The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[soulforge]

She officially broke up with me, but there was mutual interest fading I suppose, now I see with clarity after the passage of much time I was really only after her physically and she offered little else to my life besides that.

I guess a person to talk to from time to time but many of our conversations were one sided.

It would not work out you are correct, she has to comply and see you as the leader otherwise it will fail.

Does that mean she should never voice her opinion? No. I believe a healthy relationship has open dialogue about everything. But she should trust your instincts as a man and when you decide something, she should be on board most of the time.

Nothing wrong with voicing an opinion, but when it's done in a very combative and agressive manner, on a regular basis, it's not something I can put up with for too long.

 

[johnrambo]

I didn't really get dumped technically. I was in a relationsh1t for 7 years. I made the mistake of not maintaining my frame from the onset due to a mindset of scarcity. It got to the point where the quality and the quantity of sex gets lower and lower with time. In the first week of June this year, I did a no contact. She didn't call or text for almost 7 weeks. I heard from mutual friends that she's doing her club slut thing. Suddenly she sent a text asking how I was doing around week 7. She didn't ask to meet. I responded (just to see what's going on; I don't intend to see her) but didn't ask to meet either. We texted and talked about basically nothing.

Fast forward about 4 weeks later, I got a text saying she wants to see me. I let the message sit for 72-h before responding (just to see what's going on). After I responded, I didn't get a follow-up. I think she wants to get a validation from me.

No contact is definitely a powerful weapon. I shouldn't have responded in the above 2 situations. Her hamster wheel will just spin out of control and will go nuts!

 

[DreamAgain]

I didn't really get dumped technically. I was in a relation**** for 7 years. I made the mistake of not maintaining my frame from the onset due to a mindset of scarcity. It got to the point where the quality and the quantity of sex gets lower and lower with time. In the first week of June this year, I did a no contact. She didn't call or text for almost 7 weeks. I heard from mutual friends that she's doing her club slut thing. Suddenly she sent a text asking how I was doing around week 7. She didn't ask to meet. I responded (just to see what's going on; I don't intend to see her) but didn't ask to meet either. We texted and talked about basically nothing.

Fast forward about 4 weeks later, I got a text saying she wants to see me. I let the message sit for 72-h before responding (just to see what's going on). After I responded, I didn't get a follow-up. I think she wants to get a validation from me.

No contact is definitely a powerful weapon. I shouldn't have responded in the above 2 situations. Her hamster wheel will just spin out of control and will go nuts!

You definitely messed up by responding, but now you know not to in the future.

 

[soulforge]

I didn't really get dumped technically. I was in a relationsh1t for 7 years. I made the mistake of not maintaining my frame from the onset due to a mindset of scarcity. It got to the point where the quality and the quantity of sex gets lower and lower with time. In the first week of June this year, I did a no contact. She didn't call or text for almost 7 weeks. I heard from mutual friends that she's doing her club slut thing. Suddenly she sent a text asking how I was doing around week 7. She didn't ask to meet. I responded (just to see what's going on; I don't intend to see her) but didn't ask to meet either. We texted and talked about basically nothing.

Fast forward about 4 weeks later, I got a text saying she wants to see me. I let the message sit for 72-h before responding (just to see what's going on). After I responded, I didn't get a follow-up. I think she wants to get a validation from me.

No contact is definitely a powerful weapon. I shouldn't have responded in the above 2 situations. Her hamster wheel will just spin out of control and will go nuts!

What is your end goal? Do you want her back or do you want to forget her and move on?

 

[johnrambo]

What is your end goal? Do you want her back or do you want to forget her and move on?

@soulforge At this point, I am not trying to see her again. It's experiment to prove my theory. Ignore them, they have more interest. Give them attention, they lose interest.

 

[soulforge]

@soulforge At this point, I am not trying to see her again. It's experiment to prove my theory. Ignore them, they have more interest. Give them attention, they lose interest.

Could it be that she didn't respond back, because you took 72 hours to reply back to her offer to meet up?

 

[johnrambo]

Could it be that she didn't respond back, because you took 72 hours to reply back to her offer to meet up?

That's possible. I was also experimenting not responding right away (which I did before for 7 years). I didn't want to appear desperate. We've been growing cold this year. Seeing her again is going to repeat the whole hot/cold cycle. As I mentioned to you earlier, it's like high and low in drug addiction. It would be better not to see her again. But it's good to experiment and treat her like a lab rat

 

[soulforge]

That's possible. I was also experimenting not responding right away (which I did before for 7 years). I didn't want to appear desperate. We've been growing cold this year. Seeing her again is going to repeat the whole hot/cold cycle. As I mentioned to you earlier, it's like high and low in drug addiction. It would be better not to see her again. But it's good to experiment and treat her like a lab rat

Any idea why she reaches out to meet in the first place? I mean if her life is going so swimmingly well, why does she feel the need to keep contacting you. Is it likely she is being pumped/Dumped by other dudes.

 

[johnrambo]

Any idea why she reaches out to meet in the first place? I mean if her life is going so swimmingly well, why does she feel the need to keep contacting you. Is it likely she is being pumped/Dumped by other dudes.

My hypothesis is that she's curious and/or want something she doesn't have. In the past, I was the one who initiates contact 80-90% of the time. In the last 3 months, I did NO (initial) CONTACT. We haven't met in person in almost 3 months. The last time we met, she spent half her time on her phone.

I may be annoying/low value to always initiate contact. Now I don't. She may just miss it.

I did hear from mutual friends that she's become a club slut. It's possible she got pumped and dumped. You don't meet quality people there. I think she's having a mid-life crisis (she's entering late 30s)..hence riding the c0ck carousel..maybe that's what she wants. I heard she's going for guys her age or younger. I am about 18 years older than her.

No, I don't want her back. It's back to the endless hot/cold cycles.

 

[soulforge]

Man I absolutely have no intention of reaching out to my ex.

I simply want the memories to fade, like she never even existed, so I can move on with my life.

 

[johnrambo]

Man I absolutely have no intention of reaching out to my ex.

I simply want the memories to fade, like she never even existed, so I can move on with my life.

Yes, eventually my memory and feelings will be gone. Already, my feelings are 60-70% gone.

 

[Foe]

Well boys Im back

#Day 4
To bring you up to speed, BPD ex called me to drop off some things after going no contact after a fight 3 months prior. Day before I go on holidays in Thailand so my head is focused on that, shes just a option for when I get back (or so I tell myself). As I am enjoying my holiday she brings me up to speed with what happened since we split, what a absolute sh!tshow.

The night of the fight she gets on online dating at 1am as I leave her door. Guy simps her and tells her what she wants to hear, her monkey branch is setup so she blocks. Two weeks later they decide to move in together about 1 hour from where she lived which was 5 mins from where I live, moves her sons school and they pretend to be a happy family. Her BPD kicks in no doubt and she starts to play the BPD game with this guy who cant handle it (who can) and so she then comes to drop off my stuff 3 months later. Then he finds out she came and saw me, freaks out and wants her out of the house immediately, this is about week 1 into my vacation and she wants to move in with me (we never did this before because of the BPD cycling, never could hold it together long enough to consider it). I say sorry not happening she ends up moving back into her old place where I first met her. Meanwhile the guy she lived with rings up her sons father and tells him shes domesticaly violent, sons father hates her anyway so he steals her son, literally wont give him back and is taking her to court to get full custody.

I get back from holidays and she gives it up, best s3x ever as usual. Starts prepping for court and we are playing pretend relationship (pretend because I know its a matter of time before she splits). We have a few drinks and she asks me to go to court to give her a character reference, I tell her that's terrible idea because I've seen her worst, (cheating, holes in the wall, throwing things, breaking things etc etc) she freaks out, says I don't support her and then does her usual trick to go over to my male neighbors place (which I have told her many times is unacceptable and inappropriate) to get some simp support.

I go to bed, get a call the next day saying how I have a drinking problem and she had no choice, this is her gotoo. I tell her she has BPD and she needs to get help she freaks out tells me the relationship is over, I say no problem and block her on everything, she rings and leaves a message crying saying how can I do this to her!? I email her and say its for the best and wish her well, she gets abusive and then on Sunday I have a week moment and call, now Im blocked on everything.

Damn it if I cant help but feel a loss on this, again for the 50 millionth time. That trauma bond thing is really wild, so yeah starting again, same old empty feeling, sad blah blah.

Its my fault, I only share to re-enforce the threads point.

 

[soulforge]

Well boys Im back

#Day 4
To bring you up to speed, BPD ex called me to drop off some things after going no contact after a fight 3 months prior. Day before I go on holidays in Thailand so my head is focused on that, shes just a option for when I get back (or so I tell myself). As I am enjoying my holiday she brings me up to speed with what happened since we split, what a absolute sh!tshow.

The night of the fight she gets on online dating at 1am as I leave her door. Guy simps her and tells her what she wants to hear, her monkey branch is setup so she blocks. Two weeks later they decide to move in together about 1 hour from where she lived which was 5 mins from where I live, moves her sons school and they pretend to be a happy family. Her BPD kicks in no doubt and she starts to play the BPD game with this guy who cant handle it (who can) and so she then comes to drop off my stuff 3 months later. Then he finds out she came and saw me, freaks out and wants her out of the house immediately, this is about week 1 into my vacation and she wants to move in with me (we never did this before because of the BPD cycling, never could hold it together long enough to consider it). I say sorry not happening she ends up moving back into her old place where I first met her. Meanwhile the guy she lived with rings up her sons father and tells him shes domesticaly violent, sons father hates her anyway so he steals her son, literally wont give him back and is taking her to court to get full custody.

I get back from holidays and she gives it up, best s3x ever as usual. Starts prepping for court and we are playing pretend relationship (pretend because I know its a matter of time before she splits). We have a few drinks and she asks me to go to court to give her a character reference, I tell her that's terrible idea because I've seen her worst, (cheating, holes in the wall, throwing things, breaking things etc etc) she freaks out, says I don't support her and then does her usual trick to go over to my male neighbors place (which I have told her many times is unacceptable and inappropriate) to get some simp support.

I go to bed, get a call the next day saying how I have a drinking problem and she had no choice, this is her gotoo. I tell her she has BPD and she needs to get help she freaks out tells me the relationship is over, I say no problem and block her on everything, she rings and leaves a message crying saying how can I do this to her!? I email her and say its for the best and wish her well, she gets abusive and then on Sunday I have a week moment and call, now Im blocked on everything.

Damn it if I cant help but feel a loss on this, again for the 50 millionth time. That trauma bond thing is really wild, so yeah starting again, same old empty feeling, sad blah blah.

Its my fault, I only share to re-enforce the threads point.

Erm told you so. You need to break this cycle forever man.

Your literally putting yourself through all this for the sake of a little sex? Come on man you know this isn't right.

 

[r2t_maninja]

So my target is a coworker. Long story short, we would constantly flirt during work and by text/phone after work. Never went out or anything because I didnt know if I should get involved with coworker, etc.... Anyway, We had a falling out because against my judgement, I would constantly buy her small little gifts, or if we ordered lunch in I would pay for hers, etc.... Very very slowly she lost interest and I startef to act like a dumbass. Finally, I ended up apologizing for nothing (stupid. I know). She said nothing was wrong and how she had noticed me being a little bit overwhelmed with work so she was giving me room and said you have done nothing wrong, etc..... and we started to have our normal conversations, etc.... for the rest of the day.

Next day was a coworkers birthday and she kept trying to embarrass me in front of other coworkers and I just let it roll off of me and I laughed about it.

The following day she was acting extremely indifferent. I called her after work and she didn't pickup. Then she texted me "I'm on a call. Ill let you know if I will call you". Saw her the next day and said to her jokingly "that's a long phone call" because I figured she mistyped the text. She repeated I told you I would let you know if I will call you back. This seemed extremely disrespectful so I had to immediately implement no contact. This was 20 days ago today. The only contact we've had was two email exchanges strictly work related, and one day last week as we were walking past eachother she tured and said Good Morning to which I just kept walking and pretended like I thought she was talking with someone behind me. Also, she kept up with all of my instagram stories, etc... however since NC I stopped viewing hers fully.

I was going to make first contact today by asking her for a favor, etc.... since today its going to be a rare day of just the two of us in the office, however two nights ago (Saturday), out of nowhere, she stopped following me and blocked me from instagram.

Should I still move forward with my plan of first contact considering she unfollowed me and blocked me or should I give it more time?

Do you think her breaking the silence and saying good mmorning last week and blocking/unfollowing is a test to see a reaction and if I'll break or is she done?

I will appreciate your input and opinion.

 

[Dr.Suave]

So my target is a coworker. Long story short, we would constantly flirt during work and by text/phone after work. Never went out or anything because I didnt know if I should get involved with coworker, etc.... Anyway, We had a falling out because against my judgement, I would constantly buy her small little gifts, or if we ordered lunch in I would pay for hers, etc.... Very very slowly she lost interest and I startef to act like a dumbass. Finally, I ended up apologizing for nothing (stupid. I know). She said nothing was wrong and how she had noticed me being a little bit overwhelmed with work so she was giving me room and said you have done nothing wrong, etc..... and we started to have our normal conversations, etc.... for the rest of the day.

Next day was a coworkers birthday and she kept trying to embarrass me in front of other coworkers and I just let it roll off of me and I laughed about it.

The following day she was acting extremely indifferent. I called her after work and she didn't pickup. Then she texted me "I'm on a call. Ill let you know if I will call you". Saw her the next day and said to her jokingly "that's a long phone call" because I figured she mistyped the text. She repeated I told you I would let you know if I will call you back. This seemed extremely disrespectful so I had to immediately implement no contact. This was 20 days ago today. The only contact we've had was two email exchanges strictly work related, and one day last week as we were walking past eachother she tured and said Good Morning to which I just kept walking and pretended like I thought she was talking with someone behind me. Also, she kept up with all of my instagram stories, etc... however since NC I stopped viewing hers fully.

I was going to make first contact today by asking her for a favor, etc.... since today its going to be a rare day of just the two of us in the office, however two nights ago (Saturday), out of nowhere, she stopped following me and blocked me from instagram.

Should I still move forward with my plan of first contact considering she unfollowed me and blocked me or should I give it more time?

Do you think her breaking the silence and saying good mmorning last week and blocking/unfollowing is a test to see a reaction and if I'll break or is she done?

I will appreciate your input and opinion.

You dried her poozy by buying her gifts and paying for her lunch. No worries, you live and you learn. Next her. Bang a hotter and younger girl just for kicks. Bonus points if she finds out about it

 

[Giraffe123]

Starting this now, added complication of 7 year relationship with two kids, we are rotating in and out of our house until January when our tenancy is up.

Short summary of what happened, I noticed she was off as around July but put it down to moving house and job etc. When approached she said she wasn't sure about the future and couldn't say why. End of August found she had been messaging someone else since July. She claims she hasn't been happy since April and first started thinking it was us as around May, doesn't love me anymore and that isn't going to change. Don't really believe her as the story has changed over time, but she has expressed that she wants to good co-parents and sees us doing things together in the future. I have told her she cannot expect this.

No socials to contact her on (I only have twitter, she has Instagram but I do not). We have a shared bank account till January when our tenancy is up. Plan is to cut off all contact, delete her as a contact but store the number in my phone separately so can contact in an emergency. Will not respond to anything unless it is kid related or an emergency.

Personally have jumped back into the gym, got a few dates lined up from dating apps but once I've got under a few times plan is to delete them and just focus on me, including job, using time to consider starting my own business, and getting some travel in. Moving back to London for the 7 days every fortnight I don't have the kids so will be back in with friends. Fingers crossed she can claim some UC so I can keep all of my salary!

Any other tips or things I've missed?

 

[soulforge]

Starting this now, added complication of 7 year relationship with two kids, we are rotating in and out of our house until January when our tenancy is up.

Short summary of what happened, I noticed she was off as around July but put it down to moving house and job etc. When approached she said she wasn't sure about the future and couldn't say why. End of August found she had been messaging someone else since July. She claims she hasn't been happy since April and first started thinking it was us as around May, doesn't love me anymore and that isn't going to change. Don't really believe her as the story has changed over time, but she has expressed that she wants to good co-parents and sees us doing things together in the future. I have told her she cannot expect this.

No socials to contact her on (I only have twitter, she has Instagram but I do not). We have a shared bank account till January when our tenancy is up. Plan is to cut off all contact, delete her as a contact but store the number in my phone separately so can contact in an emergency. Will not respond to anything unless it is kid related or an emergency.

Personally have jumped back into the gym, got a few dates lined up from dating apps but once I've got under a few times plan is to delete them and just focus on me, including job, using time to consider starting my own business, and getting some travel in. Moving back to London for the 7 days every fortnight I don't have the kids so will be back in with friends. Fingers crossed she can claim some UC so I can keep all of my salary!

Any other tips or things I've missed?

Sounds like could be another guy in the picture dude. Your doing everything right.

Lose all contact with her. Hit the gym, focus on you.

You can't negotiate desire. If that's how she states she feels, then let her be.

Only make contact regarding the kids.

 

[Giraffe123]

Sounds like could be another guy in the picture dude. Your doing everything right.

Lose all contact with her. Hit the gym, focus on you.

You can't negotiate desire. If that's how she states she feels, then let her be.

Only make contact regarding the kids.

Yea I did put that in there and it was the case. She's ****ed me and my family over which I can never forgive her for. Recovery starts now.

Hardest part will be having to see her on changeovers but will be purely transactional

 

[soulforge]

Yea I did put that in there and it was the case. She's ****ed me and my family over which I can never forgive her for. Recovery starts now.

Hardest part will be having to see her on changeovers but will be purely transactional

Yeh mate, unfortunately modern women these days, won't think twice about breaking up there home.

They will chase chad for a while, end up single again & find comfort in living with a bunch of cats.

 

[Giraffe123]

Yeh mate, unfortunately modern women these days, won't think twice about breaking up there home.

They will chase chad for a while, end up single again & find comfort in living with a bunch of cats.

All the warning signs were there, recently divorced best friend, two young kids so I got a bit to comfortable and took my foot off the gas.

Assumed because of all the stuff she said in the past she'd never be one to do that kind of thing. My mate said why do you think she's some unicorn that's not like all the rest and he was spot on.

At least now I'm not so blind to it next time round