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She friendzoned me after 3 dates (41yo woman)

dude99

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Both of us in our 40's. I think she was just out of a long marriage but not sure when it ended. I went out with a new friend three times. First date was a nice lunch and drinks at a nice restaurant. I paid for everything. We talked for several hours and everything went great. Got each others phone numbers and started texting every other day. She sent me another picture of herself which I gave her some compliments. In fact I'd occasionally give her compliments because I truly liked her.

Second date we went for a walk in the park with her dogs for a couple hours. This went well too. She said to definitely keep in touch and text her. We both kept in touch with each other for several days.

Then I asked her if she'd like to go to a comedy show. I knew she liked comedy shows. She was enthusiastic and said this time she'd buy the tickets. So I bought the drinks and food which was a lot more than the tickets she bought. She said she had the most fun time and laughing she had in a long time. Although at one point during the show she seemed very closed-in and engrossed with the comedian. So I took her hand and she said that was sweet, and we held hands for the rest of the show. At the end of the third date, she said she wanted to take it slow, which I was ok with. We both left for the night separately and texted for a couple days.

Then on Saturday evening, I texted her to see how she was doing. She replied she was at the movies seeing a "chick flick". She said she didn't think anyone would go with her, so she went alone. I told her to have fun, because I had to work that evening. Later that night I texted how the movie went and she said she liked it.

Then on Sunday morning, I text her something about another movie. She never replied until next day, Monday morning. She said....that after 3 dates, she felt friends were the best thing for her, and that after a lot of reflection she didn't see any chemistry that she should by now. She only felt friendship. She went on and on about being honest with her feelings, etc. I told her thanks for letting me know and I appreciated her telling me and wished her the best.

Then it all went down hill from there....The next night, someone on my facebook page was asking how my date went. All I replied with was that I was put in the friend zone, and that I thought she was out with another guy on Saturday at that "chick flick". I had the message up for about 5 minutes, when I thought it wasn't right to type that, so i deleted it. I didn't even use any names. She apparently was watching my account, because she saw the message and immediately replied back to me that I was "immature", and that she wasn't out with anyone on Saturday and went by herself to the movies. She said she was very hurt. I tried to tell her I was sorry and tried to apologize, but she wouldn't listen. She said our values were different and that she wouldn't even consider a friendship now.

I told her I was confused, because our 3 dates went so great, especially the last one. It really surprised me that she would make an abrupt decision like that after just 3 dates. She blocked me on facebook. I sent her one final text telling her that I was truly sorry. I told her that if sometime in the future you would allow me to explain everything that I would be open to talking to her about it.

And that's the end for now. One thing I noticed is that even though when I would compliment her, she would tell me thanks. But she never once told me what she liked about me or even complimented me once. I had asked her one time if she would like to talk on the phone sometime to let me know. She said ok, but we never talked. Even if it was true that she was alone at the movies, I don't understand why she blew up and got so upset about one thing on facebook that I deleted. You would think she would have some courtesy and let something slide once. Everyone does something stupid once in their lives. And at 40yr+, it is strange for someone to blow up like that and just block you on facebook like a child instead of speaking to someone in person about it. She didn't even have the nerve to tell me face to face that she only saw me as a friend. She had to text that to me.

I doubt I'll hear back from her from my last text, but who knows. Any thoughts why she would have blew up so much over me posting she was perhaps out with another guy? I deleted it within 5 minutes of posting. Kind of immature of her at her age to block someone on facebook for this one thing. Although she facebook blocked me, I still have her phone number. But I already sent a "final" text to her. Do you think a month or more from now, I should try to follow up again or just leave her be?
You are seeing why she is divorced. Making a mountain out of a mole hill so soon, can you imagine the bs she would attempt after a year or 2 ? She acted like a child when she friendzoned you. she still wanted you to be an orbiter. She expected you to still chase her. Why else would she creep the profile of a guy she only wants to be friends with. Because you validated her and She still expected attention, and when you told you pointed out your suspicion of her being out with another dude she realized you saw through her veil.

You dodged a bullet. Next. Do not reach out in a month. Stop apologizing to her. You owe her nothing. After 3 dates you dont know if you csn trust her. she hasnt built trust. If she cant get that then she isnt worth of your time. Leave this on the next pile.
 
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dude99

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She actually friendzoned you after she said 'i want to take it slow.'

When a woman says this she is actually saying 'i am waiting for the next better option.'

When she says she wants to take it slow her interest is teetering on no interest. The right course of action at this point is to then agree with her and go no contact. Zero. no text no fb no calls. if she is interested she will reach out. if not you already not wasting anymore time or effort on her.
 

BackInTheGame78

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She wanted you to make a move sexually and gave you 3 chances to do so but you didn't. How many chances do you need?

Did you even kiss or make out with her?

Your behavior after she friendzoned you was especially weak. Why would you agree to be her friend when that isn't what you wanted?
 

Barrister

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OP, a lot of things here:

1. Your first date was not a good choice. Dinner (or in this case lunch) are never good first dates. You need an opportunity to initiate contact as well as avoid awkward silences and/or boring conversation which dinner/lunches do neither.

2. You never attempted to initiate any physical contact. In fact, this is probable the biggest thing that led to the friendzone. She needs to view you as a sexual creature immediately. Hence why where you choose the first date is so important. Lunch in broad daylight at a nice restaurant couldn't be a much worse opportunity for this. Night at a bar with a few drinks right up at the bar sitting side by side? Much easier! You should be kissing the woman by the end of the first date. If it is going well mid-first date.

3. You paid for the nice lunch. She had to do absolutely nothing to receive validation. You need to make her work. She got this essentially for nothing by just showing up.

4. You are too available. Texting her multiple times without her reaching out first is unattractive. Until you have slept with a woman you need to remain aloof UNLESS she reaches out to you first. It is okay to build rapport if she is reaching out and showing high interest. Otherwise, texting should be used very sparingly.

A lot of issues but this is all fixable stuff. Better luck next time but I would not waste anymore time on this one. Go NC and maybe she'll reach back out later.
 

Robert28

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She wanted you to make a move sexually and gave you 3 chances to do so but you didn't. How many chances do you need?

Did you even kiss or make out with her?

Your behavior after she friendzoned you was especially weak. Why would you agree to be her friend when that isn't what you wanted?
While he did make many mistakes I don’t think him escalating sexually with her would have changed anything, I’ll tell you why. I know women like this. Fresh out a divorce or “bad relationship” where they play the victim and tell you about their ho hum downtrodden story. What they’re doing is buttering you up to feel sympathy to become a future friend or orbiter, someone that can do things for them. They never planned on dating you but they’ll dangle sex in front of you like a farmer dangles a carrot in front of a mule. They’re looking for some guy that has no options and will entertain them and take them on dates and spend money and attention on them to “make them feel better about themselves because they just got out of a bad relationship”. This woman is probably still hung up on her ex husband and she’s lonely and manipulative to the highest order.
 

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2Rocky

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I had a female friend who started dating after a long dry spell....reluctantly. Met a guy and told me she made him wait 6 WEEKS before they had sex, and she wanted him to have a clean STD test. Older couple but Active and liked the same things.

She was pretty happy with him but ended up dumping him , I think because of stress in her parenting role more than anything else he did.
 

BackInTheGame78

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While he did make many mistakes I don’t think him escalating sexually with her would have changed anything, I’ll tell you why. I know women like this. Fresh out a divorce or “bad relationship” where they play the victim and tell you about their ho hum downtrodden story. What they’re doing is buttering you up to feel sympathy to become a future friend or orbiter, someone that can do things for them. They never planned on dating you but they’ll dangle sex in front of you like a farmer dangles a carrot in front of a mule. They’re looking for some guy that has no options and will entertain them and take them on dates and spend money and attention on them to “make them feel better about themselves because they just got out of a bad relationship”. This woman is probably still hung up on her ex husband and she’s lonely and manipulative to the highest order.
Great d!ck changes minds like few other things.
 

Trump

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I don't understand why everyone is calling her a nutcase.
In sosuave, anytime a girl doesn’t give a guy what he wants, she is called a nutcase.

comedy show is something a girl does with her gay friends. movie = gay friend
What is something a girl does with her straight friend?
 

corrector

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It doesn't sound like she was yours to lose. These women are probably on anti-depressants or are taking some meds, are seeing a shrink to get over a divorce she's 100% at fault with, and probably has a toxic past.

BTW: Why did you write that on facebook? I don't think that helped.
 

Robert28

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In sosuave, anytime a girl doesn’t give a guy what he wants, she is called a nutcase.



What is something a girl does with her straight friend?
It’s not anytime but this woman had red flags all over the place. Call a spade a spade. This guy sounds like a decent guy, maybe a little shy because he didn’t escalate like he probably should have but certainly no reason to friend zone his ass after 3 dates. We are told women know within seconds if they will sleep with a guy, so why the need to go out with him two more times if she’d already decided within seconds he wasn’t her type? And what exactly is her type? She’s 40 fvcking years the fvck old! She should be happy any guy asked her out! I mean it seems like she wants the drama of a 20ish yr old, she’s 40! It’s time for her to grow the hell up.
 

espanish

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In sosuave, anytime a girl doesn’t give a guy what he wants, she is called a nutcase.



What is something a girl does with her straight friend?
trump (I am assuming your first name is not donald?)
anything that allows physical escalation. comedy = she is just sitting there enjoying the show and you are annoying her by your touching. and there are people around judging her. just a terrible set up.
in my book, a comedy show is where you take your long time girlfriend, not someone you barely know.
 

espanish

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It’s not anytime but this woman had red flags all over the place. Call a spade a spade. This guy sounds like a decent guy, maybe a little shy because he didn’t escalate like he probably should have but certainly no reason to friend zone his ass after 3 dates. We are told women know within seconds if they will sleep with a guy, so why the need to go out with him two more times if she’d already decided within seconds he wasn’t her type? And what exactly is her type? She’s 40 fvcking years the fvck old! She should be happy any guy asked her out! I mean it seems like she wants the drama of a 20ish yr old, she’s 40! It’s time for her to grow the hell up.
Ok this, I have to agree with. she should not have wasted his time with 3 dates. and too much drama, for her age.
 

stormrider

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It’s not anytime but this woman had red flags all over the place. Call a spade a spade. This guy sounds like a decent guy, maybe a little shy because he didn’t escalate like he probably should have but certainly no reason to friend zone his ass after 3 dates. We are told women know within seconds if they will sleep with a guy, so why the need to go out with him two more times if she’d already decided within seconds he wasn’t her type? And what exactly is her type? She’s 40 fvcking years the fvck old! She should be happy any guy asked her out! I mean it seems like she wants the drama of a 20ish yr old, she’s 40! It’s time for her to grow the hell up.
Women reach their prime potential at 20. There was a time when living to 35 was considered an accomplishment. 30 used to be middle age. What happens when A woman reaches 35-40 is She recycles herself. That’s why sometimes they act 20. They give themselves cougar status and their sex lives are no different from when they were 20. The only difference is more bitterness and you are getting the refurbished version.

And we all know when we buy refurbished versions of an item, it is never the same as brand new. There is always a risk it might break down and malfunction.

The myth is that somehow women become more enlightened and wiser into their 30s and 40s. No, they recycle themselves and just become more delusional to compensate for lost of youth.

If you close your eyes, you will see there is no difference interacting with a 35 year old wannabe princess and an 18 year old wannabe princess. It’s just that the entitlement of the 18 year old is at least understandable but for the 35 year old, it looks completely delusional.

35 year old single women still spend all their time watching Netflix, go on 100 tinder dates a year, and believe there is a perfect man out there somewhere who will save them from themselves just as 25 year old women do.

The only exceptions are women who had to go through the fire of raising a family.

Some countries shame women for being purposeless and acting like they are forever 21. In some countries, women feel shame for being 25 and single. Not in America. American culture encourages women to be life time cvm dumpsters.

How do I know this? When I was in college I had some flings with older women. They were no different then girls my age. But worse. Their insecurity and entitlement are on a higher level to compensate for lack of youth. And some of them had arbitrary rules that I was completely oblivious to. Basically they were like hardened cement bricks that couldnt be molded. My flings would usually last for about a month until they would get mad at me for something I had no clue about.

I had to deal with the ghosts of 25+ ex boyfriends that disappointed them the past 2-3 decades. That was too much for the younger me to handle, lol.

Eventually women become hardened in their ways and only cats can tolerate them.
 
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espanish

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The only exceptions are women who had to go through the fire of raising a family.
may I ask what you mean by this? I find this part interesting because I happen to be dating a woman who has children.
 

2Rocky

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may I ask what you mean by this? I find this part interesting because I happen to be dating a woman who has children.
1) she has to be a disciplinarian, provider and a nuturer. Exhausting.
2) she dismisses a great deal of her frivolous thinking. She doesn't do things "for show" now.
3) She is no longer the most important person in HER life.
 

Robert28

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Women reach their prime potential at 20. There was a time when living to 35 was considered an accomplishment. 30 used to be middle age. What happens when A woman reaches 35-40 is She recycles herself. That’s why sometimes they act 20. They give themselves cougar status and their sex lives are no different from when they were 20. The only difference is more bitterness and you are getting the refurbished version.

And we all know when we buy refurbished versions of an item, it is never the same as brand new. There is always a risk it might break down and malfunction.

The myth is that somehow women become more enlightened and wiser into their 30s and 40s. No, they recycle themselves and just become more delusional to compensate for lost of youth.

If you close your eyes, you will see there is no difference interacting with a 35 year old wannabe princess and an 18 year old wannabe princess. It’s just that the entitlement of the 18 year old is at least understandable but for the 35 year old, it looks completely delusional.

35 year old single women still spend all their time watching Netflix, go on 100 tinder dates a year, and believe there is a perfect man out there somewhere who will save them from themselves just as 25 year old women do.

The only exceptions are women who had to go through the fire of raising a family.

Some countries shame women for being purposeless and acting like they are forever 21. In some countries, women feel shame for being 25 and single. Not in America. American culture encourages women to be life time cvm dumpsters.

How do I know this? When I was in college I had some flings with older women. They were no different then girls my age. But worse. Their insecurity and entitlement are on a higher level to compensate for lack of youth. And some of them had arbitrary rules that I was completely oblivious to. Basically they were like hardened cement bricks that couldnt be molded. My flings would usually last for about a month until they would get mad at me for something I had no clue about.

I had to deal with the ghosts of 25+ ex boyfriends that disappointed them the past 2-3 decades. That was too much for the younger me to handle, lol.

Eventually women become hardened in their ways and only cats can tolerate them.
Excellent analysis and spot on. I’m finding it exhausting to even converse with women 34+ anymore. They’re so bitter, so jaded, all because of dating decisions they made in the past and their chickens are literally coming home to roost. It’s hard to sell yourself to me when you’re divorced, tell me about all your drama you probably created, tell me how you DESERVE the cream of the crop guys and your expectations are impossible to meet.
 

stormrider

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may I ask what you mean by this? I find this part interesting because I happen to be dating a woman who has children.

Women have their own trials and tribulations just as men do. For them one of the rites of passage is childbirth and child raising. It’s part of the feminine imperative.

Just like for a guy, he must go out to the world and dominate his environment. That’s the masculine imperative.

A woman living the “forever 21” lifestyle into her 30s stunted her growth somewhere along the way.

The same way a guy in his 30s still living in his parents basement playing video games with no real ambition stunted his own growth. There is a level of masculinity that he is completely oblivious to.

When men and women go through the fires of life, their perspectives changes. Or not. It depends on the person and their values.

Some women have children and evolve into the next phase of their lives. Some women ignore their children and go back to the party.

America likes to promote the never ending party. If you go to California you will see people in their 70s and 80s with alligator skin still showing up to clubs and dancing around in leather pants.

America doesn’t promote transcendence. Look into your own life and you will see an infinite amount of levels you can transcend towards.

We can evolve indefinitely. There is no limit to human evolution. But we’ve only barely scratched the surface of human potential.

Most humans spin in circles instead of evolving, and they recycle themselves and try to relive their past as if it was great or significant. But it’s all just a dumb never ending party.

Eventually these alligator skinned party animals are taken to the back and shot so that there can be room for the next generation of fvckboys and spoiled princesses so that the party can continue.

My advice is keep evolving and transcending. Don’t wait until you are taken out to pasture like a lot of these recycled women.
 
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Jacob40

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This is pre stalker behavior. Highly recomend ypu do some reading and re evaluate your energy.
Appreciate the post though. We all learn fron these stories.
what is pre stalker? nonsense. I didn't follow her around or text her obsessively. Just text her once after she blocked me and wished her good luck. Told her it was my last message to her.
 
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