The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[soulforge]

All the warning signs were there, recently divorced best friend, two young kids so I got a bit to comfortable and took my foot off the gas.

Assumed because of all the stuff she said in the past she'd never be one to do that kind of thing. My mate said why do you think she's some unicorn that's not like all the rest and he was spot on.

At least now I'm not so blind to it next time round

Yeh mate sorry to hear what you're going through.

These day and age, with women being the way they are, we have to be very careful and keep an eye out for the red flags or warning signs.

It's easier to walk away one year in, than 6 years in.

Lessons for us to learn.

 

[Giraffe123]

Yeh mate sorry to hear what you're going through.

These day and age, with women being the way they are, we have to be very careful and keep an eye out for the red flags or warning signs.

It's easier to walk away one year in, than 6 years in.

Lessons for us to learn.

Harder to see when you're in it, much easier to see from the outside. The signs weren't there to start with she seemed like perfect wifey material, probably kicked in after our first kid.

Started spinning my first plate tonight so that's a step in the right direction

 

[soulforge]

Harder to see when you're in it, much easier to see from the outside. The signs weren't there to start with she seemed like perfect wifey material, probably kicked in after our first kid.

Started spinning my first plate tonight so that's a step in the right direction

Good job man.

 

[Adz--]

After a long time away from the fold I'm back..

Short back drop:
Had a plate that became a LTR, whilst at university, moved for my job became a long distance LTR, lasted 3 months after I moved then we broke up start of April. I broke all the NC rules and stayed friends and it only made things worse for myself. Slowly weened myself off from her and in July did NC, lasted a month (August) then she reached out and said she's dating someone else and things have gotten serious. I wished her well and said its not healthy if we talk. Deleted all number and whatever else was associated with her from my life and started NC again.

Day 14
I've had a plate for the last 3/4 months that comes over every now and then just to pass the time and made it clear where we both stand and no drama there. I've restricted and blocked my ex from all social media. One of her posts came up and me being the Sh*t head I am, I looked through it, (I shouldn't have done that). Just really p*sses me off that she could easily move on and not give a f*ck. Most likely was already talking to the guy whilst we were dating.

Things I'm doing to better myself:
Due to work and having to study during my training year I have very little free time, but I have started to work out at home with weights for my physical, started writing down thoughts to work on my mental aspect and have a week long trip next week to the other side of the country for my friends graduation, where I'm taking some time out to catch up with some friends and organised a ONS with a old plate that I was spinning at university.

Onwards and upwards
Adz--

 

[soulforge]

After a long time away from the fold I'm back..

Short back drop:
Had a plate that became a LTR, whilst at university, moved for my job became a long distance LTR, lasted 3 months after I moved then we broke up start of April. I broke all the NC rules and stayed friends and it only made things worse for myself. Slowly weened myself off from her and in July did NC, lasted a month (August) then she reached out and said she's dating someone else and things have gotten serious. I wished her well and said its not healthy if we talk. Deleted all number and whatever else was associated with her from my life and started NC again.

Day 14
I've had a plate for the last 3/4 months that comes over every now and then just to pass the time and made it clear where we both stand and no drama there. I've restricted and blocked my ex from all social media. One of her posts came up and me being the Sh*t head I am, I looked through it, (I shouldn't have done that). Just really p*sses me off that she could easily move on and not give a f*ck. Most likely was already talking to the guy whilst we were dating.

Things I'm doing to better myself:
Due to work and having to study during my training year I have very little free time, but I have started to work out at home with weights for my physical, started writing down thoughts to work on my mental aspect and have a week long trip next week to the other side of the country for my friends graduation, where I'm taking some time out to catch up with some friends and organised a ONS with a old plate that I was spinning at university.

Onwards and upwards
Adz--

Couple of questions.

01. Why the hell would your ex contact you, just to tell you that she is dating someone else & it is serious? That seems quite odd to me (by the way, they are always talking to someone else, they all keep a back up plan)

02. Why the hell did you not remove her from all your social media? So her posts don't Pop up and throw you into a world of pain.

 

[Adz--]

Couple of questions.

01. Why the hell would your ex contact you, just to tell you that she is dating someone else & it is serious? That seems quite odd to me (by the way, they are always talking to someone else, they all keep a back up plan)

02. Why the hell did you not remove her from all your social media? So her posts don't Pop up and throw you into a world of pain.

01. I lost my frame, put her on a pedestal and probably developed Oneitis for her, thinking she was different and kept distant contact with her most likely for pride and ego (I messed up badly on that part)

02. I removed her from a lot of things but not those, most likely Because of the same reasons as above. I have removed her now though

 

[mrzacks]

I need advice on a situation with my ex today. I haven't contacted her for a month now. She bumped into me last week and looked extremely excited to see me but I acted uninterested and kept the conversation as brief as possible. Just this night, I saw her with a new guy, I passed by and acted like I didn't see them, few minutes later, she called me on phone to tell me she saw me and that she wants to say hi. After the call, I called her back immediately and told her to avoid me anywhere she sees me and to never call my number again nor contact me in any way of which she obliged even if I could tell from the tune of her voice that she never expected that from me. Please can someone help advice me on what to do next incase she tries to come over to my place unannounced?

 

[Millard Fillmore]

I need advice on a situation with my ex today. I haven't contacted her for a month now. She bumped into me last week and looked extremely excited to see me but I acted uninterested and kept the conversation as brief as possible. Just this night, I saw her with a new guy, I passed by and acted like I didn't see them, few minutes later, she called me on phone to tell me she saw me and that she wants to say hi. After the call, I called her back immediately and told her to avoid me anywhere she sees me and to never call my number again nor contact me in any way of which she obliged even if I could tell from the tune of her voice that she never expected that from me. Please can someone help advice me on what to do next incase she tries to come over to my place unannounced?

Well if it comes to that, don't let her in. Pretty simple.

 

[Giraffe123]

Did a good job for a week, had to turn off the dating apps as somewhat unbelievably had more interest than my schedule/bank roll could handle.

No contact other than when she messaged me about kid stuff.

Went away for the weekend with my family and kids, she packed all the stuff for me to pick up. Messaged her a couple of hours later to say thank you, got no response. Instant regret. Don't break the rules

 

[Baibars]

Did a good job for a week, had to turn off the dating apps as somewhat unbelievably had more interest than my schedule/bank roll could handle.

No contact other than when she messaged me about kid stuff.

Went away for the weekend with my family and kids, she packed all the stuff for me to pick up. Messaged her a couple of hours later to say thank you, got no response. Instant regret. Don't break the rules

You have to not care a bit. I know a divorced mother of 3 that hooks up with other men for money while her ex watches the kids. You have to care 0. live your life and don’t care a bit. Don’t act like you don’t care. Just don’t care because she doesn’t care about you. No one genuinely cares more about you than yourself. I went through the same thing. It also takes time until you stop caring.

 

[Giraffe123]

You have to not care a bit. I know a divorced mother of 3 that hooks up with other men for money while her ex watches the kids. You have to care 0. live your life and don’t care a bit. Don’t act like you don’t care. Just don’t care because she doesn’t care about you. No one genuinely cares more about you than yourself. I went through the same thing. It also takes time until you stop caring.

I was very much in the 'she'd never do that' camp but now I realise how wrong I was. I will stop caring but all very fresh, trying to focus on the moving forward but hard not to wallow at times.

 

[soulforge]

Been NC now around 11 weeks.

Godamn it's crazy after the emotions begin to fade somewhat and the logical thinking kicks in, you begin to see those absolutely apparent red flags that we miss because we are blind sided by her beauty.

Now that some time has passed, I clearly see that my ex was an extremely damaged individual.

I am convinced, to some level she was BPD, definitely had daddy issues and to boot, had serious NARC traits.

I didn't only dodge bullets here, but absolute Tsar bombe size Nukes.

Something that was very apparent from day one of meeting her, was her somewhat agressive/combative tone.

Strong indications that she was Sex-ualy abused in childhood. Only dates MUCH older men (she was age 24 and now age 25)

Her father was an alcoholic and died early on in her life.. Raised by a single mother.

Extremely addicted to social media and online validation.

Been on/off anti depressants for several years. Had a string of toxic relationships.

Literally had these mood swings, can go from sweet to angry combative in a heartbeat.

Has a party girl background, including a body count of 12 or more.

Has tattoos

Her freinds where mostly dudes, like lots of male friends (she did cut them out for me)

She mentioned moving in together within 4 months of dating and began talking about lets have children together in a year's time, after only seeing her 5 months.

Godam this girl was a fvking mess.. Damn glad I Dumped her before she got pregnant.

 

[johnrambo]

You definitely messed up by responding, but now you know not to in the future.

Definitely messed up. I need to make a confession. A few days after I posted this on Aug 20,
she wanted to meet and we had sex. I was planning to spin her as a plate, seeing her once a
month. Long story short, we were supposed to meet last weekend but she flaked on me.
That's the last time she'll do that.

 

[Glassguy]

I'm on day 5 of NC even though the one meeting was the only time I've seen/talked to her in 2 weeks. It's weird how much withdrawn a woman can act after just a few weeks.
I've prayed for clarity and it's starting to get clearer.
Even though there was writing on the wall early on, the human nature doesn't allow us to decide who we fall in love with.
Lesson learned on ignoring red flags in the future.

 

[Baibars]

I'm on day 5 of NC even though the one meeting was the only time I've seen/talked to her in 2 weeks. It's weird how much withdrawn a woman can act after just a few weeks.
I've prayed for clarity and it's starting to get clearer.
Even though there was writing on the wall early on, the human nature doesn't allow us to decide who we fall in love with.
Lesson learned on ignoring red flags in the future.

for how long have you been with her? Yeah it’s crazy how they change.

 

[Glassguy]

for how long have you been with her? Yeah it’s crazy how they change.

10 months

 

[JoyDivision1990]

Even though there was writing on the wall early on, the human nature doesn't allow us to decide who we fall in love with.

Amen brother.

Lesson learned on ignoring red flags in the future.

Good luck with that. Think I posted this before, but love has a funny way of causing us to forget everything we've learned, even the red flags we find endearing. Until it all comes crashing down usually without warning or maybe the warnings were there but we were blind to them.

The only way to avoid is to never allow yourself to fall in love again, although that's a pretty crappy way to live life.

Stay the course man, you're doing great, better than I did.

 

[soulforge]

I'm on day 5 of NC even though the one meeting was the only time I've seen/talked to her in 2 weeks. It's weird how much withdrawn a woman can act after just a few weeks.
I've prayed for clarity and it's starting to get clearer.
Even though there was writing on the wall early on, the human nature doesn't allow us to decide who we fall in love with.
Lesson learned on ignoring red flags in the future.

They are withdrawn only after a few weeks, because they didn't care that much in the first place, also when they have taken dik from another dude after you, they are kinda attached to him now, your that person she USED to have sex with.

Female nature is cruel.

 

[soulforge]

Amen brother.



Good luck with that. Think I posted this before, but love has a funny way of causing us to forget everything we've learned, even the red flags we find endearing. Until it all comes crashing down usually without warning or maybe the warnings were there but we were blind to them.

The only way to avoid is to never allow yourself to fall in love again, although that's a pretty crappy way to live life.

Stay the course man, you're doing great, better than I did.

We men need to embrace being alone and not fear it.

Ignoring those red flags always leads to us getting all fuked up down the line.

 

[Adz--]

Day 27:
Took a week of from studying & work. Travelled out to a different city to catch up with some old friends and go to a graduation also banged an old plate that I had spinning when I was in university, which was fun.
Spoke about my ex with one of my friends which basically told me to "Get on with your life, it's sh*t it's happened but it's happened for a reason whatever it is"
Really needed that, I find now that I'm not thinking about my ex as much or the thoughts about her aren't as intrusive as they were before.
Plans going forward: Get on with work/study, Carry on working out as much as I can, Eat healthy/ good, Read more and be a better Don Juan.

Adz--