She friendzoned me after 3 dates (41yo woman)

DJnoob

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Would she go to a movie where she already knows the ending scene by scene? Of course not.

She knew she had you hook, line and sinker right from the start. You were eagerly wagging your tail like a puppy dog and telegraphing that you were hoping against hope that she would accept you. She knew factually that she totally had you and that is BORING to women and a huge turn-off.

As a man you need to telegraph that you are UNDECIDED about her and she needs to prove herself to you.

This gives her a sense of mystery and suspense and excitement. We men attract women by making them FEEL.

Don’t ever let a woman think that she has you on a hook. Instead, you should be testing her for suitability in your life. Woman find this massively attractive.

Think about your handling of this woman. I don’t even know you, yet I know that this is how you presented yourself. 100% of the energy flow was, “I like you and I hope you will accept me”. That’s why you never even had the slightest chance with her.

Take my advice and next time set the stage for success. You are testing her, not the other way around. You are deciding whether to accept or reject her, not the other way around. She needs to proved herself to you.

Women CANNOT date down. They can only be fulfilled by a man they look up to. Why would she look up to a polite, supplicating rag doll whom she knows she already owns?

A man’s attractiveness is his reserve. Women THRIVE on not being sure her man is totally accepting her. She thrives on working for attention and affection. Never again present yourself on a silver platter. She WANTS to work for it. She WANTS you to have options and to earn your approval.
is this BEFORE or AFTER sex?
 
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DJnoob

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Thanks Mod (Atom) for the info. I got a lot to remember and apply to try to use next time.

So an update....I've joined several OLD sites since she dropped me. Just yesterday, I was on POF, where the women are pretty average. This old broad is now on POF as well, trying to find another guy. Looks like she joined recently. I read her profile and it's the same short profile she had on Facebook Dating. talking about wanting a "fun loving, compassionate, intelligent person who is looking for a special person". I have the option turned on to hide my views to profiles, that way the women don't know I looked at their profiles.

So if she is on another dating website, I'm now second thinking she may have not been out at the movies with someone else that Saturday. Or she dumped that guy too.
what % body fat are you by the way?
 

Igetit!

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But if he doesn’t make his intentions known up front about what he wants he risks being friend zoned.
Yep,I agree. I have a PHD in Friendzonology. I used to get friendzoned ALL the time,and this one error,this one mistake of not being upfront about my intentions was the SOLE REASON it kept happening.

I read this guy's thread like 3 or 4 times...read it over and over again to try to see exactly what happened here. "Cola","Backinthegame",and Atom Smashers' responses were right on the money.......ESPECIALLY Cola.

I read each account of the OP's 3 dates,and I kept noticing an absense of something...something that appeared to be missing from each date. He was nice,kind,polite,cordial,they seemed to get along well,etc,etc. But even so,something was still missing. "Cola" and even the woman herself....they BOTH used the same word in describing it.....it was CHEMISTRY.

Yes he was polite and kind......but did you try to kiss her? Grab her azz? I didn't see anything like that. I disagreed with everything everyone said about the woman. That chick wasn't after free dinners,she was after PASSION,SPARKS....or to use Atom's word,"Tingles". She wanted TO FEEL something. That's what she was looking for. Even she HERSELF said,"After a lot of reflection,I didn't see any CHEMISTRY". She said that.

I wish MORE WOMEN were like her. Most will just flake out if they don't "FEEL" anything on the first date. She at least went out twice more just to be sure,then called it off.

Op needs to be more aggressive. He seemed to be so focused on texting and setting up the NEXT dates,he forgot the WHOLE PURPOSE of it all........a SEXUAL UNION. I hate to be blunt....but the WHOLE POINT of this "dating"...approaching...and asking a woman out is a SEXUAL UNION.......it's to put your "cough,cough" inside her....."cough,cough,cough". I'm sorry,but it is. Without that,the whole process IS POINTLESS.

He brought all this on himself. Made so many mistakes,I lost count. Even him trying to hold her hand was a mistake. Hand-holding is a "relationship-y" thing to do. You don't do that with a stranger you're trying to get to know. Wait until you're been grabbing her azz for a while,and if she's comfortable with that,THEN you can hold her hand. Do it AFTER you've slept together a few times and are dating.....not when one of you are still trying to decide if they want to continue seeing the other.


You'll be ok,Op.....just LEARN FROM THIS situation so you won't have to repeat it again in the future.
 

Toddz

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Think you moved too slow with this woman. Women over 40 don't have the luxury of acting like their pu$$y is gold making you wait and jump through hoops. You did nothing wrong by being a perfect gentleman however. Next time be a little bolder and make a move, at least by the second date.

I've dated maybe a dozen women 40+ and all were first night lays. I'm usually trying to kiss within the first hour of meeting them. You can tell right away if they are DTF or not, it's all in the eyes.
 

Robert28

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I’ve been friend zoned and I made my intent known with my actions AND words. Didn’t help. I was kissing this girl on the first and second dates, grabbing her ass a doing everything I could to show I was interested in her. I knew something was up when I could never get her to f close and I was about to give up by the 5th date. Then I got the “not over my ex, let’s be friends speech”. I said “sorry but it would be weird to be friends with a girl who I was just making out with last night.” Sometimes it really isn’t your fault or that you moved too fast or slow when you get friend zoned. Some women just like to do it. I won’t change who I am to please some woman, if she doesn’t feel any sparks because she thinks I’m nice then oh well. It’s amazing to watch a 40 year old pull the friends excuse though, guess women really don’t grow out of that crap after their 20’s.
 
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Jacob40

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what % body fat are you by the way?
I just checked on my scale, I'm at 26% 255lbs, which I know is high but I'm 6'1" so don't look that much overweight. The old broad was 5'11". I started back at the gym with a trainer to slim down again. I plan to get back down to under 200lbs, and also gain some muscle. I think this may have contributed to the friend zone. Although she doesn't exercise and is no way in shape, and on her profiles, she states that she is a few pounds over.

Toddz, yeah I think with this woman I did move too slow, even though she said at the end of the 3rd date, she "wants to take it slow". I'm just amazed that at her age, she was a coward to just text me to be friends. And that she got so upset at me posting on social media about how she put me in the friendzone, etc. Her EX must have really did something bad to her, to despise a man like that for one minor thing and then block me.

Anyway, that dating site I joined recently, POF, has nothing but washed up old women and mostly fake profiles. Not sure how it is on the guy side, but I'm sure she'll find another guy quick. Every time I do a dern search for other women, her profile pops up too. I still have my privacy set so if I view her profile she won't know. I'm pretty sure if she has run a search, that she has seen my profile too.

But forget her. Once I get back in good shape, I'll get new pictures uploaded to the dating site, which should help. Also at the gym, this 20-something that works there keeps chit-chatting with me. I'm not sure what's up with her yet. Certainly I wouldn't think she is attracted to me. Maybe she is looking for a free dinner.
 
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DJnoob

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yes. You should thank her she dumped you. Because this may have created that spark you need from deep within to motivate yourself.
 

Jacob40

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Well tonight I was on OLD site. POF has a list of people who viewed my profile. She viewed my profile tonight. LOL! So apparently she doesn't have that option turned on to make her invisible to views. She also must still be curious, have some interest, or maybe feeling guilt or something on how harsh she came down on me. Hard to know. It's only been 8 days since my last text to her.
 

kVA

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Some great advice, OP. Too bad you're not listening to any of it.
 

Jacob40

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Some great advice, OP. Too bad you're not listening to any of it.
What? me? I am listening to it and learning. What makes you say I'm not?
You have like two posts here that are both negative in each thread.
 
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kVA

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What? me? I am listening to it and learning. What makes you say I'm not?
You have like two posts here that are both negative in each thread.
Make that three, Grasshopper. You asked for advice, and couple of these fellas knocked it out of the park for you. My advice to you is to listen.

You're welcome.
 

Jacob40

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Make that three, Grasshopper. You asked for advice, and couple of these fellas knocked it out of the park for you. My advice to you is to listen.

You're welcome.
Hello but you didn't answer my question? Why do you think I'm not listening homie? I read all the advice. I haven't contacted that woman again or anything. I'm not taking advice from you especially with only two posts here. Your welcome newb.
 

kVA

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Hello but you didn't answer my question? Why do you think I'm not listening homie? I read all the advice. I haven't contacted that woman again or anything. I'm not taking advice from you especially with only two posts here. Your welcome newb.
Anytime, cvuky.
 
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kVA

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Seriously, your estrogen levels are way too high... Even your mom tells me she's worried about you. Go see a doctor and get help. You'll feel better. Plus Testosterone supplements will help you lose those moobs.
 

Jacob40

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Seriously, your estrogen levels are way too high... Even your mom tells me she's worried about you. Go see a doctor and get help. You'll feel better. Plus Testosterone supplements will help you lose those moobs.
Admins. Can we get him banned? This guy is of no help.
 

BackInTheGame78

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I just checked on my scale, I'm at 26% 255lbs, which I know is high but I'm 6'1" so don't look that much overweight. The old broad was 5'11". I started back at the gym with a trainer to slim down again. I plan to get back down to under 200lbs, and also gain some muscle. I think this may have contributed to the friend zone. Although she doesn't exercise and is no way in shape, and on her profiles, she states that she is a few pounds over.

Toddz, yeah I think with this woman I did move too slow, even though she said at the end of the 3rd date, she "wants to take it slow". I'm just amazed that at her age, she was a coward to just text me to be friends. And that she got so upset at me posting on social media about how she put me in the friendzone, etc. Her EX must have really did something bad to her, to despise a man like that for one minor thing and then block me.

Anyway, that dating site I joined recently, POF, has nothing but washed up old women and mostly fake profiles. Not sure how it is on the guy side, but I'm sure she'll find another guy quick. Every time I do a dern search for other women, her profile pops up too. I still have my privacy set so if I view her profile she won't know. I'm pretty sure if she has run a search, that she has seen my profile too.

But forget her. Once I get back in good shape, I'll get new pictures uploaded to the dating site, which should help. Also at the gym, this 20-something that works there keeps chit-chatting with me. I'm not sure what's up with her yet. Certainly I wouldn't think she is attracted to me. Maybe she is looking for a free dinner.
When a woman tells you she wants to take it slow its because she feels 0 attraction to you.
 

Jacob40

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When a woman tells you she wants to take it slow its because she feels 0 attraction to you.
Well that may have been the case. But it looks like she wants to meet again. She contacted me tonight on the dating app and asked if I want to meet up and talk about what happened. The 0 attraction was only due to my slowness. If I act faster this time if we meet again it may go somewhere.
 
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