SILENCE and DISTANCE

[oldmanofthesea]

But S&D is expressing displeasure in an indirect way. Not against it though, clearly works, but I think it’s a form of PA.

It is absolutely not a form of passive aggressiveness, but I do understand why you might think that. Let me explain why it isn't passive aggressive: A mandatory component to employing S&D is to first explain to her what you are displeased with, directly. If she disagrees with you, pitches a fit, refuses to start/stop doing whatever it is you talked to her about, or wants to argue with you after you have already said everything there is to say and listened to her feelings as well, then there is nothing left for you to do. You were direct in communicating to her what you want. She doesn't do it, you have three options:
1. Cave to her
2. Dump her
3. Employ S&D so she understands you mean business and will enforce your boundaries

#2 is obviously too heavy for every argument. So #3 is the best option. As you know, one of the most important things for women is for them to get your attention. When you remove it, it has a VERY powerful effect, assuming they like you. If S&D has no effect, you fade away because it means she wasn't into you. If S&D doesn't cause her to take the time to get over her issue and then make-up with you, then you are simply incompatible with each other so again you fade away. Ultimately, they want your time and attention and if it is their want for this that serves as the motivation for them to realize they need to get over their little fit and come back to a loving place.

Passive aggressiveness would be not telling her what she's done that you aren't happy with and then employing S&D or making snippy comments at her etc.

 

[Brassneck]

I was thinking the power of S&D is that it is done covertly. I’m thinking in the instance of you noticing her interest level dropping, so employing it to raise her interest, the gift of missing you etc. Being covert gives her the sense that your interest for her is dropping genuinely hence the turnaround. I should have been clearer in that initial displeasure is in seeing her interest level drop.

@oldmanofthesea from what you describe, it’s overtly done as it’s following a disagreement. Surely that just looks like your throwing your toys out of the pram, and you could be accused of sulking.

So S&D is used to raise interest level that’s dropped, but also punishing bad behaviour.
The latter could look a bit sulky.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Awesome post. Practical and useful. A+

 

[Glassguy]

A great thread guys, definitely see the usefulness of Silence & Distance as a tool.

I had a thought... this is passive aggressive behaviour right? How would this pan out on a passive aggressive woman? Stalemate?

Not necessarily. Is going no contact passive aggressive? It depends on why you are doing it. Are you doing it for attention because you're acting like a baby? Then its passive aggressive behavior.

But if I go S&D, its because a woman's actions were disrespectful to me or my time. So guess what? She can either figure it out and straighten up....or if not......I don't want her around anymore.
Its not a "trick". Its me sticking to my standards, which are high.

Passive aggressive people get to the point that people don't respect them because they are manipulative.
Its totally different when a woman understands that you are ok with her and ok with out her, and no fvcks will be given if you have to move on and walk away if she acts like a fool.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I was thinking the power of S&D is that it is done covertly. I’m thinking in the instance of you noticing her interest level dropping, so employing it to raise her interest, the gift of missing you etc. Being covert gives her the sense that your interest for her is dropping genuinely hence the turnaround. I should have been clearer in that initial displeasure is in seeing her interest level drop.

If you read Guru's post, S&D is a response to blatant disrespect (such as flaking on a date or saying no to a date without a counter-offer) - which doesn't necessitate explaining to her overtly that she is being disrespectful (because it's blatant and obvious), and S&D is also a response to bad behavior that does first requires you to explain your boundaries to her.

But the situation you are referring to is more like classic push-pull. If you sense her interest dropping, then you drop your interest level as well. I wouldn't think of things as trying to "raise her interest level".... that kind of thinking is more along the Mystery Method type gaming scheme. Instead, you operate in YOUR frame. You don't try to raise her interest level. If her interest level drops, it shouldn't make you want her more and make you want to find out how to control her into wanting you, instead it should be seen as unattractive to you, and so you respond by removing your time and attention and focusing on women who actually appreciate you.

@oldmanofthesea from what you describe, it’s overtly done as it’s following a disagreement. Surely that just looks like your throwing your toys out of the pram, and you could be accused of sulking.

Other's have wondered the same but it isn't. You are actually doing what a proper father figure would do when his daughter misbehaved. He first tried talking it out with her and if that wasn't getting anywhere or she kept crossing his boundaries, he removed his time and attention and ignored her for a while. Do you think she will see her father as being pouty and butt-hurt and sulking? Nope. At times when I'm employing S&D (which doesn't always mean complete and utter silence - it means slowing down the responses, limiting the responses, and not initiating contact), even if I'm slow to respond and my responses are short, I always ensure she knows I'm happy, busy, and fulfilled. Because I am. She needs to understand I have an awesome, busy, and fulfilled life and when she doesn't behave, I'm going to get back to that awesome life and leave her at the bus station to fend for herself.

Example,

Her: "Hey"
Me: 3 hours later "Hey what's up?"
Her: "Not much, took my cat to the vet today blah blah blah blah"
Me and hour later: "Right on well listen I'm just sitting down to dinner with some friends... chat with you later"
and then I don't initiate contact again. If she texts again that night, I'll reply the next day


It's a shame Guru isn't around here any more. He was a wealth of knowledge and helped many.

 

[Brassneck]

saying no to a date without a counter-offer

Low interest rather than disrespect, alas I’m being a touch pedantic. He does say it’s done covertly which makes sense. Yeah it’s a great post for sure from Guru, Ive saved it.

Haven't been here long but you learn pretty fast the members, both past & present, that possess a lot of wisdom.

 

[Brassneck]

@Glassguy ain’t taking no sh#t as always!

 

[Aesthetix29]

What about coming across as butthurt ?

 

[Glassguy]

What about coming across as butthurt ?

How about coming across as a real man that has other women at his disposal and will walk rather than deal with disrespectful behavior? And then use silence and distance when need be.

Its not about just punishment for bad behavior. That is a passive aggressive approach. Do men of high value waste their time pouting around trying to punish a chick for bad behavior? Hell no......Its even more so about not having the time or desire to put up with bullsh!t. I know that I'm not going to stick around for it. I'll go find stuff to do that I like doing either with another chick, on my own or with friends. There is nothing butthurt about that.

That's the golden ticket to all of this.

 

[Aesthetix29]

How about coming across as a real man that has other women at his disposal and will walk rather than deal with disrespectful behavior? And then use silence and distance when need be.

Its not about just punishment for bad behavior. That is a passive aggressive approach. Do men of high value waste their time pouting around trying to punish a chick for bad behavior? Hell no......Its even more so about not having the time or desire to put up with bullsh!t. I know that I'm not going to stick around for it. I'll go find stuff to do that I like doing either with another chick, on my own or with friends. There is nothing butthurt about that.

That's the golden ticket to all of this.

Great explanation! Makes total sense when you put it like that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

How about coming across as a real man that has other women at his disposal and will walk rather than deal with disrespectful behavior? And then use silence and distance when need be.

Its not about just punishment for bad behavior. That is a passive aggressive approach. Do men of high value waste their time pouting around trying to punish a chick for bad behavior? Hell no......Its even more so about not having the time or desire to put up with bullsh!t. I know that I'm not going to stick around for it. I'll go find stuff to do that I like doing either with another chick, on my own or with friends. There is nothing butthurt about that.

That's the golden ticket to all of this.

Another golden vajajay

 

[soulforge]

How about coming across as a real man that has other women at his disposal and will walk rather than deal with disrespectful behavior? And then use silence and distance when need be.

Its not about just punishment for bad behavior. That is a passive aggressive approach. Do men of high value waste their time pouting around trying to punish a chick for bad behavior? Hell no......Its even more so about not having the time or desire to put up with bullsh!t. I know that I'm not going to stick around for it. I'll go find stuff to do that I like doing either with another chick, on my own or with friends. There is nothing butthurt about that.

That's the golden ticket to all of this.

Butt Hurt? I currently have a situation where I am applying silence & distance with a chick in my workplace.

Several flakes on her part, getting to the point of having sex became this huge obstacle with her.. I really felt an undertone of disrespect & lack of appreciation of my time. So I applied S&D and I don't care about wether she perceives it as Butt hurt.

I still smile & say hello when she sees me at work.. Other than that it's complete S&D

I don't have time for that kinda Bvll****.. If my time & my company isn't valued, then you get ZERO attention from me.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Wait, so this thread isn't about gags and cannons?

 

[inquisitor]

Know any women without any issues ?

Every women has issues, and it changes weekly.

Can we publish a weekly brochure for this?