She friendzoned me after 3 dates (41yo woman)

cola

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I didn’t read through all the comments, I don’t think she was bpd, the real reason this happened is because you aren’t sexual enough. The key word here that brings me to this conclusion is “chemistry”. This is woman speak for you didn’t make me horny.
Did you slap her ass at all? Hug her from behind and press your manhood on her? Did you even attempt a kiss? Touch a boob? You have to do these things to get them thinking about sex.

A woman will forgive you for being too aggressive too soon, she won’t forgive you for not being aggressive enough.
This was 100% the real issue. You were too much of a gentleman.
I think this old hoe was down to f*ck and you were playing the long game when she wanted the short one.

Date 1 was fine. Don’t be super aggressive first date.

Date 2 should’ve been drinks at bar with a lot of touching and back to your place to shag.
 
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Robert28

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Ehh, maybe. Or maybe OP just didn't escalate properly and played it nice guy safe for 3 straight dates and bored her to death.
This woman is old, in her 40’s. She should feel lucky she’s going on dates and found someone that isn’t a loser or a bum. If after a month it’s not working then fine, but 3 dates is a little soon for her age cause I know she doesn’t have guys knocking down her door.
 

BackInTheGame78

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This woman is old, in her 40’s. She should feel lucky she’s going on dates and found someone that isn’t a loser or a bum. If after a month it’s not working then fine, but 3 dates is a little soon for her age cause I know she doesn’t have guys knocking down her door.
You'd be surprised. If she is good looking like the OP says she is probably bombarded with 50+ messages a day online, and that is a conservative estimate. I've been out with women who are probably 7s that have that many messages a day, if she is a 9(according to OP) you can exponentially increase it.
 

Jacob40

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She is French Canadian. Does that make any difference on what they expect during first 3 date's?

Well it's ashame I missed my opportunity and if you see she was down for something short term. I just don't know and will never now probably. And yes I did touch her a bit during the comedy show. Not just hold hands. But apparently not enough.
 

Jacob40

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at least you are reading the replies and not disappearing like some other people on this forum.
I am the one who mentioned the smoothie idea.
you need low investment type of places for the first date(s) not necessarily due to money. even if you inherited $10 million dollars from your grandmother and you don't care about money, you need to go to low investment dates because when you take a girl you barely know to an expensive restaurant, it looks like you find her really special that you are willing to invest so much in her. you project the image that you have no other girls/options in your life and you're trying really hard to appease her.

from your entire post it seems that you keep wanting to appease her. you took her to a restaurant and paid the full bill. you took her to her favorite comedy show. if she was your girlfriend/mother/wife/someone you care about, it's fine, but remember, this is a girl you know nothing about. why do you care about her so much? this is needy behavior. you remind me of a colleague of mine, first date he bought a girl a perfume for $120. the girl accepted the gift and the next day she texted him "I don't think we are right for each other. good luck"

plus, in these type of places, you can't really touch her. at the comedy show, she is listening to the comedian, she is not going to be open to sexual escalation. I am willing to bet at the restaurant you sat across from her and not next to her, not allowing for any touching.

coffee dates, I personally don't like. nothing wrong with them, it's just too overdone. smoothie makes you look unique. at the end of the day, do whatever you like, not what she likes. if she likes comedy and you like bowling, take her to a bowling activity.

by the way, you still have not answered the question whether you are sexually inexperienced. I am willing to bet you are inexperienced, and once you gain some experience (and get screwed by women like her) things will start to fall in place. I have learned more from my bad dates than good dates. good luck bro, keep trying.
I am not sexually inexperienced. Although it's been awhile since I've got laid. I used to have better luck in college. She must be BPD though and she did act like a child and get mad at one thing. At the first date at the restaurant she sat perpendicular to me and not across from me. She touched at slightly at one point while we were talking. That was about all that happened since I didn't want to scare her off by moving to fast. Guess I'll have to try more things and move faster on a first date.

I think she is around 7 on the 10 scale of looks. She shouldn't find any trouble finding anyone to go out with based on her looks. But from her Facebook page she didn't have one single picture of her with a guy friend or her previous ex. So maybe she was directly out of her 10yr+ marriage.
 
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DJnoob

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I am not sexually inexperienced. Although it's been awhile since I've got laid. I used to have better luck in college. She must be BPD though and she did act like a child and get mad at one thing. At the first date at the restaurant she sat perpendicular to me and not across from me. She touched at slightly at one point while we were talking. That was about all that happened since I didn't want to scare her off by moving to fast. Guess I'll have to try more things and move faster on a first date.

I think she is around 7 on the 10 scale of looks. She shouldn't find any trouble finding anyone to go out with based on her looks. But from her Facebook page she didn't have one single picture of her with a guy friend or her previous ex. So maybe she was directly out of her 10yr+ marriage.
You just cannot sound "butthurt" ever as one of the rules. The guys here are right.
 

derby1

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She must be BPD though and she did act like a child and get mad at one thing.
Brother these women are showered with validation from 7am every morning that makes them over inflate their worth, they then start doing erratic stuff that is distorted from reality. much like a little celebrity syndrome, she will have cognitive distortion that she is a prize and the male is the peasant........which is why in 2019 you show little interest after youve banged with no relationship talk to get the goods

But from her Facebook page she didn't have one single picture of her with a guy friend or her previous ex.
She does what she did to you for a living, collects orbiters(which is what she tried to turn you into) she probably has 50 of them, this is like Meth to her ego..........you are male and just want to do fun things and go fun places, women dont they just want to check their fancied by as many males as possible....this is what social media has done to them

Ive got women on my fb that share those relationship goal memes.......Do you seriously think these women arent offered those goals 8 times a day? it purely means 2 guys have probably sussed her out as a time waster so left her orbit and her ego cant handle it

her ego was very comfortable with you, that was your problem a little

HTH
 

Jacob40

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Brother these women are showered with validation from 7am every morning that makes them over inflate their worth, they then start doing erratic stuff that is distorted from reality. much like a little celebrity syndrome, she will have cognitive distortion that she is a prize and the male is the peasant........which is why in 2019 you show little interest after youve banged with no relationship talk to get the goods



She does what she did to you for a living, collects orbiters(which is what she tried to turn you into) she probably has 50 of them, this is like Meth to her ego..........you are male and just want to do fun things and go fun places, women dont they just want to check their fancied by as many males as possible....this is what social media has done to them

Ive got women on my fb that share those relationship goal memes.......Do you seriously think these women arent offered those goals 8 times a day? it purely means 2 guys have probably sussed her out as a time waster so left her orbit and her ego cant handle it

her ego was very comfortable with you, that was your problem a little

HTH
Thanks. Explains a lot. Starting to learn now for my next dates.
 

Poonani Maker

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You'd be surprised. If she is good looking like the OP says she is probably bombarded with 50+ messages a day online, and that is a conservative estimate. I've been out with women who are probably 7s that have that many messages a day, if she is a 9(according to OP) you can exponentially increase it.
My 74 old cousin who I'd seen for the first time in several years back in August told me on OLD that she is receiving d!ck pics routinely. She's good-looking for her age, had a rich late husband and has had the botox and certain surgeries (a face procedure? not a lift but some other I forget). She's bombarded. She's still a real estate agent at her age. I don't know how she stays so young looking, but it can't be much longer till she falls off a cliff. I mean photos with me and her at a beach breakfast place make me look good (and her look good..she's ribbing me in the photo as if tickling) almost usable in my profile(s) on OLD. I find it strange that if I open a new account on OLD I get inundated with likes/messages, but after a week or two: nothing. I think that not only are women bombarded but we men are put in limited state somehow to make us pony up to pay the piper or the (((owner(s)))) of these sites.
 
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biggoal

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My 74 old cousin who I'd seen for the first time in several years back in August told me on OLD that she is receiving d!ck pics routinely. She's good-looking for her age, had a rich late husband and has had the botox and certain surgeries (a face procedure? not a lift but some other I forget). She's bombarded. She's still a real estate agent at her age. I don't know how she stays so young looking, but it can't be much longer till she falls off a cliff. I mean photos with me and her at a beach breakfast place make me look good (and her look good..she's ribbing me in the photo as if tickling) almost usable in my profile(s) on OLD. I find it strange that if I open a new account on OLD I get inundated with likes/messages, but after a week or two: nothing. I think that not only are women bombarded but we men are put in limited state somehow to make us pony up to pay the piper or the (((owner(s)))) of these sites.
A lot of those messages guys get like on Match before the pay or first pay are fake in order to get you to pay!

I agree about OLD women getting bombared. Especially in my region where the median age is very old and women outnumber men according to the US census. There are not a lot of decent women on OLD within a 60 mile radius of here. The women I've been on dates with or talked to from OLD all told me how they get bombared with messages from men of all ages. From their 20s all the way up into their late 70s. I mean lots of messages. The Hb9.5 I went on a date with said she was getting bombared with probably over 100s of messages.

I'm shocked at my reply rate to be honest on match. Even though it's a paid site which weeds some out, the women around here still get bombared they tell me the ones I went on dates with. They said it's pretty high.

Then factor in rich old guys, lawyers, doctors, etc. with high paying jobs who are probably scoring the few women on OLD around here you're competing with as well. This is why I go for quality over quantity and do well thought of messages that stands out from the rest because if you're competing with rich men and such you gotta do something to stand out because there will always be the Hyper Chad or mega bucks guy you're competing with.
 

derby1

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Thanks. Explains a lot. Starting to learn now for my next dates.
youd be better of getting red pilled up brother......dating is basically rigged in a females favour........i wouldnt use the word relationship/dating for a good 5 months into meeting

always remember this "No man who leads so many kneels so quick" .........

anytime you find yourself in person or texting: too available / predictable/ no mystery /no challenge / showing emotions / or to invested

you pull back and post on here
 

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Would she go to a movie where she already knows the ending scene by scene? Of course not.

She knew she had you hook, line and sinker right from the start. You were eagerly wagging your tail like a puppy dog and telegraphing that you were hoping against hope that she would accept you. She knew factually that she totally had you and that is BORING to women and a huge turn-off.

As a man you need to telegraph that you are UNDECIDED about her and she needs to prove herself to you.

This gives her a sense of mystery and suspense and excitement. We men attract women by making them FEEL.

Don’t ever let a woman think that she has you on a hook. Instead, you should be testing her for suitability in your life. Woman find this massively attractive.

Think about your handling of this woman. I don’t even know you, yet I know that this is how you presented yourself. 100% of the energy flow was, “I like you and I hope you will accept me”. That’s why you never even had the slightest chance with her.

Take my advice and next time set the stage for success. You are testing her, not the other way around. You are deciding whether to accept or reject her, not the other way around. She needs to proved herself to you.

Women CANNOT date down. They can only be fulfilled by a man they look up to. Why would she look up to a polite, supplicating rag doll whom she knows she already owns?

A man’s attractiveness is his reserve. Women THRIVE on not being sure her man is totally accepting her. She thrives on working for attention and affection. Never again present yourself on a silver platter. She WANTS to work for it. She WANTS you to have options and to earn your approval.
 

Jacob40

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Thanks Mod (Atom) for the info. I got a lot to remember and apply to try to use next time.

So an update....I've joined several OLD sites since she dropped me. Just yesterday, I was on POF, where the women are pretty average. This old broad is now on POF as well, trying to find another guy. Looks like she joined recently. I read her profile and it's the same short profile she had on Facebook Dating. talking about wanting a "fun loving, compassionate, intelligent person who is looking for a special person". I have the option turned on to hide my views to profiles, that way the women don't know I looked at their profiles.

So if she is on another dating website, I'm now second thinking she may have not been out at the movies with someone else that Saturday. Or she dumped that guy too.
 

Atom Smasher

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Regardless, she didn't get the "tingles" from you that she needed.

It's not your fault by any means. Men can never be universally attractive, as women can. An attractive woman is pretty much an attractive woman to all men, unanimously. However, any given man will only be attractive to a certain subset of women.

Therefore, we should never feel bad about not giving an individual woman the emotions that excite her. It is utterly impossible for men to attract all women universally. There are millions of women who don't find Brad Pitt attractive. I'm just using him as a convenient example, though he's getting older. Even in his prime this was true.

I became extremely successful with women when I identified the type of women I wanted, and the type that I appeal to, and then only went after them.

The idea of universal attraction, which women DO enjoy, causes men such great heartache because they think it's possible for men to be universally attractive, and they strive to be. Any given decent man will be attractive to about 20% of women, give or take. Find out whom they are and get after them. Your success rate will skyrocket.

Out of that 20%, judge them. Vet them. Test them. Let them understand that you are determining if they fit into your Kingdom. When done right, this is massively attractive. Within this judging is room for friendliness, politeness, kindness, along with the projection of strength and the fact that you are not somebody to mess with.

Never forget that women desperately want a man who is perceived as above them. It's easily to be above them (and therefore admired) when you are unapologetic about doing so. Only in this way can she look up to you. When you approach a date as an open book, indicating that you will accept her if she accepts you, it's often game over right there. Women thrive on the energy that a man who conveys reserve emits.

Too many men are clueless that a woman wants to submit. She wants to look up to and admire a man. She will give you every chance to be that man. But most men blow it by putting all their cards face-up on the table. She wants to earn your acceptance.

Every women who agrees to a date is hoping against hope that she will perceive you as above her. So just give her what she wants. Don't get caught up in "But it's not right to judge her", or "But I don't want to act superior". Women have a deep, deep desire to perceive you in that way, so be that man.
 
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MrWood

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Regardless, she didn't get the "tingles" from you that she needed.

It's not your fault by any means. Men can never be universally attractive, as women can. An attractive women is pretty much an attractive women to all men, unanimously. However, any given man will only be attractive to a certain subset of women.

Therefore, we should never feel bad about not giving an individual women the emotions that excite her. It is utterly impossible for men to attract all women universally. There are millions of women who don't find Brad Pitt attractive. I'm just using him as a convenient example, though he's getting older. Even in his prime this was true.

I became extremely successful with women when I identified the type of women I wanted, and the type that I appeal to, and then only went after them.

The idea of universal attraction, which women DO enjoy, causes men such great heartache because they think it's possible for men to be universally attractive, and they strive to be. Any given decent man will be attractive to about 20% of women, give or take. Find out whom they are and get after them. Your success rate will skyrocket.

Out of that 20%, judge them. Vet them. Test them. Let them understand that you are determining if they fit into your Kingdom. When done right, this is massively attractive. Within this judging is room for friendliness, politeness, kindness, along with the projection of strength and the fact that you are not somebody to mess with.

Never forget that women desperately want a man who is perceived as above them. It's easily to be above them (and therefore admired) when you are unapologetic about doing so. Only in this way can she look up to you. When you approach a date as an open book, indicating that you will accept her if she accepts you, it's often game over right there. Women thrive on the energy that a man who conveys reserve emits.

Too many men are clueless that a woman wants to submit. She wants to look up to and admire a man. She will give you every chance to be that man. But most men blow it by putting all their cards face-up on the table. She wants to earn your acceptance.

Every women who agrees to a date is hoping against hope that she will perceive you as above her. So just give her what she wants. Don't get caught up in "But it's not right to judge her", or "But I don't want to act superior". Women have a deep, deep desire to perceive you in that way, so be that man.
Let me help the fellas by highlighting your fine words of truth, they seem to have a hard time reading whas being said in this forum
 

Jacob40

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Very cool words of wisdom. Well I started going to the gym every day and got with a personal trainer to start a personalized workout. I think once I get in shape I'll be able to attract more women that I would prefer to date. Plus if I post openly on social media I got a new woman friend, this old broad will see what she missed out on.
 

MrWood

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What words did he say "go to the gym" ? He didnt.. WTF.
How can you say "Very cool words of wisdom" and respond with "gym blahblah" ??

I have a floppy arm, i cant gym, I cant lift, I cant run, I cant salsa.
So... how is it that I still attract women?

Better buy that delux gym membership...
the lady's will be dripping off of your biceps, because you sure cant read.
 

Robert28

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Would she go to a movie where she already knows the ending scene by scene? Of course not.

She knew she had you hook, line and sinker right from the start. You were eagerly wagging your tail like a puppy dog and telegraphing that you were hoping against hope that she would accept you. She knew factually that she totally had you and that is BORING to women and a huge turn-off.

As a man you need to telegraph that you are UNDECIDED about her and she needs to prove herself to you.

This gives her a sense of mystery and suspense and excitement. We men attract women by making them FEEL.

Don’t ever let a woman think that she has you on a hook. Instead, you should be testing her for suitability in your life. Woman find this massively attractive.

Think about your handling of this woman. I don’t even know you, yet I know that this is how you presented yourself. 100% of the energy flow was, “I like you and I hope you will accept me”. That’s why you never even had the slightest chance with her.

Take my advice and next time set the stage for success. You are testing her, not the other way around. You are deciding whether to accept or reject her, not the other way around. She needs to proved herself to you.

Women CANNOT date down. They can only be fulfilled by a man they look up to. Why would she look up to a polite, supplicating rag doll whom she knows she already owns?

A man’s attractiveness is his reserve. Women THRIVE on not being sure her man is totally accepting her. She thrives on working for attention and affection. Never again present yourself on a silver platter. She WANTS to work for it. She WANTS you to have options and to earn your approval.
But if he doesn’t make his intentions known up front about what he wants he risks being friend zoned. In this case it happened anyway, so I doubt being all mysterious would have worked. Look, some women just like to collect orbiters that will do things for them, that’s a cold hard fact. It doesn’t have anything to do with how you present yourself, she’s gonna friend zone you whether you were on your game or had an off couple of dates. It’s up to you as a man whether you allow her to keep you around to use and abuse or if you walk. At least this guy walked away. Good for him. Fvck women and their friendship.
 

Robert28

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Thanks Mod (Atom) for the info. I got a lot to remember and apply to try to use next time.

So an update....I've joined several OLD sites since she dropped me. Just yesterday, I was on POF, where the women are pretty average. This old broad is now on POF as well, trying to find another guy. Looks like she joined recently. I read her profile and it's the same short profile she had on Facebook Dating. talking about wanting a "fun loving, compassionate, intelligent person who is looking for a special person". I have the option turned on to hide my views to profiles, that way the women don't know I looked at their profiles.

So if she is on another dating website, I'm now second thinking she may have not been out at the movies with someone else that Saturday. Or she dumped that guy too.
This woman is looking for someone exactly like her ex husband. I had her pegged in your first post. These types love fvcked up relationships and abuse, that’s what they consider “love and compassion”. Her line about “looking for a special person” is exactly that, she’s specifically looking for a man with narcissistic personality traits to give her all the drama she craves (notice she mentions fun loving). To her drama IS “fun loving”.
 
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