Wife doing 180 to save marriage

StayOrGo?

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I get it and I'm onboard, trying to fix it is better than simply running out and getting a mistress. I'm sure though, that he isn't just saying something now. I'm sure he didn't let 6 months go by without approaching her about sex, bringing it up, attempting to initiate or arguing about it. When you get to the 6 month mark, that's a choice on her part, a definitive choice on her part.

A month, hey, everyone is off, busy at work, stressed, not feeling good, angry at the other person (It's not right but you could explain that away). Two, ok, someone's not happy (typical woman definition of not happy, everyone else, not so much). Three months, I'm sure there was some arguing about the topic of no sex. Four, now you're getting into the I'm done having sex with you territory. Five and six months, it's set in pretty seriously now, he's done getting sex.

You can definitely change some of these behaviors but there has to be a motivator. If you had power in the relationship, like you could take the kids or she goes penniless, you've got some negotiating power. In this modern era, you can't do either of those, so what's your bargaining chip? Loss, fear dread game? Ok, maybe but by 6 months, I'm not sure she has much interest in him anyway, so I'm sure she doesn't care much about losing him, if she's not already exploring or getting some on the side herself.

He's in a real minefield and there really isn't much he can do. A little bit of luck, stirring up some competition anxiety, defining his power at work by advancing himself, showing himself leading other men and the attention it can bring from women, I don't know, maybe but that's a big maybe.
Actually....I did let 6 months go by without saying anything. I was figuring things out. Why it happened. Getting into RP. And it wasn't until 3 months that I got very resentful and I started to detach. For me, its not nearly as much about the sex as it is the emotionless, affectionless marriage. But anyway, at this point I'm in a tough spot. I am giving her an opportunity to work things out but if it doesn't work out then I'll get divorce raped and move on. Such is life. I know with 100% certainty I will be able to spin plates on the other side.
 

Spaz

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I get it and I'm onboard, trying to fix it is better than simply running out and getting a mistress. I'm sure though, that he isn't just saying something now. I'm sure he didn't let 6 months go by without approaching her about sex, bringing it up, attempting to initiate or arguing about it. When you get to the 6 month mark, that's a choice on her part, a definitive choice on her part.

A month, hey, everyone is off, busy at work, stressed, not feeling good, angry at the other person (It's not right but you could explain that away). Two, ok, someone's not happy (typical woman definition of not happy, everyone else, not so much). Three months, I'm sure there was some arguing about the topic of no sex. Four, now you're getting into the I'm done having sex with you territory. Five and six months, it's set in pretty seriously now, he's done getting sex.

You can definitely change some of these behaviors but there has to be a motivator. If you had power in the relationship, like you could take the kids or she goes penniless, you've got some negotiating power. In this modern era, you can't do either of those, so what's your bargaining chip? Loss, fear dread game? Ok, maybe but by 6 months, I'm not sure she has much interest in him anyway, so I'm sure she doesn't care much about losing him, if she's not already exploring or getting some on the side herself.

He's in a real minefield and there really isn't much he can do. A little bit of luck, stirring up some competition anxiety, defining his power at work by advancing himself, showing himself leading other men and the attention it can bring from women, I don't know, maybe but that's a big maybe.
Doesn't matter if its 6 weeks, months or even years he's been denied sex, it's a direct consequences of his previous frame, his past.

He's taking ownership of it now by trying to reframe and she's responding to it, with some cuddles, which is a good start, it doesn't turn all fairy land in a week, it takes time.

And we advice him as such, which is a wise and rational course of action for him.

So carry on it must, to soldier on for there's love yet in his heart for his wife, for his family and by his own post from her to him. These are good signs.

Let's allow him to lead her, for in the past he was sorely lacking in many areas.

If he fails and she remains the same then he should then consider other options as many of us has pointed out. But for now, let's not talk about it as it can assume a life of its own and we don't want this too.

So let's offer him solutions to repair 1st.

And if things get from worse to worst, then we will also advise him the next course of action using our collective wisdom - when he has reached that road.
 

highSpeed

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Actually....I did let 6 months go by without saying anything. I was figuring things out. Why it happened. Getting into RP. And it wasn't until 3 months that I got very resentful and I started to detach. For me, its not nearly as much about the sex as it is the emotionless, affectionless marriage. But anyway, at this point I'm in a tough spot. I am giving her an opportunity to work things out but if it doesn't work out then I'll get divorce raped and move on. Such is life. I know with 100% certainty I will be able to spin plates on the other side.
Divorce rape is real and it's nothing to mess with. Look, I get
Doesn't matter if its 6 weeks, months or even years he's been denied sex, it's a direct consequences of his previous frame, his past.

He's taking ownership of it now by trying to reframe and she's responding to it, with some cuddles, which is a good start, it doesn't turn all fairy land in a week, it takes time.

And we advice him as such, which is a wise and rational course of action for him.

So carry on it must, to soldier on for there's love yet in his heart for his wife, for his family and by his own post from her to him. These are good signs.

Let's allow him to lead her, for in the past he was sorely lacking in many areas.

If he fails and she remains the same then he should then consider other options as many of you pointed out. But for now, let's not talk about it as it can assume a life of its own and we don't want this too.

So let's offer him solutions to repair 1st.

And if things get from worse to worst, then we will also advise him the next course of action using our collective wisdom - when he has reached that road.
The only road that I can see here is trying some mental games to shift the power back to his side. You're not going to hit her head on and have her go your way, he doesn't have the negotiating resources necessary to do so. It has to be more of a flanking mission, so it is more subtle and without engaging her pushback mentality, which has been enabled by the situation they are both in. After you've flanked her, then you can attempt a head-on confrontation perhaps but you have to regain the mental upperhand first.

I'll be waiting for suggestions, hell, perhaps I can apply them as well.
 

Spaz

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Divorce rape is real and it's nothing to mess with. Look, I get

The only road that I can see here is trying some mental games to shift the power back to his side. You're not going to hit her head on and have her go your way, he doesn't have the negotiating resources necessary to do so. It has to be more of a flanking mission, so it is more subtle and without engaging her pushback mentality, which has been enabled by the situation they are both in. After you've flanked her, then you can attempt a head-on confrontation perhaps but you have to regain the mental upperhand first.

I'll be waiting for suggestions, hell, perhaps I can apply them as well.
Since you asked, I'll offer a suggestion to get the ball rolling for OP since his wife has shown interest to better their marriage.

For a man to have power he must 1st display it through his leadership, a skill set that empowers his family to aim for greater heights.

Previously I said, head to the beach, this is an example and let's use that example to explore on how he could display his leadership through empowering his wife and daughter with them feeling wanted, appreciated and being all around happier.

He could then replicate this example the same way or in other facets of his leadership.

I'll make it step by step for good order and easy understanding.

1. Gather the family for dinner.
2. Inform them that you're decided to take a trip the beach and have a BBQ, attendance is compulsory.
3. Partition out each work the wife and daughter needs do in preparation of the BBQ, prior to leaving the house.
4. The above 1 - 3 steps is where you exercise ur "head of the family" dictatorial powers. If the wife or daughter makes moves to subvert that power, brush it aside by simply saying "the family that plays together sticks together", now they have nothing to counter that.
5. From hereon only express ur leadership of empowerment.
6. Hold discussions with both wife and daughter on how to make the day trip to the beach a success.
7. Ask for suggestions, allow their imagination to flourish, encourage it as they give ideas, let them feel wanted and important.
8. As ideas flow in, pick one that YOU think amuses you most, then encourage whomever gave out that idea by asking more follow up questions, let them think on it and provide the resources - this will make a person feel needed, appreciated and all around create a good vibe.
9. Replicate No. 8 on another idea until you have sufficient 'games' for the day trip to have fun.
10. Now partition out the plan for games and entertainment (for the day trip) to ur wife and daughter, granting them powers to execute it, offering them resources, time to prepare and only when asked, ur guidance but never instruct - remember that. Allow them to take ownership of said task.
11. End.

All the above is a display of power.

Is it hard?

Or easy to accomplish?
 

highSpeed

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Since you asked, I'll offer a suggestion to get the ball rolling for OP since his wife has shown interest to better their marriage.

For a man to have power he must 1st display it through his leadership, a skill set that empowers his family to aim for greater heights.

Previously I said, head to the beach, this is an example and let's use that example to explore on how he could display his leadership through empowering his wife and daughter with them feeling wanted, appreciated and being all around happier.

He could then replicate this example the same way or in other facets of his leadership.

I'll make it step by step for good order and easy understanding.

1. Gather the family for dinner.
2. Inform them that you're decided to take a trip the beach and have a BBQ, attendance is compulsory.
3. Partition out each work the wife and daughter needs do in preparation of the BBQ, prior to leaving the house.
4. The above 1 - 3 steps is where you exercise ur "head of the family" dictatorial powers. If the wife or daughter makes moves to subvert that power, brush it aside by simply saying "the family that plays together sticks together", now they have nothing to counter that.
5. From hereon only express ur leadership of empowerment.
6. Hold discussions with both wife and daughter on how to make the day trip to the beach a success.
7. Ask for suggestions, allow their imagination to flourish, encourage it as they give ideas, let them feel wanted and important.
8. As ideas flow in, pick one that YOU think amuses you most, then encourage whomever gave out that idea by asking more follow up questions, let them think on it and provide the resources - this will make a person feel needed, appreciated and all around create a good vibe.
9. Replicate No. 8 on another idea until you have sufficient 'games' for the day trip to have fun.
10. Now partition out the plan for games and entertainment (for the day trip) to ur wife and daughter, granting them powers to execute it, offering them resources, time to prepare and only when asked, ur guidance but never instruct - remember that. Allow them to take ownership of said task.
11. End.

All the above is a display of power.

Is it hard?

Or easy to accomplish?
fantastic dude, absolutely fantastic. great idea!! like the example!! going to try it out myself, I appreciate the ability to steal.
 

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Focal core

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Ok. I’ve read through all of this thread. This is typical of 99% of marriages. Yes that’s right, 99%.

She cuddled with you because she wanted to know how far she would have to go to save her provider.

Women don’t just want a boyfriend or a husband. That’s not how it works. I am trying to communicate this in a way that’s understandable. A woman will push a man to be a couple. Boyfriend/girlfriend. Husband/wife.

Marriage or an LTR is not what they really seem to be. Two people being together. That’s not how this works. A woman wants a “boyfriend/husband” and still suck and fuk interesting men when they show up. Let that sink in. A man in a relationship is a pair of fuzzy slippers. Nice when her feet are cold but better off under the bed.

A woman wants both. This is her goal. A home base, pivot man, and then her extracurricular activities that go with her sexual habits. The women who say they want a relationship are pretty dangerous to an unsuspecting man. With modern laws, she can be more certain of her survival, no matter what happens.

Don’t you ever think a woman doesn’t have a sex drive or that she doesn’t need sex. This is a manipulation to steer you away from the obvious. You are really being unobservant. Almost criminal in its level of non-confront. It’s pretty scary, I get it.
It was always her plan to have it set up this way. All women know this. All women are amoral when it comes to their sexual appetites and needs.

The only people who don’t know what’s going on is men. Well, 95% of men.
You're right, most of the time when I'm looking for a potential partner, I watch out for how she vibes her feelings and having emotional connection in that particular initial early in that atttraction phase with a gurl, and guess what, almost none of them have it, they just wanted to fvck, per day I can get at least 5 ioi from female, when I found the one I like, I **** test them to avoid being a doting male provider material. Theyre so used with stupid azz beta males that easily manipulated, chewed and spit out and will do anything for just a puzzy, I'm still looking for a right potential suitors thou. Dont gave up,

An intimacy that stop growing will just end up dead.. In my opinion your marriage already are. No amount of repetition may change that, you're already seen all of the reel of the movie for 20 years.. Just cut your loses.
 

mrgoodstuff

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You're right, most of the time when I'm looking for a potential partner, I watch out for how she vibes her feelings and having emotional connection in that particular initial early in that atttraction phase with a gurl, and guess what, almost none of them have it, they just wanted to fvck, per day I can get at least 5 ioi from female, when I found the one I like, I **** test them to avoid being a doting male provider material. Theyre so used with stupid azz beta males that easily manipulated, chewed and spit out and will do anything for just a puzzy, I'm still looking for a right potential suitors thou. Dont gave up,

An intimacy that stop growing will just end up dead.. In my opinion your marriage already are. No amount of repetition may change that, you're already seen all of the reel of the movie for 20 years.. Just cut your loses.
Has anyone thru agressive means ever flipped this sort of situation? Cheating, lying, ignoring, etc all tools available?

There needs to be a bible on the position because a good 50% or so of men in relationship end up in this alignment.
 

StayOrGo?

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Quick update guys:
It's been one week since my "confrontation" with my wife. She has done a 180 with respect to affection and love. But still no sex which is pretty shocking. I can't lie, I expected her to drop to her knees and give me the bj of her life but nope. Nada. Crazy. She must not realize what's at stake or just doesn't care.
 

Spaz

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Quick update guys:
It's been one week since my "confrontation" with my wife. She has done a 180 with respect to affection and love. But still no sex which is pretty shocking. I can't lie, I expected her to drop to her knees and give me the bj of her life but nope. Nada. Crazy. She must not realize what's at stake or just doesn't care.
Have you tried what I suggested?

Confrontation is just all talk and no action.

Learn how to lead.
 

Epic Days

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Quick update guys:
It's been one week since my "confrontation" with my wife. She has done a 180 with respect to affection and love. But still no sex which is pretty shocking. I can't lie, I expected her to drop to her knees and give me the bj of her life but nope. Nada. Crazy. She must not realize what's at stake or just doesn't care.
Confrontation plays into the woman. I said this earlier and some dumb a$$ said otherwise and even got hostile. You are operating out of frustration, anger and she knows that’s desperation.
Do as spaz says. Next time don’t listen to feminine ideas.

This is a stacked deck in the feminine imperative. Step outside the “reasonable”, the programmed social responses and actions. They ALL lead to failure in the end.

Leadership is a one way flow. From the leader outward.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Quick update guys:
It's been one week since my "confrontation" with my wife. She has done a 180 with respect to affection and love. But still no sex which is pretty shocking. I can't lie, I expected her to drop to her knees and give me the bj of her life but nope. Nada. Crazy. She must not realize what's at stake or just doesn't care.
You cant threaten or give ultimatums. Its about actions.
 

StayOrGo?

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Have you tried what I suggested?

Confrontation is just all talk and no action.

Learn how to lead.
No I haven't. I love your idea its just that the timing has been bad. Plus, I'm wondering if its worth all the effort. I'm feeling less and less inclined to save things.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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No I haven't. I love your idea its just that the timing has been bad. Plus, I'm wondering if its worth all the effort. I'm feeling less and less inclined to save things.
You can't SAY anything. Your negotiation will be non verbal.
 

Focal core

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Has anyone thru agressive means ever flipped this sort of situation? Cheating, lying, ignoring, etc all tools available?

There needs to be a bible on the position because a good 50% or so of men in relationship end up in this alignment.
The best revenge is to leave that situation, and be happy that you know you doesn't deserved those kind of things... Most guys do best when they try to save the relationship that already dies, they didnt realize it's only lowers their value and set up for more drama and agony. The best flipping is to leave and live happily.

The last girl I flip when she badly respond to my shlt test, start giving me those feelers and still being in my proximity for a long time now... It's kinda mess my mind and feel empathy towards her.. Thou I still thinking about it.. Lol.. Shes an hb9
 

mrgoodstuff

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The best revenge is to leave that situation, and be happy that you know you doesn't deserved those kind of things... Most guys do best when they try to save the relationship that already dies, they didnt realize it's only lowers their value and set up for more drama and agony. The best flipping is to leave and live happily.

The last girl I flip when she badly respond to my shlt test, start giving me those feelers and still being in my proximity for a long time now... It's kinda mess my mind and feel empathy towards her.. Thou I still thinking about it.. Lol.. Shes an hb9
I wasnt talking about revenge. Just hardball. But yes it makes sense to deal with ladies who value you enough in the 1st place.
 

Focal core

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I wasnt talking about revenge. Just hardball. But yes it makes sense to deal with ladies who value you enough in the 1st place.
Don't you think romoving yourself from the triangution aka cheating etc won't make her suffer? It's better than hardball. She left with no options, there's no one to play the drama..the guy could leave her anytime not so long after you left or cheat with another man's wife.. Like you have advised to me before.. 'greyrock' from my bpd thread not so long ago eh?
 
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