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She friendzoned me after 3 dates (41yo woman)

BackInTheGame78

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Well that may have been the case. But it looks like she wants to meet again. She contacted me tonight on the dating app and asked if I want to meet up and talk about what happened. The 0 attraction was only due to my slowness. If I act faster this time if we meet again it may go somewhere.
Meet herr and escalate. She obviously must like you in some way but she probably feels let down and disappointed that you didn't do more
 

Igetit!

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But it looks like she wants to meet again. She contacted me tonight on the dating app and asked if I want to meet up and talk about what happened.
Well that's weird......I've never heard of a "friendzone" like that before.

What did she mean when he said talk about "what happened"......did she mean the three dates you two had,or the remark you made about how she likely went out with another guy when she told you she went to the chick-flick alone?


That's weird. If she's asking to meet up again,there MUST BE some type of interest on her part.....there HAS TO BE. Otherwise,you two could just talk and clear the air by communicating on the app,or by texting......I can't see you two meeting up,getting everything straightened out between you two,then just going your separate ways.


The 0 attraction was only due to my slowness. If I act faster this time if we meet again it may go somewhere.
I agree......but you can't move TOO FAST,otherwise you'll come off as weird and make her uncomfortable. Yes,you need to be more aggressive/sexual......show interest physically,but if your behavior strays too far from how you were on the first three dates,it'll seem out of the blue and MAY weird her out.

So proceed with CAUTION.
 

Speculator E

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Well that may have been the case. But it looks like she wants to meet again. She contacted me tonight on the dating app and asked if I want to meet up and talk about what happened. The 0 attraction was only due to my slowness. If I act faster this time if we meet again it may go somewhere.
Congratulations. She still sounds BPD though. Not that it's bad, but you should educate yourself so you know what you're getting yourself into. This sounds like the push and pull cycle that common with BPD.

Sometimes, when a BPD start to feel like they are falling in love it triggers their fear of abandonment and they auto-reject you because of their fear.
 

Jacob40

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I think she is BPD now. Well we met up over the weekend. She was irate about the whole incident and went on a rant about it. I just let her blow off steam, and then I told her to chill and that she was overreacting to one single facebook post and blowing it out of proportion. She let me tell my side and then she calmed down a bit. I moved my chair right next to her and made a few moves and told her how sexy those jeans looked on her while I rubbed her inner leg. We had a short kiss. She really seemed to be turned on at that point.

But after awhile of talk she brought up the subject again about being only friends again. I put my foot down and flatly told her outright, that I was in no way interested in being only friends with her. I told her I was looking for a mature adult relationship. She just sat there quiet for a couple minutes while I finished my drink. I think she was surprised I said that. I told her thanks for meeting up, we both paid our tabs separately then left.

Over the last few days, I've seen her view my dating profile several times. I'm not sure why she would view it when she has zero interest in being more than friends.
 

lizardking82

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I will give it to you straight, OP: no matter how old you are or what your details are as a man, if a 41 year old woman friendzones you, you need to step it up in every direction.

A 41 year old woman is absolutely post wall, cannot be more than 4-5 if she is top, top maintenance with gym and genetically lucky and all that. If a 4 or 5 friendzones you...my friend, you should not be asking if you should try again, you should go to work with your problems.
 

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Jacob40

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I will give it to you straight, OP: no matter how old you are or what your details are as a man, if a 41 year old woman friendzones you, you need to step it up in every direction.

A 41 year old woman is absolutely post wall, cannot be more than 4-5 if she is top, top maintenance with gym and genetically lucky and all that. If a 4 or 5 friendzones you...my friend, you should not be asking if you should try again, you should go to work with your problems.
She is genetically lucky which is why she looks better than a lot of the other washed-up women on the same dating site. She is no where near a 4-5, but at least a 7. Post Wall doesn't matter to me. I could care less about having kids as long as I find someone that I'm happy to spend life with. I'm stepping it up at the gym.
 

corrector

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A 41 year old woman is absolutely post wall, cannot be more than 4-5 if she is top, top maintenance with gym and genetically lucky and all that. If a 4 or 5 friendzones you...my friend, you should not be asking if you should try again, you should go to work with your problems.
But I thought biggoal says that 49 year old grandmas are hb9s. That means 41 year old women must be hb10s because they are younger.
 

Jacob40

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But I thought biggoal says that 49 year old grandmas are hb9s. That means 41 year old women must be hb10s because they are younger.
Haha hb9s. Most of them on pof seem to think they still look like a 20yr old super model. They think they can still get a super hot athletic guy as a partner. Lol.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Both of us in our 40's. I think she was just out of a long marriage but not sure when it ended. I went out with a new friend three times. First date was a nice lunch and drinks at a nice restaurant. I paid for everything. We talked for several hours and everything went great. Got each others phone numbers and started texting every other day. She sent me another picture of herself which I gave her some compliments. In fact I'd occasionally give her compliments because I truly liked her.

Second date we went for a walk in the park with her dogs for a couple hours. This went well too. She said to definitely keep in touch and text her. We both kept in touch with each other for several days.

Then I asked her if she'd like to go to a comedy show. I knew she liked comedy shows. She was enthusiastic and said this time she'd buy the tickets. So I bought the drinks and food which was a lot more than the tickets she bought. She said she had the most fun time and laughing she had in a long time. Although at one point during the show she seemed very closed-in and engrossed with the comedian. So I took her hand and she said that was sweet, and we held hands for the rest of the show. At the end of the third date, she said she wanted to take it slow, which I was ok with. We both left for the night separately and texted for a couple days.

Then on Saturday evening, I texted her to see how she was doing. She replied she was at the movies seeing a "chick flick". She said she didn't think anyone would go with her, so she went alone. I told her to have fun, because I had to work that evening. Later that night I texted how the movie went and she said she liked it.

Then on Sunday morning, I text her something about another movie. She never replied until next day, Monday morning. She said....that after 3 dates, she felt friends were the best thing for her, and that after a lot of reflection she didn't see any chemistry that she should by now. She only felt friendship. She went on and on about being honest with her feelings, etc. I told her thanks for letting me know and I appreciated her telling me and wished her the best.

Then it all went down hill from there....The next night, someone on my facebook page was asking how my date went. All I replied with was that I was put in the friend zone, and that I thought she was out with another guy on Saturday at that "chick flick". I had the message up for about 5 minutes, when I thought it wasn't right to type that, so i deleted it. I didn't even use any names. She apparently was watching my account, because she saw the message and immediately replied back to me that I was "immature", and that she wasn't out with anyone on Saturday and went by herself to the movies. She said she was very hurt. I tried to tell her I was sorry and tried to apologize, but she wouldn't listen. She said our values were different and that she wouldn't even consider a friendship now.

I told her I was confused, because our 3 dates went so great, especially the last one. It really surprised me that she would make an abrupt decision like that after just 3 dates. She blocked me on facebook. I sent her one final text telling her that I was truly sorry. I told her that if sometime in the future you would allow me to explain everything that I would be open to talking to her about it.

And that's the end for now. One thing I noticed is that even though when I would compliment her, she would tell me thanks. But she never once told me what she liked about me or even complimented me once. I had asked her one time if she would like to talk on the phone sometime to let me know. She said ok, but we never talked. Even if it was true that she was alone at the movies, I don't understand why she blew up and got so upset about one thing on facebook that I deleted. You would think she would have some courtesy and let something slide once. Everyone does something stupid once in their lives. And at 40yr+, it is strange for someone to blow up like that and just block you on facebook like a child instead of speaking to someone in person about it. She didn't even have the nerve to tell me face to face that she only saw me as a friend. She had to text that to me.

I doubt I'll hear back from her from my last text, but who knows. Any thoughts why she would have blew up so much over me posting she was perhaps out with another guy? I deleted it within 5 minutes of posting. Kind of immature of her at her age to block someone on facebook for this one thing. Although she facebook blocked me, I still have her phone number. But I already sent a "final" text to her. Do you think a month or more from now, I should try to follow up again or just leave her be?
40s? Dude, thats disgusting.

Top form SMV 18-23. Da **** is 40? Lmfao and she 3dates you with LJBFs?

Not doing it right kuz.

Hotter girls are turning 18 19 20 21 every day. None who can compete at 40 with top form.

You fun goofed. Strp game up.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Haha hb9s. Most of them on pof seem to think they still look like a 20yr old super model. They think they can still get a super hot athletic guy as a partner. Lol.
But cucks keep pursuing cratered SMV. Meanwhile she's hot dog down a hallway.
 

Gangster Of Love

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If a movie and comedy show = gay friend, then what are your go-to places to take women? Someone mentioned go for smoothies on a first date, but that sounds like gay friend to me too.
He mentioned a smoothie in lieu of getting coffee, which is a good first day meet up, yet too played out for many. Personally, I like coffee, yogurt, dessert meet n greets. You get to screen the woman, and find out if either party is even interested to see one another. If you see/feel there is no chemistry or compatibility, there won’t be no need to set up, and pay for a “nice lunch,” etc., just to try to figure out if she is into you. A quick, cheap meet n greet conveys that not only is she not being automatically being put on a pedestal just because she is attractive, she will have to “earn” any extended amount of time with you. NO BUYING FOOD for someone you don’t know, unless it is a business associate.
 

Trump

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But after awhile of talk she brought up the subject again about being only friends again. I put my foot down and flatly told her outright, that I was in no way interested in being only friends with her. I told her I was looking for a mature adult relationship.
Pu$$y Galore: ‘James, I’m immune to your charms, I think we should only be friends.”
Bond: “I’m in no way interested in being only friends. I’m looking for a mature adult relationship.”

Rock on baby.

She just sat there quiet for a couple minutes while I finished my drink. I think she was surprised I said that. I told her thanks for meeting up, we both paid our tabs separately then left.

Over the last few days, I've seen her view my dating profile several times. I'm not sure why she would view it when she has zero interest in being more than friends.
41 years old? Dude she could have a 23 year daughter and a 5 year granddaughter. I wouldn’t even waste that much energy dating her daughter if she had one, let alone her.
 

GrowingPains

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Mannnnn..

Go out with her for drinks.

Smash or next. She's wasting your time.

6 pages about this chick.. shoulda been nexted her by page 2 and posting about new women by page 3.

At least get another option so that when this one starts fvcking with you again it's not another 6 page fallout.
 

Jacob40

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Girl ghosted me 3 weeks ago. I still think she is angry about that previous thing I posted on my facebook page and took down. She has been on POF a lot this past month. On her FB friends list, she recently friended this new guy, but from looking at his profile he seems married. What's weird about his FB profile is that the hyperlink to it has a completely different name, then his profile name. Maybe he is trying to hide something I dont know. Or maybe it's nothing and I'm overthinking. But why would a guy have a FB hyperlink for example of "www.facebook.com/john_a_doe", and his actual name on his profile be "Joseph_b_blind"? His wife would see that too.

Anyway, should I just keep NO CONTACT with this chick or after 60 days, try to contact her again?
 

MountainSlide

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Both of us in our 40's. I think she was just out of a long marriage but not sure when it ended. I went out with a new friend three times. First date was a nice lunch and drinks at a nice restaurant. I paid for everything. We talked for several hours and everything went great. Got each others phone numbers and started texting every other day. She sent me another picture of herself which I gave her some compliments. In fact I'd occasionally give her compliments because I truly liked her.

Second date we went for a walk in the park with her dogs for a couple hours. This went well too. She said to definitely keep in touch and text her. We both kept in touch with each other for several days.

Then I asked her if she'd like to go to a comedy show. I knew she liked comedy shows. She was enthusiastic and said this time she'd buy the tickets. So I bought the drinks and food which was a lot more than the tickets she bought. She said she had the most fun time and laughing she had in a long time. Although at one point during the show she seemed very closed-in and engrossed with the comedian. So I took her hand and she said that was sweet, and we held hands for the rest of the show. At the end of the third date, she said she wanted to take it slow, which I was ok with. We both left for the night separately and texted for a couple days.

Then on Saturday evening, I texted her to see how she was doing. She replied she was at the movies seeing a "chick flick". She said she didn't think anyone would go with her, so she went alone. I told her to have fun, because I had to work that evening. Later that night I texted how the movie went and she said she liked it.

Then on Sunday morning, I text her something about another movie. She never replied until next day, Monday morning. She said....that after 3 dates, she felt friends were the best thing for her, and that after a lot of reflection she didn't see any chemistry that she should by now. She only felt friendship. She went on and on about being honest with her feelings, etc. I told her thanks for letting me know and I appreciated her telling me and wished her the best.

Then it all went down hill from there....The next night, someone on my facebook page was asking how my date went. All I replied with was that I was put in the friend zone, and that I thought she was out with another guy on Saturday at that "chick flick". I had the message up for about 5 minutes, when I thought it wasn't right to type that, so i deleted it. I didn't even use any names. She apparently was watching my account, because she saw the message and immediately replied back to me that I was "immature", and that she wasn't out with anyone on Saturday and went by herself to the movies. She said she was very hurt. I tried to tell her I was sorry and tried to apologize, but she wouldn't listen. She said our values were different and that she wouldn't even consider a friendship now.

I told her I was confused, because our 3 dates went so great, especially the last one. It really surprised me that she would make an abrupt decision like that after just 3 dates. She blocked me on facebook. I sent her one final text telling her that I was truly sorry. I told her that if sometime in the future you would allow me to explain everything that I would be open to talking to her about it.

And that's the end for now. One thing I noticed is that even though when I would compliment her, she would tell me thanks. But she never once told me what she liked about me or even complimented me once. I had asked her one time if she would like to talk on the phone sometime to let me know. She said ok, but we never talked. Even if it was true that she was alone at the movies, I don't understand why she blew up and got so upset about one thing on facebook that I deleted. You would think she would have some courtesy and let something slide once. Everyone does something stupid once in their lives. And at 40yr+, it is strange for someone to blow up like that and just block you on facebook like a child instead of speaking to someone in person about it. She didn't even have the nerve to tell me face to face that she only saw me as a friend. She had to text that to me.

I doubt I'll hear back from her from my last text, but who knows. Any thoughts why she would have blew up so much over me posting she was perhaps out with another guy? I deleted it within 5 minutes of posting. Kind of immature of her at her age to block someone on facebook for this one thing. Although she facebook blocked me, I still have her phone number. But I already sent a "final" text to her. Do you think a month or more from now, I should try to follow up again or just leave her be?
Hello friend. Don’t just compliment women, make them earn your validation. Don’t do day dates unless she’s your girlfriend. If a girl tries to friend zone you: tell them that you’re only seeking out a romantic relationship with her and if she changes her mind to give you a call (unless you actually just desire friendship with her then it’s cool). Let the woman initiate touching, when she does, then you move forward with touching her back and move to kiss. Don’t go on dates with no likelihood that it will lead to sex (seducing her into the bedroom is the goal).
 

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MountainSlide

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Girl ghosted me 3 weeks ago. I still think she is angry about that previous thing I posted on my facebook page and took down. She has been on POF a lot this past month. On her FB friends list, she recently friended this new guy, but from looking at his profile he seems married. What's weird about his FB profile is that the hyperlink to it has a completely different name, then his profile name. Maybe he is trying to hide something I dont know. Or maybe it's nothing and I'm overthinking. But why would a guy have a FB hyperlink for example of "www.facebook.com/john_a_doe", and his actual name on his profile be "Joseph_b_blind"? His wife would see that too.

Anyway, should I just keep NO CONTACT with this chick or after 60 days, try to contact her again?
f*ck her. Don’t initiate contact with her. Let her do all the initiating. Quit caring if you offended her — it doesn’t matter. If she contacts you set up a meetup that will be fun and escalate to sex.
 

ShePays

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Do you think a month or more from now, I should try to follow up again....?
Only if you'd like to experience a restraining order. You aren't in the friendzone, btw. You're in the stalkerzone.

Stop paying for dates, and you'll stop thinking you're owed something. Tell a woman you'll hangout out at her place or yours, or go dutch(or she pays), if she insists on going out. Don't reply to a woman's messages or calls faster than she replies to yours, and don't give her one more compliment, message, call, or invitation than she gives you. This isn't score-keeping; it's interest-gaguing.
 

biggoal

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40s? Dude, thats disgusting.

Top form SMV 18-23. Da **** is 40? Lmfao and she 3dates you with LJBFs?

Not doing it right kuz.

Hotter girls are turning 18 19 20 21 every day. None who can compete at 40 with top form.

You fun goofed. Strp game up.
What about a hot 49 year old like in my case? Should I contact her tomorrow if she doesn't? Been since Thur when we had the long text conversation about only wanting to be friends and talking from time to time.
 

MountainSlide

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40s? Dude, thats disgusting.

Top form SMV 18-23. Da **** is 40? Lmfao and she 3dates you with LJBFs?

Not doing it right kuz.

Hotter girls are turning 18 19 20 21 every day. None who can compete at 40 with top form.

You fun goofed. Strp game up.
I’m 33. One time I put on my tinder bio “looking for girl with daddy issues”. Interestingly enough. An 18 yo chick messaged me asking if I was serious. I told her yeah. I banged her on occasion for the next year. Guess she isn’t 18 anymore :rofl:
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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What about a hot 49 year old like in my case? Should I contact her tomorrow if she doesn't? Been since Thur when we had the long text conversation about only wanting to be friends and talking from time to time.
I’m 33. One time I put on my tinder bio “looking for girl with daddy issues”. Interestingly enough. An 18 yo chick messaged me asking if I was serious. I told her yeah. I banged her on occasion for the next year. Guess she isn’t 18 anymore :rofl:
Jlaix in ETP has vile pof and OLD bios. Its a hard push/pull. Most guys are beta and limp **** so, any sort of shot is polarising in contrast to the norm.
 
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