Charlie Brown (BPD) Experience

Roma

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Well she is somewhat insightful. She knows when it comes over her and she is in therapy and tries to become better... however its still definitely present. Well regardless i think i m gnna follow your advise. She s been super cute again with me for two days and losing her **** out of the blue now saying she s ready to move on, i deserve someone bttr cuz she treatsbme like **** n she hates it, she s tired of the constant ups and downs.. i think its time to let this one go. Afterall yes the time i spent with her was amazing and she seems like she truly cares about me but the constant breaking up shows me otherwise... its extremely frustrating to get such mixed signals over and over and over again...
 

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Roma

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Hey everyone, just wanted to vent a little bit being Charlie Brown n all it aint easy. Quick summary, all of a sudden the girl decided to come spend her holidays with me and came to see me for about a month (against her family's wishes), we eloped out of the country for a week, had an amazing time together created memories, got engaged on New Years, talked about her condition how I can provide support for her and how we can make this work. Talked about our future together, me moving for her and us just building this together despite our rocky foundation and her extreme fickleness. She did mention that most probably when she goes back home she will try to sabotage this again and will pull back as she cannot control it. Sure enough a week after her being back, and making more plans of her coming down, us planning a trip for the summer, her missing me and calling me and being all sweet n ****. Out of the blue, she doesnt want to come, we should wait till march, or maybe i should find someone else who s not a "psycho" and i deserve better than her and she s just blinded by me sweet talking her and i must have a hidden agenda, etc. etc....

Obviously i was supportive and tried to make her realize that even though she feels like she s feeling good and insightful it's far from being true. We argued all evening (no yelling, no fighting, just back n forth) and everything is up in the air again. I get it that it's a classic BPD splitting and she has no control of it however it does put doubt in my mind... Am i just forcing her into this and even though apparently "she s never felt such a connection with someone" it doesnt mean anything and i m just wasting money or time or it's just her BPD is strong and i have to take it for what it is and just wait a bit and work with her through it once she comes back to her senses. I know it's a pattern it happens about every 2-3 weeks, however what am i to get from this? I also get that she hates long distance and it bugs her but we r almost at the finish line I m ready to move, looking for jobs, she s actually been helping me find something where she lives and still it always comes back: "i love you, i enjoy your company but it doesnt mean we should spend our lives together".

I am certain that if its just BPD we ll work through it she s already back in therapy and is aware that she needs to make some drastic changes in her life and she s at a point where everything is coming together (lots of stress cause of that too) but why always such pushback?

Anywho, i thank all of you in advance for sharing your thoughts.
 

Epic Days

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Hey everyone, just wanted to vent a little bit being Charlie Brown n all it aint easy. Quick summary, all of a sudden the girl decided to come spend her holidays with me and came to see me for about a month (against her family's wishes), we eloped out of the country for a week, had an amazing time together created memories, got engaged on New Years, talked about her condition how I can provide support for her and how we can make this work. Talked about our future together, me moving for her and us just building this together despite our rocky foundation and her extreme fickleness. She did mention that most probably when she goes back home she will try to sabotage this again and will pull back as she cannot control it. Sure enough a week after her being back, and making more plans of her coming down, us planning a trip for the summer, her missing me and calling me and being all sweet n ****. Out of the blue, she doesnt want to come, we should wait till march, or maybe i should find someone else who s not a "psycho" and i deserve better than her and she s just blinded by me sweet talking her and i must have a hidden agenda, etc. etc....

Obviously i was supportive and tried to make her realize that even though she feels like she s feeling good and insightful it's far from being true. We argued all evening (no yelling, no fighting, just back n forth) and everything is up in the air again. I get it that it's a classic BPD splitting and she has no control of it however it does put doubt in my mind... Am i just forcing her into this and even though apparently "she s never felt such a connection with someone" it doesnt mean anything and i m just wasting money or time or it's just her BPD is strong and i have to take it for what it is and just wait a bit and work with her through it once she comes back to her senses. I know it's a pattern it happens about every 2-3 weeks, however what am i to get from this? I also get that she hates long distance and it bugs her but we r almost at the finish line I m ready to move, looking for jobs, she s actually been helping me find something where she lives and still it always comes back: "i love you, i enjoy your company but it doesnt mean we should spend our lives together".

I am certain that if its just BPD we ll work through it she s already back in therapy and is aware that she needs to make some drastic changes in her life and she s at a point where everything is coming together (lots of stress cause of that too) but why always such pushback?

Anywho, i thank all of you in advance for sharing your thoughts.
You tried to rescue a fully functional human being. Captain save a hoe, I think they call it here.

It’s a manipulation entrapment. A functional human being plays helpless to her environment and gets you to rescue them. Never do this again.
 

Black Widow Void

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I remember responding to your postings a few months ago. My opinion has now changed.
In addition to her working on herself, I now believe that you equally need to find out why you enable and gravitate to this environment.

Previously on this forum, you were provided some practical advice. You've chosen to ignore it and instead, repeat this particular cycle. Only you know why (or should at least try to find out why).

Why ask for advice here? We can only help those that want to be helped.
 

MrAddiction

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I am certain that if its just BPD we ll work through
THat is selfdelusional, if it’s BPD nobody will ever work this through.
Does not seem as if you really understood what BPD means and understood what is discussed on here about it.
It’s like saying, ah, she just put a machinegun to my head but hey, we are gonna work this through.
If you really give up all your life for her and move to hers, be prepared to end up in the gutter...broken, best an scared.
Good luck. But better run the other way.
 
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LARaiders85

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Hey everyone, just wanted to vent a little bit being Charlie Brown n all it aint easy. Quick summary, all of a sudden the girl decided to come spend her holidays with me and came to see me for about a month (against her family's wishes), we eloped out of the country for a week, had an amazing time together created memories, got engaged on New Years, talked about her condition how I can provide support for her and how we can make this work. Talked about our future together, me moving for her and us just building this together despite our rocky foundation and her extreme fickleness. She did mention that most probably when she goes back home she will try to sabotage this again and will pull back as she cannot control it. Sure enough a week after her being back, and making more plans of her coming down, us planning a trip for the summer, her missing me and calling me and being all sweet n ****. Out of the blue, she doesnt want to come, we should wait till march, or maybe i should find someone else who s not a "psycho" and i deserve better than her and she s just blinded by me sweet talking her and i must have a hidden agenda, etc. etc....

Obviously i was supportive and tried to make her realize that even though she feels like she s feeling good and insightful it's far from being true. We argued all evening (no yelling, no fighting, just back n forth) and everything is up in the air again. I get it that it's a classic BPD splitting and she has no control of it however it does put doubt in my mind... Am i just forcing her into this and even though apparently "she s never felt such a connection with someone" it doesnt mean anything and i m just wasting money or time or it's just her BPD is strong and i have to take it for what it is and just wait a bit and work with her through it once she comes back to her senses. I know it's a pattern it happens about every 2-3 weeks, however what am i to get from this? I also get that she hates long distance and it bugs her but we r almost at the finish line I m ready to move, looking for jobs, she s actually been helping me find something where she lives and still it always comes back: "i love you, i enjoy your company but it doesnt mean we should spend our lives together".

I am certain that if its just BPD we ll work through it she s already back in therapy and is aware that she needs to make some drastic changes in her life and she s at a point where everything is coming together (lots of stress cause of that too) but why always such pushback?

Anywho, i thank all of you in advance for sharing your thoughts.
You don't love yourself enough to give up the drug.
 

Roma

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Thank you for the quick replies...

The thing is, as discussed in various other forums on this site BPD is a spectrum and most of the time she s able to stay insightful and be a fully functional human being. Yes, her surroundings definitely do not help, as she s surrounded by ppl who do drugs, a dysfunctional family and various other negative factors. She is aware, she is doing her best to stay on top of things and she is able to but only most of the time. She has been faithful, she is finishing up her degree in a few months, she s staying off drugs and is trying not to drink too much. If she was a total lost cause i wouldnt fight for it. I am not ignoring your advice, i m simply ignoring the major stigma that exists around people with BPD (the ones that blame every little thing that goes wrong on others, ignoring their BPD diagnosis, not trying to get help, fits of rage, lying and manipulating) i ve dealt with one in the past and by comparison its nothing like this. Sometimes i even doubt that this girl has BPD (until she breaks up out of the blue, cause she feels it would be better for my sake to stay away). She doesnt have extreme mood swings, she is not suicidal, she is able to maintain relationships with her family and friends, i do not have to deal with fake accusations or walk on eggshells - she is very low on the spectrum and from reading a ton of material on the subject, in this particular case what she would need is a partner that would support her through her issues and help out. I m just unable to make her understand that she does not have to do this alone.

It's not that i dont love myself or value myself i just clearly see that this thing can work, i m just not entirely sure how to make it work besides me moving and just being by her side so she doesnt have to stress about it.

I got another "final text" from her this morning. She is going through a lot and she hasnt been feeling good about things in her life (family, health) she doesnt want to talk about it as she doesnt want to stress anyone about her issues, she s grateful for everything i ve done to her and she hopes i can find someone who s not a psycho and who has less problems to deal with. She doesnt deny that she loves me but she doesnt have room to stress about an extra thing at the moment (me being far away i m guessing)...

I get it, the easy way is to just move on, but why would i discard her as if she s nothing instead of helping her out like a real partner would. We both want to get married and have kids and live a normal life we v partied and fvcked arround enough. It's time for a new chapter but for some odd reason she s unable to accept it (especially when she s away, when she s with me it calms her down and she gives in).

There s tons of other info i can give on the subject but i dont know if it's relevent or not. I m just wondering what can I do in order for her to just stop trying to sabotage and run away (she does it because she thinks its best for me, and for her as it's added stress).
 

MrAddiction

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You don't love yourself enough to give up the drug.
Think he hasn’t yet understood with what kinda drug he is fooling around. He probably thinks this is just some casual Canabis use while he already is on massive heroin abuse without acknowledging it himself.
 
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MrAddiction

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She doesnt have extreme mood swings, she is not suicidal, she is able to maintain relationships with her family and friends, i do not have to deal with fake accusations or walk on eggshells - she is very low on the spectrum and from reading a ton of material on the subject, in this particular case what she would need is a partner that would support her through her issues and help out.
Only just because she is a highfuntional BPD, does not make it less dangerous.
Do not be Captain Save a hoe in this scenario.
Search for posts of KontrollerX an der his BPD Advise in this forum ....its from around 2006 but spot on.
Everybody who is warning you in this thread are as far as I acknowledge people who experienced having the **** gone crazy with some BPD themselves firsthand before and do not wish that experience to anyone. Hence the intense warnings.
There is not single story on here where it turned out lucky and with a happy ending to stay with a BPD.
 

Roma

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Only just because she is a highfuntional BPD, does not make it less dangerous.
Do not be Captain Save a hoe in this scenario.
Search for posts of KontrollerX an der his BPD Advise in this forum ....its from around 2006 but spot on.
Everybody who is warning you in this thread are as far as I acknowledge people who experienced having the **** gone crazy with some BPD themselves firsthand before and do not wish that experience to anyone. Hence the intense warnings.
There is not single story on here where it turned out lucky and with a happy ending to stay with a BPD.
I appreciate the warnings, i know what i m in for even though she s high functional BPD. I just find its worth a shot and yes, lots of people have lived atrocious disgusting things from these girls and so have i with an EX but this is just different, thats why i m still trying. As for no happy endings stories well that makes perfect sense. If things are good would go find a forum about BPD and tell people that your situation is working out? Probably not. Especially not here. There are however articles on the web where it does work out, through support and therapy and patience, there are not a lot... Probably because when things are good, you dont think about going and telling the whole world, you are just happy in your relationship and you r focusing on other aspects of your life. I m not claiming that i m right though. I have no clue, but it's just how i feel about it...

I appreciate the warnings, i would tell the same thing to someone who is going into a relationship with a BPD, however the stigma does exist and not all of them are creatures from hell. Some of them are just damaged but trying to get better and work through their issues.
 
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Roma

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My main question is how can i make this girl realize that despite her fvcked up past experiences it does not have to be like that anymore and since we r both in love and still trying after all these attempts it is okay for her to rely on someone else once in her life and just accept that good things can happen to her if she lets it, whether she feels like she deserves it or not.
 

billtx49

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My main question is how can i make this girl realize that despite her fvcked up past experiences it does not have to be like that anymore and since we r both in love and still trying after all these attempts it is okay for her to rely on someone else once in her life and just accept that good things can happen to her if she lets it, whether she feels like she deserves it or not.
Well that would go completely against everything she feels and her reality. It would be like you telling her the sky was dark green instead of light blue and expecting her to believe it. Get it straight that you can’t do anything like a professional therapist can. Your love and rational thoughts will not help her. Make sure she gets professional help asap if you plan to stay…but experienced men won’t ever recommend that. Too many non damaged women available…
Do more research on the mental Fog men experience with BPD’s and why they are reluctant to leave these women.
 

Epic Days

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My main question is how can i make this girl realize that despite her fvcked up past experiences it does not have to be like that anymore and since we r both in love and still trying after all these attempts it is okay for her to rely on someone else once in her life and just accept that good things can happen to her if she lets it, whether she feels like she deserves it or not.
There is no known handling for a woman seeking therapy.
It requires another level of self awareness. For more than half of men it’s this way as well. Even getting a man out the imperative is less than 10%.
 

LARaiders85

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I appreciate the warnings, i know what i m in for even though she s high functional BPD. I just find its worth a shot and yes, lots of people have lived atrocious disgusting things from these girls and so have i with an EX but this is just different, thats why i m still trying. As for no happy endings stories well that makes perfect sense. If things are good would go find a forum about BPD and tell people that your situation is working out? Probably not. Especially not here. There are however articles on the web where it does work out, through support and therapy and patience, there are not a lot... Probably because when things are good, you dont think about going and telling the whole world, you are just happy in your relationship and you r focusing on other aspects of your life. I m not claiming that i m right though. I have no clue, but it's just how i feel about it...

I appreciate the warnings, i would tell the same thing to someone who is going into a relationship with a BPD, however the stigma does exist and not all of them are creatures from hell. Some of them are just damaged but trying to get better and work through their issues.
Honestly you deserve what you get given that you are publicly publishing these lies and false hopes to lead other men astray. You are perpetuating evil. Hopefully she punishes you so severely that you never speak on such things again.
 

xplt

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I appreciate the warnings, i know what i m in for even though she s high functional BPD. I just find its worth a shot and yes, lots of people have lived atrocious disgusting things from these girls and so have i with an EX but this is just different, thats why i m still trying. As for no happy endings stories well that makes perfect sense. If things are good would go find a forum about BPD and tell people that your situation is working out? Probably not. Especially not here. There are however articles on the web where it does work out, through support and therapy and patience, there are not a lot... Probably because when things are good, you dont think about going and telling the whole world, you are just happy in your relationship and you r focusing on other aspects of your life. I m not claiming that i m right though. I have no clue, but it's just how i feel about it...

I appreciate the warnings, i would tell the same thing to someone who is going into a relationship with a BPD, however the stigma does exist and not all of them are creatures from hell. Some of them are just damaged but trying to get better and work through their issues.
Ask yourself, if you are willing to give up a part of yourself to go through this. Do you want a relationship, where you have to play therapist/parent for your partner without guarantee, that it will ever get better? This relationship will cost you a lot of energy. Don't lose focus on other important areas of your life!
 
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Epic Days

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My main question is how can i make this girl realize that despite her fvcked up past experiences it does not have to be like that anymore and since we r both in love and still trying after all these attempts it is okay for her to rely on someone else once in her life and just accept that good things can happen to her if she lets it, whether she feels like she deserves it or not.
Zero hope. It doesn’t work that way. The more you put into it the more you trap your mind. This isn’t on her. This is all you. There will be pain. Enough to ruin your life. Just remember, you did it.
She isn’t even this BPD.
 

Beowolf

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Troll of the year nominee for this clown charlie brown for educating us about how not to be with a bpd.
 

Carson02

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Hello to all,

First time posting here so I will do my best to keep it short and to the point. A little bit of context first, i read through numerous threads posted here and after searching for answers on the web it is an absolute pleasure to see how many insightful people are giving advice here. I am 30 yrs old, serial monogamist as i spent most of my 20s in serious relationships. That being said i have been around and usually do not have trouble making a girl fall for me ( the problem is more finding a girl that I actually like... i m definitely not Brad Pitt but i am very picky when it comes to sleeping with someone... i have tried to change that as it's really more of a nuisance than anything else but without success)

My last 2 Exs were diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder. I guess i kinda have a type, since i had it good during my life, blessed by loving parents that are well off, i always try to help the girls i m involved with which usually does not end well for me.. (debt, ruined relationships with family members and friends, etc.) So about 6 months ago (after being kinda of a hermit after my last relationship which ended in a fiery fury) i meet a girl abroad that actually lives in my country. Needless to say it was love at first sight, phenomenal connection, same values, same taste in things, beyond amazing sex, we seemed really perfect for each other, the only thing that was off is that off the bat she told me she s BPD and actually went through therapy and maybe its best that i stay away... Obviously i did not listen as i figured previous relationships have prepared me for this, maybe it's just my curse to be attracted to BPD girls and for them to be attracted to me and this time it ll be different.. Well i wasnt wrong... We have been "dating" for the past 6 months breaking up like clockwork every two weeks and flying all across the country to spend time together (about every weeks). I have never been in such a destructive pattern as when things are good - they are beyond anything i ve encountered, but every now and than out of the blue there is a break up initiated by her as she s "unsure about me", "doesnt feel like we could get married" so whats the point. Every time after a break up like this (and they are getting more and more severe" We stop talking for a few days until she reaches out and we restart talking as friends which leads to us inevitably seeing each other again and having an amazing time together.

Now I have never been stuck on a girl before, usually my thought process is: "you are not sure about me? see you later good luck finding someone else like me.." However for some reason (maybe due to really f*ked up **** she s been through, i m just unable to do that or to block her. I understand she ll be fine and she was way before she met me and she actually has her life together (about to become a Doctor) but for some reason i m just suffering from Oneitis. I do have hobbies, a good job, i dont really go out (cuz i don't see the point TBH i m mostly annoyed by millennials and what they find enjoyable). After our last break up (which came 2 weeks after we spent a 2 week vacation together) i thought to myself ok, that's it! And here i am again talking to her because she keeps calling, and now she s telling me she wants to come this weekend (but its really yes, no, yes no type of situation) I get that the most logical thing to do would be to block and move on, but for some reason it just doesnt seem possible. Also since she s the one constantly initiating break ups and keeps running back and apologizing and making it up to me i constantly feel that she s just too BPD to be able to control it but what she wants is to lead a normal life and have a normal relationship...

Thoughts? Questions? At this point i am fairly knowledgeable about how BPDs are having read a lot of articles and books and studied Psych. I get that they manipulate and cant love like normal people can but I believe it's not okay to just discard them as damaged goods and move on. So besides the obvious "block her and move on", "go F*k random girls" or " stay in this hellhole and suffer" do you guys have any other advice?

Thank you in advance and sorry for the long post (i could honestly write a book about it)
Where are you meeting this many girls with diagnosed BPD?
 

Epic Days

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Where are you meeting this many girls with diagnosed BPD?
Every woman that does not fit is pathetic idea of what a woman should be is automatically BPD. Its fukking stupid.
 

xplt

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Every woman that does not fit is pathetic idea of what a woman should be is automatically BPD. Its fukking stupid.
I agree that many men tend to label their exes as borderlines, the internet is full of them. Insecure and/or manipulative women, if not every woman can show traits associated with bpd, often dependent of the behavior of their partners. It's their emotional nature.

I've also my history with crazy ones, but only one that would really fit into cluster b. Right after the breakup I was smelling bpd everywhere, paranoid and dumb as ****.
 
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