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I built it, they didn't come

BillyPilgrim

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This is pretty far off topic, but the headline the OP used ("I built it, they didn't come") is nice example of something called the Mandela Effect. The phrase he's borrowing from is "If you build it, they will come" from the movie Field of Dreams. However, this phrase has now been changed to "if you build it *he* will come" which was not in the original film (which hasn't been re-recorded) and makes no sense. You don't play baseball one-on-one, you need a team, hence "they".

 
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pipeman84

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It is possible to build it and not get attention. It is getting more and more difficult for men to get attention. At the gyms, most women are wearing earbuds on the general gym floor and it's difficult to approach women wearing earbuds. The earbud problem is even worse if you're trying to do approaches on walking paths. Parks can also have the earbud problem. Grocery stores and malls have less of an earbud problem but even getting women's attention for a conversation of longer than 1 minute in those venues can be a challenge. Getting attention on swipe apps is also difficult with ratios.
I don't subscribe to this idea that it's more difficult for men to get attention. I can think of one exception to this, swipe apps, but there is no point in going there because for quick sex OP has the option of escorts and he knows that's not the place to look for LTR material. The desire for a mate is hardwired in humans (probably more so in females) and attraction is not a choice. So a girl who is available and has enough exposure to you (as for instance in a gym setting) will get attracted, earbuds or no, if the Gods smile upon you.:) If not, there isn't really anything you could do to get her to like you, because attraction is not a choice. You might her into bed, but that's transactional and it's much harder work than simply getting an escort. Actually I think the gym is a perfect place for someone like OP, who already trains and enjoys it and is looking for 20s something girls, provided he's changing his vibe. He could go to 2 different gyms to up his chances.

Grocery stores and malls have such a low ROI time-wise that a busy guy like OP can't even consider.
 

SmoothSmooth

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sounds like u have the tools but dont know how to market urself...
girls do care abt instgram then u should invest into making a great one. professional photoshoots around the world, showcase ur possession, clothes, friends etc...surely ull be miles ahead of all the other guys if uve actually got money and the lifestyle.
u have money so do you wear designer clothes - gucci, louis vuitton etc? do u drive a cool car? why are all your friends male, find a way to make female friends eg go to salsa class and post pics around females to look more balanced

also what they said about confident alpha body language and vibe is 100% true, this comes before everything...before the instagram, before the resources, are u able to look women in the eyes confidently, read them and give them a 'cool chilled out vibe' which isnt try hard, speak with a masculine rhythmic tone, etc

outside of work, what makes u different? do u play in a band? do any cool sports? boat sailing? u need to have something which makes u stand out, beyond 9-5 work, to help build ur identity and give u something interesting to talk abt and post abt on instagram...and make it seem like ur life is great without girls
 

VirtuousD

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"Work on yourself bro, a man in his mid to late 30's is at his peak and will be swimming in 18-21 year old poon"
 

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Zimbabwe

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U fell for the self improvement meme, it doesn't matter how much of it you do, women will not come to you.

You have to go out and put your self in situations where you are likely to meet and bond with women.
 

Bigpapa

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Absolutely! Join meetups and do the complete opposite of what the dudes are doing
dunno if meetups are the answer , but for sure is better than nothing

when I go for gaming , I usually stay at a cafe that has a lot of people passing by and make eye contact with most people passing by ( both men and women )

this puts me in a socializing mood
 

BackInTheGame78

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Maybe you built something they don't want?

There is no amount of bettering yourself that can overcome being socially awkward, unable to hold a conversation, poor body language, being too "nice"/a doormat, and desperate or needy.

If you have any of those things listed you need to resolve them BEFORE anything else you do or you will wrongly assume that bettering yourself didn't work.

Wrong...you simply tried to build a 5 story building with a rotted foundation and can't understand why it came tumbling down.

It would be like buying a bunch of car part upgrades but having no car to put them on.

Also...they aren't "going to come". You have to actively go get them. Dating is an active, not passive activity. If you are sitting around waiting you'll be waiting a long ass time.
 
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