Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

I am broken - Marriage Decision Must be Made

Reyaj

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Lots of good advise on here. Very tough situation for sure.

I agree the most with @Bible_Belt . You have a reluctant attitude about marrying this woman now and I think it stands to be reasoned that things you dont like about her now are only going to be intensified over time, as they already have, but more so after you would potentially marry her.

At the end of the day you owe it to yourself to do what is best for you. You also in a way owe it to her to not get into a situation that seems to surely have a very high rate for failure, just to appease her "need" for marriage.

Just ask yourself this- where are you going to be in a year from now both with and without her? In 5 years? In 10 years?

If you walk away to find a more complete and fulfilling woman, are you going to be ok and happy being single for the next 5 years assuming you dont "settle" on another one?

True there are so many women out there that hooking up, short term dating, etc is EASY. Especially if you get back in good shape and get your mind and finances headed to a better place. But out of all of those easy situations it truly is tough to find someone that you are very compatible with.

Only you can answer as none of us know either of you on a personal level and we do not truly know all of the story.

We only live once. Based on your responses to some of these posts, I dont think you will truly be happy with her over time and as long as you can be successful with your own happiness during times of being alone, it is the safer option.
As of right now I am planning to propose to her soon. I think the security she provides outweighs the superficial issues I have with her. But I can't help but want to try and bed other women... or even romance them... I don't know I have some kind of issue... like I feel validated when I go for a girl I like and she likes me back. There is just so much crap women out there that my girl really has a lot of good qualities.

What is my alternative? Hope to find a thinner girl who is as great? I've dated so many girls to appreciate when I have one that is quality. The cognitive dissonance is so strong though, how am I going to stop chasing other women?

Exactly. And I'll add that you need to seriously sit down and be open and honest with yourself about what you want. Your 40 your not going to be able to play the field with hot bi!ches forever man. As you get older there will be less options you'll have for a good partner.

Cognitive dissonance tells us there's an imbalance in our lives, that somethings wrong. You know already what's wrong. What's stopping you from acting on it? Could it be that you don't trust your own judgment..if you fear the white picket fence why bother with relationships at all? Especially marriage?? I have a feeling you haven been honest with your gf/wife at all and you probably should. After you figure it out clearly.
I want both that's the problem....and I can't have it.... I am confused.. What is everyone saying to do dump her? Then what... deal with constant frustration from the abundance of "quality" women we have out there today lol.. I mean sometimes I think I should just focus on my business but I feel like she is the one good decision I've made in my life... I am so fvcked up please tell me more insight man.. at least you mentioned cognitive dissonance which is exactly what is messing me up right now

You are clearly NOT in love with her and clearly do NOT want to marry her. You've already answered your own question.

The problem is, you don't have anywhere near the SMV required to live the lifestyle you want. Think about this realistically. I have never met a man and I've known quite a few guys who are serious players, who had a series of many hot girlfriends. As much as we criticize women, they're not dumb and they don't act against their instincts.

Your SMV is far lower than the top players I've met who have a string of 6's, and if they are extremely lucky, score with an occasional 8. Since your SMV is below average (40+, ethnic) you won't be hooking up even with these 6's consistently. I'm not even sure you could pull 4's and 5's consistently. As a matter of fact, I'm certain you could not.

That means your sex life would be far worse than it would be if you were married. You'd at least have occasional sex (without paying). Without a wife, now you're looking at nothing.

The question I have is, why do you still have this delusional sense of entitlement at 40+ when nothing in your experience supports that this could become a reality? Your judgement is severely lacking. That's what you need to work on first above all else.
Again with this ethnic crap... I'm fvcking white you moron not that it should matter.

What is your SMV man? 1.5? This whole SMV crap is an excuse for you all to feel better about the fact that you are alone... it justifies it for you. How about actually connecting with someone and being vulnerable? Ohhhhh no fvck that! Go read another manosphere book you fvcking robot. Or maybe 69 with your butt buddy mr. goodstuff who likes all your posts lol
 
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mrgoodstuff

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As of right now I am planning to propose to her soon. I think the security she provides outweighs the superficial issues I have with her. But I can't help but want to try and bed other women... or even romance them... I don't know I have some kind of issue... like I feel validated when I go for a girl I like and she likes me back. There is just so much crap women out there that my girl really has a lot of good qualities.

What is my alternative? Hope to find a thinner girl who is as great? I've dated so many girls to appreciate when I have one that is quality. The cognitive dissonance is so strong though, how am I going to stop chasing other women?



I want both that's the problem....and I can't have it.... I am confused.. What is everyone saying to do dump her? Then what... deal with constant frustration from the abundance of "quality" women we have out there today lol.. I mean sometimes I think I should just focus on my business but I feel like she is the one good decision I've made in my life... I am so fvcked up please tell me more insight man.. at least you mentioned cognitive dissonance which is exactly what is messing me up right now



Again with this ethnic crap... I'm fvcking white you moron not that it should matter.

What is your SMV man? 1.5? This whole SMV crap is an excuse for you all to feel better about the fact that you are alone... it justifies it for you. How about actually connecting with someone and being vulnerable? Ohhhhh no fvck that! Go read another manosphere book you fvcking robot. Or maybe 69 with your butt buddy mr. goodstuff who likes all your posts lol
I liked how "glassguy" said hes just a REGULAR guy with a good life and females is easy. Player Supreme also said he was a "normal" guy and his communications were for normal guys. They are saying excuses about looks are just that. What is important is you are fun to be around and you deal with females who choose you.
 

longtail

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You are a low smv male, about to marry a low smv female. Your lack of composure confirms every suspicion.

That doesn't mean you can't be happy. There are plenty of low smv people, the vast majority. A lot of them are happy. It's because they've found satisfaction in areas other than bedding as many hot women as possible. But that's the problem. You are a horse jockey who wants to play in the nba. Optimism is good as long as it's tempered with some connection to reality, which is where you fail miserably.
 

Reyaj

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You are a low smv male, about to marry a low smv female. Your lack of composure confirms every suspicion.

That doesn't mean you can't be happy. There are plenty of low smv people, the vast majority. A lot of them are happy. It's because they've found satisfaction in areas other than bedding as many hot women as possible. But that's the problem. You are a horse jockey who wants to play in the nba. Optimism is good as long as it's tempered with some connection to reality, which is where you fail miserably.
I've bedded attractive women before. Most were not good LTR material. My GF is beautiful but gained some weight... I guess that's unheard of.

Its hard to communicate with someone like you who doesn't really live in reality and uses these acronyms to substantiate your supposed knowledge of the game and women. Like I offered you earlier, feel free to message me if you need some help in losing your virginity.
 

LiveYourDream

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I've decided to do it.

Bring on the negative responses! lol
Your consciously choosing to marry a woman and have a child (or children), under fraudulent pretenses, is truly sad (and fvcked up), to me. I find it incredibly sad (and fvcked up) for all involved. Realize, no matter how you spin it Reyaj, there will still be no winners in such a lie, not even you.
 

samspade

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Living a fraudulent life will never result in true happiness.
What is fraudulent about it? He said he wants both - but he has to choose. If he chose to dump her and stay single, wouldn't that too be fraudulent since he also wants to marry this woman and have kids with her?

Only Reyaj knows for sure if he's making the right choice.
 

thelad

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fat women are more likely to abuse you especially if they earn more money than you and marry you. they sure as hell won't let you go cos you validated her with her big ass. although make sure she pays A LOT. and be smart about it. unless she's smarter than you.my two cents.
 

stevieLA

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A lot of men these days have few or no options. In such cases, I say fvck it, marry the fat *****. It's either that, or no pvssy at all.
 

stevieLA

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As of right now I am planning to propose to her soon. I think the security she provides outweighs the superficial issues I have with her. But I can't help but want to try and bed other women... or even romance them... I don't know I have some kind of issue... like I feel validated when I go for a girl I like and she likes me back. There is just so much crap women out there that my girl really has a lot of good qualities.

What is my alternative? Hope to find a thinner girl who is as great? I've dated so many girls to appreciate when I have one that is quality. The cognitive dissonance is so strong though, how am I going to stop chasing other women?



I want both that's the problem....and I can't have it.... I am confused.. What is everyone saying to do dump her? Then what... deal with constant frustration from the abundance of "quality" women we have out there today lol.. I mean sometimes I think I should just focus on my business but I feel like she is the one good decision I've made in my life... I am so fvcked up please tell me more insight man.. at least you mentioned cognitive dissonance which is exactly what is messing me up right now



Again with this ethnic crap... I'm fvcking white you moron not that it should matter.

What is your SMV man? 1.5? This whole SMV crap is an excuse for you all to feel better about the fact that you are alone... it justifies it for you. How about actually connecting with someone and being vulnerable? Ohhhhh no fvck that! Go read another manosphere book you fvcking robot. Or maybe 69 with your butt buddy mr. goodstuff who likes all your posts lol
I don't think you should dump her. You're happy with her. You say she has positive qualities.

If you flirt with other women while you are in a relationship with no intent or plans to actually follow through that's par for the course.

It sounds like you've been honest. I don't know why or if others are beating you up for it. Just ignore it and do what's right for you.
 

stevieLA

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Try saying the same things that you said in your original post to someone in the real world and see how fast youre ostracized for life LMAO, scum of the Earth
I think a normal, non-sociopath would be pretty sympathetic to what he's saying. It's not stuff you'd reveal to someone you just met. But to a confidante, someone with some integrity you could trust, yes, you could.

I skimmed through it: fat girl, he likes her, wants to cheat on her, crazy debt, unhappy, 40. OK, I change my mind, he does sound a bit scummy lol.
 

Reyaj

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Try saying the same things that you said in your original post to someone in the real world and see how fast youre ostracized for life LMAO, scum of the Earth
LMAO you're so cool man! 5,329 likes on here I bow to your greatness.

Lol fvcking tool
 

Reyaj

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I think a normal, non-sociopath would be pretty sympathetic to what he's saying. It's not stuff you'd reveal to someone you just met. But to a confidante, someone with some integrity you could trust, yes, you could.

I skimmed through it: fat girl, he likes her, wants to cheat on her, crazy debt, unhappy, 40. OK, I change my mind, he does sound a bit scummy lol.
This is mostly incorrect but I wouldn't expect most people on here to read something on here objectively. I mention she gained weight and that becomes the fixation.. I can almost guarantee she is more attractive then most of the girls anyone has here... actually I take that back most people on here are single and need to tell themselves they are by choice. Having a preponderance of "likes" justifies their existence. As far as the debt, I probably make more money than most of you too, so that is something I can conquer.

The only accurate part is the cheating... I am attracted to women, shoot me. What most of you morons don't value is that what I write on here is actually legit. You probably can learn more from it than those who just write on here for effect and "likes" to substantiate their purpose. If you ever notice I don't post on here regularly, I have a life which supersedes a forum where a bunch of people struggling with women come to.
 
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Reyaj

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Have fun humiliating yourself with your fat wife
Wow, the comeback of the year! lol I'd rather have fun humiliating myself banging your wvhore mother, I can't think of doing too many things lower than that :)
 

stevieLA

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So, marry the fat fvck. If she was actually hot, you wouldn't be whining like a suicidal b1tch on this forum.

The reality is, you're a loser. Mountains of debt, about to marry a fattie, middle aged, throwing wild tantrums on this forum whenever anyone replies to you even though you're begging for advice (more like whimpering for sympathy like a beat dog). Walk away from this forum or keep trolling it, you'll still be the same loser either way.
 
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