Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

I built it, they didn't come

nicksaiz65

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OP, I admire your attitude. You're true to yourself, something I always preach around here but that's not always easy in practice. It sounds like your mindset is strong.

I'm going to echo what others have said here, which is that in order to meet women you'll have to put yourself in environments where they hang out. It doesn't have to be a bar, although even if it is you can still go and drink a Coke.

Since you have such a structured lifestyle, I think the best way for you to approach this is simply as another project, like your side business or your workouts. You can devote between zero and X amount of hours on cultivating your social circle to include more women. Adjust your schedule and just add it to your "to do" list. That way it won't seem like a pointless activity but something you're actively working on.

The good news is that with your mindset, if you simply place yourself in settings with more females, you'll probably do very well. Most women will be intrigued not only by your success but by your personal code and that you're not eager to bend your rules just for pu$$y. There will be no need for you to "try to impress" her because she'll be impressed just getting to know you. And as long as you're upfront about your desires (without being blunt or making her feel slvtty) you won't have to commit to anything long term.
I always liked the analogy of treating improving with women like going to the gym. You have to do the "workouts" (approach and talk to women) even if you don't always feel like it, or you won't get any results. Logging the amount of hours, or approaches or whatever that you do lets you treat it logically, track your progress like you would a good workout routine, and therefore get the results you want.
 

aleste82

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OP has no game
OP doesn't want to learn game
OP thinks is successful, is not
OP don't get it
OP wont reproduce
OP gene disappear. Next.
 

pipeman84

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With age, I've become increasingly straightforward with women. I call their bs all the time at workplace. I've now reached a point where if I were to go out with a nice girl, I might just say "Look, I'm not going to go through the traditional dating ritual. I like you and want to take you to my place and ****. Just say no if you don't want to do that, and we save a lot of time." Yeah...that's not going to go well, and since that's about the most effort I'm able to put into dating games at this age, I've figured I should just give up?
That's the crux of the problem. It's your vibe, not your looks (bald...ridiculous suggestion, you go tell Jason Statham that baldness is a hindrance to getting women) or height (5ft9). Your current vibe is only suited, as you yourself suspected, for escorts. Trying to go to pubs, cafes or some other places you don't go just to meet women won't work...beside your current vibe that already repels them, you'll have the extra 'WTF am I doing here, wish I was somewhere else' subtle look on you.
 

SW15

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With age, I've become increasingly straightforward with women. I call their bs all the time at workplace. I've now reached a point where if I were to go out with a nice girl, I might just say "Look, I'm not going to go through the traditional dating ritual. I like you and want to take you to my place and ****. Just say no if you don't want to do that, and we save a lot of time." Yeah...that's not going to go well, and since that's about the most effort I'm able to put into dating games at this age, I've figured I should just give up?
That's the crux of the problem. It's your vibe, not your looks (bald...ridiculous suggestion, you go tell Jason Statham that baldness is a hindrance to getting women) or height (5ft9). Your current vibe is only suited, as you yourself suspected, for escorts. Trying to go to pubs, cafes or some other places you don't go just to meet women won't work...beside your current vibe that already repels them, you'll have the extra 'WTF am I doing here, wish I was somewhere else' subtle look on you.
I agree with @pipeman84 that the vibe is the primary problem. It's quite difficult to get straight to sex without dealing with some of the bullshiit of the human mating rituals established by cultural norms.

It is possible to build it and not get attention. It is getting more and more difficult for men to get attention. At the gyms, most women are wearing earbuds on the general gym floor and it's difficult to approach women wearing earbuds. The earbud problem is even worse if you're trying to do approaches on walking paths. Parks can also have the earbud problem. Grocery stores and malls have less of an earbud problem but even getting women's attention for a conversation of longer than 1 minute in those venues can be a challenge. Getting attention on swipe apps is also difficult with ratios.

I think a lot of men have problems in getting attention, no matter whether they use tech-assisted methods or in-person approaching.

I'm betting that you have an IQ over 140. The logical analytical types aren't typically seductive traits to women. When I experience dry spell, I down a few drinks (I'd swear that it temporary lowers the IQ by at least 20 points). As a result, I find that getting laid is much *much* easier.
High IQ is one of the worst traits for getting laid. Look at all of the STEM guys who are incels. In the US, there are tons of academically gifted men who can't get laid.
 
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Bigpapa

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I agree with @pipeman84 that the vibe is the primary problem. It's quite difficult to get straight to sex without dealing with some of the bullshiit of the human mating rituals established by cultural norms.

It is possible to build it and not get attention. It is getting more and more difficult for men to get attention. At the gyms, most women are wearing earbuds on the general gym floor and it's difficult to approach women wearing earbuds. The earbud problem is even worse if you're trying to do approaches on walking paths. Parks can also have the earbud problem. Grocery stores and malls have less of an earbud problem but even getting women's attention for a conversation of longer than 1 minute in those venues can be a challenge. Getting attention on swipe apps is also difficult with ratios.

I think a lot of men have problems in getting attention, no matter whether they use tech-assisted methods or in-person approaching.



High IQ is one of the worst traits for getting laid. Look at all of the STEM guys who are incels. In the US, there are tons of academically gifted men who can't get laid.
if you want to get laid you have to do social stuff

going out to grab a coffee at the cafe , walking a bit . Making eye contact with strangers , etc etc

if you are autistic and only do stuff that are non social women will not magically jump on you … no matter how amazing you are

I was sick for like 2 weeks , guess what … I became quite accustomed to not seeing people and took me maybe 1 week to get back somehow to normal
 

TheGambino

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THe problem you're facing is you "built it" according to what society tells you SHOULD attract females.

Unfortunately, all that stuff you have (physique, good paying job, etc.) is irrelevant when it comes to arousal. The stuff you have attracts women, but unless your arousing to them, you'll continue to beat your head against a wall. What you need to do is start developing an organic dominance in your conversations w/ females. You need to learn how to use your body language to communicate to women non-verbally that you're high value and have your pick of the litter w/ females.

Why do you think there are extremely hot women who are caught up on dudes who by all external appearances don't have much to offer? It's because these guys are actual alphas. It's in how they speak to women, how they look at them, how they communicate, etc.

That's the stuff you need to focus on. There are a ton of rich, good looking dudes who have ZERO success with females. Other than of course being used for cash, gifts and emotional tampons.
I actually know guys. No job, smoke, drunk every weekend, but they dont care. They walk up to a chick, touch her, grab her, kiss her and just go for the kill. They f*ck 3-4 differtent girls every weekend. Just because they go for the girl in a dominant way.
 

SW15

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if you want to get laid you have to do social stuff
What about the earbud problem for the guys that leave the house and desire to do approaches on parks, paths, and at the gym?
 

Bigpapa

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What about the earbud problem for the guys that leave the house and desire to do approaches on parks, paths, and at the gym?
@TheGambino has a point

if she likes you , she will take them off . If she does not like you , she will ignore you

but she would have ignored even without them on
 

BackInTheGame78

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Here is the issue I see...you seem to be taking this dating stuff too serious...like when you are on a date are you actually vibing and having fun with the woman and making her feel good or are you trying to analyze what every little thing means...if she sits next to you, if she is touching you, etc etc etc?

I kinda see you being in your own head and not having fun on dates. That's not going to work very well most of the time...you are going to come off as top serious and the type of guy they probably don't want to see again.
 
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member160292

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if you want to get laid you have to do social stuff

going out to grab a coffee at the cafe , walking a bit . Making eye contact with strangers , etc etc

if you are autistic and only do stuff that are non social women will not magically jump on you … no matter how amazing you are

I was sick for like 2 weeks , guess what … I became quite accustomed to not seeing people and took me maybe 1 week to get back somehow to normal
Absolutely! Join meetups and do the complete opposite of what the dudes are doing
 

BillyPilgrim

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This is pretty far off topic, but the headline the OP used ("I built it, they didn't come") is nice example of something called the Mandela Effect. The phrase he's borrowing from is "If you build it, they will come" from the movie Field of Dreams. However, this phrase has now been changed to "if you build it *he* will come" which was not in the original film (which hasn't been re-recorded) and makes no sense. You don't play baseball one-on-one, you need a team, hence "they".

 
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pipeman84

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It is possible to build it and not get attention. It is getting more and more difficult for men to get attention. At the gyms, most women are wearing earbuds on the general gym floor and it's difficult to approach women wearing earbuds. The earbud problem is even worse if you're trying to do approaches on walking paths. Parks can also have the earbud problem. Grocery stores and malls have less of an earbud problem but even getting women's attention for a conversation of longer than 1 minute in those venues can be a challenge. Getting attention on swipe apps is also difficult with ratios.
I don't subscribe to this idea that it's more difficult for men to get attention. I can think of one exception to this, swipe apps, but there is no point in going there because for quick sex OP has the option of escorts and he knows that's not the place to look for LTR material. The desire for a mate is hardwired in humans (probably more so in females) and attraction is not a choice. So a girl who is available and has enough exposure to you (as for instance in a gym setting) will get attracted, earbuds or no, if the Gods smile upon you.:) If not, there isn't really anything you could do to get her to like you, because attraction is not a choice. You might her into bed, but that's transactional and it's much harder work than simply getting an escort. Actually I think the gym is a perfect place for someone like OP, who already trains and enjoys it and is looking for 20s something girls, provided he's changing his vibe. He could go to 2 different gyms to up his chances.

Grocery stores and malls have such a low ROI time-wise that a busy guy like OP can't even consider.
 

SmoothSmooth

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sounds like u have the tools but dont know how to market urself...
girls do care abt instgram then u should invest into making a great one. professional photoshoots around the world, showcase ur possession, clothes, friends etc...surely ull be miles ahead of all the other guys if uve actually got money and the lifestyle.
u have money so do you wear designer clothes - gucci, louis vuitton etc? do u drive a cool car? why are all your friends male, find a way to make female friends eg go to salsa class and post pics around females to look more balanced

also what they said about confident alpha body language and vibe is 100% true, this comes before everything...before the instagram, before the resources, are u able to look women in the eyes confidently, read them and give them a 'cool chilled out vibe' which isnt try hard, speak with a masculine rhythmic tone, etc

outside of work, what makes u different? do u play in a band? do any cool sports? boat sailing? u need to have something which makes u stand out, beyond 9-5 work, to help build ur identity and give u something interesting to talk abt and post abt on instagram...and make it seem like ur life is great without girls
 

VirtuousD

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"Work on yourself bro, a man in his mid to late 30's is at his peak and will be swimming in 18-21 year old poon"
 

Zimbabwe

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U fell for the self improvement meme, it doesn't matter how much of it you do, women will not come to you.

You have to go out and put your self in situations where you are likely to meet and bond with women.
 

Bigpapa

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Absolutely! Join meetups and do the complete opposite of what the dudes are doing
dunno if meetups are the answer , but for sure is better than nothing

when I go for gaming , I usually stay at a cafe that has a lot of people passing by and make eye contact with most people passing by ( both men and women )

this puts me in a socializing mood
 

BackInTheGame78

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Maybe you built something they don't want?

There is no amount of bettering yourself that can overcome being socially awkward, unable to hold a conversation, poor body language, being too "nice"/a doormat, and desperate or needy.

If you have any of those things listed you need to resolve them BEFORE anything else you do or you will wrongly assume that bettering yourself didn't work.

Wrong...you simply tried to build a 5 story building with a rotted foundation and can't understand why it came tumbling down.

It would be like buying a bunch of car part upgrades but having no car to put them on.

Also...they aren't "going to come". You have to actively go get them. Dating is an active, not passive activity. If you are sitting around waiting you'll be waiting a long ass time.
 
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