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The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

Mike41090

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Just got another text from the ex lol. She basically stated that she has been praying for me and the unit (so to speak) I work for since we are directly dealing with the protests and riots lately (emergency worker). I basically just responded with appreciate it and a tad bit of small talk that lasted five minutes. Did not get into anything whatsoever though. TBH the convo didn’t phase me whatsoever and I treated it like talking to any Joe Schmoe. Kinda felt fine and not hung up over it at all and could care less. A very liberating feeling of indifference which I haven’t felt in a while which seems to be that I’m making good progress. Never thought I’d get to this point.
 

Mauser96

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Just got another text from the ex lol. She basically stated that she has been praying for me and the unit (so to speak) I work for since we are directly dealing with the protests and riots lately (emergency worker). I basically just responded with appreciate it and a tad bit of small talk that lasted five minutes. Did not get into anything whatsoever though. TBH the convo didn’t phase me whatsoever and I treated it like talking to any Joe Schmoe. Kinda felt fine and not hung up over it at all and could care less. A very liberating feeling of indifference which I haven’t felt in a while which seems to be that I’m making good progress. Never thought I’d get to this point.
For perspective for others. Your breakup was Nov 19, 2019 so it has taken her 6.5 months to finally reach out . And you have reached indifference .

Very happy for you bud.
 

scarface701

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So I’m starting day 1 today. I’ve done NC with this same woman multiple times and she always ends up writing to me IMY messages or I’m sorry or whatever it is. It’s been four years now that we’ve been going back and forth like this. We’ve both moved on in other relationships. But... It seems it’s about every 6 months or so one of us will reach out. What bothers me the most is that every time we interact it ends with her being a complete ass. She’s younger than I am and so I just chalk it up to immaturity.... but to be honest it bothers me. Recently I reached out to her to say happy bday after NC for 45 days or so... and she will only interact via her twitter page. After going back and forth I just called her out and said this isn’t worth my time you either email or text back or we don’t communicate. She then tweeted some rude **** about how great her bf is and how terrible I am.... I wrote back and just said WTF I’m literally just trying to be nice and not always have stuff end badly between us. It’s been 4 years and it would be nice to just end things in a civil manner. However, she won’t allow that... so I told her she’d heard the last from me and it’s best if we forget each other. Today is day 1. I’ve never understood why women want to keep the conflict going??? I do care about her but I’m more upset that she won’t just let the conflict die. I’ve never dated a woman that I couldn’t reach out to 6 months or 1 year later and just say hey how are things hope all is well and have them say the same thing back. It’s weird that this woman wants to keep the conflict going. Not sure what that’s about....?
 
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bcude

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So I’m starting day 1 today. I’ve done NC with this same woman multiple times and she always ends up writing to me IMY messages or I’m sorry or whatever it is. It’s been four years now that we’ve been going back and forth like this. We’ve both moved on in other relationships. But... It seems it’s about every 6 months or so one of us will reach out. What bothers me the most is that every time we interact it ends with her being a complete ass. She’s younger than I am and so I just chalk it up to immaturity.... but to be honest it bothers me. Recently I reached out to her to say happy bday after NC for 45 days or so... and she will only interact via her twitter page. After going back and forth I just called her out and said this isn’t worth my time you either email or text back or we don’t communicate. She then tweeted some rude **** about how great her bf is and how terrible I am.... I wrote back and just said WTF I’m literally just trying to be nice and not always have stuff end badly between us. It’s been 4 years and it would be nice to just end things in a civil manner. However, she won’t allow that... so I told her she’d heard the last from me and it’s best if we forget each other. Today is day 1. I’ve never understood why women want to keep the conflict going??? I do care about her but I’m more upset that she won’t just let the conflict die. I’ve never dated a woman that I couldn’t reach out to 6 months or 1 year later and just say hey how are things hope all is well and have them say the same thing back. It’s weird that this woman wants to keep the conflict going. Not sure what that’s about....?
Welcome to the forum.
When you’re arguing with her, you’re playing her game at that point, a game she is biologically designed to win and you are not. Women love attention in all forms, positive or negative doesn't matter. You're feeding the fire, and it looks like kindergarten they way you two interact.
Do yourself a big favor and cut this trashy woman out of your life completely and have your peace of mind.
Then focus on evolving as a man and better women, you will be happier for it. Stay strong soldier.
 

Mauser96

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So I’m starting day 1 today. I’ve done NC with this same woman multiple times and she always ends up writing to me IMY messages or I’m sorry or whatever it is. It’s been four years now that we’ve been going back and forth like this. We’ve both moved on in other relationships. But... It seems it’s about every 6 months or so one of us will reach out. What bothers me the most is that every time we interact it ends with her being a complete ass. She’s younger than I am and so I just chalk it up to immaturity.... but to be honest it bothers me. Recently I reached out to her to say happy bday after NC for 45 days or so... and she will only interact via her twitter page. After going back and forth I just called her out and said this isn’t worth my time you either email or text back or we don’t communicate. She then tweeted some rude **** about how great her bf is and how terrible I am.... I wrote back and just said WTF I’m literally just trying to be nice and not always have stuff end badly between us. It’s been 4 years and it would be nice to just end things in a civil manner. However, she won’t allow that... so I told her she’d heard the last from me and it’s best if we forget each other. Today is day 1. I’ve never understood why women want to keep the conflict going??? I do care about her but I’m more upset that she won’t just let the conflict die. I’ve never dated a woman that I couldn’t reach out to 6 months or 1 year later and just say hey how are things hope all is well and have them say the same thing back. It’s weird that this woman wants to keep the conflict going. Not sure what that’s about....?

Delete her number. Never contact her again, never respond again. If you see her in public, pretend she is invisible and treat her that way
 

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Pan87

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My "No Contact" journey.

I was in a 2 year relationship with what I'd have to call a "unicorn" - young (22, I was 30 when I met her), intelligent, beautiful and somewhat virginal. I was in my prime Game when I met her. I was super confident and getting regular sex from different women. I wasn't in the mindset for monogamy, but I was in-between jobs and figured getting a nice GF might be a good idea while I get my career back on track.

It worked really well. Having a GF allowed me to concentrate more on my work, without the persistent distractions of sex with new women. My new GF was also a complete love slave. Utterly devoted.

I began to settle....but not for long. Eventually, I began to itch for my old life and started meeting other women again behind my GF's back. I orchestrated this through dating apps.

She caught me several times messaging women. I had lazy passcodes on my phone (1st pastcode was 121212, second passcode was 982198). The final time she caught me was by far the worst. She found videos that I had taken of me pounding another woman on our bed. I suppose it's quite unforgiveable. She tried to break up with me, but she kept coming back. She stayed with me for another year, and I made sure that she didn't catch me cheating again. I did continue to cheat, but it felt bitter. I wasn't proud of myself, but it felt like I had to hedge against my now weak position in the relationship. I wanted to keep 2 in the kitty in case she decided to leave me. I sensed that my relationship was in imminent danger. She tried to pull the rug, unsuccessfully, several times over the course of the final year of our relationship.

My relationship with her finally ended on March 14, 2020. She had gradually begun distancing over the final year of our relationship - I figured she had decided there was no future, and she'd lost trust and respect for me. I'd also started smoking a lot of weed and had somewhat "checked out" emotionally. I was hurt by the obvious deterioration of the relationship and I felt powerless to stop it - It felt like too much effort. What made this period of decline harder was that there were great moments with her interspersed. Still lots of sex, great little weekends together and I still saw her most days.

I eventually got sick of the instability. I decided to smoke her out. We had a fight about it and I dared her to leave me.... and she left in tears. It was a bad fight and I'm not proud to say that I definitely scared her with my anger. She called me for the next 2 days and I ignored her - I felt in a strong position at this point. I figured I'd taught her a lesson and she'd come crawling back - submissive again.

After a week I decided I wanted her back, and she had been radio silent for 5 days. I called her and I discovered I was blocked everywhere. I spent the next week trying to get around the block. I made all the mistakes and lowered my value by trying to contact her - I never begged, but I did try hard to establish dialogue. I got blanket-blocked everywhere (Facebook, Whatsapp etc). I was completely cut off without a word.

About 2 weeks after the breakup, I went to her apartment and buzzed her intercom. She answered and told me through the intercom that she was seeing a therapist about me and she didn't feel safe seeing me. She said she didn't want the relationship to continue. I was relaxed and calm during the chat - again, no begging.

I then went into No Contact for almost 60 days. Still blocked, and still not a word from her.

After the No Contact period I realised I still wanted her. I decided to take a gamble.

I sent her a "clean slate" message on LinkedIn (the only place I wasn't blocked). Nothing beggy or needy in the message, just an acknowledgment of mistakes I had made and some cheeky/funny/relaxed comments about a big, new apartment that I have procured in a nice area of the city. I also told her to look after my shirts (that she still has).

No reply to my LinkedIn message and it's been a week. I don't think she's even opened the message.

From here I'm going indefinite No Contact and I'm going to try and move on. Part of me hopes that I'll see her again one day.

I've learned a lot from this experience. I've never been dumped before, so it was something I really struggled with. Huge ego hit. I spent a long time in denial, thinking that if I could just talk to her then I'd be able to seduce her.

It took months for me to accept that the severed connection was real.

I'm rebuilding now - reading all the old Game stuff that has helped me so much over the years (Heartiste, Rollo, Todd V).

I could never relate to friends in the past that got hung up on girls that dumped them. I can understand and relate to it now, even though my situation is different and I deserved to get dumped for frequent cheating and being emotionally neglectful.

Thanks for reading!
 
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Lynx nkaf

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I understand how important it is to remain no contact.
As in, I do not reach out to them.

I have not now for over 9 weeks. Not a peep. Email. Text. Nothing.
Starting to forget what their voice sounds like.That was at the end of January I last heard their voice.
It was Jan 2 I last saw them in person not knowing it would be the last.
This has been a long 5 months with many eventful things and changes in my life.
Mostly more positive than when I was with them, tbh.

I'm trying to hang out at another forum, not love life related, to get perspective. My new social circle I started last week has put electricity back into my veins. It's sporty and outdoors with fit, positive people.

I am crushing my new work position and flourishing with paying down debt.



There's still several times a day that are acutely painful.
I wonder if it just takes longer to get over them when you're past your mid-forties?
 

Pan87

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I understand how important it is to remain no contact.
As in, I do not reach out to them.

I have not now for over 9 weeks. Not a peep. Email. Text. Nothing.
Starting to forget what their voice sounds like.That was at the end of January I last heard their voice.
It was Jan 2 I last saw them in person not knowing it would be the last.
This has been a long 5 months with many eventful things and changes in my life.
Mostly more positive than when I was with them, tbh.

I'm trying to hang out at another forum, not love life related, to get perspective. My new social circle I started last week has put electricity back into my veins. It's sporty and outdoors with fit, positive people.

I am crushing my new work position and flourishing with paying down debt.



There's still several times a day that are acutely painful.
I wonder if it just takes longer to get over them when you're past your mid-forties?
I can relate man. I'm 3 months in and still get waves of pain on a daily basis. I was blocked everywhere, which does make No Contact a lot easier. When all avenues of communication are closed off, then there's no choice but to move forward.

I still fantasise about her reaching out to me, out of the blue. My hope comes from the fact that I know it is genuinely hard for women to find good quality men these days. The reality is our ex's will have to date around for a while and have some bad experiences before they potentially become motivated to get back in contact with us....but this is a gamble and it may take a long time.

Our best option is to genuinely move on, so that if our ex's ever get back in touch then we are free from emotion and can coolly seduce them back into our orbit.
 

Lynx nkaf

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I can relate man. I'm 3 months in and still get waves of pain on a daily basis. I was blocked everywhere, which does make No Contact a lot easier. When all avenues of communication are closed off, then there's no choice but to move forward.

I still fantasise about her reaching out to me, out of the blue. My hope comes from the fact that I know it is genuinely hard for women to find good quality men these days. The reality is our ex's will have to date around for a while and have some bad experiences before they potentially become motivated to get back in contact with us....but this is a gamble and it may take a long time.

Our best option is to genuinely move on, so that if our ex's ever get back in touch then we are free from emotion and can coolly seduce them back into our orbit.
You don't want seconds man, don't dip into that garbage.

Facts are: they actually went past our boundary limits.

We deserve to declare that our best lifestyle awaits us and awaits our crushed and grinded out satisfied selfactualisation goals.

There is to be no platespinning/orbiting of exes.

I get it.
Its an impossibility that your ex becomes what you need, never mind what you want.
In my case particularly,
there should have been more action and less words I received from them.

If there's no action, their words are meaningless.

Also, I absolutely will pay for a private investigator before having sex with the next partner. I'm too sensitive/romantic/Disney not to protect myself this way.
 

Robert28

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I can relate man. I'm 3 months in and still get waves of pain on a daily basis. I was blocked everywhere, which does make No Contact a lot easier. When all avenues of communication are closed off, then there's no choice but to move forward.

I still fantasise about her reaching out to me, out of the blue. My hope comes from the fact that I know it is genuinely hard for women to find good quality men these days. The reality is our ex's will have to date around for a while and have some bad experiences before they potentially become motivated to get back in contact with us....but this is a gamble and it may take a long time.

Our best option is to genuinely move on, so that if our ex's ever get back in touch then we are free from emotion and can coolly seduce them back into our orbit.
Women finding good men isn’t that hard. What’s hard is they get the tingles for the men that aren’t good and then whine about it. Most women have several chances at a decent guy but they sabatoge it or pass it over.
 

Mauser96

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I understand how important it is to remain no contact.
As in, I do not reach out to them.

I have not now for over 9 weeks. Not a peep. Email. Text. Nothing.
Starting to forget what their voice sounds like.That was at the end of January I last heard their voice.
It was Jan 2 I last saw them in person not knowing it would be the last.
This has been a long 5 months with many eventful things and changes in my life.
Mostly more positive than when I was with them, tbh.

I'm trying to hang out at another forum, not love life related, to get perspective. My new social circle I started last week has put electricity back into my veins. It's sporty and outdoors with fit, positive people.

I am crushing my new work position and flourishing with paying down debt.



There's still several times a day that are acutely painful.
I wonder if it just takes longer to get over them when you're past your mid-forties?
I think it depends on how good the relationship was. Rather, how good YOU felt it was. If YOU felt it was really good, it hurts more and takes longer to get over
 

Mauser96

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Our best option is to genuinely move on, so that if our ex's ever get back in touch then we are free from emotion and can coolly seduce them back into our orbit.
Or have the satisfaction of telling them "Thanks, but I have moved on and am happier now than I was with you"
 

Lynx nkaf

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I think it depends on how good the relationship was. Rather, how good YOU felt it was. If YOU felt it was really good, it hurts more and takes longer to get over
I wouldn't be typing these words on Sosuave right now if he hadn't taught me/exposed me to the concept of the red pill(wouldn't have seen Rational Male listed in a recommended booklist...wouldn't have seen mention of Sosuave in the book...actually, probably would still be with him if he hadn't taught me this stuff).
I know he realised that too late, but it didn't matter because I don't want or even like kids/babysitting and he wanted to impregnate so....here is what happens.


I sincerely hope he found what he needs and I do actually still google his name for obituaries(the covid pandemic...he had a constant, nagging smoker's cough ..he might have caught this) Nope. No obituary. So I am warm with genuine deference when I write that I hope he is happy.
 

Pan87

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Or have the satisfaction of telling them "Thanks, but I have moved on and am happier now than I was with you"
Yes it may seem petty, but this is the ego victory that would provide full closure on the relationship
 

Mauser96

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Yes it may seem petty, but this is the ego victory that would provide full closure on the relationship
EXACTLY
 

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soulforge

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My "No Contact" journey.

I was in a 2 year relationship with what I'd have to call a "unicorn" - young (22, I was 30 when I met her), intelligent, beautiful and somewhat virginal. I was in my prime Game when I met her. I was super confident and getting regular sex from different women. I wasn't in the mindset for monogamy, but I was in-between jobs and figured getting a nice GF might be a good idea while I get my career back on track.

It worked really well. Having a GF allowed me to concentrate more on my work, without the persistent distractions of sex with new women. My new GF was also a complete love slave. Utterly devoted.

I began to settle....but not for long. Eventually, I began to itch for my old life and started meeting other women again behind my GF's back. I orchestrated this through dating apps.

She caught me several times messaging women. I had lazy passcodes on my phone (1st pastcode was 121212, second passcode was 982198). The final time she caught me was by far the worst. She found videos that I had taken of me pounding another woman on our bed. I suppose it's quite unforgiveable. She tried to break up with me, but she kept coming back. She stayed with me for another year, and I made sure that she didn't catch me cheating again. I did continue to cheat, but it felt bitter. I wasn't proud of myself, but it felt like I had to hedge against my now weak position in the relationship. I wanted to keep 2 in the kitty in case she decided to leave me. I sensed that my relationship was in imminent danger. She tried to pull the rug, unsuccessfully, several times over the course of the final year of our relationship.

My relationship with her finally ended on March 14, 2020. She had gradually begun distancing over the final year of our relationship - I figured she had decided there was no future, and she'd lost trust and respect for me. I'd also started smoking a lot of weed and had somewhat "checked out" emotionally. I was hurt by the obvious deterioration of the relationship and I felt powerless to stop it - It felt like too much effort. What made this period of decline harder was that there were great moments with her interspersed. Still lots of sex, great little weekends together and I still saw her most days.

I eventually got sick of the instability. I decided to smoke her out. We had a fight about it and I dared her to leave me.... and she left in tears. It was a bad fight and I'm not proud to say that I definitely scared her with my anger. She called me for the next 2 days and I ignored her - I felt in a strong position at this point. I figured I'd taught her a lesson and she'd come crawling back - submissive again.

After a week I decided I wanted her back, and she had been radio silent for 5 days. I called her and I discovered I was blocked everywhere. I spent the next week trying to get around the block. I made all the mistakes and lowered my value by trying to contact her - I never begged, but I did try hard to establish dialogue. I got blanket-blocked everywhere (Facebook, Whatsapp etc). I was completely cut off without a word.

About 2 weeks after the breakup, I went to her apartment and buzzed her intercom. She answered and told me through the intercom that she was seeing a therapist about me and she didn't feel safe seeing me. She said she didn't want the relationship to continue. I was relaxed and calm during the chat - again, no begging.

I then went into No Contact for almost 60 days. Still blocked, and still not a word from her.

After the No Contact period I realised I still wanted her. I decided to take a gamble.

I sent her a "clean slate" message on LinkedIn (the only place I wasn't blocked). Nothing beggy or needy in the message, just an acknowledgment of mistakes I had made and some cheeky/funny/relaxed comments about a big, new apartment that I have procured in a nice area of the city. I also told her to look after my shirts (that she still has).

No reply to my LinkedIn message and it's been a week. I don't think she's even opened the message.

From here I'm going indefinite No Contact and I'm going to try and move on. Part of me hopes that I'll see her again one day.

I've learned a lot from this experience. I've never been dumped before, so it was something I really struggled with. Huge ego hit. I spent a long time in denial, thinking that if I could just talk to her then I'd be able to seduce her.

It took months for me to accept that the severed connection was real.

I'm rebuilding now - reading all the old Game stuff that has helped me so much over the years (Heartiste, Rollo, Todd V).

I could never relate to friends in the past that got hung up on girls that dumped them. I can understand and relate to it now, even though my situation is different and I deserved to get dumped for frequent cheating and being emotionally neglectful.

Thanks for reading!

Sounds like she is staying away from you and seeking therapy because you mentally screwed her over.

I don't blame her for blocking you.. She is much better off without you.

Your ego took a hit, that is the only reason why you are chasing.
 

scarface701

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Sounds like she is staying away from you and seeking therapy because you mentally screwed her over.

I don't blame her for blocking you.. She is much better off without you.

Your ego took a hit, that is the only reason why you are chasing.
IMHO it is the ego hits that can be the hardest. I still think about this woman that totally dumped on my ego. I was older than her 30 vs 20. I had everything going for me in my life, good looking, physician, owned my own business, pretty much just doing well all around. I don’t know what it was but I just instantly clicked with this woman. She felt the same way but I knew she had a bf she was on and off with but TBH he was a gang banger with tats on his face, drug dealer, lived in a studio apartment in the ghetto where they did drugs all the time....that type...and so I didn’t even think it was a competition. Clearly it was an easy decision. I was the clear winner.

NOPE! After dating her for a month she... said I still love him and I’m not ready to give up on that relationship. I think she felt that he was wounded and needed her help and she felt too guilty to leave him rotting in the ghetto. It totally crushed me. LT I know I’m better without her... but still it was a hit.
 

scarface701

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Ah F I totally want to contact this woman today. I won’t but... uugghhhhh she plays these mind games that f me up.

I can’t get her away from this guy that she is so much better than but she sees him as her first love.... not sure what’s with women and hanging on to that “first” relationship. Anyway she plays these games with me which I know are just to see if I’m still here as I think she sees me as a backup plan which would never happen... despite how crazy I am about her. It sucks to have someone you care about so much f things up to the point that no matter what happens you can’t be with them and have any respect for yourself.
 

Pan87

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Ah F I totally want to contact this woman today. I won’t but... uugghhhhh she plays these mind games that f me up.

I can’t get her away from this guy that she is so much better than but she sees him as her first love.... not sure what’s with women and hanging on to that “first” relationship. Anyway she plays these games with me which I know are just to see if I’m still here as I think she sees me as a backup plan which would never happen... despite how crazy I am about her. It sucks to have someone you care about so much f things up to the point that no matter what happens you can’t be with them and have any respect for yourself.
You need to separate yourself from 99% of other men who are needy betas and pursue women who reject them. If you calmly disconnect then it will leave a lasting impression on her. Female Ego responds best to mystery. No Contact is the best way to at least allow her to wonder what you're up to.

No Contact may not work to the extent that she reaches out to you at some point, but at least you will leave her with the impression of non-needy, outcome independent aloof alpha (if you didn't over pursue when the relationship ended). This is the best frame to leave the relationship. We all **** up and over pursue in the immediate aftermath of a failed relationship....but if you can get to a point (sooner rather than later) where you go Indefinite No Contact then this is the best place to be for any hope of reconciliation further down the line.
 

scarface701

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You need to separate yourself from 99% of other men who are needy betas and pursue women who reject them. If you calmly disconnect then it will leave a lasting impression on her. Female Ego responds best to mystery. No Contact is the best way to at least allow her to wonder what you're up to.

No Contact may not work to the extent that she reaches out to you at some point, but at least you will leave her with the impression of non-needy, outcome independent aloof alpha (if you didn't over pursue when the relationship ended). This is the best frame to leave the relationship. We all **** up and over pursue in the immediate aftermath of a failed relationship....but if you can get to a point (sooner rather than later) where you go Indefinite No Contact then this is the best place to be for any hope of reconciliation further down the line.
I definitely understand where you’re coming from... Our situation was this... we worked together and got close... she was really close with me and my daughter. I was unhappily married so I decided to move out and she said she was in a relationship that wasn’t great. So I moved out and she started coming over all the time. Things proceeded fairly quickly as we basically already knew each other. However, about 4 weeks in she started getting distant and I eventually found out (not from her) that she was hanging out with her ex again. I always knew there was a chance for this. I didn’t think she’d try to hide it from me.
The part that bothers me is when she quit she had a box of items to return to work and instead of facing me she left the box with a business in our building and never came in to say goodbye or anything.

I was pissed at this time... and my wife was trying pretty hard to get me back so I went back and worked on my marriage.

that was 4 years ago... to this day this woman reaches out to me either via email with IMY emails. Or sorry emails. Literally one word emails. If I wait a day or two and reply trying to address the elephant (that she still has feelings for me and we never got closure) in the room I’m ghosted.... every time. Or she’ll turn into an ass and say how she’s going to go suck her BFs ****.

it’s confusing to me... in one hand she sends me an IMY email and then turns around with this other BS. I’m over here just honestly trying to be a friend and say all is forgiven and hope all is well. She’ll never allow any closure BC she knows it bothers me that she just vanished without a word. I never understand why she feels the need to be an ass...? Makes no sense. I’m never going to get back with her.

IDK if she’s upset that she didn’t make it work... or what her deal is...it’s just weird to get IMY emails on and off over a 4 year period and the person sending them never engages with you.....? I’ve literally tried everything with this woman. NC. Trying to talk to her. Etc...etc...etc.... nothing seems to work. It’s just leaves me scratching my head.
 
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