Now I Know How Military Husbands Feel

[Dr.Suave]

She has tried to bait me into arguing but I haven't taken it.

My man! We are all rooting for you bro.

 

[Pedrito0906]

military husbands?

I was having $ex with a military wife for months when he was deployed. But the guy was a deplorable chump so she chose poorly.

 

[Dr.Suave]

The biggest thing I am doing is talking to her dad. He has told me a few things about her past that she never disclosed to me, and he was shocked that he had to be the one to tell me.

Oh come on. I cant wait to hear this. Sounds like this is key stuff. Please give us something as soon as you can.

 

[pipeman84]

I was having $ex with a military wife for months when he was deployed. But the guy was a deplorable chump so she chose poorly.

It has nothing to do with the fact one is a military man or a businessman. It all boils down to a couple of things: 1. vetting the girl you're going to marry.
2. working on yourself to realize your true worth (which doesn't necessarily correlate with bank account). Once a man realizes his true worth as a human being and a man, he would view the suggestion of marrying a woman with more problems than a math textbook as a joke in poor taste.

 

[Pedrito0906]

It has nothing to do with the fact one is a military man or a businessman. It all boils down to a couple of things: 1. vetting the girl you're going to marry.
2. working on yourself to realize your true worth (which doesn't necessarily correlate with bank account). Once a man realizes his true worth as a human being and a man, he would view the suggestion of marrying a woman with more problems than a math textbook as a joke in poor taste.

Most of military guys are chumps that's the stereotype, like feminist women are $hit, so yeah it does apply.

If he wasn't a chump he wouldn't have been in today's military in the first place, for what? To fight for those in power who don't care about him? To risk his life for other people's interests? Today's military ate for chumps, smart men who realize this get there and leave in 4 years.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Today's military ate for chumps,

While I agree about the risking life for others' monetary interests; not signing up is still my biggest regret. What I'd give for free helicopter pilot training...

Back to the topic at hand...

 

[Bible_Belt]

@logicallefty Whatever finances you share, pull the plug on all of it right now. If you have a joint credit card, call and cancel it. If you have a joint bank account, clean it out before she does.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Hey OP, what has this to do with military husbands? I hope you don't take this the wrong way (ie kicking a man while he's down) but the cold hard truth is that this is the very predictable result of a very poor choice of a wife. It was mentioned in the thread you made after you married her that you're playing with fire.

I have forgotten about that thread. Yeah, this was totally predictable.

 

[LARaiders85]

I was having $ex with a military wife for months when he was deployed. But the guy was a deplorable chump so she chose poorly.

Wrong framing

 

[logicallefty]

So first off, the reason I titled this thread "military husbands" is because I was referring to being married, 800 miles away from the wife, having her misbehave, and not being there in person to handle it. I was not implying that military guys are the only ones who go through this sh|t.

In talking to my wife's father, I learned that she actually has a diagnosed mental disability that resulted from a very hard fall she took as a child. She has a lot of health issues that I did know about. But when it comes to mental health she has never disclosed this to me. She has specifically said "People have told me I was mental but I do not have any mental problems at all". I've seen her act like a typical woman before but according to her dad, her issues are much deeper than typical. He said "She had never been a happy person". She seemed happy with me a lot of the time, but from what he said, I really don't know if she was really happy or faking it. Another part of this is that my wife is not a heavy drinker. She loves her weed but rarely drinks any alcohol. Well, I heard from the wife of one of the band members that the night the sh|t went down she had drank multiple bottles of wine all herself. Bottom line is I think the wine unleashed the monster she had been hiding from me. When I told her we needed to talk about a brain injury she had from childhood, her response when I said "Brain injury" was "You talked to my dad, didn't you?". She knew at that point that the beans had been spilled. She tried to say "I told you about it" but I found some texts where she has specifically said "I do not have any diagnosed mental problems".

Lucky for me, we do not have any joint bank accounts. The only thing we share is there is a car in my name 100% but she pays for the insurance and drives it. My plan is to stay on her good side until I get back home, and then start the divorce process. I haven't said a single nasty thing to her over this, not a single cuss word. This way she can't accuse me of being the monster that she is.

 

[SW15]

My plan is to stay on her good side until I get back home, and then start the divorce process.

You're doing the right thing. It is unpleasant to do this right thing.

 

[BeExcellent]

Oh Jesus. Sorry you are dealing with this Lefty. Really disappointing.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Lucky for me, we do not have any joint bank accounts

Good. Just fyi, anything of value that came into your life during the term of the marriage is half hers, or at least she can ask for it. Think hard about your list of these things, because at a minimum they need to be listed in the divorce agreement so that she waives all her possible financial claims toward you.

And don't buy any lottery tickets. If you win, she gets half. Good luck, man.

 

[LARaiders85]

Lucky for me, we do not have any joint bank accounts. The only thing we share is there is a car in my name 100% but she pays for the insurance and drives it. My plan is to stay on her good side until I get back home, and then start the divorce process. I haven't said a single nasty thing to her over this, not a single cuss word. This way she can't accuse me of being the monster that she is.

Great news and perspective. Best of luck.

 

[corsica]

Sorry to hear what you're going through.

I'm also in my forties so we're adults and know that the relationship is over when the woman does not respect you.

I would not argue and importantly, to not try to get back with her. At 48 you can find plenty of younger women to date and maybe start with a clean slate.

As for the divorce, talk to an attorney and get it done.

 

[catsmeow2]

When I told her we needed to talk about a brain injury she had from childhood, her response when I said "Brain injury" was "You talked to my dad, didn't you?". She knew at that point that the beans had been spilled. She tried to say "I told you about it" but I found some texts where she has specifically said "I do not have any diagnosed mental problems".

Hey @logicallefty just caught up with this thread and I'm truly sorry man, you're one of my favorite posters. This is really sad news.

With respect to the quoted above, I agree her actions can certainly be deemed "monstrous," but I have read about situations where a prolonged brain injury can lead to some pretty bizarre, cruel and sometimes even criminal behavior, later in life (late 40s+).

Do you think there is any correlation?

And is there any cure? I assume if there were, she would be seeking treatment.

Anyway, I really admire your strength and fortitude, that speaks volumes! She's lost a great man, if she does not know that now, she WILL, I can almost promise you that.

Take good care and keep us posted.

P.S. I know you're a big strong masculine man, but (((hugs))).

 

[Ricky]

These are difficult circumstances no doubt. Rollo weighs in on women in their 40's a bit in Preventative medicine.

Her actions scream midlife crisis. You don't deserve this behavior. I've seen people recover from this and make it work out, that may be an option for you. I've had to deal with my own unpleasant version of this as well.

Either way feel free to reach out and post. We are rooting for you.