The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

soulforge

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So guys I am the one who dumped her.

Mostly because her past was too sleazy for my liking.

01.Nude Dancing
02.Nude Modelling
03.Involvment in pornography
04.Cocaine Use
05.Still in close contact with her ex pornographer

I think we both had come to conclusion that it wouldn't workout, because I didn't trust her one bit.. And she could sense it.

Anyhow i was pretty gutted for a good while after I dumped her.. Probably because i did like some parts of her personality, also because she was hot as faaaark.

I think because I did the dumping, the break up feels a little easier, than if she had dumped my azz.

She agreed with the breakup.. But hey I was expecting her to agree with it.

I still feel down about it occasionaly... However in the long run, I know I did the right thing, as damaged/broken woman like these, can completely ruin a man.

Keep soldiering on guys.. You will all make it.

Also... Stop caring about woman.. Giving a shyte about them is what lands you in this hell hole in the first place.
 
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Firestar786

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90 day update

So after around 2 months I didn't bother to post anything on this forum. Mainly because in some respects I had moved on past the shock, denial and depression stage. I did have to endure an unhappiness for 2/3 weeks knowing that she isn't coming back and the relationship will never make amends.

Anyhows, since then I do not really think of her, I don't really care who is f*cking and I couldn't care less about anything else.

It feels like a new me, a new start especially since I have been talking to a different girl who on the face of it, is 100x better.

So for anyone else going through no contact, chin up, and keep going through it. There does come a time i.e 90 days like where I am where you finally understand that the b1tch isn't really worth it and it was probably a better thing you broke up.

Looking back on the old me and thinking of the amount of sh1t I put up with for the sake of being with her, how much I helped her, done for her and so on makes me glad it is over as no more precious time is wasted.

Now the b1tch is suffering from maybe the grass wasn't so greener on the other side but... what can you do?

So good luck to everyone here going through this ****, it does really really get better with time providing you just be patient and take things easy.
 

HenBogan

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Hey Guys,

We broke up 6 days ago, Saturday night, she did everything but say it... So I gave her, her key back and took mine...

She messaged me the next day Sunday saying she hadn't been up long and wasn't finding it easy at all...

She then messaged me at 1am saying that she missed me so very much..

I caved and said I missed her around 10am...

I heard nothing back until after work which was how did your job interview go? X

I ignored it..

Then she messaged me the next day asking if I had blocked her?x...

I ignored it...
 

Mauser96

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Hey Guys,

We broke up 6 days ago, Saturday night, she did everything but say it... So I gave her, her key back and took mine...

She messaged me the next day Sunday saying she hadn't been up long and wasn't finding it easy at all...

She then messaged me at 1am saying that she missed me so very much..

I caved and said I missed her around 10am...

I heard nothing back until after work which was how did your job interview go? X

I ignored it..

Then she messaged me the next day asking if I had blocked her?x...

I ignored it...
Well, I guess if she wanted a breakup, now she has it.

If she REALLY wants to get back together with you, she will find a way to say so.

Any communication in the meantime is just her trying to help herself wean off of you.
 

dude99

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Hey Guys,

We broke up 6 days ago, Saturday night, she did everything but say it... So I gave her, her key back and took mine...

She messaged me the next day Sunday saying she hadn't been up long and wasn't finding it easy at all...

She then messaged me at 1am saying that she missed me so very much..

I caved and said I missed her around 10am...

I heard nothing back until after work which was how did your job interview go? X

I ignored it..

Then she messaged me the next day asking if I had blocked her?x...

I ignored it...
Just keep ignoring her. She will look for validation periodically here and there, don't mistake it for her wanting to get back together. She may even say she wants to but it is only for her ego and her entertainment.

I live by the rule of one chance per lifetime. She just blew her chance with you. Ignore her from this moment forward. Nothing good will come from answering her. It will delay your healing and toy with your emotions.

Women that want the breakup need to learn there are consequences to their decisions. If you answer her or chase her or try to get her back you will just be rewarding her for her bad behaviour.

Ignore, delete, no reply from this moment forward
 
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HenBogan

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Day 7

Saturday night...

3 messages...

One said....Can I come over

It's hard but I've ignored her...
 

Mauser96

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Day 7

Saturday night...

3 messages...

One said....Can I come over

It's hard but I've ignored her...

She is trying to re-connect with you. Is there a real significant reason you wouldn't?

No one cheated, no one was cruel...………….
 

HenBogan

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So on the evening we split, I get a notification that she has liked one of my insta posts... So I look at her account..

She has started following a guy she was sleeping with earlier this year, this guy was messaging her when we first got together... Trying to get with her etc, she showed me the messages at the time... She had even told the guy that she was with someone...

It just felt like a dagger...
 

Mauser96

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So on the evening we split, I get a notification that she has liked one of my insta posts... So I look at her account..

She has started following a guy she was sleeping with earlier this year, this guy was messaging her when we first got together... Trying to get with her etc, she showed me the messages at the time... She had even told the guy that she was with someone...

It just felt like a dagger...
Seems she just liked yours so you would look at her account? So she is a game player and is relishing in the drama.....

In light of this, block her on all social media platforms, for your benefit. Continue NC

Until/Unless the contact you receive is "I am so sorry, I made a huge mistake. Can we talk" …………….no need to respond.
 

HenBogan

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Seems she just liked yours so you would look at her account? So she is a game player and is relishing in the drama.....

In light of this, block her on all social media platforms, for your benefit. Continue NC

Until/Unless the contact you receive is "I am so sorry, I made a huge mistake. Can we talk" …………….no need to respond.
Thank you...

I wasn't sure if it was a I've moved on or make me jealous thing...

You are 100% on the drama.... Thank you for your time and insight...

She doesn't know that I saw it, I immediately unfollowed her on insta but, I added 4 new women on mine who had requested to follow me.
 
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Mauser96

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ing...

You are 100% on the drama.... Thank you for your time and insight...
You are welcome. Women who like games and drama are usually afflicted with a personality disorder, or as we sometimes say "damaged"

Fvck 'em, you don't need the stress and drama. But PLEASE, keep us posted - it is how we all learn.
 

dude99

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So on the evening we split, I get a notification that she has liked one of my insta posts... So I look at her account..

She has started following a guy she was sleeping with earlier this year, this guy was messaging her when we first got together... Trying to get with her etc, she showed me the messages at the time... She had even told the guy that she was with someone...

It just felt like a dagger...
This is part of the NC. you delete their social media. You dont look, you dont follow. This is delaying your healing when you look. Block her.

Women compete for mens attention. She thinks you will do the same when you notice her following another dude. Do not feed it. Focus on yourself.

When she broke up, this dude was probably the reason. Asking you if she can come over ? Was for her. Not to help you. She blew her chance. She wants to feed her ego and get validation and turn the tables. "Oh i miss you. i'm hurting. Can i come over?" All while tugging on your heart strings, then if you cave and feed her ego she feels better about knowing you are still on the string, and then she drops the " oh i just want to be friends." After she feels better about herself. Remind yourself, she wanted the break up. You owe her nothing.

Ignore. Delete. Dont feed it. Block her on social media. Focus on you.
 

Robert28

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You are welcome. Women who like games and drama are usually afflicted with a personality disorder, or as we sometimes say "damaged"

Fvck 'em, you don't need the stress and drama. But PLEASE, keep us posted - it is how we all learn.
In my experience they WILL like a “good guy” that is “different” than what they’ve dated or fvcked in the past. The problem is they get bored with them fast but they won’t let them go, in the friend zone to be strung along is where they end up.
 

Mauser96

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In my experience they WILL like a “good guy” that is “different” than what they’ve dated or fvcked in the past. The problem is they get bored with them fast but they won’t let them go, in the friend zone to be strung along is where they end up.

For sure. But they can't help themselves, they always revert to games and drama, because of the "boredom" factor or because they are damaged goods.
 

Robert28

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For sure. But they can't help themselves, they always revert to games and drama, because of the "boredom" factor or because they are damaged goods.
I’ve also noticed that 90% if these women “suffer” from anxiety and/or depression. They admit it eventually (usually around the 3-4 month mark) and it just gets worse and worse as time goes on. You think “ahhh this doesn’t seem so bad” and by month 6-7 you’re thinking “holy crap what have I got myself into, this got worse FAST!”
 
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HenBogan

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Day 9

I missed her a lot this morning, even though I have a lot of women interested in me at the moment they don’t hold any sway.

I have to accept that I will feel this way and time is a healer.

Do I wish I had responded over the weekend, yes I do… Am I glad I didn’t respond; it’s hard to say but I am actually a dam good catch, I know my worth, I just have to believe that.

9 days ago I had to turn up at her house after 2 1/2 weeks apart because she kept trying to avoid meeting me, 7 days later she sends me 3 messages…

Baby where have you gone? You turned your back…

Can I come over?

Thanks for ignoring me….
 

Mauser96

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Day 9

I missed her a lot this morning, even though I have a lot of women interested in me at the moment they don’t hold any sway.

I have to accept that I will feel this way and time is a healer. YES

Do I wish I had responded over the weekend, yes I do… Am I glad I didn’t respond; it’s hard to say but I am actually a dam good catch, I know my worth, I just have to believe that. YES

9 days ago I had to turn up at her house after 2 1/2 weeks apart because she kept trying to avoid meeting me, 7 days later she sends me 3 messages…keep reminding yourself of this. This chick seems like more and more of a damaged biittch

Baby where have you gone? You turned your back…Manipulation. She breaks up with you...and now says YOU have turned your back on HER? Don't let her twist this to being you fault. Sounds like one more reason to run.

Can I come over? She avoided you for 2.5 weeks....and NOW that you have stood up for yourself, says this? Is THIS how a good boyfriend should be treated? By avoiding him/ignoring him for 2.5 weeks?

Thanks for ignoring me…. More manipulation and shaming language




I dated one JUST like her. In hindsight, escaping her was the best thing I ever did. NPD/BPD, whatever. She was one manipulative, fukkked up bitttch. She did the excact same thing and it played out the same. I told her "It's pretty clear you don't want to be in this relationship, so I will be the bad guy and end it" The a week later, she starts sending me messages EXACTLY like you are getting.

If you are done with her, I suggest sending ONE more text. It will be "You chose to break up with me. I am trying to heal now, pleased don't contact me again"
 
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dude99

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Day 9

Baby where have you gone? You turned your back…

Can I come over?

Thanks for ignoring me….
All manipulative tactics to try to draw you in.
Draw you in to fight? Perhaps. Draw you in to validate her? For sure? Draw you in to mentally screw up your healing? For sure. Dont feed it. It is just for her. All to make her feel better.

Remember you owe her nothing.

She ignored and avoided you for 2.5 weeks and she doesn't like being treated the way she treated you..... remember that.
 

dude99

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I’ve also noticed that 90% if these women “suffer” from anxiety and/or depression. They admit it eventually (usually around the 3-4 month mark) and it just gets worse and worse as time goes on. You think “ahhh this doesn’t seem so bad” and by month 6-7 you’re thinking “holy crap what have I got myself into, this got worse FAST!”
It is part of the cluster b system

Phase 1, love bomb
Phase 2, show a little vunenerability and past hurts. Makes you fall for them faster. They know this.
Phase 3, allow you in..tell you about how much they have been victims of past monsters. Turns on your hero switch. Makes you their white knight.
Phase 4. Make like a victim with you. Pretend now you hurt them. But pretend to be understanding and know you would never hurt them on purpose.
Phase 5. Turn you into the new monster in their lives and everything suddenly becomes your fault.

What you described above was phase 2.
 

bcude

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Thanks for the clarification, I think you are handling it well.

Did she have the option to leave a message? If she did, and didn't leave a message. keep that in mind.

If you get talking to her, she WILL likely say "why didn't you call me back?"

And you say " You didn't leave a message asking me to"
Following up on this so we all can learn hopefully.
I did call her today, exactly 2.5 weeks after she called me (i didn't answer after 4 months NC).... and she says: "oh i called you by mistake and didn't know if it got through or not but i guess it did" (Yeah right lol). I replied i've been travelling (true story), to what she responded but didn't you have your phone with you, implying why it took me such a long time to call back.
Me: of course i had. <- if she called by mistake she wouldn't care if i call back or not and point this out.
Then she says... but it's good to hear your voice. <- more confirmation that she didn't call by mistake. Again, why would she say this if she didn't want anything to do with me since she broke up. No she couldn't wait and is inviting further contact imo.

Then light convo where she asks me about my family and how i'm doing etc etc.
Next funny moment where she asks if i've been to her city, where i reply yes, i ran into her best friend there so i'm sure she knows about it.
She then says "no, so did you meet up with her or what?" (like a date) i'm like wtf no i ran into her by chance at a festival and then she says "oh right i have some vague memory about that" (haha... sure.. your best friend runs into your ex and you have a vague memory about that but you have the best memory when it comes to everything else). I see this as some kind of women language: "so you went to my city without contacting ME? i'm frustrated/dissapointed about this since i'm not first priority to you."
Then back and forth, i got her laughing a few times and it was kinda light and superficial but i wanted to communicate i'm doing this and this now because i got alot of motivation from the breakup to better myself basically (true story [working out a ton is one of them]) and have been moving on with my life and she was like wtf, laughed and didn't seem to understand that a breakup gives you motivation to better yourself but said a few times she's happy i'm doing well (probably not happy). Then i told her i need to go and she was okay, alright and we hung up.
Think i handled it pretty well. Her motive?
I don't know but I guess NC made her hamster spin out of control of curiosity and to see how i'm doing/handling the breakup, if this is "breadcrumbs" i have no clue about either but maybe more experienced posters can tell.
My plan is not to contact her again until i'm in her city and suggest to "catch up" in about 1 month but i'm curious if she will follow this up.
 
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