Reyaj
Master Don Juan
As of right now I am planning to propose to her soon. I think the security she provides outweighs the superficial issues I have with her. But I can't help but want to try and bed other women... or even romance them... I don't know I have some kind of issue... like I feel validated when I go for a girl I like and she likes me back. There is just so much crap women out there that my girl really has a lot of good qualities.Lots of good advise on here. Very tough situation for sure.
I agree the most with @Bible_Belt . You have a reluctant attitude about marrying this woman now and I think it stands to be reasoned that things you dont like about her now are only going to be intensified over time, as they already have, but more so after you would potentially marry her.
At the end of the day you owe it to yourself to do what is best for you. You also in a way owe it to her to not get into a situation that seems to surely have a very high rate for failure, just to appease her "need" for marriage.
Just ask yourself this- where are you going to be in a year from now both with and without her? In 5 years? In 10 years?
If you walk away to find a more complete and fulfilling woman, are you going to be ok and happy being single for the next 5 years assuming you dont "settle" on another one?
True there are so many women out there that hooking up, short term dating, etc is EASY. Especially if you get back in good shape and get your mind and finances headed to a better place. But out of all of those easy situations it truly is tough to find someone that you are very compatible with.
Only you can answer as none of us know either of you on a personal level and we do not truly know all of the story.
We only live once. Based on your responses to some of these posts, I dont think you will truly be happy with her over time and as long as you can be successful with your own happiness during times of being alone, it is the safer option.
What is my alternative? Hope to find a thinner girl who is as great? I've dated so many girls to appreciate when I have one that is quality. The cognitive dissonance is so strong though, how am I going to stop chasing other women?
I want both that's the problem....and I can't have it.... I am confused.. What is everyone saying to do dump her? Then what... deal with constant frustration from the abundance of "quality" women we have out there today lol.. I mean sometimes I think I should just focus on my business but I feel like she is the one good decision I've made in my life... I am so fvcked up please tell me more insight man.. at least you mentioned cognitive dissonance which is exactly what is messing me up right nowExactly. And I'll add that you need to seriously sit down and be open and honest with yourself about what you want. Your 40 your not going to be able to play the field with hot bi!ches forever man. As you get older there will be less options you'll have for a good partner.
Cognitive dissonance tells us there's an imbalance in our lives, that somethings wrong. You know already what's wrong. What's stopping you from acting on it? Could it be that you don't trust your own judgment..if you fear the white picket fence why bother with relationships at all? Especially marriage?? I have a feeling you haven been honest with your gf/wife at all and you probably should. After you figure it out clearly.
Again with this ethnic crap... I'm fvcking white you moron not that it should matter.You are clearly NOT in love with her and clearly do NOT want to marry her. You've already answered your own question.
The problem is, you don't have anywhere near the SMV required to live the lifestyle you want. Think about this realistically. I have never met a man and I've known quite a few guys who are serious players, who had a series of many hot girlfriends. As much as we criticize women, they're not dumb and they don't act against their instincts.
Your SMV is far lower than the top players I've met who have a string of 6's, and if they are extremely lucky, score with an occasional 8. Since your SMV is below average (40+, ethnic) you won't be hooking up even with these 6's consistently. I'm not even sure you could pull 4's and 5's consistently. As a matter of fact, I'm certain you could not.
That means your sex life would be far worse than it would be if you were married. You'd at least have occasional sex (without paying). Without a wife, now you're looking at nothing.
The question I have is, why do you still have this delusional sense of entitlement at 40+ when nothing in your experience supports that this could become a reality? Your judgement is severely lacking. That's what you need to work on first above all else.
What is your SMV man? 1.5? This whole SMV crap is an excuse for you all to feel better about the fact that you are alone... it justifies it for you. How about actually connecting with someone and being vulnerable? Ohhhhh no fvck that! Go read another manosphere book you fvcking robot. Or maybe 69 with your butt buddy mr. goodstuff who likes all your posts lol
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