"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Coffee makes me sh*t

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iwanttofight

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How come every time I drink a warm cup of delicious coffee, shortly after I got to take a mean sh*t?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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speed dawg

speed dawg

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Caffeine, you moron. It's a stimulant. You are just now coming to this conclusion?
 
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Alle_Gory

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Gee I dunno, lol.

Or maybe you can look up the diuretic effects of coffee. You do have a computer and access to Google, do you not?
 
Bible_Belt

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A guy I knew once took a job at Barnes and Noble, because he thought he would just stand around and hit on girls all day. As it turned out, he spent more time cleaning diarrhea off toilet seats. The bookstore had a coffee shop, so the bathroom was a popular place.
 
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ArcBound

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Bible_Belt said:
A guy I knew once took a job at Barnes and Noble, because he thought he would just stand around and hit on girls all day. As it turned out, he spent more time cleaning diarrhea off toilet seats. The bookstore had a coffee shop, so the bathroom was a popular place.
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Drank 5 energy drinks while pulling an all nighter. Felt so fvckin sick the next 2 days and sh!t and pissed so much :(
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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iwanttofight

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Dang just had some coffee. Guess what? I had to take a massive sh*t after I drank the coffee.
 
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bullethead

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**** no... piss yes... do you put milk in your coffee, your probably lactose intolerant
 
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Alle_Gory

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DanZy said:
You are an idiot.

It's the caffeine, as others have said above
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Duuuuhhhh, caffeine? Is that like a brand of race car tire? Huuuuurrrrr, duuuuurrrrrr.... uhhhhhh.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Down Low

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Sh1t: coffee at a coffee shop

No sh1t: Yum Yum / Winchell's

No sh1t: home Mr. Coffee with a paper filter inside a metal filter, and medium roast @ 1 teaspoon of beans (before grinding) per six-ounce "cup"

I think Yum Yum / Winchell's uses medium roast as well.

Something to think about next time you race off to the pot.
 
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OlsenJillian

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ohhhhhhhhhhhh guys ahahahaa
it's been a while since i laughed so hard :D :crazy:
actually any warm food/drink can make you sh*t :D
and it just means your digestion is not as good as you might think :D
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mp3 editor
 
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Alle_Gory

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DanZy said:
^if that was meant to be humorous, I'd say you failed miserably.
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Fvck that, I'm hilarious. Take a swig of vodka and read again.
 
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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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