Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Are Male Friends Worth It?

TheManMasenko

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 2, 2022
Messages
269
Reaction score
195
Age
22
Hello Sosuave members,

I came here looking for insight into your individual lives to compare and contrast the value of having male friends.

I'm currently 20 Years old, I will be turning 21 next week. In my life, I mainly had negative experiences with multiple male social groups.

I came across some males friend who would help get me laid, split the bill, be standup, etc and I've come across the ones that'll betray me at a moment's notice.

The problem is the majority of the men are not authentic ----- (please read the whole post xoxo)

I wonder, what's the point of being around my (current) peers if they are socially awkward, flaky, and unmotivated. Furthermore, since I assume these males value v-box more than money and possibly even our relationship (because they're so thirsty or lack experience of sex).

In the end, are male friends worth it? What is your insight into non-sexual relationships with men?
 

Bigpapa

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
3,195
Reaction score
2,497
Age
124
Hello Sosuave members,

I came here looking for insight into your individual lives to compare and contrast the value of having male friends.

I'm currently 20 Years old, I will be turning 21 next week. In my life, I mainly had negative experiences with multiple male social groups.

I came across some males friend who would help get me laid, split the bill, be standup, etc and I've come across the ones that'll betray me at a moment's notice.

The problem is the majority of the men are not authentic ----- (please read the whole post xoxo)

I wonder, what's the point of being around my (current) peers if they are socially awkward, flaky, and unmotivated. Furthermore, since I assume these males value v-box more than money and possibly even our relationship (because they're so thirsty or lack experience of sex).

In the end, are male friends worth it? What is your insight into non-sexual relationships with men?
you just have to weed the food from the bad

when you meet new guys , try to test them in different situations

usually the selfish ones will show this early on
 

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
13,194
Reaction score
14,117
You'll find there are far more people you meet in your life that are worthy of being acquaintances rather than being friends. You'll likely only ever meet 2-3 true friends in your entire life. Guys that will stand by you through thick and thin, let you stay at their house for free if you are going through a tough time, and be there for you no matter what. Hold onto to those people with everything you can. They are rare.

The problem lies when you give someone who has only earned acquaintance status, friend status. This is a very common thing actually. The warning signs are there and the red flags are there but you ignore them(sound familiar...not much different than with women)

Then people wonder why they are abandoned by them and realize they were never their friends and only there for the good times but nowhere to be found when you need them during the bad times.

It's because you didn't screen well enough similar to what you should do with women, you should also do with guys in terms of deciding what role they occupy in your life.
 

BillyPilgrim

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
4,589
Reaction score
3,604
you just have to weed the food from the bad

when you meet new guys , try to test them in different situations

usually the selfish ones will show this early on
You have to be subtle about it though. If someone sees that you are testing them, they might see the person testing as being the selfish person.
 

CoandaEffect

Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2020
Messages
194
Reaction score
297
Location
USA
Yes, male friends are very valuable.

Remember the adage that you become the average of the five people you spend time with? Well, that’s true, so make friends with people you look up to and admire. Men you would like to be more like.

Having said that it is not easy to do. Men bond by doing things so you have to take part in an activity where you will meet these men. Sports, gun clubs, hunting, gym, motorbike riding etc. Think of the activities you enjoy then join clubs and groups doing these things.

A friend I made about 5 years ago is what I would consider an alpha male. He has proven that to me several times with things I have seen him do and how he has handled situations. Truth is he is a bit of an a$$hole and he doesn’t really care what people think of him. I have learnt so much from him in the years I have known him and I’m so glad he is my friend. I met him through our shared love of motorbikes.
 

BillyPilgrim

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
4,589
Reaction score
3,604
OP, wtf is with the "xoxo"?
 

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
13,194
Reaction score
14,117
Are male friends worth it? Yes, if you enjoy doing the same activities and you share a similar world view it adds a nice balance to your life.

But always remember this. The vast majority of your male friends would bang your wife if given the chance. And that’s just being real about it. Not to say that male friendships aren’t worth it, but be aware that most dudes throw other dudes under the bus for women. Friends and family included.
Again. Those aren't true friends. Those are people who are acquaintances that you've given higher status to than they deserve.

I keep those type of people at arms length.

This is the male version of putting guys on a pedestal.
 

Slowhandluke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 7, 2022
Messages
642
Reaction score
720
Age
49
You have to be subtle about it though. If someone sees that you are testing them, they might see the person testing as being the selfish person.
Everyone tests everyone. It's to be expected even if the other person does it subtly. There is no shame in it. Not everyone can be your best friend. And you cannot be the best friend to everyone. You and everyone else ranks relationships.
 
Joined
Jun 29, 2022
Messages
12
Reaction score
23
I've given a lot of thought to the value of male friends over the years, and I believe they are absolutely essential. With the constant onslaught of feminization that is employed against us in this society from all angles, it is important to have male friends around you that can keep you in a masculine frame of mind. The human mind is extremely malleable, and it is more than possible for a man to move very far away from an Alpha masculine frame of mind, especially when he's involved with and/or living with a woman. In fact, my experience in my divorce practice tells me that men being feminized during marriage is the rule rather than the exception. Typically when a man slogs into my office after a long marriage, he comes in utterly defeated, depressed, and sometimes suicidal, which are all the result of him losing his masculinity long ago.

A lot of my mistakes with women were because I either pushed my Alpha male friends away during the relationship, or I did not not have strong, masculine, Alpha friends around to begin with. When you have Alpha male friends around you, they will not hesitate to tell you when you've become a submissive Beta with a woman you are dating. In fact, they may even enjoy pointing out all the ways you're being submissive. Since the slide into Beta submissiveness is usually gradual, it can be hard for you to recognize when you are sliding into it. But your Alpha male friends on the outside will see the change in your behavior and the dynamic in your relationship very clearly, as they have no emotions invested.

When it comes to other humans in your life, you need to be able to compartmentalize well and be less idealistic. I believe that men bond closely when they go through dangerous, traumatic experiences together, like combat. This is why college fraternities haze, because it is extremely effective in bonding the pledge class together. And, of course, agents of our feminized society will endlessly try to prevent college fraternities from hazing their pledges. I know men that are more than 20 years removed from college, but their core friend group of fraternity brothers has never changed. Most modern men never experience traumatic events together because this world has been made safe and sanitary to the point of absurdity. It is no wonder that men have trouble bonding with each other now.

I would venture to guess that part of the reason you struggle with having male friends is because, 1) They intimidate you in some way or another, and/or 2) You are projecting your weaknesses on them. I struggled with this myself for a long time. Men that don't have strong Alpha male fathers never get comfortable with the constant chiding that groups of Alpha men engage in with each other, nor do they get used to the competition these other men present. The Feminine would have us believe that this chiding is "mean" and causes "hurt feelings". In reality, humans are antifragile and we only improve and grow stronger through hardship, suffering, and trauma. This chiding between men is an evolutionary mechanism to keep everyone in the group strong and on their toes. If you rely on other men in your group to keep you alive, you don't want weak men around and Alpha males will constantly test the other men in the group for weakness.

I currently roughly categorize my male friends as either "Alpha" or "Beta", and our interaction changes based on what category they fall into. Some of my friends are married with children and they are hopelessly Beta, and there is nothing I can do to save them, nor would I even try because it would end our friendship. These Beta friends won't give me straight and raw feedback, as they are more concerned with keeping the peace, avoiding confrontation, and keeping the friendship than delivering the truth to me. They may not even see the truth because, if I'm being a Beta with a woman, they won't even recognize that behavior as being a problem, as they are Beta with their wives every day. These friends are also the more intellectual, introverted men that will discuss philosophy and the meaning of life with me, and I enjoy having these types of friends in my life for many reasons.

My Alpha male friends are far more selfish than the Betas, and I accept this about them. Throughout my life I've played the Beta to some of these Alphas, because being around them brought benefits to my life (usually access to social events and women) I would have not enjoyed alone. I've had several friends like this in the rock bands I've been part of over the years. A rock band is essentially a group of guys that band together in mutual cooperation for the love of music and pursuit of vagina. These Alpha male friends can be real a-holes, and sometimes hard to deal with. However, they are the guys I feel comfortable going into public settings with in order to meet women, as their presence will not diminish my SMV like some of my Beta friends would. They are usually going to give me their honest opinion about my life and any women I am involved with. They are more confident, direct, rude, and opinionated. I probably trust these men less than I would my Beta male friends, as the Alphas pose more of a potential threat and they are more selfish.

So, my point is, that you need male friends in your life, but you also need to be able to compartmentalize your male friends and keep some of them at arm's length. Being idealistic and trying to find the "perfect" male friend or the "perfect" woman will always let you down and lead to disillusionment. Everyone has their plusses and minuses, and you need to be strategic in getting the plusses out of people in your life while avoiding the minuses. You wouldn't go out to meet with women ("sarge") with the Betas for the same reason you would not try to discuss 19th century German philosophy with the Alphas. Further, removing male friends from your life because there are some drawbacks to their personalities is a good recipe to spend your life alone without any male friends. None of your male friends will ever be perfect. With that being said, I have definitely removed a lot of male "friends" from my life when they proved that the cost/benefit analysis of having them in my life was all cost and no benefit.

At this point in my life, I value my friendships with men more than I do any of my interactions with women. The most loyal and enduring relationships in my life have always been with my male friends. In my personal experience with women, and my experience with thousands of women as a divorce lawyer, my conclusion is that women lack the "loyalty gene", especially when it comes to their interactions with men. A man that prioritizes his relationships with women over his male friends will usually end up miserable, depressed, and divorced, wishing he had listened to his "a-hole" Alpha male friends that told him never to marry that *****.
 
Last edited:

Slowhandluke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 7, 2022
Messages
642
Reaction score
720
Age
49
I've given a lot of thought to the value of male friends over the years, and I believe they are absolutely essential. With the constant onslaught of feminization that is employed against us in this society from all angles, it is important to have male friends around you that can keep you in a masculine frame of mind. The human mind is extremely malleable, and it is more than possible for a man to move very far away from an Alpha masculine frame of mind, especially when he's involved with and/or living with a woman. In fact, my experience in my divorce practice tells me that men being feminized during marriage is the rule rather than the exception. Typically when a man slogs into my office after a long marriage, he comes in utterly defeated, depressed, and sometimes suicidal, which are all the result of him losing his masculinity long ago.

A lot of my mistakes with women were because I either pushed my Alpha male friends away during the relationship, or I did not not have strong, masculine, Alpha friends around to begin with. When you have Alpha male friends around you, they will not hesitate to tell you when you've become a submissive Beta with a woman you are dating. In fact, they may even enjoy pointing out all the ways you're being submissive. Since the slide into Beta submissiveness is usually gradual, it can be hard for you to recognize when you are sliding into it. But your Alpha male friends on the outside will see the change in your behavior and the dynamic in your relationship very clearly, as they have no emotions invested.

When it comes to other humans in your life, you need to be able to compartmentalize well and be less idealistic. I believe that men bond closely when they go through dangerous, traumatic experiences together, like combat. This is why college fraternities haze, because it is extremely effective in bonding the pledge class together. And, of course, agents of our feminized society will endlessly try to prevent college fraternities from hazing their pledges. I know men that are more than 20 years removed from college, but their core friend group of fraternity brothers has never changed. Most modern men never experience traumatic events together because this world has been made safe and sanitary to the point of absurdity. It is no wonder that men have trouble bonding with each other now.

I would venture to guess that part of the reason you struggle with having male friends is because, 1) They intimidate you in some way or another, and/or 2) You are projecting your weaknesses on them. I struggled with this myself for a long time. Men that don't have strong Alpha male fathers never get comfortable with the constant chiding that groups of Alpha men engage in with each other, nor do they get used to the competition these other men present. The Feminine would have us believe that this chiding is "mean" and causes "hurt feelings". In reality, humans are antifragile and we only improve and grow stronger through hardship, suffering, and trauma. This chiding between men is an evolutionary mechanism to keep everyone in the group strong and on their toes. If you rely on other men in your group to keep you alive, you don't want weak men around and Alpha males will constantly test the other men in the group for weakness.

I currently roughly categorize my male friends as either "Alpha" or "Beta", and our interaction changes based on what category they fall into. Some of my friends are married with children and they are hopelessly Beta, and there is nothing I can do to save them, nor would I even try because it would end our friendship. These Beta friends won't give me straight and raw feedback, as they are more concerned with keeping the peace, avoiding confrontation, and keeping the friendship than delivering the truth to me. They may not even see the truth because, if I'm being a Beta with a woman, they won't even recognize that behavior as being a problem, as they are Beta with their wives every day. These friends are also the more intellectual, introverted men that will discuss philosophy and the meaning of life with me, and I enjoy having these types of friends in my life for many reasons.

My Alpha male friends are far more selfish than the Betas, and I accept this about them. Throughout my life I've played the Beta to some of these Alphas, because being around them brought benefits to my life (usually access to social events and women) I would have not enjoyed alone. I've had several friends like this in the rock bands I've been part of over the years. A rock band is essentially a group of guys that band together in mutual cooperation for the love of music and pursuit of vagina. These Alpha male friends can be real a-holes, and sometimes hard to deal with. However, they are the guys I feel comfortable going into public settings with in order to meet women, as their presence will not diminish my SMV like some of my Beta friends would. They are usually going to give me their honest opinion about my life and any women I am involved with. They are more confident, direct, rude, and opinionated. I probably trust these men less than I would my Beta male friends, as the Alphas pose more of a potential threat and they are more selfish.

So, my point is, that you need male friends in your life, but you also need to be able to compartmentalize your male friends and keep some of them at arm's length. Being idealistic and trying to find the "perfect" male friend or the "perfect" woman will always let you down and lead to disillusionment. Everyone has their plusses and minuses, and you need to be strategic in getting the plusses out of people in your life while avoiding the minuses. You wouldn't go out to meet with women ("sarge") with the Betas for the same reason you would not try to discuss 19th century German philosophy with the Alphas. Further, removing male friends from your life because there are some drawbacks to their personalities is a good recipe to spend your life alone without any male friends. None of your male friends will ever be perfect. With that being said, I have definitely removed a lot of male "friends" from my life when they proved that the cost/benefit analysis of having them in my life was all cost and no benefit.

At this point in my life, I value my friendships with men more than I do any of my interactions with women. The most loyal and enduring relationships in my life have always been with my male friends. In my personal experience with women, and my experience with thousands of women as a divorce lawyer, my conclusion is that women lack the "loyalty gene", especially when it comes to their interactions with men. A man that prioritizes his relationships with women over his male friends will usually end up miserable, depressed, and divorced, wishing he had listened to his "a-hole" Alpha male friends that told him never to marry that *****.
This is well thought to the point of being nerdy... a lot of extroverts/ social people understand this intrinsically. Nerds that troll sites like this either gloss through it, or if they have being thinking about it for a while, can relate. :)
 

Barrister

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 28, 2018
Messages
2,476
Reaction score
4,208
Age
37
Male friends are absolutely essential. I also think the delineation between male friends and male acquaintances is spot on. I would say even acquaintances play a role though.

Most of us have an innate ability to sense when another guy could truly become a "friend" (as opposed to just a friendly acquaintance). My experience is you immediately hit it off shortly after meeting them, wherever that is it doesn't matter, and if you hang out and it a great time. This is always the foundation for how it starts.

Put it this way, you will go through difficult times with both women (long term or short term it doesn't make a difference) as well as family drama throughout life. When that happens, you need something to fall back on. No one is completely immune to loneliness even if they are introverts. Everyone needs that guy they can call up at the drop of a pin and go out and get a beer with and tell them what's going on in their life. That is where your male friends come in. Unlike women, men's loyalty is solid and they will not abandon you absent something truly horrible occurring. Our family relationships are overly complicated due to childhood, etc. Not so with the male friend.
 

Slowhandluke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 7, 2022
Messages
642
Reaction score
720
Age
49
Required Reading...


This was written over 50 years ago. Things don't change. Understanding the ideas in that article is part of having good social skills.

You may want to have sex with most of the women you know, but a lot of them don't want to have sex with you. You shrug your shoulders and you move on.

Same with men. You may want a lot of them to be extremely loyal, extremely sympathetic, give you the shirt on their backs when the chips are down.. etc.. etc.. but some men aren't built that way. At least when it concerns you. You just have to shrug your shoulders and move on. Take people for who they are and not what you want them to be.

As you bond with people, perhaps later they may give you the shirts off their backs. Who knows? That's part of having friends.
 

GhostApe

Don Juan
Joined
Jul 12, 2022
Messages
19
Reaction score
19
Sounds to me like you're rolling with a ****ty crowd and generalizing.

I came here looking for insight into your individual lives to compare and contrast the value of having male friends.
That's a lot of unnecessary words, but yes, male fraternity is important. Generally, female friends aren't going to have your back, and it takes one petty argument to realize that.

If you're not exaggerating or projecting and are a genuine, ****-together manly-man hanging around with flaccid, lifeless losers with no integrity, have you tried not hanging around with losers?

I came across some males friend who would help get me laid, split the bill, be standup, etc and I've come across the ones that'll betray me at a moment's notice.
Hang out with the former and not the latter. Why would you throw out the baby with the bathwater, because some other men are mediocre?

The problem is the majority of the men are not authentic


So you, at 20-years-old, claim categorical knowledge of all other men? Get over yourself.

I wonder, what's the point of being around my (current) peers if they are socially awkward, flaky, and unmotivated.
Find new peers.

Furthermore, since I assume these males value v-box more than money and possibly even our relationship (because they're so thirsty or lack experience of sex).
Men aren't all like that - what you're describing are men around your age with no integrity. Life exists beyond the limits of your anecdotal experience with a bunch of other 20-year-olds.

In the end, are male friends worth it? What is your insight into non-sexual relationships with men?
Of course male friends are worth it. Stop surrounding yourself with immature people with no integrity, if it bothers you so much that other men your age are thinking with the small head.
 

Fruitbat

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 3, 2013
Messages
3,285
Reaction score
2,382
Male friends are less attractive when you have a younger hot wife. :)

seriously, I have a friend, long term, like 25 years, who was always a womaniser. I thought at our age he had grown out of it.

cheated on his pregnant GF with a hog. My wife said “look at this” and nearly every picture at an event she took, he was looking at her with “that look”

Plus when we were together, he started doing the dominance thing on me (in front of her) so I kind of gave him the look of “what the absolute f” and dropped him from my life, basically.

He’s done the dirty on friends before. The hard thing is, he is exceptionally good looking.

My other best friend for a long time (who was even better looking but would never do that to a mate) died last year.

My other long term mate I’m on good terms with but I am much more succesful than him and I think it bugs him, he is constantly trying to prove himself (but he’s not a bad guy and the friendship is genuine)

i find male friendships are just jam packed full of competition.

As I age, I think it’s not so much the friend it’s what you do together. Male friendships should be built on activity you love. Sport, whatever. Not the kind of close friendships women have
 

jaygreenb

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 24, 2012
Messages
1,065
Reaction score
511
Hello Sosuave members,

I came here looking for insight into your individual lives to compare and contrast the value of having male friends.

I'm currently 20 Years old, I will be turning 21 next week. In my life, I mainly had negative experiences with multiple male social groups.

I came across some males friend who would help get me laid, split the bill, be standup, etc and I've come across the ones that'll betray me at a moment's notice.

The problem is the majority of the men are not authentic ----- (please read the whole post xoxo)

I wonder, what's the point of being around my (current) peers if they are socially awkward, flaky, and unmotivated. Furthermore, since I assume these males value v-box more than money and possibly even our relationship (because they're so thirsty or lack experience of sex).

In the end, are male friends worth it? What is your insight into non-sexual relationships with men?
Developing a strong bond with a true friend over an extended period of time is invaluable. Most likely you will only develop a few relationships like this and most people will just be there for a season. Water seeks its own level, so try to be and act like the friend you would like to have. Typically you will start these friendships were you interact a lot for a period of time. That could be college, place of work where you frequent for certain activities. Like anything, you have to let these happen organically and not try to force it. Just try not to have high expectations on people you meet. Most people reveal their true character over time and just cut ones have don't treat you well.
 

eli77

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 7, 2013
Messages
2,050
Reaction score
415
Location
Miami fl
Yes, male friends are very valuable.

Remember the adage that you become the average of the five people you spend time with? Well, that’s true, so make friends with people you look up to and admire. Men you would like to be more like.

Having said that it is not easy to do. Men bond by doing things so you have to take part in an activity where you will meet these men. Sports, gun clubs, hunting, gym, motorbike riding etc. Think of the activities you enjoy then join clubs and groups doing these things.

A friend I made about 5 years ago is what I would consider an alpha male. He has proven that to me several times with things I have seen him do and how he has handled situations. Truth is he is a bit of an a$$hole and he doesn’t really care what people think of him. I have learnt so much from him in the years I have known him and I’m so glad he is my friend. I met him through our shared love of motorbikes.
Knocked it right out of the ballpark I never imagined at 18 I'll have more female friends than male friends at this age and I'm 39 and been on here since 2001
 
Top