I didn't but thought about because I don't know if there's mail for real...Did you respond??
I let her sister send me my mail and transfered the porto when something arrived there the last months.
Hello Friend,
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It will be the most efficient use of your time.
And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.
Thank you for visiting and have a great day!
I didn't but thought about because I don't know if there's mail for real...Did you respond??
Swing by and grab it. If you want to re-connect, it is a good opportunity.I didn't but thought about because I don't know if there's mail for real...
I let her sister send me my mail and transfered the porto when something arrived there the last months.
That's what I would do if I wanted her back. But this woman tried to make a prison out of my life.Swing by and grab it. If you want to re-connect, it is a good opportunity.
If you don't want to re-connect, look your absolute best, smell good, and have a happy upbeat attitude. Keep it as brief as possible. It is your chance to show her you are killing life, and have moved on.
Just my thoughts
I imagine he dumped you from your posting.24 days and 13 days before that. I see a pattern....I'll make it another 48 or so before I post here again.
To compare with him,
he's gone 62 days straight.
According to my data calendar, I tried nine different days with the last one an erased email I still sent. Awkward/foolish but maybe strongish of me.
I definitely have to assume he impregnated someone so I don't contact a growing couple and not just him.
If females move that fast(monkeybranching) why not just assume he did too. Good for him, he'll be content.
Weather: It has just a slight chill still in the air tonight but I notice the jackrabbits have more brown than white fur on them.
Sports: Heard on ex's favourite radio station, that a baseball game's going to be played in Asia with cardboard and robotic spectators in the stands. wow.
Welcome to Sosuave.Joining today as first day after being dumped.
9 month LDR where we would travel to see each/other every 2/3 weeks.
It started with me being appreciative but outcome indifferent, but she showed HI for the first 3//4 months telling me she was falling for me at the end of 4th month.
When I reciprocated in the disclosement of feelings (which I did it in moderation i think) she would pull back, but still her affection, attitude and sex remained very good first 6 months.
After that I started noticing more disinterest, coldness and less happy (hot/cold). When I would ask what was happening shed say all was fine, that she would let me know if something not ok, that I should trust that she loved me.
We travelled to a couple of foreign places and while it was mostly good, our connection had moments of coldness were it felt we are not such a good match. On our last trip she seemed more tense and at times annoyed, I asked about this, she responded she was not feeling well(health). Other than that every time we had meet in person our connection has been quite good, good sex, just not high real chemistry.
After that trip we both were ill, and then coronavirus and lockdown happened. Making it impossible to make any near future plans. During last month she was quite cold, no affection, no initiating sex and awkward/arrogant attitude when we would talk via cam. Last conversation I acknowledged the vibe and that it felt like she wasn't happy to talk, she said again nothing just not feeling healthy. I stopped talking to her other than to ask if she was feeling better. Once she told she was better I stopped contact and only replying back shortly.
2 days later she asked if we could talk and said this wasn't working for both of us as no way of seeing each other plus none of us would relocate. Although I knew something was quite wrong, I was shocked to hear she wanted to end (although I had been mentally preparing for this scenario), thought she would first try to work things out not just present me her final decision politely. She said there was nothing wrong with the relationship we had, that all was good but perhaps not good enough to continue given the circumstances.Offered for us to be friends which I rejected and ended convo.
Im trying to let go of the anger and see my part of ****ing up, which seems to be I gradually attached my happiness to her, and I stopped being cool for her. Perhaps the anger is needed now to get me back on my feet in times of quarantine? I guess Id prefer to be in a place of real acceptance and optimism but far from it at the moment, just feeling broken, reading a lot, resting and exercising.
Inspiring to read others at this thread, which I never though I would be joining any time soon, yet sounds like my story follows patterns expressed here many times. I want to become better not more bitter. Days before breakup I was listening to Corey Wayne as he has many video s on what to do if she is growing distant, I did try to give space, mirror back her disinterest (although I still contacted as her health had been quite bad)
Day 1.
Thank you Lynx.Welcome to Sosuave.
You noticed much earlier than the breakup that you weren't a good match.
Good job at declining LJBF too.
Good attitude of wanting to become better, not bitter.
Awww, thanks for replying Mauser96.My response in bold
Feeling the loss acutely today. it comes and goes, some days will better than others. eventually all days will be good. Have faith.
Is it because I made it through the month of April not contacting him? Get busy. It is tougher right now due to Covid, but as soon as the rules loosen, get as social as you can.
Is it because I'm actually considering colouring my hair to hide gray and that was against his wishes and advice? Who cares about his wishes? They no longer matter. Do what is best for you.
I'm struggling to keep faith that he loved me. That is normal. Time heals all wounds, trust me.
I have decided to build new social circles instead of only cold approach with intent to date.
1 is a church/new religion to me
2 is a parttime job at the hunting and fishing stote Good choice.
You are welcome.Awww, thanks for replying Mauser96.
Building social circles makes more logical sense to me. Cold approaching men is something prostitutes do ffs.
I am friendly and more aware by practicing ioi's but cold approaching is preeeeetttty bold for a woman to do.
When I used to make accounts on OLD(no longer do that after what I learned here), it was easy to mass message men and get them replying back and forth and agreeing to meet in person but then the plausible deniability? of the cold approach via OLD was the method of the approach. The media is the message or something like that. It was easy and cowardly. When I didn't respond to any sexual advance or talk in person its because I actually couldn't. I wasn't playing or fronting, I unfortunately felt no spark or chemistry. You can't lie about that.
I anticipate building social circles will take years, not months.
I'm embarassed I don't have more friends or why I never formulated any plans/ideas to go get some. OLD made me lazy asf. Deleted SM now too.
Eventually, I'll just be a lurker here too.
Thanks again Mauser96
Yes, there's one in this city and the organiser is stepping down.
Put away your credit card.
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Nah. I disagree. The ending was on the cards anyway. Maybe you could have delayed it by just letting her reach out instead and disappearing. See my post on ‘came across this gem”. But eventually it would have ended, especially now during these lockdown and quarantines and on top you had a LDR. Nothing you could have done. It’s going to be bad for the next few months, that’s the truth. Probably harder to get dumped now since you can’t really go out and meet people because of this COVID lie.Thank you Lynx.
I have been able to identify what happened. After last meeting in person I overpursued.
Due to not feeling well and lockdown I lost my center and confidence. She had been telling me to slow down and rest, she was referring to my health but now I see she was referring also to my attitude in our communication.
God damned.
What a silly mistake.
You live and hopefully you learn.
Thanks for your thoughts.Nah. I disagree. The ending was on the cards anyway. Maybe you could have delayed it by just letting her reach out instead and disappearing. See my post on ‘came across this gem”. But eventually it would have ended, especially now during these lockdown and quarantines and on top you had a LDR. Nothing you could have done. It’s going to be bad for the next few months, that’s the truth. Probably harder to get dumped now since you can’t really go out and meet people because of this COVID lie.
Best thing to do is to do something to take your mind off things. You’ll be ok after a few months , trust me.
People say LDR never work out in the end, because of a reason. They usually don't and there's not much you can do about it because prolonged physical distance is an attraction killer. Usually what happens after a couple of months when the immediate infatuation wears off, is that one of the parties "wakes up" into reality and the famous doubt starts to creep in. It's like stepping out of the fantasy world into the real world. When apart the mind creates fantasy versions of the other and the potential future life together, pedestalization takes place. Combine that with the fact that the mystery between you disappeared when you reciprocated your feelings for her, that's usually when she starts to show mixed feelings. I know it sounds horrible but ambiguity is scientifically proven to be more attractive than certainty and familiarity.Thanks for your thoughts.
Do you say the ending was already on the cards because I prob messed up before or because chemistry was just not high enough?
Im thinking prob both, when I noticed chemistry not that great I could have pulled back a bit instead I grew more attached. However I did suggest at some point perhaps what we had was a special friendship more than a relationship and she said she loved me, why would i say that?
Not that this matter too much, although it hurts. Ive read your post "came across this gem" and wish I could have acted on the signs to walk away earlier, not easy when she denied ever being any issue and that all was good between us.
Well, LDRs are tough, unless you have the time and the money to be constantly seeing each other. For me I can make it work because I don’t have to work and I have the means to visit or pay for her to visit me. I don’t stay in one country for more than a few weeks at a time. For normal people the odds are against you since you probably have a job and so does she. That’s not saying I haven’t seen it work. One of my friends had a LDR and he eventually got and is still married.Thanks for your thoughts.
Do you say the ending was already on the cards because I prob messed up before or because chemistry was just not high enough?
Im thinking prob both, when I noticed chemistry not that great I could have pulled back a bit instead I grew more attached. However I did suggest at some point perhaps what we had was a special friendship more than a relationship and she said she loved me, why would i say that?
Not that this matter too much, although it hurts. Ive read your post "came across this gem" and wish I could have acted on the signs to walk away earlier, not easy when she denied ever being any issue and that all was good between us.
/QUOTE]
Thanks Bcude, I appreciate your perspective which broadens the one I had, makes it easier to make sense.People say LDR never work out in the end, because of a reason. They usually don't and there's not much you can do about it because prolonged physical distance is an attraction killer. Usually what happens after a couple of months when the immediate infatuation wears off, is that one of the parties "wakes up" into reality and the famous doubt starts to creep in. It's like stepping out of the fantasy world into the real world. When apart the mind creates fantasy versions of the other and the potential future life together, pedestalization takes place. Combine that with the fact that the mystery between you disappeared when you reciprocated your feelings for her, that's usually when she starts to show mixed feelings. I know it sounds horrible but ambiguity is scientifically proven to be more attractive than certainty and familiarity.
When you meet, the meetings need to be great and there needs to be a plan about the future to end the distance since women always want progress. If you felt no real chemistry then she most probably felt it too, especially once the honeymoon phase ended which increased her doubt about the whole situation.
What kind of health issues did she complain about? Could've been just an excuse from her side?
I've been in your shoes myself and i can tell you, when her feelings are gone and she starts to show arrogance it means her respect for you is almost gone. Then no matter what you do or say it will already be too late because your mere presence is annoying to her. Withdrawing is your only option. Not even relocating will be enough as i've learned the hard way (didn't do, but suggested).
When someone we care about withdraws, it's perfectly normal to want to fix it and pursue, but unfortunately that only makes everything worse. Don't blame yourself because of what happend at the end, try to learn the lessons and be better prepared for the future.
This lockdown certainly makes people think about their point in life and that could have been the last straw that made her breakup but it was already over before that. A woman who really wants you climbs mountains for you.