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The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

Lotus Effect

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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Location
São Paulo, Brazil
Hey guys

I’m back

after five years

tldr

dated for five years
She broke up with me 01/24, last Monday
I still wanna be your friend lotus. I said no
She messaged me the next day 01/25
I said let’s talk
We spoke in person 01/27
I’ve said let’s try again.
She said no. I cried.
She said I have to change. But not together
I said either you see me change together or you won’t see me at all. She said she wanted to part ways
I said I will not contact you ever again

And now here I am. Day 02
Some damage done. But what’s done is done

she is not the first
She is not the second
I thought she was the one. Guess I was wrong

NC all the way guys!

cheers
 

sickwithu

Don Juan
Joined
Aug 23, 2013
Messages
18
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6
Hey guys

I’m back

after five years

tldr

dated for five years
She broke up with me 01/24, last Monday
I still wanna be your friend lotus. I said no
She messaged me the next day 01/25
I said let’s talk
We spoke in person 01/27
I’ve said let’s try again.
She said no. I cried.
She said I have to change. But not together
I said either you see me change together or you won’t see me at all. She said she wanted to part ways
I said I will not contact you ever again

And now here I am. Day 02
Some damage done. But what’s done is done

she is not the first
She is not the second
I thought she was the one. Guess I was wrong

NC all the way guys!

cheers
Support bro, be strong.
 

Lotus Effect

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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Location
São Paulo, Brazil
Support bro, be strong.
tks mate!

Quick status update:

she just messaged me this morning

saying Gooood Mooorniiiing!



I hate this kind of thing

she dumps.
she says she don’t want to try again
Go out on the weekend
And then Wake feeling sad on a Sunday morning and message me saying good morning as if nothing happened

to hell
 

Lotus Effect

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Oct 1, 2013
Messages
495
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Location
São Paulo, Brazil
Hey guys

status update.

I’ve spoken to several friends of mine, some of them have great experience DJing, some have great experience breaking up, and two girls.

bottomline

I’ve decided to reply her good morning, 12 hours after receiving the message, following the advice from these guys, plus the directive given in the NC challenge itself

If you are seeking reconciliation, then it depends on what the ex says when they contact you.
If they are calling for a ‘catch up’, politely tell your ex that you were serious about NC and that they must respect your decision. This call may come after a few days, a few weeks or a few months. Don’t get into any discussions about yourself and what you’re up to – keep it short, and make it clear to your ex that NC isn’t just a whim….you are serious about it. Remind them, if it comes up, that friendship is not an option.

Make it clear that you are respecting their decision to end the relationship, and now they have to respect your decision to end contact.
If you are seeking reconciliation, you also have every right to question your ex about their intentions if they contact you. Do so at the beginning of the interaction – there’s no point having a great conversation with the ex and getting your hopes up only to find out at the end of the call that nothing has changed. Save yourself the trouble and find out at the start - if their motivation for calling you is anything short of what you are after, terminate the conversation politely…but quickly.
So I’ve politely replied to her:

“hey, how are you
Your message caught me off guard, wasn’t expecting it.

I wanted to understand why you’ve messaged me.
if you messaged me bc you thought about what I’ve said last Tuesday then I’m more than open to talk

or

if you messaged me just because you wanted to chit chat?

if is the second option then I’m sorry. I understand that you might be missing me somehow, but since I’ve respected your decision to end things you must respect my decision to not talk to you. Talking to you will only hurt me, specially if I know we are not getting back together.

now if it’s the first option let’s talk. I know we can work things out

you don’t need to reply now
See ya”

In about 30 minutes she replied.
With this:

:(

sooo
Here we are again

back in day 1

I really think it was a rude and immature reply, considering everything. So I decide following what I’ve said 30 minutes earlier, and not reply.

but even being an immature response, I’ve got what she meant.

for me it was good drawing a line, even though I’ve said to her personally when she broke up with me last Monday that I have no interest in messaging or being friends. And saying it again makes me look weak.

At least I know that now she understood that I won’t reply to her anymore.

I just have one question for you guys:
Should I message her two brothers and her mother thanking them for the last 5 years?

I had a great relationship with them and I think it’s not the manly thing to just vanish, considering that they treated me as family

cheers
 
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jamesfromhouston

Don Juan
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Houston
Hey gents!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Like I said, I'll be doing these updates for 12 months, hopefully some of you bros will get something out of my journey.
(I've been updating every 30 days this year, so if you're interested in my journey, click into my profile and you can read how I started and how it went).

NC 360 (12 months) My Last Entry Here

Can't believe we are finally here! I've been documenting my NC journey for the past 12 months. My ex broke up with me on January 21st, 2021. At the time I literally felt like the colours of my life have disappeared. I remember how low I felt. At times I could not breathe. I was so down and beaten. It was truly one of the worst pains I've ever experienced in life. I felt like I discovered what the definition of melancholy was at the time.

12 months later, I can strongly say I no longer feel this way. The deep pain and sense of suffocation has gone. Because the break up led me to discover SS and the RP truths of women. It made me realize how irrational I was. How weak I was. How I have lost my own sense of happiness, excitement for life and passion and given it entirely/had it entirely dependent on a woman. The pain spurred me to a path of self-improvement and since, I have reclaimed back my life and independence. In many ways, the pain turned me into a better man.

Since the break up, I've had a lot of adventures. I've met many hot women. I've had a lot of s3x. I lost weight. I rebuilt myself. I bought myself a sports car. I became confident. Literally I became a different person. My journey has been very memorable.

Through the months, the pain eventually started to dissipate. It does go away. Funnily, in many ways the momentum of my self-improvement has also declined with the lack of pain, pain is a great fuel to push you. It is a blessing in disguise in that way. So working on myself for the sake of myself rather than pain is something I aim to do this year.

The ex never contacted/breadcrumbed me at all in the 12 months. The idea that they will come back is not always true. After having discovered SS and the RP truths; I've realised she had a lot of red flags. She was a very self-centered, attention seeking girl who had a lot of issues and because of that there is just no way she will ever come back. I have just been misled by myself to see the relationship for something that it wasn't. I was living in the clouds and became a weak man. And if the breakup were never to happen and in some hypothetical world we were still together, I'd become a lesser and lesser man. She was totally diminishing me. The universe works in mysteriously ways, it was a blessing that it ended. It wasn't clear to me at the time but very very clear to me now. The girl was a good f'ck, but that WAS it. Not GF material for sure.

I no longer miss her but I'll admit, I do miss some of our moments together. Its more so about my own experience than the girl. Perhaps because of how I felt back then, when I was still a BP beta guy who believed in romance and lived in the relationship through rosy lenses. As much as it isn't realistic and good for me; there was a naivety that made those moments special. I no longer feel this way for the many girls I've met. I've become very rational and invested less in encounters. So in many ways, I've not gone deep into many of the encounters I've had so far; but I guess I just have not met the one that is worth it now that I have my options.

Overall, I've become a much more happier person. I am no longer hurting. I have had a lot of amazing adventures spurred by the break up and NC.

I hope my brothers who are now embarking on this journey can take something away from mine.

If anyone needs some tips/advice from me, just PM me. I'll get back to you.

-James
 
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spred

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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150
Age
45
I am starting today NC.
Background: met online, lived in different cities at the time, chatted for a year, she initiated.
After one year she asked me out, went ok. Kept contact (still different cities). 2nd date this X-mas, 3rd and 4th January.
Kept chatting and calling each other, she was interested. Made some mistakes lately, she started to pull away. Flaked last 2 dates, I left it at Call me when you t are available. Silence on texting.
Met today for errand, she is cold.

NC for reattraction.
Set up today day 1 date with another, intend to go dancing class and work out.
I keep you updated.
 

dude99

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
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3,107
Age
50
I am starting today NC.
Background: met online, lived in different cities at the time, chatted for a year, she initiated.
After one year she asked me out, went ok. Kept contact (still different cities). 2nd date this X-mas, 3rd and 4th January.
Kept chatting and calling each other, she was interested. Made some mistakes lately, she started to pull away. Flaked last 2 dates, I left it at Call me when you t are available. Silence on texting.
Met today for errand, she is cold.

NC for reattraction.
Set up today day 1 date with another, intend to go dancing class and work out.
I keep you updated.
Keep your head high.
I am starting today NC.
Background: met online, lived in different cities at the time, chatted for a year, she initiated.
After one year she asked me out, went ok. Kept contact (still different cities). 2nd date this X-mas, 3rd and 4th January.
Kept chatting and calling each other, she was interested. Made some mistakes lately, she started to pull away. Flaked last 2 dates, I left it at Call me when you t are available. Silence on texting.
Met today for errand, she is cold.

NC for reattraction.
Set up today day 1 date with another, intend to go dancing class and work out.
I keep you updated.
Use the NC to heal. It sounds like she has already moved on to someone else. Going cold for no reason tells you everything you need to know about her true nature.
 

Atom Smasher

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
8,706
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6,504
Age
65
Location
The 7th Dimension
Hey guys

status update.

I’ve spoken to several friends of mine, some of them have great experience DJing, some have great experience breaking up, and two girls.

bottomline

I’ve decided to reply her good morning, 12 hours after receiving the message, following the advice from these guys, plus the directive given in the NC challenge itself



So I’ve politely replied to her:

“hey, how are you
Your message caught me off guard, wasn’t expecting it.

I wanted to understand why you’ve messaged me.
if you messaged me bc you thought about what I’ve said last Tuesday then I’m more than open to talk

or

if you messaged me just because you wanted to chit chat?

if is the second option then I’m sorry. I understand that you might be missing me somehow, but since I’ve respected your decision to end things you must respect my decision to not talk to you. Talking to you will only hurt me, specially if I know we are not getting back together.

now if it’s the first option let’s talk. I know we can work things out

you don’t need to reply now
See ya”

In about 30 minutes she replied.
With this:

:(

sooo
Here we are again

back in day 1

I really think it was a rude and immature reply, considering everything. So I decide following what I’ve said 30 minutes earlier, and not reply.

but even being an immature response, I’ve got what she meant.

for me it was good drawing a line, even though I’ve said to her personally when she broke up with me last Monday that I have no interest in messaging or being friends. And saying it again makes me look weak.

At least I know that now she understood that I won’t reply to her anymore.

I just have one question for you guys:
Should I message her two brothers and her mother thanking them for the last 5 years?

I had a great relationship with them and I think it’s not the manly thing to just vanish, considering that they treated me as family

cheers
Hey Lotus, your reply to her was way too much and too deep. You should be playing it cool and showing indifference.

The reply made you seem to eager to find resolution in order to ease your pain. I get it, I used to do that. I just couldn’t resist back then.

A simple “Good morning” would have started filling her with mystery and uncertainty. It would be better to minimize conversation and let things unfold at a natural pace.
 

spred

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
202
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150
Age
45
Day 2/60
Things are well, started to forget.
Interesting how the mind ****s with you, start the day with no negative stuff, then she comes back into mind one time, two times, then constantly. After a few hours on my mind, the illusion of actions becomes obvious, the little devil on the shoulder wants me to check out messages, her social media,....
Is almost funny :)
 

dude99

Master Don Juan
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Day 2/60
little devil on the shoulder wants me to check out messages, her social media,....
Is almost funny :)
This is why there is the need to block her on all social media. The temptation to look only prolongs your healing.
 

Barrister

Master Don Juan
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This is why there is the need to block her on all social media. The temptation to look only prolongs your healing.
Most women go out of their way to make their life look extra wild and crazy following a breakup. Usually with some bullsh1t tags like "#livingmybestlife" or some other equivalent nonsense. It is all a smokescreen and not remotely accurate. Also many times intentionally including some random guy in a picture with them to elicit a response from us as the ex. It is all so predictable. In sum - you are absolutely correct that there is no reason to look and may as well just block them.
 

spred

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
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Age
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Most women go out of their way to make their life look extra wild and crazy following a breakup. Usually with some bullsh1t tags like "#livingmybestlife" or some other equivalent nonsense. It is all a smokescreen and not remotely accurate. Also many times intentionally including some random guy in a picture with them to elicit a response from us as the ex. It is all so predictable. In sum - you are absolutely correct that there is no reason to look and may as well just block them.
In my case it's the opposite, she pulled away and is silence across social media and messages. I am doing NC to reattract, we didn't break up.

This is why there is the need to block her on all social media. The temptation to look only prolongs your healing.
I broke NC to text her some important info (we dont have any common friends or aquaintances ), it was a covid test result. She took her time to respond, but the response was warm and caring (in contrast to her behaviour from yesterday when we met). She is clearly playing games.
So I am back to day 0 tomorrow.
 

dude99

Master Don Juan
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Most women go out of their way to make their life look extra wild and crazy following a breakup. Usually with some bullsh1t tags like "#livingmybestlife" or some other equivalent nonsense. It is all a smokescreen and not remotely accurate. Also many times intentionally including some random guy in a picture with them to elicit a response from us as the ex. It is all so predictable. In sum - you are absolutely correct that there is no reason to look and may as well just block them.
Truth. Whether or not they are "#livingthebestlife" or "#livingthebestLIE" Their ententions are to hurt you. Why give them the chance to?
 

dude99

Master Don Juan
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In my case it's the opposite, she pulled away and is silence across social media and messages. I am doing NC to reattract, we didn't break up.


I broke NC to text her some important info (we dont have any common friends or aquaintances ), it was a covid test result. She took her time to respond, but the response was warm and caring (in contrast to her behaviour from yesterday when we met). She is clearly playing games.
So I am back to day 0 tomorrow.
Indeed she is. Don't let her.

Did she really need to know the results of your covid test? It is no longer her business what goes on in your life.

If she was worried about getting covid from you or anyone for that matter she can get tested herself. You owe her nothing moving forward
 

viking22

Don Juan
Joined
May 14, 2007
Messages
154
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Hey guys
Has anyone had any success with NC after a STR? I was with this girl for 4 months or so.

Things went OK the first 3 months. She wasn't super into me but we were spending a lot of time together, she was texting me a lot and we were having regular sex. Then I made the mistake of bringing up relationship labels and she started pulling away and acting cold and distant. I got confused and upset and this made things worse and the final month she was tired and moody and bitchy most of the time and eventually she gave me the "i feel something is missing" "i dont feel we have a strong enough connection" "I dont think we are compatible in the long term" excuses and broke up.

As soon as she broke up she stopped texting me. I slipped a few times texting her to say I missed her etc and she replied in a polite but dismissive manner. I tried again a few months later with an ice breaker and she replied saying it was a bit odd to hear from me as I didn't text her on her birthday and it is not very consistent and then when I tried to continue the conversation ended it abruptly saying "Take care of yourself". And 2 months later nothing from her since.

Occasionally I check her social media and she is clearly dating other guys and she's updated her dating profile on the dating app we met on.
So seems like she has moved on. But we shared a lot of memories in the time we were together spending Christmas together and New Years and spending a lot of time together going places and doing things and it kinda hurts she doesn't want to at least be friends or catch up or at least have some curiosity why I haven't been contacting her since.
 

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dude99

Master Don Juan
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Hey guys
Has anyone had any success with NC after a STR? I was with this girl for 4 months or so.

Things went OK the first 3 months. She wasn't super into me but we were spending a lot of time together, she was texting me a lot and we were having regular sex. Then I made the mistake of bringing up relationship labels and she started pulling away and acting cold and distant. I got confused and upset and this made things worse and the final month she was tired and moody and bitchy most of the time and eventually she gave me the "i feel something is missing" "i dont feel we have a strong enough connection" "I dont think we are compatible in the long term" excuses and broke up.

As soon as she broke up she stopped texting me. I slipped a few times texting her to say I missed her etc and she replied in a polite but dismissive manner. I tried again a few months later with an ice breaker and she replied saying it was a bit odd to hear from me as I didn't text her on her birthday and it is not very consistent and then when I tried to continue the conversation ended it abruptly saying "Take care of yourself". And 2 months later nothing from her since.

Occasionally I check her social media and she is clearly dating other guys and she's updated her dating profile on the dating app we met on.
So seems like she has moved on. But we shared a lot of memories in the time we were together spending Christmas together and New Years and spending a lot of time together going places and doing things and it kinda hurts she doesn't want to at least be friends or catch up or at least have some curiosity why I haven't been contacting her since.

Time to put a fork in it. This one is done. You need to block and unfollow and delete her contacts and go date other women.

Never put or ask to put a label on things when you are facking a chick. That is her job. You just focus on facking her. Besides It was only 3 months. You don"t even know if you even like a girl at 3 -6 months yet. She should still be proving herself to you.

I remember one time a chick asking me after we were dating for a month and a half "what are we? Are we a couple or what?" My reply to her was "it's only been a month and a half. I am still getting to know you. I don't know the real you yet." And on the surface she was angry and was trying to get me to commit to her right there. I held my ground and held my frame and told her if she was in a hurry for something that i wasn't ready for then i would show her the door. She spent the next year being as sweet as pie. Some times you just have to stand your ground.

When she said "i feel something is missing" "i dont feel we have a strong enough connection" "I dont think we are compatible in the long term," you should have answered with "whew i am glad it's not just me. I didn't want to rush this decision but i agree there is nothing here. Since you feel the same, You take care and good luck."

Then flushed her number deleted her contacts then blocked her on all social media and immediately started going out with new women.
 
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DontThinkTwice

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 27, 2020
Messages
28
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28
Hey guys
Has anyone had any success with NC after a STR? I was with this girl for 4 months or so.

Things went OK the first 3 months. She wasn't super into me but we were spending a lot of time together, she was texting me a lot and we were having regular sex. Then I made the mistake of bringing up relationship labels and she started pulling away and acting cold and distant. I got confused and upset and this made things worse and the final month she was tired and moody and bitchy most of the time and eventually she gave me the "i feel something is missing" "i dont feel we have a strong enough connection" "I dont think we are compatible in the long term" excuses and broke up.

As soon as she broke up she stopped texting me. I slipped a few times texting her to say I missed her etc and she replied in a polite but dismissive manner. I tried again a few months later with an ice breaker and she replied saying it was a bit odd to hear from me as I didn't text her on her birthday and it is not very consistent and then when I tried to continue the conversation ended it abruptly saying "Take care of yourself". And 2 months later nothing from her since.

Occasionally I check her social media and she is clearly dating other guys and she's updated her dating profile on the dating app we met on.
So seems like she has moved on. But we shared a lot of memories in the time we were together spending Christmas together and New Years and spending a lot of time together going places and doing things and it kinda hurts she doesn't want to at least be friends or catch up or at least have some curiosity why I haven't been contacting her since.

"Iron Rule of Tomassi #6: Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way he expects to be loved."

You are upset she is able to disconnect from you so easily. Women love opportunistically. You need to be the badass. You need to seem better than her and you putting a label on the relationship means you need her more than she needs you. "We don't have a connection... feel like something is missing... just doesn't feel right... doesn't have that spark..." whatever... all of it is emotional ******** for I think I can do better, and your follow-ups post relationship validated that.

I know you feel like dog****. I have been where you are and realizing this chick means very little is easier said than done. What you need to realize is that a woman will never make you happy. And even if you two were to get back together and get married, a couple years from now, you'd realize she still doesn't make you happy. Focus on your purpose and women will want to be a part of your life. Focus on the gym, making money, your passions, learning game, talking to women (purposely plural). These are the things that will bring male fulfillment.

Some books that helped me, The Way of the Superior Man, No More Mr. Nice Guy, The Rational Male.
 

Questies

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Day 1 for me, after a bizarre experience. Was seeing a pretty slvtty woman for about 7 months, the first 8 of which were very casual, we'd meet maybe every 3 weeks or so, hook up, chat a bit in between not every day though..basically fwb. She had various others, no problem. About 4 months in she started showing signs of having some feelings, and we started meeting more often and chatting a lot more, then about the 5 to 6 month point she asked about having a relationship, something never mentioned before. Suddenly she changed and became much more friendly, and happy, and at month 6 I said ok let's give it ago! This is where it all went insane for the following and final 4 weeks. It culminated with me making a joke about her cheating on me, and instead of laughing she looked frozen for a second and I knew it had happened. But she refused for 2 hours to admit it, making all sorts of excuses for the hesitation, and I gave up. At the end of the night she said it was because she had slept with her neighbour just before we got together and felt guilty. Fair enough, but I was annoyed she hadn't said so earlier. Anyway, the next day I woke to a message admitting it wasn't then, it was the night before! No Apology, just loads of excuses about how she had been depressed and just had to get out of the house as she was having an emotional meltdown and wanted to self harm, and it was the only place she could go to be safe and it just happened. She was right, there was an hour gap in the messages that night and she admitted leaving the house straight after messaging me, then messaging again for a while straight on returning. I was pretty taken aback and as we talked she admitted that she'd realised she was going to do it, to feel better, and messaged before and after "to cover myself so you wouldn't guess...because I didn't want you to be hurt" Thanks! She also said she thinks she might have bpd, was high on drugs at work a lot of the time, and acted crazy and a bit violent. "I need lies and secrets in my life to feel in control, but I don't want to be like that so it won't ever happen again". Of course, I couldn't accept that or spend my life wondering, and so it was over. What was interesting was the total lack of remorse, just sorry it had caused an argument. She went from 'it just happened' to 'i deliberately covered it up and did it because I wanted to but I feel guilty now so won't do it again". She said "What I want ideally is to be free to do what I want, and you to be monogamous..but I know I can't". No apology or real remorse, it was crazy. I miss her but I'm glad I found out so early what she is really like, and there was no going back. She wanted a relationship so I wouldn't leave, not because she actually wanted it! And kind of admitted that. Frustrating though, it was all great until she decided to make a relationship of it and then ruin everything.
 

DontThinkTwice

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Day 1 for me, after a bizarre experience. Was seeing a pretty slvtty woman for about 7 months, the first 8 of which were very casual, we'd meet maybe every 3 weeks or so, hook up, chat a bit in between not every day though..basically fwb. She had various others, no problem. About 4 months in she started showing signs of having some feelings, and we started meeting more often and chatting a lot more, then about the 5 to 6 month point she asked about having a relationship, something never mentioned before. Suddenly she changed and became much more friendly, and happy, and at month 6 I said ok let's give it ago! This is where it all went insane for the following and final 4 weeks. It culminated with me making a joke about her cheating on me, and instead of laughing she looked frozen for a second and I knew it had happened. But she refused for 2 hours to admit it, making all sorts of excuses for the hesitation, and I gave up. At the end of the night she said it was because she had slept with her neighbour just before we got together and felt guilty. Fair enough, but I was annoyed she hadn't said so earlier. Anyway, the next day I woke to a message admitting it wasn't then, it was the night before! No Apology, just loads of excuses about how she had been depressed and just had to get out of the house as she was having an emotional meltdown and wanted to self harm, and it was the only place she could go to be safe and it just happened. She was right, there was an hour gap in the messages that night and she admitted leaving the house straight after messaging me, then messaging again for a while straight on returning. I was pretty taken aback and as we talked she admitted that she'd realised she was going to do it, to feel better, and messaged before and after "to cover myself so you wouldn't guess...because I didn't want you to be hurt" Thanks! She also said she thinks she might have bpd, was high on drugs at work a lot of the time, and acted crazy and a bit violent. "I need lies and secrets in my life to feel in control, but I don't want to be like that so it won't ever happen again". Of course, I couldn't accept that or spend my life wondering, and so it was over. What was interesting was the total lack of remorse, just sorry it had caused an argument. She went from 'it just happened' to 'i deliberately covered it up and did it because I wanted to but I feel guilty now so won't do it again". She said "What I want ideally is to be free to do what I want, and you to be monogamous..but I know I can't". No apology or real remorse, it was crazy. I miss her but I'm glad I found out so early what she is really like, and there was no going back. She wanted a relationship so I wouldn't leave, not because she actually wanted it! And kind of admitted that. Frustrating though, it was all great until she decided to make a relationship of it and then ruin everything.
Judge women by their past. She belongs to the streets.
 
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Men, stop over complicating No Contact. It’s actually very easy. The reason so many men make it complicated is because they are invested in some way or another.

Think about it, how many men are worried about going No Contact if a telemarketer doesn’t contact them? Exactly, because the man is not invested. Men also need to stop “applying” No Contact in hopes of getting the girl to come back. That has to be the weakest mindset ever.

No contact = Delete her number, delete her photos, block her number, delete anything related to her, no keeping tabs on her, and MOVE ON (forever).
 
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