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Barrister

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life time carousel rider who magically "got it out of her system"
It is human nature to want to think you "struck gold." I am sure this girl is exciting and she is good looking. She sounds a lot like an ex of my own (although we were never married). Point being, even when you know better, if you are locked in on a girl it is very hard sometimes to listen to your own advice you have given to others and avoid something you know isn't advisable. I have myself been there more times than I care to admit when it comes to women.
 

LARaiders85

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It is human nature to want to think you "struck gold." I am sure this girl is exciting and she is good looking. She sounds a lot like an ex of my own (although we were never married). Point being, even when you know better, if you are locked in on a girl it is very hard sometimes to listen to your own advice you have given to others and avoid something you know isn't advisable. I have myself been there more times than I care to admit when it comes to women.
As long as we admit scarcity is a major driver, yes. My guess is this woman has histrionic personality disorder based on his description of her in that thread and her behavior here. Not everyone has dated one of those and I was remiss in pointing that out at the time as well because I was making all sorts of compromises myself.
 

BillyPilgrim

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As long as we admit scarcity is a major driver, yes. My guess is this woman has histrionic personality disorder based on his description of her in that thread and her behavior here. Not everyone has dated one of those and I was remiss in pointing that out at the time as well because I was making all sorts of compromises myself.
Almost sounds like Carr and McDaniels, just replace scarcity with faith.
 

Stanley

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As long as we admit scarcity is a major driver, yes. My guess is this woman has histrionic personality disorder based on his description of her in that thread and her behavior here. Not everyone has dated one of those and I was remiss in pointing that out at the time as well because I was making all sorts of compromises myself.
Getting stomped by a BPD, Cluster B or histrionic is a blessing in disguise I swear. I think every guy should experience that just to know how to avoid it and see the forest for the trees.
 

LARaiders85

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Getting stomped by a BPD, Cluster B or histrionic is a blessing in disguise I swear. I think every guy should experience that just to know how to avoid it and see the forest for the trees.
my very first girlfriend that brought me to this website was a 20 year old histrionic. She did me a favor. for sure. Having said that, going through those experiences later in life did me no favors and just compounded scarcity and despondency. I just hope OP keeps this in perspective. It just one short relationship with a permanently damaged and deranged woman. He dodged a bullet in the long run.
 

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Gamisch

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I think I know what you mean by "unpleasantly pleasant " but I'd like to hear you explain your definition.

For me it is someone who, during your low moments, is not swayed by your negativity and keeps a positive loving attitude when you feel completely unlovable....
This also.

I also mean the type of woman that sees you the first time and is head over heels, like it supposed to be. You just feck her because you are single and just for the sake of an extra notch . Then you find out she is willing to do everything for you. Cooking cleaning , driving, washing your clothes ect. Maybe she is not the hottest in the room ,little overweight ect. But she showers (and smothers) you with kindness and love.I bet we all had a few of those.

Ime women who feel you see them as lower SMV willl try to compensate for this by being a " good wifey ". Could be a great tactic to punch above your league, but this is extremely difficult for most of us, for me too.

It's a slippery slope though. I've had multiple women like this, and it always ends up with the woman crying that I am some type of azzhole, especially when it was like you described, when she tried to pull you through some hard times. Looking back at it I used the hotness = goodness formula, and it gave me tons of head and heart ache. Makes me wonder what would've happened if I kept some of the HB7's.

I want to add to this...I was on the same bench of lower value women being nicer. Until I ran into said women changing overnight into b*tches. In that case, would you rather have an ugly b*tch or a hot b*tch. If the b*tch s ugly, you are going to get grilled hard. At least if she's hot, people will frown less at her being one. They'll tell you to get her act together. With an ugly b*tch, they'll tell you to get away from her.
I feel you. One of those women I described above was one of my " eternal plates". I would feck her every now and then, just for fun. But once when I did had a dryspell and hit her up she immediately felt the dynamic was different. Now she was on her CC ride and told me to get in line basically. Extremely detrimental for the self esteem.

Women will be women at the end of the day. Doing squats and having a good body doesn't make her a better human, just more desirable. And that " just desirable " is a HUGE asset as we all know. Some men see a hot women and will say " marriage material " ,on first fecking sight. How is that even possible..
 

HaleyBaron

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Some men see a hot women and will say " marriage material " ,on first fecking sight. How is that even possible..
It's mostly cause when you have a taste of something you never had before, your first thought is to lock her down cause you may never get a girl like that again. That is what I believe guys like that are thinking. Whereas for myself, I would be like "nice" and keep going cause it means I can get more.
 

Blacksheep

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Sorry to hear that man.

She is defintely showing all signs that she wants to cheat or have already cheated on you. Totally disrespectful what she did and I know since you have feelings for her it might be difficult, but it would be better if you leave her as fast as you can. She wasnt loyal to you doing those things and treating you like that.
 

EyeBRollin

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I came to Florida to visit my mother for a while as she has some health issues and needed some assistance. While I was out of town my wife decides to behave like a single girl again.
Another point for discussion… not beating up on you man. Begs the question… why is your wife not with you and helping your mother?

I always associated a good wife with nurturing and care giving. Or even just good spouse. Couple examples- My pops has been with his partner for 15 years now. Her mother got sick a few years back and my dad treated her as he would his own mother. My stepfather did the same for my maternal grandmother before she passed. This just seems like a major red flag that she’s not involved or helping you with your mom.
 

Chowdah

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This also.

I also mean the type of woman that sees you the first time and is head over heels, like it supposed to be. You just feck her because you are single and just for the sake of an extra notch . Then you find out she is willing to do everything for you. Cooking cleaning , driving, washing your clothes ect. Maybe she is not the hottest in the room ,little overweight ect. But she showers (and smothers) you with kindness and love.I bet we all had a few of those.

Ime women who feel you see them as lower SMV willl try to compensate for this by being a " good wifey ". Could be a great tactic to punch above your league, but this is extremely difficult for most of us, for me too.

It's a slippery slope though. I've had multiple women like this, and it always ends up with the woman crying that I am some type of azzhole, especially when it was like you described, when she tried to pull you through some hard times. Looking back at it I used the hotness = goodness formula, and it gave me tons of head and heart ache. Makes me wonder what would've happened if I kept some of the HB7's.
This is what has me concerned, exactly what the chick I committed to did. Her SMV is higher than mine, but I’m not sure if she knows that. It feels like a love bomb, only time and red flags will tell. I’m observing everything in the background.
 

Grounded eagle

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I’m a young man, and I’ve never made the commitment of marriage,so I won’t pretend to understand the distress the prospect of a divorce would cause.

All I can do is offer my commiserations @logicallefty. There’s no way she comes out of this better than you,she’s a soon to be divorced woman in her 40s.She surely contemplated this for a while,and ultimately why she’s doing it doesn’t matter.
 

Bokanovsky

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Logicallefty, I can guarantee with 100% certainty that your wife was contemplating divorce even before the night in question. Your reaction did not cause her to suddenly experience an epiphany and decide that she wants out. Rather, it gave her an opportunity to do what she wanted to do anyway while shifting the blame on you.

She behaved the way she did because she didn’t really care about the consequences. Mentally, she has already checked out. She just wanted reassurance that despite her advance age, she’s still got it.

You may not feel this way now but in time you will come to see this event as a huge blessing in disguise. When I think of a woman in her late 40’s who goes to bars to watch bands by herself, I have the mental image of a grizzled biker chick who has seen more d!ck than a urologist. That’s not a wife. At best, that’s a female companion. A wife should be at home raising kids. That is the only logical reason for marrying a woman. If a woman doesn’t want kids or is too old to have kids, there is absolutely no excuse for marrying her. Doing so can only end in heartbreak.
 
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Travel memoir21

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I'm sorry this happened to you brother. All I can say is time heals and you've still got time to find a good woman.

I'd recommend looking overseas or abroad as also one of your choices. Just be thankful you didn't have any children with this woman and you can gladly move on with your life without additional baggage.
 

SW15

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When I think of a woman in her late 40’s who goes to bars to watch bands by herself, I have the mental image of a grizzled biker chick who has seen more d!ck than a urologist. That’s not a wife. At best, that’s a female companion. A wife should be at home raising kids. That is the only logical reason for marrying a woman. If a woman doesn’t want kids or is too old to have kids, there is absolutely no excuse for marrying her. Doing so can only end in heartbreak.
According to you, women 35+ (generally the age when it's not advisable to have kids) are not marriage worthy. This makes sense to me.

One time, I asked one of my friends in the first 1-2 years of his marriage why he bothered to get married. His wife was 29 when they married and they had been living together when he proposed. The entire reason why they got married was for the purposes of having children. They have since had children, as it is one of the recent pregnancies I've discussed in....


It's common for people to get married for babies. One of the big risks in having babies with the women of this era is the risk of divorce/breakup. In this era, if you have 1 or more babies with woman, the most likely outcome is that she won't be your romantic partner when your first child turns 18.

There are plenty of women in their 40s who go out to bars seeking new penis. The "grizzled biker chick" image makes a lot of sense for women going out and seeing local bands by themselves. However, there are other types of 40 something women who go to other types of venues seeking penis. There are 40 something women at upscale lounges in bigger cities on the prowl. Those women tend to look more like "Real Housewives of X City" than "grizzled biker chick". The "Real Housewives" type divorcee chick at a lounge is usually wearing an expensive dress, has an expensive purse, and has had 1 or more plastic surgeries.

Just be thankful you didn't have any children with this woman and you can gladly move on with your life without additional baggage.
It's always good not to have children in a relationship because when things go wrong, it's much easier to move on. Co-parenting for 10+ years until children turn 18 is a pain. However, the co-parenting doesn't end when the children turn 18. The co-parenting is lifelong. After the children turn 18, there are still family events that involve tolerating an ex-wife. It's a common thing to be a 55-60 year old guy, have an ex-wife/ex baby mama, and still have to interact with the ex in instances related to adult, 20-something children.

There’s no way she comes out of this better than you,she’s a soon to be divorced woman in her 40s.She surely contemplated this for a while,and ultimately why she’s doing it doesn’t matter.
Geography is relevant. @logicallefty is in a less populated area where the largest city in the area has a population of slightly over 100,000 and the nearest major city isn't that close. This are not areas that overflowing with singles.

I live in a major city in one of the 10 most populated US metro areas. If a 40 something woman gets divorced in my area, she has no shortage of options. Men are quite thirsty in my area. There are enough beta males in their 40s-50s in my area to give a woman a fantasy marriage and even some alpha/sigma type will get into a committed, non-marital relationship with her if she's 40 something, somewhat attractive, and childless.

Parts of the @logicallefty story would not happen in more populated area as they are happening in his less populated area. The shelf life of goodness of monogamous relationships is true regardless of population size. In less populated areas, women tend to stay in mediocre to subpar relationships longer because there are fewer options if they decide to leave. In a Top 10 metro area like mine, women don't tend to tolerate mediocrity for long.

In the celebrity world, 40 year old Charissa Thompson exited a marriage of less than 2 years with a rich sports agent and soon found a rich businessman boyfriend (possible monkey branch). She lives in a Top 10 US metro area.

 
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kavi

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In the current world, if a guy wants to have a relationship with women, it has to take priority over work and money. its gonna be hard for any guy to keep 'control' of a relationship if he works too much.

If you wannabe a 'worker' ie a guy who works alot, unless you are top tier upper-middle class than just expect that women will come and go cos you wont have time to do both. Either work and money are a priority or women. If you want to be good at relationships you have to adjust your priorities.

Edit: I say this because I believe LogicalLefty works a lot and tbh this could be attention-seeking dramatics from his wife who still wants him around but him working so much and being away often is probably causing her to act out, if this continues it could get worse but I would guess this thing atm is just attention-seeking behavour as wife knows people there know LL and this will get back to him.
 

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Dr.Suave

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I believe LogicalLefty works a lot and tbh this could be attention-seeking dramatics from his wife who still wants him around
I would agree, Except she said she wants a divorce. If the whole story was exactly the same minus the divorce part, then yes I would agree with you.

By the time a woman says something like this verbally, she has already checked out of the relationship for a while. She considers herlself single.
 

pipeman84

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Hey OP, what has this to do with military husbands? I hope you don't take this the wrong way (ie kicking a man while he's down) but the cold hard truth is that this is the very predictable result of a very poor choice of a wife. It was mentioned in the thread you made after you married her that you're playing with fire.

Let's talk turkey.

You are settling in EVERY way imaginable. A woman who is not just past her prime but waaaaay past her prime? Check. Is older than you? Check. Has a long history of making poor life choices? Check. A party girl who took an extra decade to get the partying out of her system? Yikes. A woman who you previously dumped for "being a disrespectful cvnt"?? A woman with kids and financial problems??? This...is the woman you decided to marry? :oops:

Short of a convicted felon, it's had to imagine a woman who is a worse marriage prospect. The only logical explanation for being with someone like that (let alone marrying her) is a complete and utter lack of other options. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but that's how I see it.
 

kavi

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I would agree, Except she said she wants a divorce. If the whole story was exactly the same minus the divorce part, then yes I would agree with you.

By the time a woman says something like this verbally, she has already checked out of the relationship for a while. She considers herlself single.
But women will say this if they just want drama or to see how things develop. If she just wanted male attention or to cheat I am sure she would have been able to do it in a more down-low way. To me the fact she done this in way that he is very likely to find out shows it is more about drama and seeing how things pan-out meaning tbh there is still 'hope' for LL.
 

logicallefty

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Thanks for all the replies, fellas. Very much appreciated. I don't have time to address every single question and reply now, but in time I will as many as I can. Right now I am still helping my mother and dealing with some crap in my I.T. job that I am working remotely. Then going to the gym in my spare time which helps take my mind off stuff. Wife and I have texted some. I have been pretty aloof and non-confrontational in my texts with her .During a divorce I don't want her to use any of my texts against me. I haven't said anything nasty to her what so ever. She has tried to bait me into arguing but I haven't taken it. Last night I said I had to go and "Have a good one" and she said "Don't worry, I will still be here when you get back". I said "Yes, we will have a lot of talking to do when I get home" and pretty much left it at that. The biggest thing I am doing is talking to her dad. He has told me a few things about her past that she never disclosed to me, and he was shocked that he had to be the one to tell me. These are things I will share with you guys once I know a little more.
 
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