Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

DarwinTaurus

Don Juan
Joined
May 18, 2022
Messages
101
Reaction score
71
Age
45
Location
Darwin, Australia
Thanks for more background, you said a magic sentence in there that told me everything i needed to know.

"I was the lowest priority."

This tells me the relationship meant nothing to her. So when someone makes you their lowest priority, they become your lowest priority.

You are now too busy for her. She blew her chance. If you entertain her breadcrumbing now you will be teaching her, it is ok to do it to you again and again.

Stop going the extra mile for people who won't cross the street for you.
It still hurts. Perhaps I had oneitis. First relationship in a long time. We would usually see each other around 3 times a week. When we were with each other, it was amazing. And then all of a sudden, it just got too hard (I do think the final decision was a bit of a hormonal meltdown), and it was over. Yet a week before that, she gave me a gold keychain with an inscription stating she loved me, and the date we met. Bit of a headf!ck.
 

Foe

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 14, 2021
Messages
45
Reaction score
31
Age
42
You are now too busy for her. She blew her chance. If you entertain her breadcrumbing now you will be teaching her, it is ok to do it to you again and again.
My Ex messaged me about a few days ago (3 weeks NC). I was weak and replied, didnt give a inch in the responses I gave but still I probably gave her the validation to move on that she needed. So be it, perhaps it was the last act of kindness I could offer.

To your point though this girl broke up with me over the 2.5 year relationship so many times I couldnt even tell you (average once a week). I took her back WAY WAY beyond what I should have which just re-enforced the idea that breaking up for her was acceptable. In someways I wish I was stronger and stood my ground 2 years ago but to be fair the sex was next level.

Hard to regret with that on tap. To be honest I'm so close to ringing her right now for another round. I wont but man I want to.
 

dude99

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 1, 2016
Messages
2,522
Reaction score
3,078
Age
49
My Ex messaged me about a few days ago (3 weeks NC). I was weak and replied, didnt give a inch in the responses I gave but still I probably gave her the validation to move on that she needed. So be it, perhaps it was the last act of kindness I could offer.

To your point though this girl broke up with me over the 2.5 year relationship so many times I couldnt even tell you (average once a week). I took her back WAY WAY beyond what I should have which just re-enforced the idea that breaking up for her was acceptable. In someways I wish I was stronger and stood my ground 2 years ago but to be fair the sex was next level.

Hard to regret with that on tap. To be honest I'm so close to ringing her right now for another round. I wont but man I want to.
This is why i am a firm believer in you give a girl 1 chance. One. If she blows that chance she is history. Remember you are GIVING HER A CHANCE TO BE WITH YOU. You are the prize not her.

When you give them multiple chances you are teaching them to disrespect you. Bottom line, you are rewarding bad behaviour. When you reward bad behaviour you get more bad behaviour.

Sex with other girls will come along when you know you are the prize. Great sex will come along, and saying stuff like "the sex with her was next level," is putting her on a pedastle, you are making her the prize and this is why she disrespected you by dumping you weekly. She knew she could because you always took her back. You were in her frame and she was in control of the relationship. The mans job is to lead. When women lead the relationship turns into a schitt show. Also Never tell a chick how great they are in bed. Leave them wondering. It will make them second guess everything and they won't know they have you wrapped around their finger like your ex did.

If you are with a chick who suddenly shifts in attitude or goes colder than normal or even breaks up with you, you walk away and on to the next one. When they reach out breadcrumbing looking for free attention free validation at your epense remember, " i am too busy for this. I am moving forward. Not backwards."

If they call. Ignore. Delete the voice mail
If they text. Ignore. Delete.
If they email. Ignore delete
If they reach out in social media, block.
If you run into them on the street=
Her" hey i've been trying to contact you but its been impossible."
You " yeah my life has exploded! I've been crazy busy i have to make priorities and get to things when i have time."
Her " why are you so busy what's going on"
You" work, and play and family. A lot to do."
Her "maybe we should..........."
You - looking at the time " hey sorry to cut you off but i have a ton of stuff to get done before my date tonight. Bye!"

Then you walk away. Do not reach out to her do not recripricte any future trys from her.
 
Last edited:

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
6,593
Reaction score
6,635
Bit more of a backstory, she is going through a divorce (15yr marriage), which will finalize in August. She has two kids, works full time, plus has taken on full time study to change career. I think it became a bit too much, and I was the lowest priority. I don't think she is seeing anyone else. I'm only the 3rd person she has ever been with. 1st was a Lesbian relationship when she was young, then she met her soon to be former husband... and me.
Sounds like she was at a stressful time in her life. Sometimes in those times people end up withdrawing and pushing people away because it just becomes too much to deal with.

Perhaps that was the case, perhaps not. I would tread carefully here. She could be trying to make herself feel better about breaking up with you. Or she could be feeling regret at how things ended.

Perhaps she felt you were the right person to help her through this phase of her life but not the right person to move into the next phase of her life with and was feeling stuck. Like she couldn't move forward with you for whatever reason and only could do so if she broke up with you.

Either way, you constantly talking to her is making things easier for her and not serving you in any way.
 

DarwinTaurus

Don Juan
Joined
May 18, 2022
Messages
101
Reaction score
71
Age
45
Location
Darwin, Australia
Sounds like she was at a stressful time in her life. Sometimes in those times people end up withdrawing and pushing people away because it just becomes too much to deal with.

Perhaps that was the case, perhaps not. I would tread carefully here. She could be trying to make herself feel better about breaking up with you. Or she could be feeling regret at how things ended.

Perhaps she felt you were the right person to help her through this phase of her life but not the right person to move into the next phase of her life with and was feeling stuck. Like she couldn't move forward with you for whatever reason and only could do so if she broke up with you.

Either way, you constantly talking to her is making things easier for her and not serving you in any way.
Thanks for your thoughts. She has put her two kids through counseling, as I believe they are finding the divorce hard. When my Ex moved out of the family home, her former-husband-to-be moved his new Girlfriend in the very next day. I think the kids are finding it tough with the Dad's new partner. The kids didn't know about me, but I think the eldest suspected. My Ex said she just wants to get her boys into their teenage years. So, I'm not sure if it was 'me' per se, but just the circumstances...
 

Warning!

Do not subscribe to The SoSuave Newsletter unless you are already a chick magnet!

The information in each issue of The SoSuave Newsletter is too powerful for most guys to handle. If you are an ordinary guy, it is not for you. It is meant for the elite few. Not the unwashed masses.

If you know you can handle it...

If you already have girls calling you at all hours of the day and night, showing up at your door, throwing themselves at you everywhere you go...

Then sign up below.

But if you're just an average Joe, an ordinary guy, no one special – then skip this. It is not for you.

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
6,593
Reaction score
6,635
Thanks for your thoughts. She has put her two kids through counseling, as I believe they are finding the divorce hard. When my Ex moved out of the family home, her former-husband-to-be moved his new Girlfriend in the very next day. I think the kids are finding it tough with the Dad's new partner. The kids didn't know about me, but I think the eldest suspected. My Ex said she just wants to get her boys into their teenage years. So, I'm not sure if it was 'me' per se, but just the circumstances...
Yeah that's the toughest part of the divorce...the Dad is probably also using the kids as pawns against her and making life difficult...

The stress is probably overwhelming at this point and she can't deal with also balancing you so she had to do what she felt was the only thing she could under the circumstances.
 

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
6,593
Reaction score
6,635
Thanks for more background, you said a magic sentence in there that told me everything i needed to know.

"I was the lowest priority."

This tells me the relationship meant nothing to her. So when someone makes you their lowest priority, they become your lowest priority.

You are now too busy for her. She blew her chance. If you entertain her breadcrumbing now you will be teaching her, it is ok to do it to you again and again.

Stop going the extra mile for people who won't cross the street for you.
No offense but I have no idea where guys on this forum are coming from who expect a woman is going to put a guy in front of their kids priority wise or make decisions based on him versus their kids needs.

IMHO, this would be a humongous red flag in terms of her not only being a garbage Mom, but also a garbage human being.

I have no earthly idea how guys complain about not finding quality women but then expect a woman to do the thing that would make her about the lowest quality woman they could be. It's in direct opposition to each other and it's makes absolutely no sense to me.

Clearly most guys here are not parents or don't have kids so they have no comprehension of how this actually works in real life. Only explanation I got, because if you have kids and you are expecting this, I feel bad for both you and your kids. And if you don't have kids and actually think like this...please don't have kids. There are enough deadbeat Dads as there are, no need to add another to the list.
 

DarwinTaurus

Don Juan
Joined
May 18, 2022
Messages
101
Reaction score
71
Age
45
Location
Darwin, Australia
There was no way that I expected her to prioritize her kids over me. She had custody of her kids 4 days a week, and the 3 remaining days we would spend with each other (sometimes it was less, but that was due to me working shift work). I was happy with that arrangement. I thought we had a future, and in the long term, I would eventually meet her kids, which would lead to greater flexibility of when we could spend time together (she wanted to keep her kids, and our relationship separate).
 
Top