She friendzoned me after 3 dates (41yo woman)

Jacob40

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Both of us in our 40's. I think she was just out of a long marriage but not sure when it ended. I went out with a new friend three times. First date was a nice lunch and drinks at a nice restaurant. I paid for everything. We talked for several hours and everything went great. Got each others phone numbers and started texting every other day. She sent me another picture of herself which I gave her some compliments. In fact I'd occasionally give her compliments because I truly liked her.

Second date we went for a walk in the park with her dogs for a couple hours. This went well too. She said to definitely keep in touch and text her. We both kept in touch with each other for several days.

Then I asked her if she'd like to go to a comedy show. I knew she liked comedy shows. She was enthusiastic and said this time she'd buy the tickets. So I bought the drinks and food which was a lot more than the tickets she bought. She said she had the most fun time and laughing she had in a long time. Although at one point during the show she seemed very closed-in and engrossed with the comedian. So I took her hand and she said that was sweet, and we held hands for the rest of the show. At the end of the third date, she said she wanted to take it slow, which I was ok with. We both left for the night separately and texted for a couple days.

Then on Saturday evening, I texted her to see how she was doing. She replied she was at the movies seeing a "chick flick". She said she didn't think anyone would go with her, so she went alone. I told her to have fun, because I had to work that evening. Later that night I texted how the movie went and she said she liked it.

Then on Sunday morning, I text her something about another movie. She never replied until next day, Monday morning. She said....that after 3 dates, she felt friends were the best thing for her, and that after a lot of reflection she didn't see any chemistry that she should by now. She only felt friendship. She went on and on about being honest with her feelings, etc. I told her thanks for letting me know and I appreciated her telling me and wished her the best.

Then it all went down hill from there....The next night, someone on my facebook page was asking how my date went. All I replied with was that I was put in the friend zone, and that I thought she was out with another guy on Saturday at that "chick flick". I had the message up for about 5 minutes, when I thought it wasn't right to type that, so i deleted it. I didn't even use any names. She apparently was watching my account, because she saw the message and immediately replied back to me that I was "immature", and that she wasn't out with anyone on Saturday and went by herself to the movies. She said she was very hurt. I tried to tell her I was sorry and tried to apologize, but she wouldn't listen. She said our values were different and that she wouldn't even consider a friendship now.

I told her I was confused, because our 3 dates went so great, especially the last one. It really surprised me that she would make an abrupt decision like that after just 3 dates. She blocked me on facebook. I sent her one final text telling her that I was truly sorry. I told her that if sometime in the future you would allow me to explain everything that I would be open to talking to her about it.

And that's the end for now. One thing I noticed is that even though when I would compliment her, she would tell me thanks. But she never once told me what she liked about me or even complimented me once. I had asked her one time if she would like to talk on the phone sometime to let me know. She said ok, but we never talked. Even if it was true that she was alone at the movies, I don't understand why she blew up and got so upset about one thing on facebook that I deleted. You would think she would have some courtesy and let something slide once. Everyone does something stupid once in their lives. And at 40yr+, it is strange for someone to blow up like that and just block you on facebook like a child instead of speaking to someone in person about it. She didn't even have the nerve to tell me face to face that she only saw me as a friend. She had to text that to me.

I doubt I'll hear back from her from my last text, but who knows. Any thoughts why she would have blew up so much over me posting she was perhaps out with another guy? I deleted it within 5 minutes of posting. Kind of immature of her at her age to block someone on facebook for this one thing. Although she facebook blocked me, I still have her phone number. But I already sent a "final" text to her. Do you think a month or more from now, I should try to follow up again or just leave her be?
 
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espanish

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Sounds like you were being a nice guy, not being sexual. You bored her. I am guessing you are sexually inexperienced, am I right?
and I don't understand how you were on the first date and still did not have her phone number
oh by the way, don't spend more than $10 on a first date (some people here never spend a dime on their girls but I don't understand how)
just go for smoothies or something else that's not cliche (coffee = everybody does it, nothing cool about it)
anyway, stop obsessing over it, move on. plenty of girls out there.
 

Robert28

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This woman sounds like the has borderline personality disorder. It gets worse with age and I can promise you that’s what led to her divorce. You became WAY too invested in this woman, which happens to all of us, but you dodged a bullet even though you think you lost out. You didn’t. You missed out on months or years of being stuck with a 40 year old child who would have made your life miserable in the long run. As for her friends offer, WHY DID YOU ACCEPT THAT? No! When she came back with “didn’t feel the chemistry that I needed to feel, let’s be friends” you had 2 choices. No response or “sorry but I’m an adult and am looking for an adult relationship, thank you for the friends offer but I am in no way interested. Later”. Your biggest mistake I see was the choice of dates, I know you’re both in your 40’s and all but you still don’t invest heavily in some old broad or spend money on them. You also waited until the 3rd date to hold her hand? Good Lord. No wonder she sees friends. You did dodge a bullet though even with all your mistakes, this woman had BPD written all over her, the mind of a child.
 

Mazer

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I am also in my 40’s. It’s simple, she used you for dinners and validation. Probably still boning her ex husband. Also, women with more than one dog are usually nutcases. Stick around and read the threads. You will learn a lot.
 

Jacob40

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thanks everyone for your insights. I'm going to read through some other threads I found about being friendzoned. espanish, I did have her number, when she gave it to me after the first date. We met over Facebook Dating App, and were texting thru that to meet first.

Robert28, I'm not sure why I accepted the "friends only" offer. Maybe being too nice. I did at least text her later saying I wasn't looking to be friends, and was looking for a relationship. So that's probably one more reason she blocked me on facebook. Maybe she was partially BPD. I don't know. Or maybe she has just been out of a bad marriage with her EX and didn't want to take any crap from anyone again. Still, she acted quite harsh with a facebook post that was 5min posted and deleted by just unfriending and blocking me.
 
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Black Widow Void

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This isn't a put down. I'm simply stated what you have shared.
You asked if you should wait a month and try again. This tells us here that you were/ are quite invested in this woman and possibly with no other options. Again, not putting you down. I've been there. In fact others here have too (but few others will openly admit it).

Women enjoy a bit of anticipation and also wonder. It increases their interest. If you puncture these things, you deflate their potential interest in you.

The reason I mentioned your characteristic(s) above? Simple. Without doubt, I'm certain that you were quick on the draw to respond to her text's. Chancec are that you initiated many and probably responded in length. These things will quickly kill any interest a woman may develop.

Tempted as you may be to reach out to her later on (either to try again or to fix ego) don't do it. We all make our mistakes (self included). Learn from it and you'll be a 'newer and improved' version of yourself for the next opportunity.

Good luck.
 

Jacob40

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I am also in my 40’s. It’s simple, she used you for dinners and validation. Probably still boning her ex husband. Also, women with more than one dog are usually nutcases. Stick around and read the threads. You will learn a lot.
What do you mean by "validation"? When I was on her facebook friends list, I viewed her profile. No pics or mention of any guys including her Ex. Just a few pics of her, friends, and her puppies. Nothing stood out as weird or crazy. She has a great job too.
 

Jacob40

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This isn't a put down. I'm simply stated what you have shared.
You asked if you should wait a month and try again. This tells us here that you were/ are quite invested in this woman and possibly with no other options. Again, not putting you down. I've been there. In fact others here have too (but few others will openly admit it).

Women enjoy a bit of anticipation and also wonder. It increases their interest. If you puncture these things, you deflate their potential interest in you.

The reason I mentioned your characteristic(s) above? Simple. Without doubt, I'm certain that you were quick on the draw to respond to her text's. Chancec are that you initiated many and probably responded in length. These things will quickly kill any interest a woman may develop.

Tempted as you may be to reach out to her later on (either to try again or to fix ego) don't do it. We all make our mistakes (self included). Learn from it and you'll be a 'newer and improved' version of yourself for the next opportunity.

Good luck.
You are pretty correct. I was without any options at the moment. So when I decided to ask her to meet up, I was pretty excited. Three dates in, I was getting to the point that this may just wind up into a relationship with her. Then she dropped the friendzone on me. I was not too quick to reply, but usually replied the same day. She on the other hand would usually wait until 5am in the morning when she got up to reply back to me. My last txt to her already said it was going to be my last, and that if she wanted to talk more, to let me know. So the balls in her court, if she ever wants to reach out to me again.
 

Tilex

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she wanted to take it slow
When a woman says this, I will lose interest and attraction immediately!
This is a game women play and it's a trap to lure you into her frame.

Older women know how to play this game really well.
They've turned a lot of men into suckers and they become more efficient at it the older they get.
Just Run!
Run away as fast as you can if a woman ever tells you this!
 
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biggoal

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I am also in my 40’s. It’s simple, she used you for dinners and validation. Probably still boning her ex husband. Also, women with more than one dog are usually nutcases. Stick around and read the threads. You will learn a lot.
I see that on OLD a lot. Women with lots of pets. Some every profile pic is with their dog posing with them.
 
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Focal core

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When a woman says this, I will lose interest and attraction immediately!
This is a game women play and it's a trap to lure you into her frame.

Older women know how to play this game really well.
They've turned a lot of men into suckers and they become more efficient at it the older they get.
Just Run!
Run away as fast as you can if a woman ever tells you this!
Not if she's svcking your D at the same time.. :rofl:
 

Pandora

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I understand why this bothers you. It would bother most men including myself. You must remember that her evaluation of you is not an accurate one. This chick has no clue of what to look for in a man. If she had any clue then she would be in a happy relationship/ marriage. She is a nut case. Keep meeting women and you will eventually find one who is hotter and who really digs you. Don't try to figure women out. There is nothing to figure out. Its a void of emotional chaos.
 

espanish

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I don't understand why everyone is calling her a nutcase. I don't see any information that would lead to that conclusion.
OP was acting needy, obsessed with her, and borderline stalking her. Girl wasn't attracted to him because he was not doing anything sexual. He was hoping if he took her to a comedy show, she would appreciate him and let him in her pants.
He was her gay friend. comedy show is something a girl does with her gay friends. movie = gay friend
I am not saying the girl was an angel, but the conclusions you guys are making about her, I just don't see those.
OP, read my signature. This is something a girl said on a now defunct pick up forum, which has helped me a lot.
 
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MrWood

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I understand why this bothers you. It would bother most men including myself. You must remember that her evaluation of you is not an accurate one. This chick has no clue of what to look for in a man. If she had any clue then she would be in a happy relationship/ marriage.
this to a "degree" for him, mostly explains HER.

OP: next bro, your good to go
 
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stringpuller

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She said she was very hurt. I tried to tell her I was sorry and tried to apologize
Never ever say this. Esp in this situation. You did nothing wrong. Tell her to get over herself! And rhen laugh at her
 

stringpuller

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does something stupid once in their lives. And at 40yr+, it is strange for someone to blow up like that and just block you on facebook like a child instead of speaking to someone in person about it. She didn't even have the nerve to tell me face to face that she only saw me as a friend. She had
This is pre stalker behavior. Highly recomend ypu do some reading and re evaluate your energy.
Appreciate the post though. We all learn fron these stories.
 

Pandora

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I don't understand why everyone is calling her a nutcase. I don't see any information that would lead to that conclusion.
OP was acting needy, obsessed with her, and borderline stalking her. Girl wasn't attracted to him because he was not doing anything sexual. He was hoping if he took her to a comedy show, she would appreciate him and let him in her pants.
He was her gay friend. comedy show is something a girl does with her gay friends. movie = gay friend
I am not saying the girl was an angel, but the conclusions you guys are making about her, I just don't see those.
OP, read my signature. This is something a girl said on a now defunct pick up forum, which has helped me a lot.
I appreciate this balanced view of the situation. You may be correct but most likely its a her issue. I have had this happen to me many times even when I escalated sexually. I have had this happen to me even after first date makeout sessions that the girl initiated. Escalating sexually these days means nothing. Its not 2001 anymore. Sex means nothing to girls. They are desensitized to it. This guy could have done everything correct and she still would have friend zoned him.

Escalating sexually within 3 dates is not normal. It is an aberration of true femininity. It is particular to Western women. Western women need a man to constantly be arousing them because they are so numb. In the 1950's a woman would reject you for coming on too strong within the first month. Women in developing nations with strong traditional values would be offended if you tried to kiss them within the first 3 dates. These are the reasons why I say this is mostly a her thing. The OP was a perfect gentlemen who showed interest ( he may have been a little clingy but we will never know). Girls in traditional societies next men for serious things like abuse, laziness or alcholism etc. American women next you because you didn't escalate sexually and she didn't feel her little vagina tingle :lol:.

This is the ultimate reason I know that it is a her thing. When the OP gets a girlfriend he should post it on social media. I PROMISE you that this chick will feel regret about nexting him. She will feel like she lost out on a sweet guy. Ive seen it time and time again. Women don't know what they want and their decisions should not be taken seriously.
 
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