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It depends on the nature of the situation. I'm quite often talking to large groups at work, and in those situations of course I don't, quite the opposite. In purely social group activities (without an agenda), most often yes.Do you feel rather insignificant in larger group situations?
Right. And this screws up your vibe before you get started. This is an attitude issue. So THAT is where you must begin.It depends on the nature of the situation. I'm quite often talking to large groups at work, and in those situations of course I don't, quite the opposite. In purely social group activities (without an agenda), most often yes.
I kind of agree, but on the other hand, aren't like 50% of people like me in this regard?Right. And this screws up your vibe before you get started. This is an attitude issue. So THAT is where you must begin.
Ok. Look at the title of your thread. I’m in research myself and so understand that angle. You ask why aren’t women showing up after you’ve crafted yourself into a successful guy...I kind of agree, but on the other hand, aren't like 50% of people like me in this regard?
I have many friends who have a similar personality (introverted, and evidently they don't like large group settings either). None of them seem to have had trouble finding women. Most of them are married to really high-quality women. And since you are going to ask, to my knowledge, all of them have met their spouses either through friends or at work. This would seem to imply that an introvert just has to use different venues for dating (friends and workplace are common).
Thanks, you are definitely analyzing my situation correctly.The correct question is how do you create the right vibe...
And the answer is going to pull you right out of your comfort zone and introversion and process driven existence and make you Hella uncomfortable...
You are smart as hell. You already know this. But it’s not what you want to hear because it’s not easy for you to solve.
Growth, real growth is never easy. You correct your attitude and therefore your vibe and you’ll completely change your results.
Now go reread the last part of my first post in your thread. The solution is sitting there.
Go do it.
The before birth personality thing is BS. It’s an excuse you are hiding behind. So let’s get that on the table straight away.Thanks, you are definitely analyzing my situation correctly.
I've kind of known what the solution would be. What I'm not sure about and what even my first post was circling around - is it going to be worth it? This is where what you posted just a moment ago hits home:
You don’t like feeling as though you are wasting your time on such things that may go nowhere and feel frivolous while taking up your valuable time.
This here, in my view, is absolutely the biggest obstacle I face. I mentioned in some previous post that I view many issues through a cost-benefit analysis. Once I've determined that something is going to be largely a waste of time, I have a really difficult time getting to it.
You see, even if I managed to correct course and meet more women, at the age of 36, with a set of routines and a certain lifestyle, I strongly believe that I'm not going to find much happiness through social interactions with women. You are right about escorts and being process driven - I only value the outcome. Do you think it is possible to change that? Because I think it is a very deep part of someone's personality, probably determined before birth.
Let me be really straightforward:
Since I don't place much value on social interactions, only on the end result (having sex), the question is, am I going to be more happy getting to the outcome directly (banging escorts) or going through all kinds of hoops to get into a relationship with someone I may not even be that into?
This is a key question. I don't know the answer.
It's definitely not BS. Your genetics account for up to 50% of your personality. If your brain is wired in a certain way or shows a different thickness or volume, your personality will differ from that of another person. Nature and nurture are both important to our personality and intelligence development. It's definitely essential to raise and educate a human properly. But you can only get a person so far until their genetics start limiting them.The before birth personality thing is BS. It’s an excuse you are hiding behind. So let’s get that on the table straight away.
Agree but OP is attributing his social ineptness too much to this. Unless he is full on Aspberger’s or some such. But if that were true he wouldn’t have the question he posed in the first place.It's definitely not BS. Your genetics account for up to 50% of your personality. If your brain is wired in a certain way or shows a different thickness or volume, your personality will differ from that of another person. Nature and nurture are both important to our personality and intelligence development. It's definitely essential to raise and educate a human properly. But you can only get a person so far until their genetics start limiting them.
I think this explains your whole problem right here. You're a passionate, driven guy. A lot of PUA types will tell you be passionate, build your life, and women will come out of the woodwork. But life isn't that simple. You're following your own course, but there aren't many women on that course. The simple answer would be to build up your social life. The problem is that it doesn't sound like this is something you actually want, your heart wouldn't be in it. I can understand this, because I've lost a lot of motivation to be social as I've gotten older, I'm a natural introvert. When I was younger I pushed myself because I wanted to build my social skills, but now I really don't care. So you'd have to figure out if it would be worth it to you or not.Extreme lifestyle, very much a lone wolf type of guy.
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When "netflix and chill" was still a thing in 2012/2013, it was a socially savvy euphemism and Tinder was a hookup app--so you have girls who are self-selected for being horny choosing guys based mostly off of looks and the whole experience was novel and trendy. But even then, it was a low-probability opener. You'd still need to vibe and joke for at least a few messages before tossing that out there. Now, it's more of a meme and I wouldn't use it unless I was trying to be ironic or over-the-top cheesy player.Then how do "netflix and chill" invitations happen?
Terrific paradigm shift. And for me, it's closer to the truth anyway.You also have to be able to disqualify yourself as a provider--but that looks less like, "I just want to fvck you and never take you out" and more like "I don't know, I'm a free spirit and I just feel trapped in relationships and I don't want to promise anything I can't deliver."