I am broken - Marriage Decision Must be Made

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
8,495
Likes
4,037
Location
DFW, TX
#21
They are there to see how much survival potential you are. Sometimes they resent and attack a man who turns out to be a fake man.
"Fake" man? So your about to make a living mingling with the type of treacherous backbiting women who it physically PAINS when someone has growth around them? Everybody aint for everybody.
 
R

Ranger

Guest
#22
"Fake" man? So your about to make a living mingling with the type of treacherous backbiting women who it physically PAINS when someone has growth around them? Everybody aint for everybody.
Fail her tests. Get reduced through the weeks and months of testing.
Your sex fountain dries up. True desire wains.
Yep. Fake man from her biological perspective. She can’t turn her desire on and off. That’s biological. She doesn’t get that choice or power.
She starts to resent being trapped.

“I will never settle again!!!” She claims. Lol. Yeah right.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
8,495
Likes
4,037
Location
DFW, TX
#23
Fail her tests. Get reduced through the weeks and months of testing.
Your sex fountain dries up. True desire wains.
Yep. Fake man from her biological perspective. She can’t turn her desire on and off. That’s biological. She doesn’t get that choice or power.
She starts to resent being trapped.

“I will never settle again!!!” She claims. Lol. Yeah right.
Bro. Im ready to spend time around the ones who arw giving ut up to me ans forget about the rest. That type of attention attracts abundance into the rest of my life. Its pretty simple. If a bytch is slowing your roll or killing your vibe drop her. Mohammed Ali said "it isnt the mountains ahead to climb; its the pebble in your shoe".
 
R

Ranger

Guest
#24
Bro. Im ready to spend time around the ones who arw giving ut up to me ans forget about the rest. That type of attention attracts abundance into the rest of my life. Its pretty simple. If a bytch is slowing your roll or killing your vibe drop her. Mohammed Ali said "it isnt the mountains ahead to climb; its the pebble in your shoe".
Looks and desire to give it up. Medicine for a man.
 

How This "Nice Guy" Steals Women from Jerks

Did you know a woman can be totally UN-ATTRACTED to you...

And she'll still sleep with you?

If you've ever seen a girl go home with some asshole she didn't even LIKE, you know this is true.

But how is this possible?

Because deep inside her brain, sexual desire has nothing to do with what you LOOK like...

And everything to do with how you make her FEEL.

Matt Cook knows this all too well.

Matt is a nice guy... but he steals women from JERKS all the time.

In this free video training below, he'll show you how he does it:

How to Control Her Emotions and Make Her Chase You

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
4,823
Likes
1,005
#26
I've been procrastinating writing this post but I can no longer do so. The title of this post is the first thought that comes to my mind in this very complicated situation.

Before I write about the decision I need to make and the circumstances around it I need to first discuss and reveal myself....

I am not normal.... I fear the house in the suburbs with the wife,kids and white picket fence. I feel like I am selling out so to speak and am just another sheep in society.

I suffer from cognitive dissonance though of wanting to be calm and simple while also wanting to be someone special and enjoy the superficial pleasures in life... driving a nice car, hooking up with hot girls whenever I want, and essentially being someone who is envied for living life to the fullest and not falling into the marriage trap and the rat race.

However I am 40 years old. I really don't feel like it mentally though... I feel like I'm in my 20's who wants to go out to bars/parties/clubs and hook up with girls if I can. I've been really living a double life doing so... whether its from going out or online I've been meeting girls on the side while In my 4 year relationship and also did so previously while I was in my 5 year relationship.

Yes it feels like deja vu all over again... You can certainly search and find a thread I wrote years back when I facing a similar marriage situation. I actually felt I upgraded my girl which I still believe I have. Unfortunately the same thing about bothering the hell out of me about both of them.... their weight!!!!

This is exactly where the internal mental conflict kicks in... part of the time I am happy with a good companion who has past all my screenings.. and the other half of the time I want a thinner woman!

Here is the irony... when I met my current girlfriend she was 24 and very attractive! The sex with her was amazing, I was so attracted to her... I would even want go down on her which is something I don't generally do. My girlfriend before her was voluptuous and pretty but turned into a whale. It caused a big problem for me which was a big factor in our relationship ending. When I ended up with my current girlfriend I felt so happy because here was a girl that was in shape, attractive and I physically into. But now I feel like I'm in a similar boat.

I guess my current girlfriend has a large frame... its something I never noticed though until the weight gain. She is just overweight a bit but I wouldn't call her a whale. My ex girlfriend, now that was a whale. My ex was lazy and didn't stick to eating healthy or a workout schedule. My current girlfriend does eat healthy for the most part (except on the weekends with eating and drinking). Maybe she is just past the Age of Expiration of 27 I've read about and that's just life?

I've looked at pictures of us together throughout the years... she was so beautiful early on... I'm not saying she is ugly now but she just looks like a normal overweight American girl.

Now let me say how great she is... she cooks amazing, she works hard and has money saved for us to get a house, she'll do me or sexually please me whenever I want (which hasn't been much lately around her), she is intelligent. She comes from a good family that really likes me a lot.

Me... well I cheat, have crazy debt, and basically still not sure what I want to do with my life. Unfortunately at 40 I feel like I'm out of time to figure it out... especially if I want to have children.

I've been writing down a lot of my thoughts lately about the situation. Here they are in no particular order:

Thoughts

  • Should my mission be to find the hottest girl I can attain?

  • Should I accept that I can't retain hot women? I've had sex with a few in the past but keeping a relationship with them was exhausting.

  • I'm a sex addict and can't control it. When I get horny I start craving other women and sometimes go to the strip club for extras.

  • I want to have a wife and family at home but still be able to game attractive women on the side - Thus the life I want is unattainable.

  • When I *** I feel relaxed and not consumed with sex addiction thoughts.

  • My girlfriend has gained weight and is heavy. This really bothers me. I feel like I would want a girl with a nice body but other times I wouldn't want to deal with it.

  • When I am sick or physically ill I realize mortality and the importance of essential needs with a wife with good values can provide.

  • I get upset when I look at my girlfriend and see a big girl then I see thinner girls with boyfriends who appear less attractive than me and I feel I should have one of them.

  • I don't like dealing with the game of dating and the efforts attached to it. Yet I am still very attracted to other women. Maybe I need to live a double life?

  • I am in terrible financial shape.

  • My girlfriend is a successful worker who manages money well.

  • Sometimes I feel very content in my relationship but my sexual attraction for my girlfriend has waned.
Help me!
Reyaj, you remind me of me in many ways. Although I'm not much of a cheater and I don't have an addiction. I do get bogged down in fear of missing out (on p00n) when I'm in a relationship. I also fear not living an adventurous, fun life. On the other hand, I do see the value in having a reliable, supportive long term partner and even a brood. But I'm 42, so I got two years on you. AND I've been married as you remember.

So I'm going to help you sort this out a little.

1. To thine own self be true. I repeat, TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE. Someone said it earlier in the thread. What is it you want? What are you willing to sacrifice? Do you want a family, or the single life? Because having both is a tightrope that even the biggest alphas don't walk well. You have to be Genghis Khan to pull it off. I.e., no fear of getting sued for alimony etc.

2. Get out of debt. It was a monkey on my back for years. I still have a small amount I wish were gone, but I quit my job and moved abroad so whatever. (More on that later.)

3. Your current gf, you talk about like she's good enough but doesn't rock your world. I know that's a cheesy expression, but bear with me. I was married to a terrific woman, she did a lot for me, very supportive, very little drama. I still walked out of that and do not regret it one bit. It's a long story but the bottom line is I was not being true to myself. I got raked over the coals by some people but I don't give a shyt. My life, and who knows when it ends.

4. You fear the whole boring lifestyle, American Beauty scenario. That's understandable and common. What are you doing with your life? What do you want to do? (Besides bang women.) I myself wanted a life that was interesting to me. You talk about being "envied" but that is approaching it all wrong. Here's the scoop: Some people will look at your life and say "wow, that's cool" for a second and then get on with theirs. If you are choosing lifestyles based on impressing others you'll be disappointed. Instead, think about what you always wanted to do. Fantasize, write it down, whatever. When I was younger I always wanted to live in NYC. I did that and then some. I also wanted to live in Spain at some point. Well, I moved there this year - at age 42. But I'm not constantly updating FB with posts and pics about how cool life is here, because I'm busy solving challenges every day that fulfill me, personally. If I depended on validation for my happiness I'd be miserable.

As far as the weight gain, that happens in relationships, and guys here will say "tighten your game" or whatever. You do have to lead by example with that, and decide when it's time to move on. I liken it to if you were unemployed and in your sweats all day - how long would your gf tolerate that? My most recent ex gained a lot of weight due to some medication so I cut her some slack. She had it changed and dropped it all. So there can be extenuating circumstances but she has to acknowledge and address the problem.

As for the long term stuff, I feel you. I just recently watched the series "Succession" on HBO, where Brian Cox plays this super old Rupert Murdoch type. He's broken down physically but has this wife who takes care of him and busts ballz with anyone who tries to cross him. She seems to be younger but not crazy younger and she's stoic and keeps up her appearance. The point being, what man doesn't imagine that, being 90 and having a healthier woman around to tell it like it is and dot the i's and cross the t's. Is that worth the modern slavery that is marriage and fatherhood? Yeah I don't have an answer for that one. You could also die in five years, so to thine own self be true.
 

lamath

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2018
Messages
1,265
Likes
982
Age
37
Location
Canada
#28
Reyaj, you remind me of me in many ways. Although I'm not much of a cheater and I don't have an addiction. I do get bogged down in fear of missing out (on p00n) when I'm in a relationship. I also fear not living an adventurous, fun life. On the other hand, I do see the value in having a reliable, supportive long term partner and even a brood. But I'm 42, so I got two years on you. AND I've been married as you remember.

So I'm going to help you sort this out a little.

1. To thine own self be true. I repeat, TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE. Someone said it earlier in the thread. What is it you want? What are you willing to sacrifice? Do you want a family, or the single life? Because having both is a tightrope that even the biggest alphas don't walk well. You have to be Genghis Khan to pull it off. I.e., no fear of getting sued for alimony etc.

2. Get out of debt. It was a monkey on my back for years. I still have a small amount I wish were gone, but I quit my job and moved abroad so whatever. (More on that later.)

3. Your current gf, you talk about like she's good enough but doesn't rock your world. I know that's a cheesy expression, but bear with me. I was married to a terrific woman, she did a lot for me, very supportive, very little drama. I still walked out of that and do not regret it one bit. It's a long story but the bottom line is I was not being true to myself. I got raked over the coals by some people but I don't give a shyt. My life, and who knows when it ends.

4. You fear the whole boring lifestyle, American Beauty scenario. That's understandable and common. What are you doing with your life? What do you want to do? (Besides bang women.) I myself wanted a life that was interesting to me. You talk about being "envied" but that is approaching it all wrong. Here's the scoop: Some people will look at your life and say "wow, that's cool" for a second and then get on with theirs. If you are choosing lifestyles based on impressing others you'll be disappointed. Instead, think about what you always wanted to do. Fantasize, write it down, whatever. When I was younger I always wanted to live in NYC. I did that and then some. I also wanted to live in Spain at some point. Well, I moved there this year - at age 42. But I'm not constantly updating FB with posts and pics about how cool life is here, because I'm busy solving challenges every day that fulfill me, personally. If I depended on validation for my happiness I'd be miserable.

As far as the weight gain, that happens in relationships, and guys here will say "tighten your game" or whatever. You do have to lead by example with that, and decide when it's time to move on. I liken it to if you were unemployed and in your sweats all day - how long would your gf tolerate that? My most recent ex gained a lot of weight due to some medication so I cut her some slack. She had it changed and dropped it all. So there can be extenuating circumstances but she has to acknowledge and address the problem.

As for the long term stuff, I feel you. I just recently watched the series "Succession" on HBO, where Brian Cox plays this super old Rupert Murdoch type. He's broken down physically but has this wife who takes care of him and busts ballz with anyone who tries to cross him. She seems to be younger but not crazy younger and she's stoic and keeps up her appearance. The point being, what man doesn't imagine that, being 90 and having a healthier woman around to tell it like it is and dot the i's and cross the t's. Is that worth the modern slavery that is marriage and fatherhood? Yeah I don't have an answer for that one. You could also die in five years, so to thine own self be true.
Great post man
 

Spaz

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 14, 2018
Messages
4,695
Likes
3,317
Location
Somewhere where's it's none of your business
#29
Where to start...

First of all, you let this happen. When a woman gains a significant amount of weight, she no longer feels the need to keep up her appearance for her man. Are her parents big? I wouldnt ever likely get serious with a woman with a fat mom as there is a good chance that is a small glimpse into your future.

I am willing to bet you are not in the best shape either. When a man doesn't put his best foot forward for the world, his woman merely becomes a mirror of that. Do you always dress to impress? Do you take care of your diet and health? If I had to guess, your woman sees your behavior and simply mirrors it... as most women do. Look at yourself before you look at her; dont fall into victimhood. Leave that to the younger gents.

As far as your finances, that is far too large of a topic for discussion here and I am sure you are intelligent enough to figure it out. If you want some guidance, feel free to PM me.
A woman will mirror her man....for he is the leader of their pack or until such a time when she finally realises that he's a poor leader and is ready 2 dump him.

Its unfortunate that not many men realises this and then starts blaming the woman for his lack of leadership.
 
Joined
Nov 15, 2004
Messages
11,336
Likes
3,720
#30
I fear the house in the suburbs with the wife,kids and white picket fence.
she cooks amazing, she works hard and has money saved for us to get a house
You need to be really honest with yourself here. You don't want the home/family life, and this chick is stuffing money away so the both of you can get a house. There ARE women out there who don't want to live with a BF, and it really sounds like that would suit you more.

I feel like I'm in my 20's who wants to go out to bars/parties/clubs and hook up with girls if I can. I've been really living a double life doing so... whether its from going out or online I've been meeting girls on the side while In my 4 year relationship and also did so previously while I was in my 5 year relationship.
Again, it doesn't sound like you should be entertaining a woman who's interested in having a family home.

Unfortunately at 40 I feel like I'm out of time to figure it out... especially if I want to have children.
If you want children but don't want the burden of a woman, then pursue that. You don't need to keep a woman in your life to have a child in your life. Although it's a bit uncommon, you can go the route of having a surrogate mother or even look into adoption.

I want to have a wife and family at home but still be able to game attractive women on the side - Thus the life I want is unattainable.
You need to go with one or the other. You can't have a stable family and be a manwh0re.

I don't like dealing with the game of dating and the efforts attached to it. Yet I am still very attracted to other women. Maybe I need to live a double life?
I honestly don't think you're fed up enough with the dating game to throw in the towel, especially if you're screwing around on your current GF. Me personally, I'm happy to give up on chasing women so I can have a steady companion and work on my hobbies. I've become fed up with chasing pieces of tattered plastic around the garbage dump. I don't think you've genuinely hit that level of frustration.

My girlfriend has gained weight and is heavy. This really bothers me.
When you value a woman who takes care of you more than a woman's physical appearance, that's when you're ready to settle down. You're obviously not there yet.
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

Reyaj

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 19, 2002
Messages
2,574
Likes
119
Age
41
Location
Northern CALI USA
#32
How often the gf drinks? That may be the weight gain. Its an accumulation over time.

Does she have any friends who are into fitness?
Prior to us being together she was in her early 20's so she definitely did the party phase. Now a days she mostly will drink if she is out somewhere but not daily. The thing is when she drinks, she drinks a lot which is something else that kind of bothers me. This is only when she goes out though and most of the time that is on the weekend or weekly occasions that pop up. Most of the time I am with her. Unlike my prior girlriend though my current one does make an effort to work out and eat healthy. She actually is better at this than I am yet I am thinner... Is it just the age she is at? She is 28 now which is past a girl's physical prime... but then again I see girls older than this that are thinner Fvck man something isn't right?

Man sadly i dont think setteling down with your state of mind is a good idea.
How good is your self control?

In your state having kid is really not a good idea
They will end up screwed up unless your gf is a very exceptional women and those are like unicorn.
Raising kids and taking care of evrything will just ruin her if you help , she will get fatter from lack of sleep, no time to cook and just lack of energy
If you cant change at least some of you ways there is now way this is gonna end up good.

Kids need a very good stable enviroment and this is not it

Id you think you can change your ways start and try to improve before getting more serious


Did she give you an ultimatum?
Look if I had a child I'd do my best to put him or her first in my life. I basically see it as my life being over (the current one I'm living). But yes I realize her looks will deteriorate further with children... I'd just have to either temper my sexual desires for other women somehow, get more into her, or just get some strip club action on the side sometimes. But this happens to a lot of women who have children, its normal.

She did not explicitly give me an ultimatum but she's definitely been vocal about wanting to take the next step. I've told her its imminent.

Its normal for women raised in a nuclear household to see marriage and family as a progression in life contrary to some of the dogma this site preaches.

I remember reading your earlier posts. What you want from a woman you won’t be able to get, because it’s just one woman.

You crave variety and sexual newness with lots of women so just be single and enjoy the freedom of dating those women without destroying your current gf and any potential family you would have with her.

Or, have an open marriage, but it would probably have to go both ways unless she would actually be ok with you sleeping around while she stays faithful. Probably not likely through.

You know yourself better than anyone. Question is do you want to enjoy lots of women with no risk or complications or do you want to have to struggle with doing this while married with children?

It’s only a dilemma if you get married and have children. If you don’t do that, it’s risk free, responsibility free, and guilt free fun.

Honestly, being a husband isn’t for you so why try to fit yourself into a box that will confine you? You only live once, and so does she do don’t waste her life or yours.
The problem is nothing is ideal. That's what I don't get about everyone that says to just live the single life banging tons of women. It is not easy! American girls are capricious, selfish, hypergamous, and delusional. The dating world is a nightmare... Most attempts don't turn into successful lays and there's a lot of time wasted. Unless you're a celebrity or someone with an abundance of social proof its very difficult. I am saying this as someone with experience in the game who has had successes. Any regular citizen who claims they can go out and bang a girl right away all the time is completely delusional or full of shvit.

You're right though living this lifestyle becomes a major dilemma if I'm married with children. I'd have to change for sure... and then I become just another statistic.... another guy pushing around the stroller through the mall looking at hot young chicks in skimpy clothes and lusting for them lol


Be authentic. Be true to yourself and be honest with her about your perspective and let the chips fall where they may.

It will probably be the first time you feel truly free
You're a female right? I'd expect this response from a woman, otherwise it's really the stupidest advice said here lol

Stop being weak. You've already cheated, so it's already over. Break up formally and live the life you want but didn't have the spine to do yet.
The life I want might not be attainable. I want the women at home with the kids and the hot slvvty young girls on the side. Most men who have a spine are the ones that do cheat.

The good women always go for the guys with the red flags like you haha, it's amazing. I can't pull a caretaker type woman if my life depended on it. I pull AWs and status seekers wanting validation.

Normally say don't marry her if you're likely to fvck the marriage up but it does seem like this is the type of situation a lot of women like.
She doesnt know for sure I've ever cheated on her. I am very diligent in covering my tracks. However she is very intelligent and at times cynical/suspicious - My life would really suck if I were married to her doing this trying to cover my tracks all the time... She'd catch onto something whether it be change in my pattern or a girl's hair on my car seat

I can't keep them either, I can go 1.5 years but they just have too many options. Even the hot friends I have tell me their behavior behind BFs back and its far from ideal. Id like to settle down with a girl that really appreciates me even if I put on some lbs or get stressed out once in a while. There is this sense of contentedness that less attractive ppl have that I never get with the hot ones I date.
You must be doing something wrong then... I've had no problems keeping the girls I ended up in LTRs with.. You still need to keep your edge... I think I subconciously do it because of my outlook on life. I tease my gf all the time, don't cater to her every whim, and frankly am aloof at times.
This seems to be formula that's worked thus far keeping girls... and its become natural for me where I don't consciously even think about it.

2 of my best friends ended up settling down recently. Both decent looking dudes who have laid hot chicks. Except one of them married a chick I consider unattractive with baggage and the other friend settled down with a very attractive girl with a horrible attitude. From my perspective, the first guy has it way better. I can't stand to see the way my second friend lives. It's ridiculous the **** he goes through because of his girl. I'm still on the hunt for an attractive girl with good values but I'm also anticipating the possibility of settling with a girl like my first friend did. He genuinely seems happy with her.

I agree... I'd rather have a companion who is down to earth than some attractive *****. The problem is I still crave having sex with the hot bvitches!

The whole premise of this thread boils down to a unicorn.
Obviously the OP has a dilemma. So why did he get into the situation in the first place? Now he’s wasted five years of another person’s life.
Not only did he not follow his own nature but he’s going to have to thrash her to get back to where he needs to be.

She knows how to manage money and he is a financial wreck. I don’t have a dog in this hunt so I don’t give a $hit. The fact is, he’s a chump under all of that.
I'm a chump because I'm a realist? I didn't waste anyones time.. My nature is my nature and I've been embracing that instead of rebelling against it. I could very well end up marrying her and having children. I never said I'd be happy dealing with the constant bs of trying to bang new girls, in fact that makes me less happy overall than having a solid companion. This boils down to sexual desire.. all of which could change when you've been with the same person over time. Sounds like you don't much experience with women chump!

Why would you want to get married?
Marriage provides security when having a family. Both parties a financial incentive to stay together and also can be under one another's health benefits. Also if one spouse loses their job the other can be written off as a dependent which provides further tax benefits. Marriage also has religious ties which further forge commitment through the eyes of God (I'm Christian but I believe other religions share this view also). For those don't believe in God no need to bother trying to debunk that.
 

LARaiders85

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 4, 2016
Messages
6,614
Likes
5,531
Age
34
#33
You must be doing something wrong then... I've had no problems keeping the girls I ended up in LTRs with.. You still need to keep your edge... I think I subconciously do it because of my outlook on life. I tease my gf all the time, don't cater to her every whim, and frankly am aloof at times.
This seems to be formula that's worked thus far keeping girls... and its become natural for me where I don't consciously even think about it.
I do all that too, that's basic stuff. I'm no so aloof I'm out cheating and lying about it lol, tbh that's probably it.
 

lamath

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2018
Messages
1,265
Likes
982
Age
37
Location
Canada
#34
Prior to us being together she was in her early 20's so she definitely did the party phase. Now a days she mostly will drink if she is out somewhere but not daily. The thing is when she drinks, she drinks a lot which is something else that kind of bothers me. This is only when she goes out though and most of the time that is on the weekend or weekly occasions that pop up. Most of the time I am with her. Unlike my prior girlriend though my current one does make an effort to work out and eat healthy. She actually is better at this than I am yet I am thinner... Is it just the age she is at? She is 28 now which is past a girl's physical prime... but then again I see girls older than this that are thinner Fvck man something isn't right?



Look if I had a child I'd do my best to put him or her first in my life. I basically see it as my life being over (the current one I'm living). But yes I realize her looks will deteriorate further with children... I'd just have to either temper my sexual desires for other women somehow, get more into her, or just get some strip club action on the side sometimes. But this happens to a lot of women who have children, its normal.

She did not explicitly give me an ultimatum but she's definitely been vocal about wanting to take the next step. I've told her its imminent.

Its normal for women raised in a nuclear household to see marriage and family as a progression in life contrary to some of the dogma this site preaches.



The problem is nothing is ideal. That's what I don't get about everyone that says to just live the single life banging tons of women. It is not easy! American girls are capricious, selfish, hypergamous, and delusional. The dating world is a nightmare... Most attempts don't turn into successful lays and there's a lot of time wasted. Unless you're a celebrity or someone with an abundance of social proof its very difficult. I am saying this as someone with experience in the game who has had successes. Any regular citizen who claims they can go out and bang a girl right away all the time is completely delusional or full of shvit.

You're right though living this lifestyle becomes a major dilemma if I'm married with children. I'd have to change for sure... and then I become just another statistic.... another guy pushing around the stroller through the mall looking at hot young chicks in skimpy clothes and lusting for them lol




You're a female right? I'd expect this response from a woman, otherwise it's really the stupidest advice said here lol



The life I want might not be attainable. I want the women at home with the kids and the hot slvvty young girls on the side. Most men who have a spine are the ones that do cheat.



She doesnt know for sure I've ever cheated on her. I am very diligent in covering my tracks. However she is very intelligent and at times cynical/suspicious - My life would really suck if I were married to her doing this trying to cover my tracks all the time... She'd catch onto something whether it be change in my pattern or a girl's hair on my car seat



You must be doing something wrong then... I've had no problems keeping the girls I ended up in LTRs with.. You still need to keep your edge... I think I subconciously do it because of my outlook on life. I tease my gf all the time, don't cater to her every whim, and frankly am aloof at times.
This seems to be formula that's worked thus far keeping girls... and its become natural for me where I don't consciously even think about it.




I agree... I'd rather have a companion who is down to earth than some attractive *****. The problem is I still crave having sex with the hot bvitches!



I'm a chump because I'm a realist? I didn't waste anyones time.. My nature is my nature and I've been embracing that instead of rebelling against it. I could very well end up marrying her and having children. I never said I'd be happy dealing with the constant bs of trying to bang new girls, in fact that makes me less happy overall than having a solid companion. This boils down to sexual desire.. all of which could change when you've been with the same person over time. Sounds like you don't much experience with women chump!



Marriage provides security when having a family. Both parties a financial incentive to stay together and also can be under one another's health benefits. Also if one spouse loses their job the other can be written off as a dependent which provides further tax benefits. Marriage also has religious ties which further forge commitment through the eyes of God (I'm Christian but I believe other religions share this view also). For those don't believe in God no need to bother trying to debunk that.
Avoid Marriage it does not give you anything good, LTR you wont lose as much.

Looking at your op it look like you where in a crisis.
From latest answers you gave it look like you are alot more in control than your original post lead me to believe.

Why i dont regret being in a 12 year relationship is that it gave me 2 beautiful girls, what i regret the most is that i did not take step fast enough to rectify some bad relationship dynamic that developed over the years.

Idk what to tell you but before committing to anything id do some deep self reflection, it seems like she is a great women but that you are not that much into her, over time this can turn out real bad


Good luck
 

Reyaj

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 19, 2002
Messages
2,574
Likes
119
Age
41
Location
Northern CALI USA
#35
Dude that sociopath type of man attracts the caretaker mothering instinct like a black hole. The mother just wants to love him till hes healed. Not realizing its broken on purpose.
I don't openly admit I am like this to her. But maybe persona does who knows...

I use to work with a guy like that
Married with 1 kid
He was a very fun guy but was obsess with fcking other women as often as possible.
3 year ago he end up comiting suicide idk what was wrong with him but its a sad story
I did not see any suicidal tendency from him.
Cognitive dissonance can drive a person mad... Exactly why I needed to write this thread to help gain clarity for my own sanity.

If his wife doesnt mind its an ideal player situation.
lol yeah like I'd ever admit that.

Yeah, meanwhile I have dated maybe one or two of them and very briefly. Of course all women put on a caretaker vibe during the honeymoon.
We're both way past the honey moon phase. I do fart in front of her and she is reluctant to do the same in front me which I think is good though.

Where to start...

First of all, you let this happen. When a woman gains a significant amount of weight, she no longer feels the need to keep up her appearance for her man. Are her parents big? I wouldnt ever likely get serious with a woman with a fat mom as there is a good chance that is a small glimpse into your future.

I am willing to bet you are not in the best shape either. When a man doesn't put his best foot forward for the world, his woman merely becomes a mirror of that. Do you always dress to impress? Do you take care of your diet and health? If I had to guess, your woman sees your behavior and simply mirrors it... as most women do. Look at yourself before you look at her; dont fall into victimhood. Leave that to the younger gents.

As far as your finances, that is far too large of a topic for discussion here and I am sure you are intelligent enough to figure it out. If you want some guidance, feel free to PM me.
My ex had the fat mom, my current one does not. I generally agree with what you're saying but my current gf actually makes an effort to work out and eat healthy while my past ex would barely stick to any of that. I could be in better shape but overall I keep my weight levels intact. I think there could be genetic factors at play here.... it just really pisses me off because I thought I had gotten past this issue with my new girlfriend after dealing with it in my past relationship.

Maybe she isn't doing something right though? I've seen girls way heavier than her lost a lot of weight doing this Keto diet but she said its not healthy. Definitely could use the finance help man.... I am in dire straits... message me man

Reyaj, you remind me of me in many ways. Although I'm not much of a cheater and I don't have an addiction. I do get bogged down in fear of missing out (on p00n) when I'm in a relationship. I also fear not living an adventurous, fun life. On the other hand, I do see the value in having a reliable, supportive long term partner and even a brood. But I'm 42, so I got two years on you. AND I've been married as you remember.

So I'm going to help you sort this out a little.

1. To thine own self be true. I repeat, TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE. Someone said it earlier in the thread. What is it you want? What are you willing to sacrifice? Do you want a family, or the single life? Because having both is a tightrope that even the biggest alphas don't walk well. You have to be Genghis Khan to pull it off. I.e., no fear of getting sued for alimony etc.

2. Get out of debt. It was a monkey on my back for years. I still have a small amount I wish were gone, but I quit my job and moved abroad so whatever. (More on that later.)

3. Your current gf, you talk about like she's good enough but doesn't rock your world. I know that's a cheesy expression, but bear with me. I was married to a terrific woman, she did a lot for me, very supportive, very little drama. I still walked out of that and do not regret it one bit. It's a long story but the bottom line is I was not being true to myself. I got raked over the coals by some people but I don't give a shyt. My life, and who knows when it ends.

4. You fear the whole boring lifestyle, American Beauty scenario. That's understandable and common. What are you doing with your life? What do you want to do? (Besides bang women.) I myself wanted a life that was interesting to me. You talk about being "envied" but that is approaching it all wrong. Here's the scoop: Some people will look at your life and say "wow, that's cool" for a second and then get on with theirs. If you are choosing lifestyles based on impressing others you'll be disappointed. Instead, think about what you always wanted to do. Fantasize, write it down, whatever. When I was younger I always wanted to live in NYC. I did that and then some. I also wanted to live in Spain at some point. Well, I moved there this year - at age 42. But I'm not constantly updating FB with posts and pics about how cool life is here, because I'm busy solving challenges every day that fulfill me, personally. If I depended on validation for my happiness I'd be miserable.

As far as the weight gain, that happens in relationships, and guys here will say "tighten your game" or whatever. You do have to lead by example with that, and decide when it's time to move on. I liken it to if you were unemployed and in your sweats all day - how long would your gf tolerate that? My most recent ex gained a lot of weight due to some medication so I cut her some slack. She had it changed and dropped it all. So there can be extenuating circumstances but she has to acknowledge and address the problem.

As for the long term stuff, I feel you. I just recently watched the series "Succession" on HBO, where Brian Cox plays this super old Rupert Murdoch type. He's broken down physically but has this wife who takes care of him and busts ballz with anyone who tries to cross him. She seems to be younger but not crazy younger and she's stoic and keeps up her appearance. The point being, what man doesn't imagine that, being 90 and having a healthier woman around to tell it like it is and dot the i's and cross the t's. Is that worth the modern slavery that is marriage and fatherhood? Yeah I don't have an answer for that one. You could also die in five years, so to thine own self be true.

Hey Sam I'll list my replies using your #s

1. Being true to myself is what I've been trying to do. This is why I understand that I want both scenarios. I'm not trying to suppress my sexual desires for other attractive women but also not trying to pretend I don't see most women as selfish garbage who aren't worth investment. I'm not trying to sound like a misogynst but these women today are ridiculous. It definitely is a tightrope doing both and I realize that having the stable relationship and marriage is more important, especially as I age. That's the thing we have to keep in mind too Sam... we are not getting any younger... there's going to be a point where attaining young hot girls in their 20s will very difficult. Obviously there is greater life satisfaction in having a family versus fleeting sexual encounters with women. I think what it is that I have a high sex drive coupled with the fact that I've always been very attracted to attractive women going back to grade school.

But you know what it is even more than this? I think it's the initial acceptance feeling and novely of a new girl...... Those early stages where you are interested in a woman and she reciprocates those same feelings... This is beyond sexual because you feel that rushing emotion where you are spiritually happy. You must know what I mean?

2. I know... and I only have my debt because of my sheer stupidity and impulsiveness. This is a problem

3. She did rock my world early on though... so did my girlriend before her, and the one before her.... I don't think that novelty I described above could ever be felt when you are with someone over time. Thus we all have to use our logical brain to make the life decision of "settling" with a partner.

4. You're right... and I think I stated what I want wrongly when I said being envied. When I was growing up I was never popular or had success with women... I always dreamed that in the future I'd be successful... I think I just don't want to think I became just an ordinary average person.

Sounds like an interesting series I'll have to load it up.

I don't think anyone who marries reluctantly ever ends up happy.
Do people who never marry at all because of that reluctance end up happy?
 
Last edited:
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

Reyaj

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 19, 2002
Messages
2,574
Likes
119
Age
41
Location
Northern CALI USA
#36
You need to be really honest with yourself here. You don't want the home/family life, and this chick is stuffing money away so the both of you can get a house. There ARE women out there who don't want to live with a BF, and it really sounds like that would suit you more.
I consciously don't think trying to have sex with girls as my purpose in life is very practical or productive at least compared to having a family. However as I've been stating I do desire it...

Again, it doesn't sound like you should be entertaining a woman who's interested in having a family home.
I've gone through so many girls to find one of quality. I wouldn't want to lose her or a noble life because or crap thoughts I have in my head.

If you want children but don't want the burden of a woman, then pursue that. You don't need to keep a woman in your life to have a child in your life. Although it's a bit uncommon, you can go the route of having a surrogate mother or even look into adoption.
I'd ideally want a mother to provide the maternal needs to that child while I provide the paternal ones.

You need to go with one or the other. You can't have a stable family and be a manwh0re.
I think I consciously realize this. So my choices are to repress my sexual desires for other women if I marry and start a family with my girlfriend or break up with her and live the frustrating life of pursuing women and getting occasional sex?

I honestly don't think you're fed up enough with the dating game to throw in the towel, especially if you're screwing around on your current GF. Me personally, I'm happy to give up on chasing women so I can have a steady companion and work on my hobbies. I've become fed up with chasing pieces of tattered plastic around the garbage dump. I don't think you've genuinely hit that level of frustration.
At times I do feel that frustration as evidenced by some of my field reports on here. However after some time passes I feel the urge to try and pursue another sexual conquest. You had mantioned your libido has decreased a bit with age, maybe mine has slightly but its still really strong. Maybe I just need more time to age? If thats the case I shouldn't give up a good companion.

You need to be really honest with yourself here. You don't want the home/family life, and this chick is stuffing money away so the both of you can get a house. There ARE women out there who don't want to live with a BF, and it really sounds like that would suit you more.



Again, it doesn't sound like you should be entertaining a woman who's interested in having a family home.



If you want children but don't want the burden of a woman, then pursue that. You don't need to keep a woman in your life to have a child in your life. Although it's a bit uncommon, you can go the route of having a surrogate mother or even look into adoption.



You need to go with one or the other. You can't have a stable family and be a manwh0re.



I honestly don't think you're fed up enough with the dating game to throw in the towel, especially if you're screwing around on your current GF. Me personally, I'm happy to give up on chasing women so I can have a steady companion and work on my hobbies. I've become fed up with chasing pieces of tattered plastic around the garbage dump. I don't think you've genuinely hit that level of frustration.



When you value a woman who takes care of you more than a woman's physical appearance, that's when you're ready to settle down. You're obviously not there yet.
I honestly do which is why I have stayed in my relationship and am looking to take the next step. Whenever I do something on the side I make my chances of getting caught are minimal otherwise I don't go through with it. But yes marriage and being together all the time would be different.

I feel like I can't gain any clarity on this dilemma :(
 

AttackFormation

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 2, 2014
Messages
2,100
Likes
1,379
Age
26
Location
Sweden
#37
The level of egoism you display is just astonishing.... you casually mention how you're cheating on your woman and that "of course" you'll never tell her "lol", and then go on to complain about how you don't know whether using her as a house maid and cheating on her or breaking up would be better for yourself. To top it off, you explicitly call yourself (and I myself am an atheist) a "Christian". F*ck off.

I can't believe how you guys come here to cry, complain and whine about how women aren't good enough for you every f*cking day, and then you betray them without even feeling any shame about your hypocrisy. This sh!t is demoralizing.
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
4,823
Likes
1,005
#38
But you know what it is even more than this? I think it's the initial acceptance feeling and novely of a new girl...... Those early stages where you are interested in a woman and she reciprocates those same feelings... This is beyond sexual because you feel that rushing emotion where you are spiritually happy. You must know what I mean?
This is a big key for me too. I realize it sounds juvenile to admit it, but there's something about the rush of flirtation that's almost as good as conquest. The feeling that you could slay it but you haven't yet. I too was not great with women as a teen and even in college I could have been better. I think my adult/redpill years are like making up for lost time or trying to relive my adolescence or something. But, I don't have the energy to constantly create scenarios like that. When I was younger there was more drinking, more parties and get togethers. Now what? Hit up a bar? Cold approaches during the day? Half my day I'm figuring out my life and the other half just taking a load off.

Sometimes I envision this amazing married life with a couple of kids, the wife stays hot (is younger but ages well). Maybe once in a great while I stumble into a side lay but it's purely physical and never discovered. But what you say is true about most American women and plenty of other westerners. I'm in Spain now and I've noticed a marked difference in female behavior here. It's not perfect but they are nicer to men and to each other, at least where I am. It's very family-oriented here and from what I've read and seen, it's not so easy to score a casual lay - people protect reputations. So I may go through a dry spell but I'm also charmed by what I've encountered so far. (And this is a fairly liberal/open country otherwise; there are plenty of ugly feminists here too.)

Contrast that to before I left, I had drinks with an American chick in NY who told me she'd "only been in two orgies." She was 22 or 23. Good for her but why broadcast it? Lol. And I would have banged her if she let me - we made out but that was it. Probably a good thing.

Not sure where I'm going with all this other than I feel you bro...and I don't believe in "the one" of course but there's something to be said for a supportive, feminine, and yeah for lack of a better term strong (not in the bytchy sense) woman by your side. But you can do that without getting married. I personally have had the best experiences with women from traditional backgrounds/countries - women who were from Asia and South America. My worst experiences were with white Americans girls, but I lived in the Northeast so maybe that's why.
 

sazc

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 23, 2016
Messages
4,062
Likes
3,013
#39
Getting all caught up in the rush of the endorphins and setatonin of the honeymoon period
 

AJ84

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 16, 2017
Messages
1,769
Likes
1,464
Age
35
Location
Canada
#40
I consciously don't think trying to have sex with girls as my purpose in life is very practical or productive at least compared to having a family. However as I've been stating I do desire it...



I've gone through so many girls to find one of quality. I wouldn't want to lose her or a noble life because or crap thoughts I have in my head.



I'd ideally want a mother to provide the maternal needs to that child while I provide the paternal ones.



I think I consciously realize this. So my choices are to repress my sexual desires for other women if I marry and start a family with my girlfriend or break up with her and live the frustrating life of pursuing women and getting occasional sex?



At times I do feel that frustration as evidenced by some of my field reports on here. However after some time passes I feel the urge to try and pursue another sexual conquest. You had mantioned your libido has decreased a bit with age, maybe mine has slightly but its still really strong. Maybe I just need more time to age? If thats the case I shouldn't give up a good companion.



I honestly do which is why I have stayed in my relationship and am looking to take the next step. Whenever I do something on the side I make my chances of getting caught are minimal otherwise I don't go through with it. But yes marriage and being together all the time would be different.

I feel like I can't gain any clarity on this dilemma :(
What you want is the Disney equilvant of the girl dreaming of hot well hung Prince Charming who will sweep her off her feet, they move to a mansion where he dots on her while showering her with diamonds and luxury cars.

You’re gf is the adult in the relationship and the buffer representing security and stability which you don’t have without her, it seems. You want to keep that while f**king other women. She’s a safe bet and is willing to provide you something you want and you don’t want to give that up but you want to live like a single man too.

In order for clarity to be achieved it has to be based on reality and while you are saying you have this dilemma, what you are really looking for is a solution to how you can have your cake and eat it to without destroying other people and feel good about your decisions and that’s not realistic.

It really is one or the other if you want this to do this and feel ok about it.

But honestly my advice is to be single, because you really, really, really are not husband material and that’s ok.

It may hurt her for a bit, but she will get over it and meet a guy who can reciprocate what she has to offer, because you can’t. And that’s also ok just be honest about that. You’re not the one for her and she’s not the one for you.
 
Top