Wife doing 180 to save marriage

[mrgoodstuff]

If she is trying, stay and work it out.

Divorce and being away from your kids is NOT fun.

I would have a serious discussion with her about what you are not happy with, and what you expect.

Have it on paper in front of you, so you cover it all.

Tuck that paper away and review it in 1 month. In the meantime, lose weight, get in the best shape of your life, spend lots of time at the gym, and generally out of her sight (so her imaginations works)


If in a month nothing has changed, time for a new game plan.

Trying would be having sex. Its REALLY not that hard. Unless he disgusts her.

Theres a 30 day sex challenge to restore sex drive and connection.

 

[Epic Days]

Ok. I’ve read through all of this thread. This is typical of 99% of marriages. Yes that’s right, 99%.

She cuddled with you because she wanted to know how far she would have to go to save her provider.

Women don’t just want a boyfriend or a husband. That’s not how it works. I am trying to communicate this in a way that’s understandable. A woman will push a man to be a couple. Boyfriend/girlfriend. Husband/wife.

Marriage or an LTR is not what they really seem to be. Two people being together. That’s not how this works. A woman wants a “boyfriend/husband” and still suck and fuk interesting men when they show up. Let that sink in. A man in a relationship is a pair of fuzzy slippers. Nice when her feet are cold but better off under the bed.

A woman wants both. This is her goal. A home base, pivot man, and then her extracurricular activities that go with her sexual habits. The women who say they want a relationship are pretty dangerous to an unsuspecting man. With modern laws, she can be more certain of her survival, no matter what happens.

Don’t you ever think a woman doesn’t have a sex drive or that she doesn’t need sex. This is a manipulation to steer you away from the obvious. You are really being unobservant. Almost criminal in its level of non-confront. It’s pretty scary, I get it.
It was always her plan to have it set up this way. All women know this. All women are amoral when it comes to their sexual appetites and needs.

The only people who don’t know what’s going on is men. Well, 95% of men.

 

[metalwater]

Ok. I’ve read through all of this thread. This is typical of 99% of marriages. Yes that’s right, 99%.

She cuddled with you because she wanted to know how far she would have to go to save her provider.

Women don’t just want a boyfriend or a husband. That’s not how it works. I am trying to communicate this in a way that’s understandable. A woman will push a man to be a couple. Boyfriend/girlfriend. Husband/wife.

Marriage or an LTR is not what they really seem to be. Two people being together. That’s not how this works. A woman wants a “boyfriend/husband” and still suck and fuk interesting men when they show up. Let that sink in. A man in a relationship is a pair of fuzzy slippers. Nice when her feet are cold but better off under the bed.

A woman wants both. This is her goal. A home base, pivot man, and then her extracurricular activities that go with her sexual habits. The women who say they want a relationship are pretty dangerous to an unsuspecting man. With modern laws, she can be more certain of her survival, no matter what happens.

Don’t you ever think a woman doesn’t have a sex drive or that she doesn’t need sex. This is a manipulation to steer you away from the obvious. You are really being unobservant. Almost criminal in its level of non-confront. It’s pretty scary, I get it.
It was always her plan to have it set up this way. All women know this. All women are amoral when it comes to their sexual appetites and needs.

The only people who don’t know what’s going on is men. Well, 95% of men.

OP, we have many issues in common. Listen to these guys. re-read the read pill books. If you skipped the reading or any of it, read it. I am in hell myself looking for any crack in what they are telling and what the red pill books say. So far the story is pretty air tight. The problem is that there is no warm fuzzy at the end of this story. As in all things, we will only get what we negotiate.

If your libido is low (such as low testosterone) you likely won't see/feel what is occurring.

Shaka when the walls fell

 

[AJ84]

Don't like cheating at all but it's not like this is a marriage with no kids that didn't work out. If you don't have kids and haven't seen family courts in action, you have no idea what you're counseling him to do. Guaranteed, in most situations his best case scenario is getting his kids on the weekends. That's if she actually follows the court order, which many times, females don't because they know there's no negative repercussions if she doesn't.

Stick around in unhappy marriage, cheat get caught get divorced get financially raped in court have kids every other weekend.

Leave unhappy marriage get financially raped in court have kids every other weekend but he’s a FREE man.

Does anyone here actually think him cheating is going to make her want to f**k him or be a better wife? Does anyone here think cheating only affects the wife and not the kids?

Better for him to leave on his terms and deal with the fall out, rather than hurt his kids by cheating, and have his wife dump him and leave on her terms while dragging his name through the mud to his friends and family.

 

[Glassguy]

My feelers are out and I know I can attract better on the other side. But I feel bad about leaving....probably just more blue pill conditioning.

In a sexless marriage, don't think for a second that she wouldn't do it to you if Chad Thunderc0ck that was younger and financially well off hit her up.

Toss the shyte and move on. Let's be honest....you're fvcking miserable. I've been there. Never again!

 

[Epic Days]

Does anyone here actually think him cheating is going to make her want to f**k him or be a better wife? Does anyone here think cheating only affects the wife and not the kids?

This is an AMAZING paragraph. The answer to both your questions is no.

If cheating was bad for the children, why do the vast amount of women cheat? Women cheat way more than men and don’t you even think of denying it. This paragraph reeks with the feminine imperative. Men held to a standard that women have no intention of following.

Women will execute their sexual habits because they can and they know they will win. In or out of court.

This is a disgusting attempt to keep men on the plantation. There is so much social conditioning in that paragraph that I don’t even know where to start. There isn’t one word of what I just wrote that is false. Hahaha. This is amazing.

 

[highSpeed]

This is an AMAZING paragraph. The answer to both your questions is no.

If cheating was bad for the children, why do the vast amount of women cheat? Women cheat way more than men and don’t you even think of denying it. This paragraph reeks with the feminine imperative. Men held to a standard that women have no intention of following.

Women will execute their sexual habits because they can and they know they will win. In or out of court.

This is a disgusting attempt to keep men on the plantation. There is so much social conditioning in that paragraph that I don’t even know where to start. There isn’t one word of what I just wrote that is false. Hahaha. This is amazing.

Couldn't have said it better. Funny how women behave how they want to in literally all aspects of life and no ok really calls them out. But just let a guy even think about stepping out of line and boy will he get hammered. The difference in my suggestion was that if he could get a few years out of a mistress situation, he'd at least have that time with his kids. You think she's not going to be running him down without the mistress? Of course she is, that's how she's going to justify her heinous behavior, he's controlling, he's abusive, he's got mental issues, isn't that the standard stuff for women to pile up on the man these days?

All of those false allegations aren't going to affect the kids? What difference in all of those bs accusations would having a mistress have?

No, she created this situation, with all of her manipulations to get a guy into a marriage and family, only as a pretense. Now she gets to control the kids, the wealth, the sex and whether or not he gets to stay around? Wow, if that's her position, how cucked is this poor guy? So he literally has no say over any aspect of his life? Wow, that's depressing.

And your he gets to leave on his own terms, what would those terms be exactly? Walk away from his kids, half of his wealth and start over again? You mean without his house, half of his money gone? Not a great way to start over again.

Sounds like the only one making the terms is the "wife."

 

[Black Widow Void]

OP, pay attention to the many here that would suggest that men are innocent creatures - while women are 100% at fault.

Do I believe that women, in general are manipulate by nature , and try to operate the system as being victim when it's convenient and demand more than they give? Absolutely! However... read on.

Re-read the majority of your advice here. Most men responding to your post seem to lack self-objectivity. Sure... I think the male/female dynamics are not on a level playing field (with women expecting and usually getting the better advantage). With this being said, this does not qualify us men to play victim or not accept our enabling toward their bad behavior.

Is she already having an affair? Who knows. However, judging by some of the postings here, you'd think that they had a crystal ball. Ask yourself why they do this? Chances are, it's because they felt powerless when it happened to them and they want to live vicariously through you. But I ask again... do these members have a crystal ball that makes them qualified to make this claim?

One thing I will say is that if a woman is married and for no health reason... she suddenly starts to lose a bunch of weight; just out of the blue... *that* is usually considered a sure sign. Otherwise, it's all speculation.

If you approach this while riding high on emotionally charged fumes, more than likely, you'll eventually lose your power. If on the other hand, you take a few breaths beforehand, your approach will *then* be more difficult to dismantle or for her to use against you.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, you're not under a time constraint. Give it 60 days at least, and cautiously move ahead from there. Find ways for her to see that you are desirable to other women, however, don't make it obvious that you are trying to do that. You need to get a little dread game going.

This is not something that demands a rash, immediate decision. A very small percentage of women can and will change, and you might as well see if she is one, even if the odds are against it.

Think of your daughter, and your wedding vows. "Cheaper to keep 'er" is right, if you can do it. You've only just recently become awake, so I would proceed cautiously if I were you and just take it a step at a time. You might find she starts to respond. If not, after a reasonable amount of time, you'll know it's time to take more direct action.

 

[Spaz]

Ur wife is willing (I'd view that as a blessing), then you'd have to bravely re-learn how to lead her and ur family.

Dig deep and reflect on ur past leadership role within the marriage, has it been on mark?

Instead of focusing on sex only, start off with the small stuff to generate some feel good feelings.

Go and do simple things with the entire family, take a cheap day trip to the beach or if there's none then head to some river with clear waters and have an outing.

Do a BBQ.

Let some momentum build up.

Sometimes in marriages, its worth the fight to keep it together.

But its equally important to know when it's ended too, for example, if she's cheated, it is as good as dead.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

My situation is actually more complicated. We are expats living outside the US. If we got divorced she would likely take our daughter back to the US. So realistically I’d only get to see my daughter once a month for 2 or 3 days.

This is a huge issue. Seeing your daughter 2 or 3 days a month would be horrible. Also, bear in mind that if you divorce, your wife could try to turn your daughter against you (mine did).

How old is your daughter?

-Augustus-

 

[Epic Days]

Couldn't have said it better. Funny how women behave how they want to in literally all aspects of life and no ok really calls them out. But just let a guy even think about stepping out of line and boy will he get hammered. The difference in my suggestion was that if he could get a few years out of a mistress situation, he'd at least have that time with his kids. You think she's not going to be running him down without the mistress? Of course she is, that's how she's going to justify her heinous behavior, he's controlling, he's abusive, he's got mental issues, isn't that the standard stuff for women to pile up on the man these days?

All of those false allegations aren't going to affect the kids? What difference in all of those bs accusations would having a mistress have?

No, she created this situation, with all of her manipulations to get a guy into a marriage and family, only as a pretense. Now she gets to control the kids, the wealth, the sex and whether or not he gets to stay around? Wow, if that's her position, how cucked is this poor guy? So he literally has no say over any aspect of his life? Wow, that's depressing.

And your he gets to leave on his own terms, what would those terms be exactly? Walk away from his kids, half of his wealth and start over again? You mean without his house, half of his money gone? Not a great way to start over again.

Sounds like the only one making the terms is the "wife."

Just by reading this I can tell you have experience that many of these guys have absolutely no inkling of. Sure, they can spout off stuff and voice out the standard red pill quote but the element of subjective understanding isn’t there.

This is how I spot military poser wannabes. They don’t have the understanding behind the words they use.
I do believe he should, if he wants, have a mistress. Children are the most powerful leverage against a man that a woman can have. The sleepless nights from the terror of loosing your kids because she is the true nut job. A man can start to question his own sanity as the gaslighting and manipulations turn him inward. The whole time, you finally realize, it was all a ruse to hold you in place while she executes her sexual strategies.

Yet everyone loves her. She’s so wonderful. Etc. etc.

You’ve been through the hottest fire a man can suffer.

 

[highSpeed]

OP, pay attention to the many here that would suggest that men are innocent creatures - while women are 100% at fault.

Do I believe that women, in general are manipulate by nature , and try to operate the system as being victim when it's convenient and demand more than they give? Absolutely! However... read on.

Re-read the majority of your advice here. Most men responding to your post seem to lack self-objectivity. Sure... I think the male/female dynamics are not on a level playing field (with women expecting and usually getting the better advantage). With this being said, this does not qualify us men to play victim or not accept our enabling toward their bad behavior.

Is she already having an affair? Who knows. However, judging by some of the postings here, you'd think that they had a crystal ball. Ask yourself why they do this? Chances are, it's because they felt powerless when it happened to them and they want to live vicariously through you. But I ask again... do these members have a crystal ball that makes them qualified to make this claim?

One thing I will say is that if a woman is married and for no health reason... she suddenly starts to lose a bunch of weight; just out of the blue... *that* is usually considered a sure sign. Otherwise, it's all speculation.

If you approach this while riding high on emotionally charged fumes, more than likely, you'll eventually lose your power. If on the other hand, you take a few breaths beforehand, your approach will *then* be more difficult to dismantle or for her to use against you.

What difference does it make whether or not she's cheating? She's already broken the marriage contract by withholding sex from her husband. However, that part of the marriage contract is not enforceable, however, for some reason, her "happiness" level is. You know, that feeling in women that changes from moment to moment, usually centered around a what have you done for me lately type of mentality. Yeesh, yep, let him walk away from is kids and half his stuff or continue to beg his "wife" for the thing that she should eagerly and willingly be doing, all the while sacrificing his needs and happiness so he doesn't have to get divorce raped.

 

[highSpeed]

OP, you're not under a time constraint. Give it 60 days at least, and cautiously move ahead from there. Find ways for her to see that you are desirable to other women, however, don't make it obvious that you are trying to do that. You need to get a little dread game going.

This is not something that demands a rash, immediate decision. A very small percentage of women can and will change, and you might as well see if she is one, even if the odds are against it.

Think of your daughter, and your wedding vows. "Cheaper to keep 'er" is right, if you can do it. You've only just recently become awake, so I would proceed cautiously if I were you and just take it a step at a time. You might find she starts to respond. If not, after a reasonable amount of time, you'll know it's time to take more direct action.

No one is saying jump out the door and f*ck the first female that you see to the OP. However, c'mon, please, he confronts her about the lack of sex in their marriage and her response is "cuddle with me?" WTF? It wasn't, let me hop on your c*ck after some cuddling, let me blow you, hell at least let me give you a handy j, nope, a cuddle is all he got. I'm not sure how anyone could see that as progress. He's saying, "I need sex in our relationship" and her response is "How about a hug?"

Is it worth riding out a bit to see if she cums around? Perhaps and that's probably the safest route but please, let's not talk progress until she's doing the horizontal lambada on the regular.

 

[StillSearching]

Just by reading this I can tell you have experience that many of these guys have absolutely no inkling of. Sure, they can spout off stuff and voice out the standard red pill quote but the element of subjective understanding isn’t there.

This is how I spot military poser wannabes. They don’t have the understanding behind the words they use.
I do believe he should, if he wants, have a mistress. Children are the most powerful leverage against a man that a woman can have. The sleepless nights from the terror of loosing your kids because she is the true nut job. A man can start to question his own sanity as the gaslighting and manipulations turn him inward. The whole time, you finally realize, it was all a ruse to hold you in place while she executes her sexual strategies.

Yet everyone loves her. She’s so wonderful. Etc. etc.

You’ve been through the hottest fire a man can suffer.

I agree with you, except this.
Why sacrifice your own virtue? It's not that easy to get back. In the end it's only you in the mirror.
Red Pill is about responsibility, ownership to oneself.

 

[highSpeed]

Just by reading this I can tell you have experience that many of these guys have absolutely no inkling of. Sure, they can spout off stuff and voice out the standard red pill quote but the element of subjective understanding isn’t there.

This is how I spot military poser wannabes. They don’t have the understanding behind the words they use.
I do believe he should, if he wants, have a mistress. Children are the most powerful leverage against a man that a woman can have. The sleepless nights from the terror of loosing your kids because she is the true nut job. A man can start to question his own sanity as the gaslighting and manipulations turn him inward. The whole time, you finally realize, it was all a ruse to hold you in place while she executes her sexual strategies.

Yet everyone loves her. She’s so wonderful. Etc. etc.

You’ve been through the hottest fire a man can suffer.

Hey, I appreciate it man, it helps to have some kind of support. You're right, it sucks. Weird part is, I should be having the time of my life right now. I make good money, stay in shape, I'm dtf all the way but I have a c*ckblocker that lives with me. I have an underminer that actively works against me.

Truth be told though, I deserve it because I made the dumbf*ck decision that got me here. I'm my own architect of my misfortune. I'm the one who has to get my sh*t together and figure out a path forward. I've got my plan, it's just time to start executing it.

 

[highSpeed]

I agree with you, except this.
Why sacrifice your own virtue? It's not that easy to get back. In the end it's only you in the mirror.
Red Pill is about responsibility, ownership to oneself.

Where is any of this about virtue? So what you're suggesting is for him to fight by some Marquis of Queensbury rules all the while she's streetfighting? Doesn't sound like a good recipe for victory and happiness for him. To use your logic, is anyone, at the end of his life, when he's sacrificed all of his youth to someone who gave nothing in return, going to pat him on the head and say, "good boy, you didn't f*ck the mistress, here's a gold star." Where is the virtue in sacrificing your most precious asset, your youth and vitality, to someone who gives nothing back?

 

[StillSearching]

Where is any of this about virtue? So what you're suggesting is for him to fight by some Marquis of Queensbury rules all the while she's streetfighting? Doesn't sound like a good recipe for victory and happiness for him. To use your logic, is anyone, at the end of his life, when he's sacrificed all of his youth to someone who gave nothing in return, going to pat him on the head and say, "good boy, you didn't f*ck the mistress, here's a gold star." Where is the virtue in sacrificing your most precious asset, your youth and vitality, to someone who gives nothing back?

No. I'm saying he can leave. It's his best choice in the long run. In the end it's just OP and his future.
It's not about a "a pat on the head", it's about a better future. And not ending up in the same scenario again.
If you don't sacrifice the present for the future,.....well, you're just plain asking for your past to hit you upside your head again.
Your most precious asset is not youth, it's memory. Youth is wasted on the young for a reason....So we don't do stupid s**t over and over.

 

[Epic Days]

I agree with you, except this.
Why sacrifice your own virtue? It's not that easy to get back. In the end it's only you in the mirror.
Red Pill is about responsibility, ownership to oneself.

Virtue. An interesting word. The definition: behavior showing high moral standards

Living up to one’s self IS virtue. Suffering in silence or being a monk in the ivory tower of morality is the heart and soul of the weak man.

My question to you is...who’s moral standard are you referring to? That of the socially assigned “virtue” or the virtue of man by his birthright as a man? I am not in that old reality. It doesn’t work and enslaves men into the silent sufferer who is punished if he steps out of line socially.

I am far beyond those pompously assigned moral dictates. A man must formulate his own codes, thus the definition of his own virtue.
For this reason I am willing to accept any and all consequences of my actions.

I have never once in this forum have asked for advice on any situation. I select my own decisions. I learned this years ago. When a man asks for advice on one of his problems, he is actually relinquishing authority of himself to a group agreement. Thus his failure is not his. It’s the groups.

 

[Atom Smasher]

No one is saying jump out the door and f*ck the first female that you see to the OP. However, c'mon, please, he confronts her about the lack of sex in their marriage and her response is "cuddle with me?" WTF? It wasn't, let me hop on your c*ck after some cuddling, let me blow you, hell at least let me give you a handy j, nope, a cuddle is all he got. I'm not sure how anyone could see that as progress. He's saying, "I need sex in our relationship" and her response is "How about a hug?"

Is it worth riding out a bit to see if she cums around? Perhaps and that's probably the safest route but please, let's not talk progress until she's doing the horizontal lambada on the regular.

Women do not work that way. Especially a long-married women. She needs time to adjust and get with the program. You are expecting the utterly impossible.