2018 Approach/Dating Journal

macallik

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Going to try and journal more to get my thoughts down and actively work on improvement where possible.

Goals
  • Regain Cold Approach confidence
  • Spin new plates in the Spring/Summer
  • Less dependency on alcohol
  • Have a memorable Spring/Summer 2018
 
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macallik

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Over the weekend, I was out of town for a festival. I grabbed about 6-7 numbers. I invited a girl or two back to brunch or the hotel (depending on my drunkenness) but no dice. Although my shot wasn't falling, it felt good to JR Smith it up in the field. With that said, I shouldn't have to go on vacation to want to holler at girls whenever and wherever.

That is the main reason I am starting the journal...

I am not starting from scratch... I just don't read the signs as well as I know I should, don't have as many dates as I should, and when I'm in the field, I don't have an end goal in mind like I know I should. As a result, things have been all over the place as of late.

I think that the lack of reps in the field has led to my game getting a bit stagnant. Also, it has lead to an inability to imagine the possibilities. If I can't imagine the approach going well beforehand, it is easy talk myself out of approaching at all which is a vicious cycle. I am sure most people suffer from the same thing. When I am actually approach more frequently though, I come to the realization that I don't "know" anything negative with certainty so I should just make positive assumptions and shoot my shot.

Right now, there is a party at a club/lounge I want to go to Friday. But my clubbing experiences have been pretty hit or miss as of late (along with expensive) so I want to earn the right to go spend that money. I am starting things off very small but I want to have one cold approach by Friday. If I can do that, I will allow myself to go to the club.

My mindset is getting there right now but I am going to read up on some old posts in the Hall of Excellence to solidify things. The advice in my signature is truer now than ever before as there are a lot of bitter guys on this site.
 

macallik

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After work on Friday, I walked around for a good two hours or so. It was only when I was actively in the field that realized how often I have blinders. Normally I navigate life with the intention of achieving a main goal only. For example, just keeping my head down and tackling bland tasks like "make your way to the grocery store" or "take the nearest public transportation to get to work". Now that I am unplugging a little bit, I have my head out of the clouds and actually see all of the women I am passing on a daily basis beyond the standard "She's cute and it would be great if we ever talked to each other".

Now I am also thinking "How could I start a conversation?" or "What side of the street should I walk on to set up the best likelihood of a conversation?". All in all, there were about 3-4 above-average opportunities to approach that I didn't pull the trigger on because I was gunshy. With that said, I did hit my target and approached one cutie on Friday. It was comically bad which reinforced how rusty I am.

My delivery was good but I read too much into her body language and ejected as soon as I delivered my line and she failed to instantly swoon over my perceived debonair-ness lol. On the other hand though, I knocked out my first cold approach on the streets in 2018 and, I unsurprisingly didn't get heckled or die of embarrassment. I lost nothing and gained experience. That is one brick in the palace of changing my mindset and my dating life.

Speaking of mindsets, I just bought an annual membership to Headspace on my phone. Because of my rustiness, I am guilty of overthinking things so a bit of meditation/concentrated thinking would do me well in terms of cold approaching and for life in general. I also downloaded a random affirmations app but I am having trouble figuring it out 100%.

Approaches: 1

Goals for this week:
  • Two cold approach
  • Have actual conversations instead of just openers
  • Maintain awareness of the opportunities in everyday living.
 

macallik

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Quick follow up. The Affirmations App took a while to get used to but is worth the $2.49 I paid. The app doesn't have pre-installed audio like I assumed but it allows you to manually record audio and loop it. It was a little weird hearing my own voice at first but now I am used to it. I am thinking more positively and optimistically already. Here is a link if anyone else is interested.

I think mindset is and mentality are important but I'd much rather talk about approaches and insights from those approaches. Unfortunately, I have managed to procrastinate and come up with excuses, so I have to suck it up and be more social. I didn't hit my approach target last week unfortunately.

I did have one good approach in an Uber pool after coming from a friend's house. She was married but I still kept the flirty conversation going for a good 8-10 minutes in the ride and then invited her for drinks at a bar near my house. I was smooth, persistent and witty. It's been too long since I felt that feeling. It is a sign that I need to get in the field more often because the skillset is there, it is just laying dormant.

Overall, I know that this is a game of odds and so I have to keep shooting my shot and not be concerned about the short term aberrations. Below are the things that I think will make a difference and how I plan on implementing them (I have ordered them based on most important to least important)

1) Experience - Having the confidence to know that I will make the right choices and/or I will be ok if I am blown out
  • I need to put in more reps and approach (more) women, plain and simple
2) Preparation - Having a game plan means that I am not flying blind/flailing in the wind
  • I have started rereading some material from back in the day. It reminds me of all the stuff that I internalized at some point but have since forgotten all about it. There are a lot of things that I used to do that I have stopped doing. It is going to take a lot of sets to get it back, but I'm game.
  • I think I want to plan 2-3 social activities in advance on a weekly basis. Right now I am turning into a weekend warrior and that is not the best way to take advantage of all the things that Spring offers.
  • I will work on visualizing approaches going well. Additionally I want to reinforce what my goals are leading up to approaches. Am I aiming for the number? Insta-dates? Having sex? Confirming this beforehand increases the odds that I don't just randomly talk until the woman ejects.
3) Appearance - Smelling/dressing/looking good increases the probability of attraction automatically.
  • I need to get haircuts more consistently.
  • I bought some new clothes from Macy's about a week and a half ago but I will look at some fashion magazines for some ideas before I make my next purchase to make sure I'm ahead of the curve and standing out stylistically.
  • My deodorant hasn't been lasting all day anymore for some reason so I need to try something new that lasts all day but isn't overpowering.
4) Luck - The more you practice, the luckier you get.
  • This ties back into gaining experience. The more I put myself out there and force myself to be social, the more likely I am going to fall into some sexy woman's arms.

Looking to get a haircut tomorrow and I have two events planned for Friday and Saturday that will take me out of my comfort zone. Posting in the journal feels like a big step in the right direction as it is giving me structure and holding me accountable.
 

macallik

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Long time since I posted here. Got into a relationship for a month and some change before things fizzled out. Looking to get back into the swing of things and documenting my progress here to shorten my learning curve. I had a fruitful weekend in terms of approaching but I leaned heavily on alcohol and spent a lot of money. I don't want to retire the club game entirely (I have events planned every weekend for the rest of the month actually) but I want to try to get my confidence up more so that I can approach outside of the club environment and meet women for free. I've done it before and I can do it again.
 

nicksaiz65

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Long time since I posted here. Got into a relationship for a month and some change before things fizzled out. Looking to get back into the swing of things and documenting my progress here to shorten my learning curve. I had a fruitful weekend in terms of approaching but I leaned heavily on alcohol and spent a lot of money. I don't want to retire the club game entirely (I have events planned every weekend for the rest of the month actually) but I want to try to get my confidence up more so that I can approach outside of the club environment and meet women for free. I've done it before and I can do it again.
Good for you. I plan on getting back into club approaches also once I get back to school. Right there with you.
 

jacketrunner

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Long time since I posted here. Got into a relationship for a month and some change before things fizzled out. Looking to get back into the swing of things and documenting my progress here to shorten my learning curve. I had a fruitful weekend in terms of approaching but I leaned heavily on alcohol and spent a lot of money. I don't want to retire the club game entirely (I have events planned every weekend for the rest of the month actually) but I want to try to get my confidence up more so that I can approach outside of the club environment and meet women for free. I've done it before and I can do it again.
How many people hook up with random girls without being drunk? I have a friend who does it, but for me, I need alcohol if I don't know the girl yet.
 

macallik

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Thanks for responding guys! It definitely helps to hear other people's perspective and to know that others are reading my journal keeps me honest.

Reflecting on my last post some more... I think what hit me the hardest about club vs street approaching is what happened last weekend. I went out-of-state and was in sarge mode with a friend who is always down to holler and get numbers. Over the 4-days we were out of town, I have no idea how many approaches I did, but I got about 16 numbers in total. Two of the numbers were from street approaches and the rest were club approaches. As it turns out, the two street approaches were down to meet up while the fourteen club approaches all flaked one way or another. It isn't that the women are lower quality at the club, it is more that there is a lot more competition, everyone you meet kind of meshes together the next morning because of the alcohol, and people just don't take club interactions seriously if we're being honest.

These last few days, with regards to being on the hunt, it had started to feel a bit futile and meaningless. Thanks to typing things out and reflecting on my experiences, I realize that this is because I experienced a lot of flakes last week and, more importantly, because my game was on auto-pilot with no-one actually steering the ship. There are positive dating traits that I thought I internalized when I had the hot hand on the dating scene, but as rust started to develop recently, I feel like a handful of my positive subconscious habits have gone out the window. Things like pushing for kino, taking the convo sexual, displaying intent, heavy eye contact, talking with a purpose, etc. These are things that I used to do on a regular basis but after neglect, my game is relying too heavily on alcohol.

But, as they say, knowing is half the battle so I am already better today than I was when I started the week. My thoughts were a little defeatist earlier in the week but looking at the chicks I smashed over the last few months (and in general) and I am proud of what I've accomplished dating-wise and I know that a lot of guys would be jealous. Today, I remembered that there will be times I strike out and instead of getting upset, I need to focus more on fundamentals.

Yesterday wasn't one of those days lol. I went out drinking with some friends and then we all went to the club together. Looking back, my interactions reinforced that I really didn't have a plan at the club. I was grinding on women, but my heart wasn't in it (read: my **** wasn't getting hard) and so women were losing interest after a minute or so. I am an OK dancer nowadays but it is not my strong suite and I had no plan to escalate kino or to isolate and transition to trying to take her home. I need to play to my strengths and put myself in positions to be successful.

Conversing is where I am better than average when it comes to dating, but last night, of the few conversations I had, I literally ran out of things to say lol. I am not accustomed to that. Reflecting on last night served as a reminder that everything I say/do should be moving me towards my end goals (attraction and/or ****ing). I grabbed two numbers last night but I think one is a lesbian and the other didn't respond to my text and leaves the city tomorrow. Not great outcomes, but lots of experience points gained by analyzing myself so I'm happy.

Goals
  • Review my notes: Ironically, I have been here, spinning my wheels, before. I got out of it last time and I can do it again. Here are the notes from my old journal the last time this occurred. I have pre-made objectives to get myself back on track. I will re-read these notes and let them bounce around in my head until it seeps into my subconscious.
  • Become more in-tune to the idea of smashing on the same night: I actually smashed the same night like 3 weeks ago but because my game has been all over the place lately, the possibility of it happening has started to feel foreign and random. Aint sh!t random. I control the probability of sex based on my actions and reactions.
  • Become more aware of the idea of cold approaching: On a related note, I don't even acknowledge the possibility of approaching during the day right now I feel like. I need to be conscious of my surroundings and think of openers and ways to approach constantly.
 

macallik

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Online Dating
Quick note here. Was bored after work one day and downloaded some apps for the first time in a good year or so. After a good week of trying this dating app life, I am ready to take another year off in terms of apps. I've gotten like one successful match out of the hundreds of profiles I've seen smh lol. I will say my criteria for matching has gone up a few points in terms of attractiveness so I don't like as many women as I used to, but it is still weird checking the app and seeing no new likes.

I am going to probably trash all the apps by the end of the weekend and just go harder in real life. Relative to clubs/bars, online dating has been a bit of a bust for me. I think I have a great personality personally, but I don't have the willpower to wait for women to respond to messages or to feel like I am the 15th message she received in the last hour. I don't like the supply/demand of dating.

Last Weekend
So the first thing I did when I left the house last Friday was review my notes and work on my mindset. I think I exuded confidence in a way that I liked initially but things waned as the night progressed because the first few spots I went to were pretty dead and my friends were indecisive with their plans. I did approach a cutie at the club and get her number but it was the only number I got the whole night unfortunately. I have to work on warming up better and consciously remembering to push myself out of my comfort zone.

Saturday I tried to set up drinks with the number I got the night before. She already had plans but said she would see what I was up to later on that night. I liked the sound of that. Unfortunately I already had plans, and so unless she was buying a ticket, it wasn't going anywhere. During the day, I went to a day party with friends. One of the girls I approached ended up being one of my ex's best friend. I wasn't drunk, it was just that we never met before. I went for the # but she declined and inquired about my ex. I know she was feeling me so it was just an unlucky break that we had such close ties. If I see her again, I'll probably shoot my shot one more time since things are dead in the water with my ex.

With my other approaches, I did ok initially, but didn't follow up as much as I could/should have. There was one approach that I am proud of. Talked to this girl Nadia for a bit and got her number. Invited her back to my place but she declined. I left the venue and texted her that I was going to a party in a few hours but she could come kick it at my place for a bit beforehand if she wanted. She ended up coming through for a bit and we pregamed at my place and got comfortable. We went to a party then came back to my place and made out for a bit. Couldn't escalate really but had a good time overall.

The next day, I reached out to the girl I met on Friday night at the club be she didn't respond. Went to the beach with friends and texted Nadia after a while to see if she wanted to kick it. She was wrapping up work and so she slid through for a bit. We caught the bus to my place for drinks, then a bar for a bit more drinks prior to heading to a friend's house gathering, and then back to my place. Got a bit further that night, but nothing to write home about. We are scheduled to hang out closer to the weekend and we'll see what happens then.

One thing I did with all of my extended conversations is to steer the convo towards sex (in a non-pervy way). I talked about sexual topics in a matter-of-fact, fun way that showed I wasn't scared of the idea but I wasn't consumed by it either.

Thoughts
  • It feels good to write up some steps to improve my game and see the effects so quickly. I have a lot of experience to cushion me so it did happen quicker than normal. With that said, if I stick to reflecting on my game and tweaking it regularly, I should have a strong close to end the summer.
  • I need to get better at warming up sets beforehand. Talking to Uber drivers has become second nature to me and gets me into the right mindset slightly, but I used to do street approaches prior to the club to get my adrenaline going. I would prefer to be firing on all cylinders prior to entering a club environment if possible.
  • I need to follow through on my approaches. If it isn't a warmup set, then a close should be attempted before I leave a woman's presence.
 

macallik

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The last two days I was out and about but had a woman with me each time so I didn't really make any moves. I am heading to some parties in a bit so just doing a quick check-in so that I remember what to work on when I'm out in the field today. Additionally, I want to cut back on my drinking because it is getting expensive and pointless. The only purpose of the alcohol is to relax my inhibitions a little. I don't need to get blackout drunk and it is actually counter-productive to the end goal if I am so drunk that I can't keep track of my game plan.

Plan today
  • Use the Apocalypse opener on at least one girl
  • Talk with the end goal in mind.
  • Always attempt a close of some sort.
  • Drink less so that I am aware and effective
 

macallik

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^^^That day went pretty poorly. I planned on limiting alcohol intake but my friends met at a bar with $3 Jameson shots and started going in lol. Bumped into the girl I tried to date earlier in the summer and spent most of my time trying to make her jealous instead of trying to connect with other women. Also, Nadia was at the club as well. Unsurprisingly, it was a bit overwhelming. I managed to get a few numbers and talk to a few cuties but I didn't follow up like I know I should and I felt like I didn't actually get anything I wanted out of the day because my ex wasn't giving me any attention, while Nadia was probably there questioning whether she wants to kick it with me still. That's how the game goes sometimes.

Ok so last Thursday, I took a planned vacation trip to NYC. There was a girl in NYC I had a one-night stand with in Miami a few years ago that was there. I hit her up to grab drinks but she never responded smh. There was another girl from my local city that was going to be in NYC as well. I had a one night stand with her earlier in the year, but she isn't really my type physically so it was not on the top of the agenda.

The girl I dated earlier this summer coincidentally was in town too but we only crossed paths once for a minute or two luckily. In the meantime, I managed to smash two new chicks out there. My out-of-town game is improving clearly. I don't really have any notes to write up except to say that when I saw my opportunities, I took them. One girl, I met at the club and got her back to the crib. The other girl, I met about a month ago in a different city, and then saw she was in NYC and invited her to a pregame and we kicked it. There are still things I need to work on though:

Areas of Improvement
  • Holler at the cutest girls first: The goal is to vibe with someone cool or that is DTF. If the first girl I talk to is DTF, then I want her to be the cutest as well. If she isn't DTF, I can work my way down the line.
  • Fvck rules. Pull the trigger when you see fit: Outside of the girls I smashed, there was an interaction where a girl wasn't down to come home with me, but was talking to me in the club for over 40 minutes. She told a story about how she knew this guy liked her but he was too scared to kiss her. I should've pulled the trigger there and then escalated to see if I could bring her to the crib after getting her hot and horny.
  • Continue to cut back on the alcohol: My pocketbook is thanking me for not getting wasted every time I leave the house. I just need to get a nice buzz going and then some cheap drinks to keep me leveled if need be.
  • Smile b!tch!: Have fun out there and show off them pearly whites
  • Warm Up/Stay in State: Talk talk talk. Uber drivers. Unattractive girls. Guys. Whoever. Look for ways to be social and let that carry onto the attractive women out there as well
 
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macallik

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Bumpy couple of weekends recently. I have been a little trigger shy here and there. Gotta work on pushing my comfort level and being conscious of what I am doing/not doing in the field.

I did have one new woman come to the crib after I met her at the club. I fell asleep when she arrived the first time. She came back another time and we fooled around a bit though. Once I get my gears spinning in the field, I'm usually gucci, but sometimes I am in my head too much (or in the alcohol too much and lose sight of the goal).

I am planning on going out tonight and so I will work on some technique shortly. Will report back with my experiences. Happy Saturday yall!
 

meldiamond

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A journal should be a requirement for anyone who wants to keep posting here. Even if it's only once a month type of an update or so. I enjoy some of the theoretical discussions here, but it seems almost no one is attempting to actually making any sort of a systematic effort to significantly improve their dating lives.

It seems like a few dabblers and a lot of guys who are not dating or even going out at all. I could very well be wrong, perhaps most guys here are getting laid like rock stars but that's not the impression I get. My intuition tells me the majority of guys here are on the sidelines and heavily invested in mgtow stuff.

Anyway, best of luck to ya and hopefully you'll get the types of results you're looking for.
 
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