The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

LARaiders85

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Long distance only works for a certain length of time.. Much higher probability if things falling apart..

I wanted to be with her, live with her, buy a house together.... But doing another 4 years long distance, seems like a waste of my time.
the funny thing about long-distance is the longer it lasts the more convinced the man is that it will go forward, meanwhile the longer it lasts the more likely the woman is going to come to her senses and end it lol. Just another classic paradox.
 
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soulforge

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the funny thing about long-distance is the longer it lasts the more convinced the man is that it will go forward, meanwhile the longer it lasts the more likely the woman is going to come to her senses and end it lol. Just another classic paradox.

This is spot on mate... At first I had doubts about the long distance... Then we started having a great time, even though it was once or twice a week.

You start kidding yourself and convince yourself it can work out.. Then she realises it probably won't work out... Game over lol
 

soulforge

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So i've come to the realisation that this relationship should have ended ages ago..

I never should have got involved with someone with a young kid, who isn't able to have a proper relationship with me.

Moving forward.. I would love to hear from her again, simply so I can ignore the chit out of her lol. Two years relationship in which I was really good to her, and she ended it in such a cowardly way, with a pathetic text message.

I'm somewhat glad she ended it.. otherwise I would have carried on with her for more years.

I have completely ignored her so far.. Is ghosting her, more than likely the best way to get some reaction from her?

By the way i have a arranged a date with this hotty for this coming Saturday!
 

soulforge

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I'm coming to the realisation that she did me a HUGE favour..

If we had carried on like this, it was VERY likely to go wrong, due to the distance.

She saved me from a fuk load of heart ache 2-3 or 4 more years down the line!


Got a chick who is interested in me at work.. she is a hb7.. not relationship material, but defo worth banging.

Plus got two dates set up for the weekend.. might aswell have some fun.
 

powersize

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20 Days of NC

Learned my mistakes and going forward.

Did you guys have such stuff as "cultural differences" between the girl and you? Or it is just an excuse that she is not interested in relationships with you?
 
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LARaiders85

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20 Days of NC

Learned my mistakes and going forward.

Did you guys have such stuff as "cultural differences" between the girl and you? Or it is just an excuse that she is not interested in relationships with you?
Once I made excuses for a woman due to culture, turned out to be low IL/on her way out.

Twice was accused being too abrasive and direct due to culture and i t was...low IL
 

soulforge

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5 days No Contact

Feeling a sense of relief

The relationship would never had lasted long distance for another 4 years.

I was wasting my time on this, she has done me a favour.
 

rAFCOliver

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5 days No Contact

Feeling a sense of relief

The relationship would never had lasted long distance for another 4 years.

I was wasting my time on this, she has done me a favour.
Keep positive as much as possible bro. I had a new lease of life when I decided to break up with my toxic distant ex. Get in the gym, focus on work, exhaust your hobbies and get socialising. Take some time for yourself, I wouldn’t recommend getting back out there cause you’ll not be yourself, dates will be a waste of money. Rebuild, grow and become a better person than before.
 

European-DJ

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5 days No Contact

Feeling a sense of relief

The relationship would never had lasted long distance for another 4 years.

I was wasting my time on this, she has done me a favour.
Guess I’m back on with you on the NC after a couple of years.

First of all, if you haven’t already done it, I would highly recommend you to go back and re-read your own posts, the advice you gave to me and the advice you offered to Jariel.

If nothing else, it should make you overcome the pain easier as it puts things into perspective. Also, having read your recent topic, I believe your last girlfriend was much harder to get over then your current one!

Anyway, day 1 is commencing for me as of this moment, and I’m sincerely interested to see what I’m going to feel this time around!
 

soulforge

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Guess I’m back on with you on the NC after a couple of years.

First of all, if you haven’t already done it, I would highly recommend you to go back and re-read your own posts, the advice you gave to me and the advice you offered to Jariel.

If nothing else, it should make you overcome the pain easier as it puts things into perspective. Also, having read your recent topic, I believe your last girlfriend was much harder to get over then your current one!

Anyway, day 1 is commencing for me as of this moment, and I’m sincerely interested to see what I’m going to feel this time around!
Welcome back brother.. Lol

This one wasn't a toxic piece of chit, so should be alot easier to get over.

Plus it helps to know, that it was the wrong type of relationship to get into in the first place LDR..

It was doomed from the very beginning.. Their was no Disney ending with this one.. Just glad I got out out of it, within a reasonable time!!
 
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Johnwic11

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New ot the red pill and the blog. had a 5/6 month relationship that abruptly ended. After reading and blogging enough around here I'm pretty sure what happened. being alpha pulled her, turning into a beta and not passing the active test screwed me. she was a bartender tho. always out and about. pretty sure she got wasted night before her bday. screwed up. picked a fight the day after on her birthday. had sex in the morning she went distant. I called her out sunday. she sent me the its not you its me I feel guilty ( after reading on her pretty sure she found someone else and needed to feel better about her actions) anyways I ask her to dinner to see whats up cause the message wasn't clear if sh ewas dumping me. when I show up shes dumping mei said its beena fun five months. I wish you the best but I'm taking off and left her with a big glass of wine. been no contact since and will condintue to be no contact. actually ill never speak to her again. shes trying to throw pot shots by asking my buddies wife, if hes not allowed in the bar since she dumped me. trying to make me look weak. ill have some new plates shortly. but this no contact stuff is golden.
 

zepped

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Day 6:

Difficult morning today but I did eat breakfast which is a positive sign. My appetite has been stifled since the split but this was expected. I had a few dreams where she was in it last night but I could feel the beta energy of neediness and desperation in them. I know that in order to be strong i must muster new energy inside of me. My blue pill conditioning will be hard to overcome but I am ware of it, and I am actively trying to stride towards becoming more centred, focused on my passions and interests now.

I am going to try hard to maintain the no Fapp thing, I want to keep up the streak of atleast a week to see me through to next week when this girl I am interested in gets back from her trip (Lithuanian bird who works for another company in our shared office space, we have been texting since the split and is actually much cooler / hotter than my ex but I am trying not to take my bucket of ONEitis and pour it over her head). I want her to feel that masculine energy radiate off me otherwise she'll sense that I am a beta *****.

I am fearful of being alone this evening, my housemate is going away until Saturday. I kind of need to go through periods of alone time though. It is the reality of life that there will always be chapters where you will be alone. In many ways, you have to overcome the pain through self-love and doing things that bring you joy.

Like I agreed, your head isn't ready to cake myself in girls and dating yet. I think you need at least a month before you can truly get back into your groove again. I know that she swiftly ran off to the bad boy ex immediately and left you, your beta old self in the dust, but this is the game that you play.

It makes me angry in ways that someone who you thought was totally into you, who had your back and relationship in good faith just disappears overnight to what is potentially another pit of despair that she may re-live again. In any case she wants to be single and you cant have a girl like that in your life.

I think I've accepted beyond any doubt now that there is no going back. I would be prepared to say no now, I will likely ignore any contact made despite that part of me clutching at the end of a cliff hoping this will all go back to the way it was.

The point is, understand that the game you are in is the game of yourself and your masculinity. You must always strive for better in your health, weal and opportunity. You must always be your mental point of origin

- Credit to Rationale Male by Rollo Tommasi for helping me analyse and express my situation with terminology.

Context:

These are entries to myself from my Morning Pages by Julia Cameron notes. It is probably the best way to get your head out onto paper and I recommend trying it out.

Girlfriend (23) me (25) going out for 3.5 years. We lived together on and off for most of it and it started off great then I slowly became more beta as I progresed in my career as a software engineer (which is a hard job and commands a lot of your energy). I started becoming more orientated around long-term things (mortgages etc)and lost my passions along the way (music, entrepreneurship) meaning I turned into a boring beta ****. Signs were visible 4/5 months prior where she mentioned she wanted to live with her friends instead of me, then started going out way more with her home friends and then I eventually found out she was messing around with the bad boy ex boyfriend before me who hurt her bla bla ... it is literally a club classic on February 13th 2019. Anyway, I swiftly asked her to move out like any person with some respect left would do and she then went on to say she wanted to be single so it was over like that. I had ONEitis bad with this girl so it will be a long journey no doubt.
 
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SoSuave666

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Girlfriend (23) me (25) going out for 3.5 years. We lived together on and off for most of it and it started off great then I slowly became more beta as I progresed in my career as a software engineer (which is a hard job and commands a lot of your energy). I started becoming more orientated around long-term things (mortgages etc)and lost my passions along the way (music, entrepreneurship) meaning I turned into a boring beta ****. Signs were visible 4/5 months prior where she mentioned she wanted to live with her friends instead of me, then started going out way more with her home friends and then I eventually found out she was messing around with the bad boy ex boyfriend before me who hurt her bla bla ... it is literally a club classic on February 13th 2019. Anyway, I swiftly asked her to move out like any person with some respect left would do and she then went on to say she wanted to be single so it was over like that. I had ONEitis bad with this girl so it will be a long journey no doubt.
Welcome and good luck. It sounds like you at least have a good grasp of the situation and your own feelings. This is a crucial first step.

Stick around, read posts, post here when you are down, focus on work, workout, become more social. That's really the best way to handle it.
 

soulforge

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Day 9 NC

How do I feel? Not really too bothered to be honest.. I thought I would be feeling much worse than this, but so far a sense of relief that it ended, otherwise would have wasted years of my life.

Been hitting the gym every day, eating well.. working hard.. I do have the odd moment of sadness but I don't dwell on it.. my job keeps me busy and mind off the break up.

Smashed two chicks since the breakup.. I feel sad, but relieved at the same time.

Keep going nc guys, you will feel much better soon enough
 

powersize

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She dumped me over the text saying that we are too different but i was and i am important for her. Then i texted something like "I have nothing to say, good buy" she replied "wait, i don't want to lose a contact with you". I am think if i was such important for her she would try to contact me for these 30 days.

So what i started to do after the 1st week of NC - is simply having fun with my friends and meeting new people and be positive in general.
The funny thing that after 3 weeks i met her in the same club but i did not pay any attention on when she was doing and with whom, instead i found a nice lady and spent the whole night with her. I bet she or her friends saw it.

Right now over the time i try to analyse and learn my mistakes: first of all i was focused to much on her, paying to much attention and always available. I disclosed my feelings first and she replied something like "it is too early for me...bla bla bla....but i want to be with you". I acted as a boyfriend but she considered all as "not a relationship". Also i did not react correctly when she behaved in the way i don't like. For example when we go party she could disappear with her friends leaving me alone for the whole evening in the company of people i don't know. Sometimes when we together she could dive into her cellphone for a couple of minutes.

Damn, right now looking back I see how blind and stupid i was. So the take away for that experience was for me to become a better man, don't put any girl as a priority in your live, and don't let them do not respect and value you.
 
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soulforge

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Day 11 NC

Today was a tougher day to get through.. It is usually weekends that are the hardest, as that is when we spent time together.

I totally believe this relationship NEEDED to END as doing long distance for 5-6-7 years is just insane.

However, i miss her qualities.. She was a good GF, never caused drama, was respectful, followed my lead, payed her way, didn't expect me to pay for everything.

I just feel like finding a girl with her kind of qualities is going to be extremely difficult to find, as MOST woman these days are HORRENDOUS.

Thats the bitter pill to swallow.
 

powersize

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Day 11 NC

Today was a tougher day to get through.. It is usually weekends that are the hardest, as that is when we spent time together.

I totally believe this relationship NEEDED to END as doing long distance for 5-6-7 years is just insane.

However, i miss her qualities.. She was a good GF, never caused drama, was respectful, followed my lead, payed her way, didn't expect me to pay for everything.

I just feel like finding a girl with her kind of qualities is going to be extremely difficult to find, as MOST woman these days are HORRENDOUS.

Thats the bitter pill to swallow.

Yeah man. Weekends are sucks when being alone. Even though you realize that it is over and want to move on you just have that ****ty feeling and more you think about it - worst it becomes.
 

soulforge

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Yeah man. Weekends are sucks when being alone. Even though you realize that it is over and want to move on you just have that ****ty feeling and more you think about it - worst it becomes.
Its crazy man.. I'm glad its over, as I dodged getting screwed over years down the line..but at the same time feel a loss, due to her being good GF material.

Weekends are the hardest, however i'm keeping busy and going to the gym even on weekends now.

Keep active, stay busy.. It helps take your mind off things.
 

LARaiders85

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Its crazy man.. I'm glad its over, as I dodged getting screwed over years down the line..but at the same time feel a loss, due to her being good GF material.

Weekends are the hardest, however i'm keeping busy and going to the gym even on weekends now.

Keep active, stay busy.. It helps take your mind off things.
I had a breakup with a decent girl once, and she flat out told me "don't put me on the pedestal." She knows herself better than you do, just because you don't see the negatives doesn't mean they aren't there. in fact she basically told me that she treated me much better than she normally treats guys. Still, I get it, things seem relative so you compare her to others and she is relatively better. Hell, one of my GFs cheated on me at LEAST 2x that I know of and she was like a unicorn compared to a lot of them lol
 

soulforge

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I had a breakup with a decent girl once, and she flat out told me "don't put me on the pedestal." She knows herself better than you do, just because you don't see the negatives doesn't mean they aren't there. in fact she basically told me that she treated me much better than she normally treats guys. Still, I get it, things seem relative so you compare her to others and she is relatively better. Hell, one of my GFs cheated on me at LEAST 2x that I know of and she was like a unicorn compared to a lot of them lol

She was a good girl man.. All the qualities you want in a woman.. Loving, caring, obedient.

However nothing changes the FACT she was the long distance and with some ex issues..

It would have remained long distance for another 5 years, maybe even more.

It would have been foolish of me to wait that long on a woman.

I have to accept this is a blessing in disguise.. Otherwise I would have wasted many more years of my life.
 
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