you are going too run into her from time too time, then yes just stay cordial and friendly, no talks about your time together or anything semantic. And tbh, you are saying it is the little things of the friendship. Those little things (and probably more) you are able too find in a new girl, who can be hotter, better in communication, better matching interest, and higher "value" etc. So why not go for finding a new women instead of trying too go with the old one? Its just a matter of time until you will find someone "hotter" and better then her, if you put yourself out there and keep improving yourself. She sounds like a placeholder too me untill you find someone better. Just my two cents though!

 

[GreenlandShark]

Hello Everyone,

I need your opinion on this No Contact that I have been observing since Dec 2021.

Here is the brief background about us - We (both 29 now) live in the same area and went to same under graduate school. Although we never dated during the school, we dated for a brief period ( 4 months during in 2017, 2-3 years after graduation) and then I was the friendzoned (also hard core blue pill) who tried to win her affection/love from 2018 - 2021 (with many ups and downs with many brief no contacts in between). In short, a classic oneitus case.

I am now quite red pilled aware for last 2 years and have improved in physical, career and money (career, money wise I would rank in top 5% of my country but she is also in the same bracket career wise) . I also realized that during this extended current No Contact period ( that is still going on since end of 2021), I became emotionally stable and gained some mental peace (She was indeed an emotional roller ride and I must admit, I had literally no frame to deal with her ****ty behaviour). Now with the frame and everything (red pill knowledge), I am confident that I could no longer be manipulated. During the last meet in end of 2021, I had confessed my feelings (in retrospect, a beta move) and she categorically rejected saying she does feel this way for any person and thus our current no contact period began.

Since we live in the same area, I had bumped into her in mid 2022 when I chit chatted (did not ask her our or show any interest)for a brief period (around 30 secs) and then went my way. Fast forward to few minutes back, I again bumped into her, however, this time, I did not stop by (so we both were facing the direction, I was walking and she was standing and chit chatting with some female friend but she must have seen me once I passed through by her)

My question to you, should I have stopped by and said hello to her? Honestly, last 14-15 months of no contact were really good for me but 'she is the girl that got away' type! (things never went beyond kissing). Should I reinitiate the contact (not overtly but if I bump into her again, should I ask her out) or completely ignore? I understand my ego is involved here and banging her may bring that final revenge

PS - I am not involved in any relationship currently. I had seen someone dropping her to her home in mid 2022 (the 30 secs meet that I described earlier) so she could be dating/relationship (but she has always said she does not want to get married and blah blah) Please feel free to ask any additional information that you may need to give suggestions.

Thanks a lot
GreenLand Shark