Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

I built it, they didn't come

allergictobs

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The simple answer would be to build up your social life. The problem is that it doesn't sound like this is something you actually want, your heart wouldn't be in it.
Yes, this is very much the essence of the problem. I think I'm simply too focused on the outcome of social interactions, as BeExcellent brought up.

I've thought about this quite a bit since yesterday, and I realized that there are exceptions, situations where I do actually enjoy social interaction without any outcome in mind. This happens with certain people that I connect well on some deeper, instinctual level. I don't even need to know them very well, the connection can be there almost instantly. In those cases, I do enjoy just talking or spending time with them.

Having said that, I kind of like @CAPSLOCK BANDIT's idea about the travel partner, if you have the free time.
It is an interesting idea, and I may very well try it.
 

allergictobs

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Many big city life people have this problem. It’s because people were meant to live in small to medium sized clusters where things are more personable. I guarantee you if the OP was in some SEA town, he’d have a large sphere of influence throughout that town and many women lining up to date him without him having to change his core personality of being a go getter.

Big cities are not conducive to dating. Online dating and night clubs are society’s failed attempt to create chemistry.

You need proximity, shared interests, and mutual attraction for that chemistry thing to cook itself up. This happens so easily in a person’s youth (high school, college) but it disappears after that.
This is an excellent point. For the same reason, workplaces have, until recently, been good places for men and women to meet (these days, of course, you risk losing your job if you approach the wrong person).

I'm definitely not a big city person, I'm just there because of work (as are most other people). I will most certainly move to a smaller community once I get enough of office life.
 

Mike32ct

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I've thought about this quite a bit since yesterday, and I realized that there are exceptions, situations where I do actually enjoy social interaction without any outcome in mind. This happens with certain people that I connect well on some deeper, instinctual level. I don't even need to know them very well, the connection can be there almost instantly. In those cases, I do enjoy just talking or spending time with them.
Exactly. You can still use some of the introvert's natural strengths. We like deeper conversations with people we "click" with. I also much prefer one-on-one conversations, which I think is also an introvert strength/preference.

Wit, sarcasm, puns, and callback humor (if you naturally have a good memory) are also good for brainy guys.
 

Kotaix

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I'm more or less in the same situation you are. I'm 5'7", balding (albeit very slowly, widow's peak) and 42.

I have never been much for chasing women or smashing poon, and I'm not a party animal. I also lost my interest in trying to date because most women are just not as fun. The only real difference between us that I can see is that my circle of friends is heavily skewed towards women and not men, this comes from my blue pilled, male feminist days. But those days are gone, and I went thru a red pill rage phase where I wasn't fit company for a woman.

I decided to live for myself at one point early in 2019. Hit the gym, have fun with friends and date casually as the options came, which were few. I've had far more lucky dating in my 40s than I ever did when I was younger.

I did recently find a woman who I have very much in common with, and we have an excellent relationship, but it pretty much came out of the blue. We had great chemistry as friends and a lot of common interests. The interesting side note is that she's a pretty staunch feminist. I generally hate feminism at this point, but for some reason, things just work between us because she's not some insane bigoted product of modern feminism.

The hard truths I see in you:

You are uncompromising: It is NOT possible to have a relationship with anyone if you aren't able to give up some measure of control and at least play along with a woman's likes and dislikes. It takes two to tango. Men and women cannot truly see eye to eye, you can either accept this or you can be alone. If she really likes you, she will make an effort to engage in the things that you like as well, but it's unrealistic and selfish to expect that a woman will bend completely your likes and let you do as you please. You have to pick and choose your battles. This isn't just true of women, it's true of life.

You have an agenda when it comes to women (and possibly all people): You are also expecting to get something out of a woman, some kind of fulfillment and/or social validation. You can't have this in a relationship and expect it to work. If you give of yourself and expect to get anything in return then you have the wrong mentality.

You might be egotistical: My outlook on life improved greatly when I started looking into Taoism, Stoicism and Buddhism as a way to understand how the universe works, and to stop being so self-centered. Don't expect to be able to share or explore these ideas with women.

And a suggestion: pick up dancing. it's a great way to get to know women intimately in a socially acceptable way.
 

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samspade

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Hi guys,

I've just recently discovered this site, but many of the concepts have been familiar to me for years, decades even. I'm not really about learning game, but I read the "book of Pook", and many of the concepts in that series of posts have been second nature to me for my whole life.

I thought I'd collect my thoughts and write about my situation to clear my mind a bit. Any comments are of course welcome.

Here's a short version of the long story that follows:
- 36 years old, life in good order
- Physically fit, at peak fitness
- High status profession, financially well of
- Extreme lifestyle, very much a lone wolf type of guy
- Always been red-pilled, never put any woman on a pedestal
- Girls actually chased me in my early 20s, I was too busy chasing my own dreams
- Now, over a decade later - achieved most of my goals, but no sex life, zero women in social circle
- Have stopped trying to date women, puzzled by today's dating scene - looking for solutions



Long story (I'll break this up into smaller parts):


Let me start with the good things

My life is, in many ways, better than what I had expected it could be when growing up. I come from a lower middle class family from a poor country in Europe. At 36, I'm healthy, in the best shape of my life. I go to gym 4-5x a week and have the same, if not better, physique that I had in my early 20s (I have more muscle mass now than back then, body fat is consistently 10-15%).

I've climbed the corporate ladder to reach a comfortable position with a lot of freedom and great coworkers. It's a high status profession and the pay is very good, too. The only thing I don't like about it is commuting, but what can you do.

On top of my day job, a couple of years ago I started a side business. It has recently started paying quite well, and with three sources of income (career job, side business, and investments), I'm doing quite well financially.

I've achieved many of the things I've set as goals. I played competitive sports when I was younger. I traveled the world in my early 20s. I got the "dream career" in the corporate world. I don't have many items on my checklist anymore. These days, I'm mainly interested in health, and growing my side business and seeing if it can really take off in the coming years.

I'm single, and have been for years. Never married, only had one long-term relationship in my life. I've always been the type of guy who did his own thing, did not follow others' advice. And I really mean that. I have had to fight against the herd quite a few times regarding life choices. I have had to leave behind old friends several times in life and find new ones who are more like-minded.



Lifestyle, personality, and problems

My lifestyle has always been quite extreme. I rarely stop to "have fun" in the sense that most people talk about having fun. I don't party, I don't drink, I don't relax the same way that most people do. This is VERY important, something that cannot be changed: To me, having fun is progressing, competing and challenging oneself. Yes, I did go to parties and had the typical college experience when I was young, but I never liked it much, I just wanted to experience it to understand what it's all about.

The same goes with relationships. I really, really dislike hanging out in a pointless way. I just cannot do it - there has to be a purpose, such as playing a sport, having a meaningful conversation, or learning something new. But any type of "hey you wanna come over, have a few beers and watch the game" I've almost always responded with "no thanks". I cannot change this part in myself, I have tried hard when I was younger.

My days are mainly comprised of these activities:
- Workdays at the office (about 9 hours including commuting)
- Workouts and recovering (0-2 hours per day)
- Developing/running side business (0-4 hours per day)
- Other sports (golf, skiing, tennis, etc.) (mainly on weekends/vacations)
- Reading/learning new things (2-4 hours per day)
- Sleeping (8 hours per day)

I like all this about my life. I have plenty of stuff to do. I'm never bored. I've never really been bored.

But here's what I'm missing big time: sex, intimacy, even a relationship. No, I'm not looking for love or companionship (I don't mind those things, but I'm not actively seeking them), but a regular sex life.

My personality seems to require a traditional type of woman - one who is after a guy like myself. I have experienced it once, in my early 20s. I met a girl who was very feminine. She admired my dedication and just wanted to be in my boat. I was the captain, she was the passenger. She did not require any "entertainment" like going out or spending time doing pointless stuff. I just ****ed her silly, and the rest of the time I carried on with my own stuff. We had the funny conversations and stuff that couples do, even traveled together, but it was all on my terms. Maybe she secretly wanted something more, but she seemed very content with what she got. Eventually after a few years, I got too focused on my own things and broke up with her.

I need a relationship to be of the type where she is very feminine and submissive. I simply would not enter any other type of relationship. Sometimes I wonder if the ideal "relationship" for me would be with a hooker or an escort, since I'm mainly after sex. But I am interested in some kind of stability, so I want to be exclusive with just one person. I just need to be the dominant person in the relationship.

I'm quite rebellious by nature, and have a hard time playing a certain role or doing favors for other people. I'm very straightforward with everything and don't really care about other people's feelings. Basically, I'm the guy in the room who calls bull**** first. As for dating, I'm not able to jump through hoops to date a woman. I absolutely hate trying to impress other people, including women, because that puts you in an inferior position, like you need to prove something. In my view, she either likes you the way you are, and if not, it's her loss (blunt, I know).

My social circle consists of only men, most of whom have a somewhat similar personality to mine. Almost all of them are married with kids though, so I'm an odd person in that sense. I have zero female friends and acquaintances outside work. I've never had any female friends, in fact, no woman has ever wanted to be my friend and vice versa (I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing).

So as you can understand from the above, my situation is probably not very typical. I realize I'm a pretty extreme person, and I've tried changing and playing along when I was younger, but by this age, my personality is very much what it is.
OP, I admire your attitude. You're true to yourself, something I always preach around here but that's not always easy in practice. It sounds like your mindset is strong.

I'm going to echo what others have said here, which is that in order to meet women you'll have to put yourself in environments where they hang out. It doesn't have to be a bar, although even if it is you can still go and drink a Coke.

Since you have such a structured lifestyle, I think the best way for you to approach this is simply as another project, like your side business or your workouts. You can devote between zero and X amount of hours on cultivating your social circle to include more women. Adjust your schedule and just add it to your "to do" list. That way it won't seem like a pointless activity but something you're actively working on.

The good news is that with your mindset, if you simply place yourself in settings with more females, you'll probably do very well. Most women will be intrigued not only by your success but by your personal code and that you're not eager to bend your rules just for pu$$y. There will be no need for you to "try to impress" her because she'll be impressed just getting to know you. And as long as you're upfront about your desires (without being blunt or making her feel slvtty) you won't have to commit to anything long term.
 

redskinsfan92

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1. You're boring.

2. The market sucks, most guys are doing worse now(pre Covid) than they did pre 2015 regardless of improvement.

3. I recommend traveling and meeting people that way.
How is he boring?
 

redskinsfan92

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Sh1t, I was starting to think it was just me.
 

redskinsfan92

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My honest thought is this. Why not just f some escort. Cheaper in the end.

Rethought this: You want sex with genuine desire. Not transactional sex. Understandable.
 
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allergictobs

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My honest thought is this. Why not just f some escort. Cheaper in the end.
I have (mentioned about it in this thread too). The big question is, should I completely give up trying to date women and make escorts a permanent habit.

Like I've said many times in this thread, I'm not looking for companionship or love. Sex is the main goal for me, at least for now, and I see no problem with escorts. However, there is one important thing that an escort cannot offer: genuine submission based on desire.

I keep referring to the one LTR I had in my 20s, because it really was a very good relationship. She was very submissive to me in every way, and that's what I miss the most. I can never experience that with escorts.
 
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zekko

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For reference see James Franco getting put on blast by some very basic looking chick for failing to nail the delivery lol.
My favorite part in that whole bit is where he asks "What is your #?", and she says "What do you mean #?".

I guess this at least casts some doubt on those gay rumors about him.
 

Lynx nkaf

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I have (mentioned about it in this thread too). The big question is, should I completely give up trying to date women and make escorts a permanent habit.

Like I've said many times in this thread, I'm not looking for companionship or love. Sex is the main goal for me, at least for now, and I see no problem with escorts. However, there is one important thing that an escort cannot offer: genuine submission based on desire.

I keep referring to the one LTR I had in my 20s, because it really was a very good relationship. She was very submissive to me in every way, and that's what I miss the most. I can never experience that with escorts.
What I read here is that "sex is the main goal for me...."

I didn't read " 'genuine submissive sex based on true desire' is the main goal for me"
You only stated that type of sex is important. You didn't state it is the main goal.

A little bit negative in your reasoning you could never experience that importance with escorts.
Why not? Anything may happen, anything is possible.

Stick to your main goal and maybe try sharing all these thoughts in this thread with one of the escorts you're hardest for and that you seem to keep hiring over and over.
Enough time spent together and two people may very well start genuinely desiring each other. Its my impression escorts don't work as escorts their whole lives anyways.

Look after your needs and goals first.
 

redskinsfan92

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I have (mentioned about it in this thread too). The big question is, should I completely give up trying to date women and make escorts a permanent habit.

Like I've said many times in this thread, I'm not looking for companionship or love. Sex is the main goal for me, at least for now, and I see no problem with escorts. However, there is one important thing that an escort cannot offer: genuine submission based on desire.

I keep referring to the one LTR I had in my 20s, because it really was a very good relationship. She was very submissive to me in every way, and that's what I miss the most. I can never experience that with escorts.
Ok, so I'm correct on the geniune desire from her. Yeah, I understand that.
 

redskinsfan92

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What I read here is that "sex is the main goal for me...."

I didn't read " 'genuine submissive sex based on true desire' is the main goal for me"
You only stated that type of sex is important. You didn't state it is the main goal.

A little bit negative in your reasoning you could never experience that importance with escorts.
Why not? Anything may happen, anything is possible.

Stick to your main goal and maybe try sharing all these thoughts in this thread with one of the escorts you're hardest for and that you seem to keep hiring over and over.
Enough time spent together and two people may very well start genuinely desiring each other. Its my impression escorts don't work as escorts their whole lives anyways.

Look after your needs and goals first.
There are two types of sexual intercourse. Genuine desire and transactional. Men want the geniune desire. They settle for transactional, but seek genuine desire. It is in our firmware.
 

bat soup

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The problem is that women are not going to take the initiative and expecting them to do so dooms you to failure. It is very rare that women approach men. If a woman likes you she'll maybe drop hints and hang around you waiting for you to make a move but if you don't notice she'll quickly move on.

Just being attractive is not enough for a man. You also have to be confident and approach women.
 

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Medina

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Your thread (and others like it) are the reason I ditched the redpill and instead took the black

Hair transplant, beard game, low fat percentage, height lifts, new clothes... the results were night and day

People now approach you. Not just women. But everyone. Everyone wants to be your friend now

And as you climb the social ladder, the indifferent redpill stuff becomes 2nd nature anyway. Because you actually have real options

Guys like Mickey Rourke and Donald Trump went too far. But guys like Gordon Ramsey and Simon Cowell have kept looksmaxing tight. They look great for 50

Are those guys pussies? Hell no. They are savages, born leaders etc. They understand, if you don't maintain the looks, it's over
 

bat soup

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Your main issue is that you're not approaching women in real life. If you are really as attractive as you say you are, then a high percentage of the women that you approach would be interested. But it's unrealistic to expect attractive women to approach you (at least, not 99% of the time) because women are passive by nature, so you need to learn how to overcome your anxieties and approach women.
 

HyenaPrince

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Your thread (and others like it) are the reason I ditched the redpill and instead took the black

Hair transplant, beard game, low fat percentage, height lifts, new clothes... the results were night and day

People now approach you. Not just women. But everyone. Everyone wants to be your friend now

And as you climb the social ladder, the indifferent redpill stuff becomes 2nd nature anyway. Because you actually have real options

Guys like Mickey Rourke and Donald Trump went too far. But guys like Gordon Ramsey and Simon Cowell have kept looksmaxing tight. They look great for 50

Are those guys pussies? Hell no. They are savages, born leaders etc. They understand, if you don't maintain the looks, it's over
I'm always shocked when I see Mickey Rourke in videos or pictures. How the f*ck do you go so far man?!
 

stormrider

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This is an excellent point. For the same reason, workplaces have, until recently, been good places for men and women to meet (these days, of course, you risk losing your job if you approach the wrong person).

I'm definitely not a big city person, I'm just there because of work (as are most other people). I will most certainly move to a smaller community once I get enough of office life.
There is no risk. I used to be a lowly ranked person in the corporate world sleeping with highly ranked females. In your heart of hearts you know sexual tension is swimming all over the place.

Women are not some asexual robots we have to seduce lmao.

By the way most of you talk, it seems like no one is having casual sex.

But in the real world everyone is having casual sex.
 

Suave88

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Hi guys,

I've just recently discovered this site, but many of the concepts have been familiar to me for years, decades even. I'm not really about learning game, but I read the "book of Pook", and many of the concepts in that series of posts have been second nature to me for my whole life.

I thought I'd collect my thoughts and write about my situation to clear my mind a bit. Any comments are of course welcome.

Here's a short version of the long story that follows:
- 36 years old, life in good order
- Physically fit, at peak fitness
- High status profession, financially well of
- Extreme lifestyle, very much a lone wolf type of guy
- Always been red-pilled, never put any woman on a pedestal
- Girls actually chased me in my early 20s, I was too busy chasing my own dreams
- Now, over a decade later - achieved most of my goals, but no sex life, zero women in social circle
- Have stopped trying to date women, puzzled by today's dating scene - looking for solutions



Long story (I'll break this up into smaller parts):


Let me start with the good things

My life is, in many ways, better than what I had expected it could be when growing up. I come from a lower middle class family from a poor country in Europe. At 36, I'm healthy, in the best shape of my life. I go to gym 4-5x a week and have the same, if not better, physique that I had in my early 20s (I have more muscle mass now than back then, body fat is consistently 10-15%).

I've climbed the corporate ladder to reach a comfortable position with a lot of freedom and great coworkers. It's a high status profession and the pay is very good, too. The only thing I don't like about it is commuting, but what can you do.

On top of my day job, a couple of years ago I started a side business. It has recently started paying quite well, and with three sources of income (career job, side business, and investments), I'm doing quite well financially.

I've achieved many of the things I've set as goals. I played competitive sports when I was younger. I traveled the world in my early 20s. I got the "dream career" in the corporate world. I don't have many items on my checklist anymore. These days, I'm mainly interested in health, and growing my side business and seeing if it can really take off in the coming years.

I'm single, and have been for years. Never married, only had one long-term relationship in my life. I've always been the type of guy who did his own thing, did not follow others' advice. And I really mean that. I have had to fight against the herd quite a few times regarding life choices. I have had to leave behind old friends several times in life and find new ones who are more like-minded.



Lifestyle, personality, and problems

My lifestyle has always been quite extreme. I rarely stop to "have fun" in the sense that most people talk about having fun. I don't party, I don't drink, I don't relax the same way that most people do. This is VERY important, something that cannot be changed: To me, having fun is progressing, competing and challenging oneself. Yes, I did go to parties and had the typical college experience when I was young, but I never liked it much, I just wanted to experience it to understand what it's all about.

The same goes with relationships. I really, really dislike hanging out in a pointless way. I just cannot do it - there has to be a purpose, such as playing a sport, having a meaningful conversation, or learning something new. But any type of "hey you wanna come over, have a few beers and watch the game" I've almost always responded with "no thanks". I cannot change this part in myself, I have tried hard when I was younger.

My days are mainly comprised of these activities:
- Workdays at the office (about 9 hours including commuting)
- Workouts and recovering (0-2 hours per day)
- Developing/running side business (0-4 hours per day)
- Other sports (golf, skiing, tennis, etc.) (mainly on weekends/vacations)
- Reading/learning new things (2-4 hours per day)
- Sleeping (8 hours per day)

I like all this about my life. I have plenty of stuff to do. I'm never bored. I've never really been bored.

But here's what I'm missing big time: sex, intimacy, even a relationship. No, I'm not looking for love or companionship (I don't mind those things, but I'm not actively seeking them), but a regular sex life.

My personality seems to require a traditional type of woman - one who is after a guy like myself. I have experienced it once, in my early 20s. I met a girl who was very feminine. She admired my dedication and just wanted to be in my boat. I was the captain, she was the passenger. She did not require any "entertainment" like going out or spending time doing pointless stuff. I just ****ed her silly, and the rest of the time I carried on with my own stuff. We had the funny conversations and stuff that couples do, even traveled together, but it was all on my terms. Maybe she secretly wanted something more, but she seemed very content with what she got. Eventually after a few years, I got too focused on my own things and broke up with her.

I need a relationship to be of the type where she is very feminine and submissive. I simply would not enter any other type of relationship. Sometimes I wonder if the ideal "relationship" for me would be with a hooker or an escort, since I'm mainly after sex. But I am interested in some kind of stability, so I want to be exclusive with just one person. I just need to be the dominant person in the relationship.

I'm quite rebellious by nature, and have a hard time playing a certain role or doing favors for other people. I'm very straightforward with everything and don't really care about other people's feelings. Basically, I'm the guy in the room who calls bull**** first. As for dating, I'm not able to jump through hoops to date a woman. I absolutely hate trying to impress other people, including women, because that puts you in an inferior position, like you need to prove something. In my view, she either likes you the way you are, and if not, it's her loss (blunt, I know).

My social circle consists of only men, most of whom have a somewhat similar personality to mine. Almost all of them are married with kids though, so I'm an odd person in that sense. I have zero female friends and acquaintances outside work. I've never had any female friends, in fact, no woman has ever wanted to be my friend and vice versa (I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing).

So as you can understand from the above, my situation is probably not very typical. I realize I'm a pretty extreme person, and I've tried changing and playing along when I was younger, but by this age, my personality is very much what it is.
Here is a guy who claims to have money, good job, and be physically appealing. Why doesnt he have any puss? Take a note of it, there are members in here who claim social status is a magnet for chicks. He is a high value, why is he single? No low or high value chick chasing Mr.OP.
 
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