I Just Can't Let Go of my Past

[nicksaiz65]

Nick
Get a book called The power of now.
Great read if you can take it for its info alone. Some say it has a "culty" feel but
I did not get that. It may help jar some things for you

It can help wake you up to some the mental cob webs that happen from the past and show you what they are. "Nothing" but thoughts.

I think I own the audiobook to that. Eckhart Tolle right?

 

[nicksaiz65]

That's like telling a set, "I'm the king baby!" When that set isn't going to believe and already skeptical of you going out of your way to open them. Therefore, I don't think anyone on this forum is convinced you have conquered your insecurities or at least overcame it.



This is my concern for you. You have set so many goals for yourself to accomplish in a short period of time. It's not bad if you have a long term plan already set, but that long term plan can't be 3 years or less.

If you focus on one or two goals that are meant to bring you up in an area where you are lacking within a reasonable amount of time, then I think 70% of your problems will be fixed.



You don't. You'll be dealing with these types of thoughts for your entire lifetime. Even ultra successful people deal with these self-limiting thoughts though. The difference is that they pay more attention to self-encouraging thoughts than their negative ones. That takes a lot of effort and often times it's a stubborn amount of effort.

Yeah I definitely haven't conquered all my insecurities just yet, that's for sure. I think I'm at least more over the "woe is me" victim thing, cause I took massive action to improve my grades for example. That got me to my senior capstone classes at long last.

Grades/graduating and learning Game is fine. That's all I'm really worried about this year lol.

Is that like the Positivity Exercise? I've heard good things about that.

 

[Papa_smu]

Grades/graduating and learning Game is fine. That's all I'm really worried about this year lol.

Is that like the Positivity Exercise? I've heard good things about that.

It's like what the other poster sound. You're just policing your thoughts and knowing which ones to listen too. That's about as straightforward as it gets.

One thing that helps me when I'm stuck in my head is finding a charity or volunteer event to participate in. It's hard to focus on yourself when your taking energy to help others physically. It's also a great way to meet women too. Apparently hot chicks like volunteering.

 

[nicksaiz65]

It's like what the other poster sound. You're just policing your thoughts and knowing which ones to listen too. That's about as straightforward as it gets.

One thing that helps me when I'm stuck in my head is finding a charity or volunteer event to participate in. It's hard to focus on yourself when your taking energy to help others physically. It's also a great way to meet women too. Apparently hot chicks like volunteering.

Awesome. I'm sure it's one of those easy in theory harder in implementation things though haha.

I definitely know I can succeed at both of those goals, I'd just like to police these insidious thoughts that I catch running through my head sometimes. It'll make me more productive, give me more bandwidth to go all in on school and approaches.

That'd be dope. You do CS volunteering right? We have a few of those events at my school.

 

[Papa_smu]

It's not easy and it does require a lot effort. Even so much you feel like a try-hard. But again, it doesn't require you to learn from a guru. It's like cleaning your kitchen. You just have to do it.

I do run a volunteer group in my city to help anybody break into web development.

 

[coyote_astro]

Start meditating right away! You will feel much better! The key is to learn how to disassociate yourself from your emotions and negative thought patterns. This is the no1 practical step to implement the teachings discussed in the "Power of Now" that I have also read (it's a "must" in the self-help world).

If you want to get deeper, you can try to look into various types of meditation (mindfulness, releasing emotions etc).

Don't be discouraged by the "woo-woo" vibe of some of these practices. Meditation has been scientifically proven to be beneficial. I first started during a very stressful period of my life and benefited greatly.

Of course follow this practice alongside all the other tips and suggested actions people pointed out in this thread.

 

[stringpuller]

I think I own the audiobook to that. Eckhart Tolle right?

Yes

 

[zekko]

It's not easy and it does require a lot effort. Even so much you feel like a try-hard.

It can be brutally hard at first. But once it becomes a habit, it becomes easier.

 

[nicksaiz65]

It's not easy and it does require a lot effort. Even so much you feel like a try-hard. But again, it doesn't require you to learn from a guru. It's like cleaning your kitchen. You just have to do it.

I do run a volunteer group in my city to help anybody break into web development.

That's awesome. I'm in a Web interface design class right now. Very different, but very cool.

 

[Seductions_Mad_Scientist]

This is like an inner game issue I've been having. I want to get rid of it, wanted some opinions.

I've finally gotten rid of my victim mentality. Everything that happens to me is my own fault and it's my responsibility to fix it. I'm taking the steps to make my life right: getting grades, building a nice body, learning Game, chasing my dreams, lots of stuff. I'm seeing some results.

But I still have this nasty voice in my head: "God, you're so stupid. You should've known about this sh*t ages ago. Had you been on SoSuave since your freshman year of college, you would've had all this handled. You could've put all this stuff into 4 years instead of cramming it into 1, and success would've been easier."

I know it's my own fault for not taking action in the past. But how can I rid myself of these thoughts?

I know that my time is better spent fixing my life RIGHT NOW instead of whining about the past.

How do I fix that?

You can't change the past

YOU CANT CHANGE THE PAST

NO SERIOUSLY, YOU CANT CHANGE THE PAST.

do you ****ing get it!? YOU CANT CHANGE THE PAST!

You get 86400 seconds a day. stop wasting time.

 

[cola]

It doesn’t even get fun till after college because hopefully after college you have real money and can do fun things. You can travel go to Mardi Gras, fantasy fest, Vegas and places like that where you can actually pull off the same night lays..

So no worries, you found it just in time.

 

[RangerMIke]

This is what happens when you learn game.

So true. Do you want to know why older men do better with younger women? In a word, it's experience and practice. If you learn 'game' and understand female nature, it's like understanding the rules of basketball and learning plays that gives you the best chance to score. But unless you actually get out and practice you will never master the sport.

When I was your age according to your profile, at 23, I was going through one of the worst times of my life when it comes to women. All through high school and college I was doing great with girls, never had any trouble at all, in my world at the time I was on top of the heap... and I was raking it in. Then I was in the Army, stationed at a remote base where the ratio of available women to men was something like 20:1. And I was at the bottom of the rung, as a 2LT. The women that were available were horrible, pig faced fatties that if they had been anywhere else but in the middle of nowhere with an Infantry division, no one would give them the time of day... but there... Jesus... they were queens. It made me sick to my soul.

What I did, was just tried to forget the past, and focus on my career. I was just going to be a Templar Knight and just focus on being a soldier and forget about women. There was no way I was going to settle for Miss Piggy, like my roommate did. For three years I lived like this, I just saved money, volunteered for any TDY assignment or training I could. I pulled additional duty, busted my butt, and ended up being the highest rated junior officer in the Brigade and promoted ahead of peers to CPT... while my contemporaries were either chasing "Quasimotette" or dealing with b!tchy wives, I was building a foundation.

After being promoted I was stationed in Germany, had a great time there, and I was back on track. I think the early 20s is a tough time for most men. Use that time to build your foundation.... pick a career or start a business... what ever you want to do, it is a time in your life where you should just do nothing but put yourself first... then everything will fall into place.

 

[nicksaiz65]

You can't change the past

YOU CANT CHANGE THE PAST

NO SERIOUSLY, YOU CANT CHANGE THE PAST.

do you ****ing get it!? YOU CANT CHANGE THE PAST!

You get 86400 seconds a day. stop wasting time.

Yeah. I'm done crying and complaining man. I've been doing more approaches lately... I'll do literally whatever it takes to get my life the way I want it this year.

I'll focus on the here and now, which is what I can change.

 

[nicksaiz65]

It doesn’t even get fun till after college because hopefully after college you have real money and can do fun things. You can travel go to Mardi Gras, fantasy fest, Vegas and places like that where you can actually pull off the same night lays..

So no worries, you found it just in time.

Yeah man. That's where that STEM Degree comes into play. I'm so glad I found this site though. If I didn't, I'd be 100% lost.

My job in college is now to fix every mistake that I made and create the life that I wanted, even in these suboptimal conditions. That way I know I had the "college experience" and I don't leave with a bitter taste in my mouth.

That's all I'm focused on. I may have to approach decently hard in college cause I'm not always in the super popular social circle. I'll do literally whatever it takes.

 

[Spaz]

Looks like u r still focused on women.

They r still the Prize in ur subconscious.

This will be ur undoing young man.

At least some of the matured ones here have spoken as much to you.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Looks like u r still focused on women.

They r still the Prize in ur subconscious.

This will be ur undoing young man.

At least some of the matured ones here have spoken as much to you.

Spaz, but I'm in college. If I just focus on myself only and don't put in some work with women, I'm gonna hate how I didn't get my "college experience" y'know? I just feel like I have to fight to make things right. The way they should've been all along.

I am definitely working on myself in tandem. Self Improvement is super important. I still don't see why you can't do both lol. By studying for my classes and doing well in them, moving towards my degree, that's automatically working on myself technically. Along with my dream of being a great musician and having a really nice body.

 

[stormrider]

Spaz, but I'm in college. If I just focus on myself only and don't put in some work with women, I'm gonna hate how I didn't get my "college experience" y'know? I just feel like I have to fight to make things right. The way they should've been all along.

I am definitely working on myself in tandem. Self Improvement is super important. I still don't see why you can't do both lol. By studying for my classes and doing well in them, moving towards my degree, that's automatically working on myself technically. Along with my dream of being a great musician and having a really nice body.

The guys who get women have never chased. You are trying to achieve something with a made up method created by marketing people.

SMV is the only thing that matters. The rest is cope.

 

[nicksaiz65]

The guys who get women have never chased. You are trying to achieve something with a made up method created by marketing people.

SMV is the only thing that matters. The rest is cope.

Yeah SMV is very important. I agree. That's why I'm raising mine as high as I can get(in combination with playing the numbers) this year. You can't pass her looks test, your Game means nothing.

I agree with a lot of what you write, but I agree more with @fastlife on this. My experience mirrors his more.

You still need game imo though. Otherwise you'll screw it up. Maybe you don't, but I do haha. Before I got into this stuff I would have chicks with really high interest in me. Then I'd screw it up cause of my lack of game. I didn't do it right, then I got ghosted.

I'd argue a huge part of game is increasing your SMV as high as it will go lol. We were talking about Roosh earlier? He says the same thing. You need SMV. And without passing her looks test, your game is worthless.

So what would you suggest though? I wanna hear your alternative

 

[stormrider]

Yeah SMV is very important. I agree. That's why I'm raising mine as high as I can get(in combination with playing the numbers) this year. You can't pass her looks test, your Game means nothing.

I agree with a lot of what you write, but I agree more with @fastlife on this. My experience mirrors his more.

You still need game imo though. Otherwise you'll screw it up. Maybe you don't, but I do haha. Before I got into this stuff I would have chicks with really high interest in me. Then I'd screw it up cause of my lack of game.

So what would you suggest though? I wanna hear your alternative

If you pass her looks test, game still doesn't mean anything. You think a good looking guy needs to put on a mask?

You don't need game. You need confidence. You can't screw up with women unless you have them on a pedestal.

If you make them qualify themselves to you, only they can screw up.

What you lack is frame. Not game. Your frame is backwards where you think you have to calibrate to women.

Your confidence is not high enough to have women calibrate themselves to you.

 

[nicksaiz65]

If you pass her looks test, game still doesn't mean anything. You think a good looking guy needs to put on a mask?

You don't need game. You need confidence. You can't screw up with women unless you have them on a pedestal.

If you make them qualify themselves to you, only they can screw up.

What you lack is frame. Not game. Your frame is backwards where you think you have to calibrate to women.

Your confidence is not high enough to have women calibrate themselves to you.

But why does it have to be a mask? Game is just a strategy when you think about it.

Yeah. Agree. Confidence is absolutely Paramount.

Ok I did want to hear what you think about this situation though. I'd be interested to hear what you think of this.

So a while back, I had a girl who was at like 90% interest. She was already talking about fvcking me over the phone. I was able to invite her straight over.

I had her in my bed. But then I was being a ch0de and was like "Man I like this chick. I want a relationship. I'm not even gonna fvck her. I'll just kiss her. Let's take it slow and steady."

I never heard from her again.

Maybe you see it a different way? But I see that as a lack of game. I was like "what the hell happened?" She liked me then she disappeared? My strategy was flawed imo. I had the confidence to talk to her, sext her, invite her over, all that.

I read some AMS after that. I made two mistakes.
1.) Getting attached to these hoez. Never do that.
2.) AMS said that if you don't sleep with a girl when you have the chance, there's a 90% chance you'll never see her again.

So then I adjusted my strategy/game and I saw different results.

Maybe you have a different idea? But at the end of the day we're both taking different roads to the same destination imo.

I'd be interested to see what you think though.