About to be 32 and single af

[Pacman50]

I turn 32 en of November. I have a 5 year old son. Me and his mom broke up 4 years ago. I spent the last 4 years getting into good shape, learning mma, buying me a nice condo, and secured a 6 figure job. I dated a few girls here and there on the mean time and have come to realize I’m too naive when it comes to women. I found this forum and wanted to dedicate my life now at 32 to getting good with woman. Whenever I start seeing a woman and I don’t feel much interest in they become super clingy but when I see a woman I’m very interested in I can feel their interest fading. It sucks that I have to play the is game but I realize my behavior is greatly affecting the level of affection these women feel for me. It’s like I have to fabricate disinterest or create such an abundance that I don’t feel the need to perform for any of them. Anyways, can you guys give me some good advice on how to kick off. I guess I would need to find a way to go on as many dates as possible with as many woman to start with. What’s the best way to achieve this.

 

[tesla8520]

need to perform

This is my experience. I don't like to perform.
I am a fairly attractive man, well placed financially and I own my own things.
This is the basis.

Now, let's get to the point: we need to have sex.
The problem: It's not easy.

I'm not a lover of dating, in fact I hate having to take the girl for a "ride on the rides" only to then want to f0ck her. What I mean is, I would like to just f0ck.
I go out there, I'm looking for an attractive girl, she's single currently and I want to f0ck her.
I don't want to take her for a walk, for a drink, to a restaurant.

"Dear woman, I want a healthy and beautiful f0ck with you, a bit of company and a bit of intimacy, are you too on the same road?"

Well, this is what I want, not a relationship, but for some reason I have difficulty completing the fulfillment of this desire of mine.
Wonder how you guys fixed it.

 

[Plinco]

I turn 32 en of November. I have a 5 year old son. Me and his mom broke up 4 years ago. I spent the last 4 years getting into good shape, learning mma, buying me a nice condo, and secured a 6 figure job. I dated a few girls here and there on the mean time and have come to realize I’m too naive when it comes to women. I found this forum and wanted to dedicate my life now at 32 to getting good with woman. Whenever I start seeing a woman and I don’t feel much interest in they become super clingy but when I see a woman I’m very interested in I can feel their interest fading. It sucks that I have to play the is game but I realize my behavior is greatly affecting the level of affection these women feel for me. It’s like I have to fabricate disinterest or create such an abundance that I don’t feel the need to perform for any of them. Anyways, can you guys give me some good advice on how to kick off. I guess I would need to find a way to go on as many dates as possible with as many woman to start with. What’s the best way to achieve this.

As far as attracting women, women want men they respect; live life the way you see fit (like taking care of your son, doing the kind of work you want to do, looking the way you want to look, etc), that includes approaching the kind of women you're attracted to without hesitation. In other words, learn how to respect yourself, possibly in ways that you're currently unaware.

 

[Bible_Belt]

learning mma

You're not too old to compete. I did it at your age. How's your jits? If you go to a NAGA tournament, they are all lying sand baggers, just fyi.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I don't like posts like these because they're a waste of everyone's time, both the writer's and the readers'.

OP, you need to provide more context. How exactly do you show interest? What types of women are you dating? And why do you feel the need to go on as many dates as possible with as many women as possible when, as you already mentioned, you have women showing interest in you whom you're simply not interested in?

There's so much information missing that it's impossible to establish a starting point or offer meaningful advice on what you actually need to work on.

If you're looking for somewhere to start, there are several prerequisite guides you should read, such as the DJ Bible and The Red Pill Side Bar. Those will at least give you a foundation to work from, regardless of how much advice you receive here.

 

[kzar_kzar]

This is my experience. I don't like to perform.
I am a fairly attractive man, well placed financially and I own my own things.
This is the basis.

Now, let's get to the point: we need to have sex.
The problem: It's not easy.

I'm not a lover of dating, in fact I hate having to take the girl for a "ride on the rides" only to then want to f0ck her. What I mean is, I would like to just f0ck.
I go out there, I'm looking for an attractive girl, she's single currently and I want to f0ck her.
I don't want to take her for a walk, for a drink, to a restaurant.

"Dear woman, I want a healthy and beautiful f0ck with you, a bit of company and a bit of intimacy, are you too on the same road?"

Well, this is what I want, not a relationship, but for some reason I have difficulty completing the fulfillment of this desire of mine.
Wonder how you guys fixed it.

this you can definitely pull ; I do ~

not every girl wants to go on the date and you don’t want to do that as well -

I cannot out into words but the answer is yes you can have good times with girls and not up on dating

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I turn 32 en of November. I have a 5 year old son. Me and his mom broke up 4 years ago. I spent the last 4 years getting into good shape, learning mma, buying me a nice condo, and secured a 6 figure job. I dated a few girls here and there on the mean time and have come to realize I’m too naive when it comes to women. I found this forum and wanted to dedicate my life now at 32 to getting good with woman. Whenever I start seeing a woman and I don’t feel much interest in they become super clingy but when I see a woman I’m very interested in I can feel their interest fading. It sucks that I have to play the is game but I realize my behavior is greatly affecting the level of affection these women feel for me. It’s like I have to fabricate disinterest or create such an abundance that I don’t feel the need to perform for any of them. Anyways, can you guys give me some good advice on how to kick off. I guess I would need to find a way to go on as many dates as possible with as many woman to start with. What’s the best way to achieve this.

No. You have to emotionally self regulate yourself. Big difference.

 

[The Duke]

This is my experience. I don't like to perform.
I am a fairly attractive man, well placed financially and I own my own things.
This is the basis.

Now, let's get to the point: we need to have sex.
The problem: It's not easy.

I'm not a lover of dating, in fact I hate having to take the girl for a "ride on the rides" only to then want to f0ck her. What I mean is, I would like to just f0ck.
I go out there, I'm looking for an attractive girl, she's single currently and I want to f0ck her.
I don't want to take her for a walk, for a drink, to a restaurant.

"Dear woman, I want a healthy and beautiful f0ck with you, a bit of company and a bit of intimacy, are you too on the same road?"

Well, this is what I want, not a relationship, but for some reason I have difficulty completing the fulfillment of this desire of mine.
Wonder how you guys fixed it.

This is why it's hard. You and @Cheeky_James want to skip the song and dance part and get right to the fuhking. Thats why guys like me end up in bed with the girl later that nite and you two go home with nothing.

I don't think there is anything hard about it. I simply enjoy the seduction part. In fact it has gotten so easy that I have to tell myself I don't need to go home with some random girl.

 

[Gamisch]

I agree with the post above mine.

Gotta think in REVERSE; sex might mean everything to you ,but "nothing " to a woman..similarly cuddling might be meaningless to you while it means the world to her...gotta find the middle ground .

For decades ( modern dating let's say from the 60/70's) men got girlfriends to get their needs met. Nothing more nothing less. Yes that means talking on the phone for 30 minutes sometimes. Taking her out. Buying flowers. Answering to her insecurities. Meeting her family and friends..

Thats the quickest way to get steady sex. If you are " that guy" you might get a feck buddy. But even in that case you'll learn how fickle women are. She might be a sl-ut to you, but she still gonna want a boyfriend sooner or later. If you indeed are that guy you would replace her in a heartbeat or even better; you got a roster. Judging from your question..you lack something.

 

[tesla8520]

@The Duke
A question for you: were you like me before?

I don't know, man, but I really hate that part.
I find it really cringe. I don't know how to explain it.

 

[The Duke]

@The Duke
A question for you: were you like me before?

I don't know, man, but I really hate that part.
I find it really cringe. I don't know how to explain it.

No, I like putting effort into something. The thrill for me comes before she drops her panties, not after.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Dedicating your life to women? That's a pretty big failure if a life of that's your goal, IMO.

You should be dedicating your life to maximizing your potential, which would automatically improve your results with women in many ways. And most importantly, the step not enough people actually work hard enough on, changing your mindset.

Because you can lose weight, 5x your income, buy better clothes, drive a fancy car, get a better haircut, and do all sorts of other things to make you objectively more attractive to women, but if you don't spend time working on changing your mindset, you will still be the same person with the same belief system and the same internal views of who you are as the person who was overweight, broke, had crappy clothes and a bad haircut. And that's a much bigger problem than most men realize.

You can change your external situation much faster than you can change your internal beliefs about yourself. And for most men, that's what is holding them back with women far more than the external factors. Because then they become incongruent to women...they portrays themselves one way, but their internal belief system shows women they do not believe they are who they claim to be.

Essentially it is backwards thinking.

And eventually without fail, you will always become what your internal belief system thinks you are regardless of what you think your external resources make you.

 

[BadBoy89]

I turn 32 en of November. I have a 5 year old son. Me and his mom broke up 4 years ago.

I found this forum and wanted to dedicate my life now at 32 to getting good with woman.

You found your wife, attracted her, proposed, she said yes. married her, got her pregnant, she delivered a healthy baby, and now you have a five year old son.

Why are you confused in what to do now?

 

[Pacman50]

Dedicating your life to women? That's a pretty big failure if a life of that's your goal, IMO.

You should be dedicating your life to maximizing your potential, which would automatically improve your results with women in many ways. And most importantly, the step not enough people actually work hard enough on, changing your mindset.

Because you can lose weight, 5x your income, buy better clothes, drive a fancy car, get a better haircut, and do all sorts of other things to make you objectively more attractive to women, but if you don't spend time working on changing your mindset, you will still be the same person with the same belief system and the same internal views of who you are as the person who was overweight, broke, had crappy clothes and a bad haircut. And that's a much bigger problem than most men realize.

You can change your external situation much faster than you can change your internal beliefs about yourself. And for most men, that's what is holding them back with women far more than the external factors. Because then they become incongruent to women...they portrays themselves one way, but their internal belief system shows women they do not believe they are who they claim to be.

Essentially it is backwards thinking.

And eventually without fail, you will always become what your internal belief system thinks you are regardless of what you think your external resources make you.

Great answer! Got me thinking. This is what’s holding me back. How do I actively work on this?

 

[Poonstra]

The thrill for me comes before she drops her panties, not after

Was is always the case or did your perspective change at a certain point?

 

[The Duke]

Was is always the case or did your perspective change at a certain point?

I've never ever made it my mission to fuhk some girl, however a more experienced me started enjoying the process that led up to the sex more and more. Basically the more I knew and understood about women, the more I wanted to use my new skills.

If your mission is to have simply have sex, realize its not sustainable and is very short lived. Its like playing video games on level 1. And after you have had sex with "x" number of women, what's the thrill anyways? Learning what makes an individual tick and why they think like they do is a lot more interesting as there are many levels to that game.

I'm a thrill of the hunt guy, not a fire the kill shot at Bambi guy. Thats too easy. You'll miss out on a lot of women operating like that as well. There are very few girls that are looking for quick & easy, get to the point no-strings sex.

 

[tesla8520]

The thrill for me comes before she drops her panties

Ahaha, look like you really love than phase.
I wonder if I can too.

I just like to be focused on my own things you know?
I've always thought that to be a feminine thing to do.. It's like playing with dolls, and rather, riding a motorbike.

I go for the latter.

@The Duke
You know women better than I do, but from my limited experience, I've learned that some are more direct than others.

From what little I know, women who like men like you—that is, who do a bit of push and pull, and like to be chased, and they like to chase a bit, etc., etc.—are somewhat insecure and indirect women.
These women are good for short-term sex and relationships.

Of course, all women want a bit of that "romance" at the beginning, but I've found that the more direct and less indirect women, the ones who can also verbalize what they want to do with you, without waiting for you to seduce them for it, are better suited to becoming people with whom you can then establish a lasting bond, with fewer problems, and less drama.

The indirect women who are "turned on" by a "push/pull" man are often the ones who are most traumatized, and who will inject a lot of drama and test the relationship.
They're also the ones who will get bored more often and sooner in the relationship because the "fire" is gone.
They're also the ones who will cheat more often because they're always seeking validation from other men, when they don't get it from their husband/boyfriend.

I expect you to debate this perspective of mine.
I have a lot of respect for you, friend.

changing your mindset

Look like you've made effort to improve.
Which practical steps to this?
What it will look like when you're changing that?

 

[tesla8520]

@The Duke found a great video that explain my position

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

I turn 32 en of November. I have a 5 year old son. Me and his mom broke up 4 years ago. I spent the last 4 years getting into good shape, learning mma, buying me a nice condo, and secured a 6 figure job. I dated a few girls here and there on the mean time and have come to realize I’m too naive when it comes to women. I found this forum and wanted to dedicate my life now at 32 to getting good with woman. Whenever I start seeing a woman and I don’t feel much interest in they become super clingy but when I see a woman I’m very interested in I can feel their interest fading. It sucks that I have to play the is game but I realize my behavior is greatly affecting the level of affection these women feel for me. It’s like I have to fabricate disinterest or create such an abundance that I don’t feel the need to perform for any of them. Anyways, can you guys give me some good advice on how to kick off. I guess I would need to find a way to go on as many dates as possible with as many woman to start with. What’s the best way to achieve this.

When you speak of 'acting disinterested' or 'playing a game' it's easy to get confused. There are also scant few people who can clearly explain the dynamic, and even if they CAN, sometimes the up and coming Don Juan just can't get his head around it. But you're in the right place. I strongly suggest the DJ boot camp on the site djbible.com.

To answer one of your statements directly, I think I can offer some advice. Women ARE into men more when she KNOWS that she's not the center of your attention, focus, etc. She doesn't trust men, EVEN IF SHE SAYS SHE DOES, who treat her as their number one priority in life.

Think about it. After you broke up, what did you do? You focused on improving YOU and what happened? Women NOTICED, that's what happened. How do we know? You've been going on dates. And having good luck! You just need to understand that women are a COMPLEMENT to your life and not the focal point or mission. What is your mission in life? What is it that you want to set out to do? It's pretty big picture, but I think it's important. This is what women mean when they say they like a guy with "DRIVE" or "AMBITION."

It doesn't always equate to money and looks. Do those help? Damn skippy. But there are solutions in existence when you find yourself lacking in all of these vague nebulous terms women say they want in a man. "Funny" "Charming" "Charismatic" "A leader" "Strong" "Protective" "Has an 'edge' or a badboy side" "Good listener/communicator" so on, so forth, etc etc...

The BIGGEST thing to take away from any lessons you might learn here is that men are men and women are women. We don't operate, think, talk, or behave the same way. Expect that and accept it. Also, women interact with you VERY differently if they have been intimate with you in the past VS not. This is important to understand to some extent, but it isn't as vital as the first. Lastly, you must understand that there are MORE WOMEN out there (sounds like you've got this down PAT, but a lot of guys get stuck on one girl and just CANT MOVE THE EFF ON. Even some accomplished DJs sometimes slip into hyper focusing on one lady and losing themselves in the process.) if a woman steps out of line with your standards or boundaries.

On that note, if a relationship should start, DO NOT stop doing anything or being anything radically different from who she fell in love with! This happens all too often with men who are totally unaware of 'game' or inters3xual dynamics. They start to get comfortable, sacrifice time at the gym or stop playing pool, darts, or whatever it was they used to do for fun just to do what she likes. And it's a wonder these same men have the gall to ask why 'why doesn't she respect any of my hobbies and tells me they're silly or childish?'

There's a LOT to unpack with all of this and you seem like a good natured, mature and focused guy. I'm sure it won't take you as long as it takes others, but it's definitely not something that comes easy and you have to just go out there and try it. The "playing games" becomes easier the more you do it. You'll mess it up, feel like a jerk etc.... but look at it this way. The NEXT WOMAN you find yourself in a long term relationship (if that's something you'd like) will appreciate you doing all those things even if they were uncomfortable. She doesn't need to know every detail, but the guy who is aware of her behaviors and understands her is the man she will continue to stand by and respect.

After a while, 'playing games' and using all these 'tricks and gimmicks' seem less like games or tricks and instead become a part of your personality. Does every football player tackle the same? Does ever chess player who is decently good use the same exact openings? Do successful martial artists only come from striking, grappling or weapons? No. A lot of seemingly silly things drill things into your muscle memory and help you perform. You notice patterns. You spot weaknesses you didn't know you had. You spot EASY things that you beat your head against the wall that used to be so hard because you didn't understand it.

Oh... I'm one of the long winded ones here. I won't apologize though. Welcome to SS, Pacman50!

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Presuming your intention to get better is true, save yourself the headache and kick things off with a high quality escort. This will reduce your thirst and increase your nonchalance around the ones you are interested in.

Ignore the others, lol they are cultists.


There is a post above which promotes emotional regulation, which is an admirable goal, but is simply not feasible short term. That will take multiple years to accomplish without joining a buddhist monastery. If you want shorter term results with the women you want, see the first paragraph of this post.