The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Mauser96]

I am in bold
Do you think it's a good idea to wait and see if their opinion changes after they reach out again? I think holding onto hope will drain, exhaust and depress you. You have to pick yourself up, get some new activities, get busy socially. If they reach out they do, worry about that when/if it happens. Because most times they monkey branch and reach out after the got dumped or something like that. IF THEY MONKEY BRANCHED THEY SHOULD CEASE TO EXIST IN YOUR WORLD UNTIL THE END OF TIME. DON'T CONTACT OR RESPOND TO CONTACT. HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT. I experienced that they seek security, someone beta they can lean on who tells them how great they are because they feel like **** after being dumped. Of course they wont tell you what happened.
I think it's better to just don't dig through the trash but if you consider it don't take her back right after she reaches out.

 

[DontThinkTwice]

I am on Day 3 of my NC challenge.

Shorter relationship than many of you posting here, but this girl seemed like the perfect match. Really cool person. Amazing chemistry. Can't believe how many similarities we had. Only issue is she came with a good amount of baggage. Being so into her was probably the problem that drove her away in addition to some pressure from that baggage. Been reading articles here (that I have read in the past and of course decided to ignore...) and realized I was being too much of a "Nice Guy" by being too available, accommodating, and flexible to her needs at the expense of my own. Didn't say or do anything real humiliating, but still was Beta/AFC.

She grew more and more distant from me and it made me more insecure that something was wrong. I pulled back some, but not as much as I should have. Finally, I decided that if I was going to be exclusive to someone, she needed to decide to either spend time with me or it was over. I set up a phone call with her, and before we were able to talk she texted me that she needed some time and space and couldn't be in a fully committed relationship right now. She might have sensed I was going to break up and wanted the upper hand.

Ended up still talking to her by phone after that text. I am proud of how I handled the conversation and explained I was actually looking to break up in our phone call anyway, and I did a good job of sounding confident and pretending like this didn't bother me. Joked around about some inside jokes we had, and then when there was a pause, so I said in a friendly tone: "Well see ya later". That was our last contact on Friday.

I have a bad history of being AFC and making excuses for women that hurt me or start ignoring me, and then I continue chasing them only to find myself get even more hurt, insecure, and even embarrassed by my behavior. I am open to talking if she reaches out, but I am not going to "bite the cheese" and jump right back into something cause she says "Hi, I miss you." It has hurt these past few days, but I am going to take on this challenge, and keep my self-respect this time. Stay strong, friends!

 

[Zontyy]

Just a quick update my current EX is giving birth today and has flip flopped 3 times on whether she wants me there or not. I just told her I would come on visiting hours she seems angry at my dis-interest. I just won't deal with the flip flopping and I'm not going to show up for her to ask me to leave because she changes her mind.

My other EX in morocco called and asked about the baby and we talked for a 30 minutes. She then asked if she could borrow $150 because she ran out money. Apparently she dropped her son off with her mom and is tourist city just living it up on her ex husbands dime. She got pissed when I said no and then she started to insult my other EX and got to the point where she was saying "I don't even know why I am mad I her I don't even know her". I cut her off and told her she can't insult her that is the mother of my child and she has no place. I told her she has no right to speak ill of me because I told her I couldn't help her. I had to be blunt and told her I am not her responsibility we are not together to call her husband or her family. She then tried to claim she was in a depression and her mother was causing part of it etc etc etc. Told her again she is not my responsibility. Then she brought up the tickets she bought me for morocco and how she was going to spend time with me how that is such a great gift her time. I legit laughed at this over the phone and said with that attitude I don't even know if I should see you maybe I will see some other girls. Zineb in Rabat, Najar in Marrakech, Rajei in Tangier there are plenty of "gifts" in morocco.

She went nuclear at first but calmed down and said she really wanted to see me. I'm really a coin toss right now when I do go to morocco if she worth seeing or some other women. Right now though goals are Baby, Fitness, Education then Morocco borders should open in 2-3 months.

 

[bcude]

Just a quick update my current EX is giving birth today and has flip flopped 3 times on whether she wants me there or not. I just told her I would come on visiting hours she seems angry at my dis-interest. I just won't deal with the flip flopping and I'm not going to show up for her to ask me to leave because she changes her mind.

My other EX in morocco called and asked about the baby and we talked for a 30 minutes. She then asked if she could borrow $150 because she ran out money. Apparently she dropped her son off with her mom and is tourist city just living it up on her ex husbands dime. She got pissed when I said no and then she started to insult my other EX and got to the point where she was saying "I don't even know why I am mad I her I don't even know her". I cut her off and told her she can't insult her that is the mother of my child and she has no place. I told her she has no right to speak ill of me because I told her I couldn't help her. I had to be blunt and told her I am not her responsibility we are not together to call her husband or her family. She then tried to claim she was in a depression and her mother was causing part of it etc etc etc. Told her again she is not my responsibility. Then she brought up the tickets she bought me for morocco and how she was going to spend time with me how that is such a great gift her time. I legit laughed at this over the phone and said with that attitude I don't even know if I should see you maybe I will see some other girls. Zineb in Rabat, Najar in Marrakech, Rajei in Tangier there are plenty of "gifts" in morocco.

She went nuclear at first but calmed down and said she really wanted to see me. I'm really a coin toss right now when I do go to morocco if she worth seeing or some other women. Right now though goals are Baby, Fitness, Education then Morocco borders should open in 2-3 months.

Maybe i missed something but your ex is giving birth to your child and you won't go because of her changing mind? A woman is in meltdown mode from all the hormones during this time. Of course she wants you there.
Don't YOU have any urge to be there at this special moment in your life, dude w t f? They would have to put an restraining order on me to keep me away from an event like that. This is about your child and you and not about the ex and i'm 100% sure you will regret that you're not there for the rest of your life because you were a little hurt or whatever.

And this Moroccan chick? That story sounds like a complete clusterfvck. Stop wasting your time. Think with your big head.

 

[Zontyy]

Maybe i missed something but your ex is giving birth to your child and you won't go because of her changing mind? A woman is in meltdown mode from all the hormones during this time. Of course she wants you there.
Don't YOU have any urge to be there at this special moment in your life, dude w t f? They would have to put an restraining order on me to keep me away from an event like that. This is about your child and you and not about the ex and i'm 100% sure you will regret that you're not there for the rest of your life because you were a little hurt or whatever.

I wanted to be their for this special moment I expressed that I wanted to be there. Trust me when I say she doesn't want me there the only reason she keeps flip flopping is because she knows it is important to me. In fact none of here "baby daddies" have been there because she never wanted them present only her mother.

After reading what you said bcude I gave her a quick text saying I'm available. In her ideal world she wants me there only for the last 5 minutes of birth and to cut the cord. The ball is in her court if she wants me their or not. I won't feel guilty, I expressed my will to be there what she chooses is up to her.

 

[bcude]

I wanted to be their for this special moment I expressed that I wanted to be there. Trust me when I say she doesn't want me there the only reason she keeps flip flopping is because she knows it is important to me. In fact none of here "baby daddies" have been there because she never wanted them present only her mother.

After reading what you said bcude I gave her a quick text saying I'm available. In her ideal world she wants me there only for the last 5 minutes of birth and to cut the cord. The ball is in her court if she wants me their or not. I won't feel guilty, I expressed my will to be there what she chooses is up to her.

What happened in the end?
I hear you, at the same time women don't know what they want. One moment this, the next this until they drive you crazy because they go after what they feel at the moment. That's why you as a man think rationally and take these decisions for her. Sounds like she was on the fence about this one and certainly wouldn't have mind if you decided to be there, no questions asked. It's not like she's repulsed by you. She still wants to wants to spend a quality weekend with you after she's been giving birth from the looks of it.

Something i hope you won't do if she excluded you from this birth. Then she's pure evil and should be treated as such.

 

[Zontyy]

What happened in the end?

She flipped flopped back to wanting me there and I showed up they wouldn't let me go up to the maternity ward because of Covid-19 I was running a temperature of 100.5 at the time. I'm a bit bitter because she had she wanted me there from this morning I would have been allowed in because, I didn't have a temperature in the morning. She did however give the phone to her mom and face timed the whole thing and I screen recorded it as it happened down in hospital lobby.

Then when the fever was gone they didn't allow me up to visit because it wasn't visiting hours and they only allow one designated visitor after the birth (Which is stupid because they allow 2 people for the birth) and her mother was already designated the one since she was there at the birth. So today at 3pm-7pm I will see my son for the first time.

 

[YeeZus]

NC - Day 4

This girl said something that I think was disrespectful. I told her not to talk to me like that but in a fun way she said "I will" (She was drunk). To this I did not talk to her the entire time we were along spend the time watching football. After I was done, i asked the waiter to pack rest of the stuff and I started moving to which she joined and i dropped her home and I left. Din't speck to her since then.

She's about 8 years younger to me. Been on NC before as well for a week wherein she reeled me in.

Just received a text few mins back saying "You have until tonight to text or call me, if you don't there is no coming back". She had told me during the last NC too that if next time you disappear that is the last time its the end.

What do you'll think?

So after a few messages from her and me not responding and ignoring it today I found out that she has deleted me and my common friends that we use to hang out with from all social media. I kind of missed her today hence hopped in to check on her profile and boom!

 

[Mauser96]

So after a few messages from her and me not responding and ignoring it today I found out that she has deleted me and my common friends that we use to hang out with from all social media. I kind of missed her today hence hopped in to check on her profile and boom!

This what I would expect. If you ignore her because you are done and would never date her again.......then ignoring is the way to go.

But if you wanted her to reach out in hopes of reconciliation, you don't ignore.

 

[NSX-R]

Been in NC since 23rd of April. Actually it was 1 and a half month longer but she Send me some wishes for my nameday which i replied 40 hours later saying “thank you “ and that’s all . Since then been with 5 females (banged them the last 2 weeks) . Yesterday for some reason a saw her on my dream and thought about her . I checked her account from a profile that a friend of mine has ( cause we don’t follow each other on instagram) and she uploaded a story with a sightseeing with 2 of her female friends and their bf Tagged and another dude as it seems to be her new bf . He might not be the new bf ,I’m not sure but it seems weird for just a dude to be around there with 2 couples so it’s very probable . Anyway, it was expected this to happen but for some reason i got really furious . So i went and hit the gym and released all of my anger . Other than that he’s not better looking than me , most likely not as rich as i am so this calms me even more for some reason again .I thought for a long time i was over her but unfortunately there is still something down there burning for her .

So few days ago , very late at night she requested to follow me again on instagram (note that she blocked me and unblocked me 3 or 4 times in between without asking to follow me ) . After a couple of hours i accepted her request and followed her back . I did that cause i had a few drinks and i was in a very good mood . The next day i started thinking about the whole bad situation that i might occur again so i stopped following her . I chose to maintain my mental peace and 20 minutes later she stopped following me as well . I think she realized herself that it’s over cause it is over for me .

 

[bcude]

(note that she blocked me and unblocked me 3 or 4 times in between without asking to follow me )

This is child's play and attention seeking behavior. By accepting and following her back you give her everything she was looking for.
Now she can relax again until the next time her bf didn't call her back.

 

[NSX-R]

This is child's play and attention seeking behavior. By accepting and following her back you give her everything she was looking for.
Now she can relax again until the next time her bf didn't call her back.

Yeah i regret it for doing it but anyway she got the message that i don’t want to do anything further with her . Lost nothing btw , i still got my peace.

 

[Mike41090]

Just a quick update sort of. Saw my ex for the first time a few weeks ago (we broke up in November). We were both in passing at a party and she sarcastically said hello. I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to her so I just kept walking and didn’t even respond. I know it’s kind of a non-story update so to speak but I don’t even want to bother building any sort of relationship with her anymore whatsoever (even a casual hello). I don’t want to give her a second of my time at all. Call it being immature butt-hurt or whatever, I just don’t want anything to do with her considering everything is going pretty smoothly for me lately and I don’t want to risk the possibility of her roping me back in.

 

[dude99]

Just a quick update sort of. Saw my ex for the first time a few weeks ago (we broke up in November). We were both in passing at a party and she sarcastically said hello. I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to her so I just kept walking and didn’t even respond. I know it’s kind of a non-story update so to speak but I don’t even want to bother building any sort of relationship with her anymore whatsoever (even a casual hello). I don’t want to give her a second of my time at all. Call it being immature butt-hurt or whatever, I just don’t want anything to do with her considering everything is going pretty smoothly for me lately and I don’t want to risk the possibility of her roping me back in.

Nothing wrong with doing what works for you. Remember she is an ex. You owe her nothing. Not even a hello if you don't want to.

 

[Mike41090]

Just a quick update sort of. Saw my ex for the first time a few weeks ago (we broke up in November). We were both in passing at a party and she sarcastically said hello. I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to her so I just kept walking and didn’t even respond. I know it’s kind of a non-story update so to speak but I don’t even want to bother building any sort of relationship with her anymore whatsoever (even a casual hello). I don’t want to give her a second of my time at all. Call it being immature butt-hurt or whatever, I just don’t want anything to do with her considering everything is going pretty smoothly for me lately and I don’t want to risk the possibility of her roping me back in.

Btw I have not reached out to her in any way, shape or form since the breakup. She reached out to me twice via text over the last few months (cordial stuff) and I was sim

Nothing wrong with doing what works for you. Remember she is an ex. You owe her nothing. Not even a hello if you don't want to.

thats kinda the way I looked at it. I’d prefer it to be a message for her to buzz off and beat it completely

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Btw I have not reached out to her in any way, shape or form since the breakup. She reached out to me twice via text over the last few months (cordial stuff) and I was sim

thats kinda the way I looked at it. I’d prefer it to be a message for her to buzz off and beat it completely

sounds strong, you're protecting your health, good example

 

[dude99]

Btw I have not reached out to her in any way, shape or form since the breakup. She reached out to me twice via text over the last few months (cordial stuff) and I was sim

thats kinda the way I looked at it. I’d prefer it to be a message for her to buzz off and beat it completely

She is only reaching out to validate herself. She is just checking the temperature of the water to see if she still holds power over you. Ignoring these pointless reachouts is the best course of action

 

[Mike41090]

She is only reaching out to validate herself. She is just checking the temperature of the water to see if she still holds power over you. Ignoring these pointless reachouts is the best course of action

That’s what I figured when she reached out. So I kept it simple brief and friendly. Being on this site keeps me sharp when ya get thrown curveballs like that

 

[Murkserious]

The break up that lead me here in 2017 I am now fully over - although find myself thinking about my ex from tie to time - but not in an "I want her back" way more "I wonder how she's doing" kind of way.

No contact is the only way to do this - to move on. Forget trying to win them back.

 

[art1210]

Just here to put my thoughts so that I don't reach out to a girl I used to see for longer 2 years ago as I had a weak moment yesterday.

I was with my friends in a local food market just having food and drinks yesterday. The said girl came to my mind twice last evening: the first time when a girl walking back had the same dress when I saw my girl the last time and the second time when the venue put a song that she showed me and loved. The feelings came back to me again and even though I didn't reach out, these 2 things made me think about her a lot and recall all the memories we had together.

It's so damn hard to forget her completely and unattach myself tbh so I'm struggling with it a bit as she comes back to my thoughts frequently. We haven't talked to each other for the last 5 months and I don't really want to break no contact.

On a positive note, I'm seeing another girl tonight so I hope she'll take my mind off her!