She paid for hotel rooms to see me, then 4 years of silence. Now she's back.

[BillyPilgrim]

Hot take: why do we care?

Bc this thread has gone on too long lol

 

[quentin]

A message to everyone who replied: Thank you so much for your responses. As I told you, I was just looking to chat and share thoughts with you I don’t really care what happens next;

It's just a girl who doesn’t know what she wants.

I’m so happy to have heard from you all. I’ll write to you again for more adventures

See you soon

 

[Cheeky_James]

Hey everyone,

I've been reading this forum for a while, and it helped me a lot at certain points in my life. Today it's my turn to share a story, because I need some outside perspective.

Let me say this upfront: I've got the situation under control and I'm clear-headed about it. I'm not getting ahead of myself and I'm not trying to win her back. I just want to understand what's going on in her head, and above all hear from the veterans here who've been through something similar.

The background

Let's call her Teresa. A very charming woman. I met her at a professional training program that ran for several weeks. We got to know each other, went out with the group, nothing special.

One night, she drank way too much. I offered to walk her back, no ulterior motive: as far as I was concerned, I had no chance with her. We ended up in my hotel room, and I told her it was just so she could sleep somewhere safe. She tried to sleep with me 3 or 4 times. I said no every time, she wasn't in a state to decide. Nothing happened that night.

What happened next

The weeks went by, the training continued… and what was bound to happen, happened. We slept together. Then again. And again. She even paid for hotel rooms herself so we could spend more time together. Important detail: she was in a relationship the whole time.

When the program ended, we called each other often and talked about meeting up. But when it came time to choose, she never took the step. No clear answer, and I got fed up with the ambiguity. In the end, she stayed with her boyfriend.

Where things stand now

It's been 4 years. 4 years without a single message or call. We both moved on with our lives.

And now she's reached out. When I asked her why now, she said she came across one of my YouTube videos and it made her want to get back in touch.

We've talked a bit since then. As it happens, I'll be passing through the city where she lives soon, so I asked her straight out: "Come on, let's grab a drink." I plan to go.

I'm not expecting anything in particular. Whatever happens, happens. I don't have an opinion on it either way.

What I'd like to understand

She has everything: security, a boyfriend who seems like a decent guy, a stable life. That was true 4 years ago, and it's still true today. Back then, she still went looking for an affair on the side before choosing stability.

And today, with all of that, she's coming back anyway.

That's the thought process I'd like to understand. How do you read all this, those of you with more experience?

I know my post is vague on some points. Ask me anything and I'll answer. The goal is to talk it through and learn from your experiences, not to judge.

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time.

what’s with the photo of gigaChad? I don’t get it.
Anyway, she cheated with you.
4 years later she has the itch and wants to do it again.
(Probably she remembered it was good s@x w you)

Either take up the offer or leave it. Up to you.
Don’t bother trying to get inside her head dude!

as someone famously said
“never try to understand women.
Women understand other Women -
…And they all hate each other”

A classic quote.
Funny-cos-it’s-true stuff .

 

[Ricky]

This stuff just happens. Women from my past call me from time to time… i know it means they want something, excitement, sex or worse… money. They won’t be direct for what they are after about any of them until they are sure they can get it from you because for for the most part the average woman hates rejection even more than we do

 

[BackInTheGame78]

A message to everyone who replied: Thank you so much for your responses. As I told you, I was just looking to chat and share thoughts with you I don’t really care what happens next;

It's just a girl who doesn’t know what she wants.

I’m so happy to have heard from you all. I’ll write to you again for more adventures

See you soon

She knows what she wants. To have an escape from her situation she is in and the boredom she feels with her current boyfriend.

 

[quentin]

She sent me a message: "You know, Quentin, it took me a long time to get over you. I fought a thousand times not to text you. I forced myself to delete your messages before reading them so I wouldn't be able to reply, and I thought way too often about what might have become of us…
I just wanted to tell you that."

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

I guess that's not a bad thing. I'd take it as a compliment and move on from it. Remember the fun times you had and look for that kind of stuff in the next lady!

 

[BillyPilgrim]

She sent me a message: "You know, Quentin, it took me a long time to get over you. I fought a thousand times not to text you. I forced myself to delete your messages before reading them so I wouldn't be able to reply, and I thought way too often about what might have become of us…
I just wanted to tell you that."

This is where you reply "you know, Teresa, I still think about you as well and many times when I do it makes things hard" and send a pic of yer c0ck underheath a towel or something softcore. Nothing too explicit, but enough to set the tone and get her juices flowing.

 

[quentin]

This is where you reply "you know, Teresa, I still think about you as well and many times when I do it makes things hard" and send a pic of yer c0ck underheath a towel or something softcore. Nothing too explicit, but enough to set the tone and get her juices flowing.

I did something similar, because she told me she was thinking about the night we spent together. I'm just kidding, but I really want to see her again, ahh

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Why do i feel like this is a chick who is a bit empty, she might have everything on paper but if her man isn't leading with purpose/direction and just with stability, you might just have two empty/fragmented individuals. This is a common symptom of America's cultural/spiritual decline, people get with eachother for stability/comfort but often lose touch with deeper meaning in their lives. I've noticed a lot of American women have this kind of empty look in their eyes like they're just going through the motions. People in that type of state are more likely to cheat. What anchor would they have beyond it?

P.s. Dont get me wrong, this isn't a purely American phenomenon. It can happen in any culture facing similar issues but I happened to notice it over there quite a bit is my point.

 

[quentin]

Why do i feel like this is a chick who is a bit empty, she might have everything on paper but if her man isn't leading with purpose/direction and just with stability, you might just have two empty/fragmented individuals. This is a common symptom of America's cultural/spiritual decline, people get with eachother for stability/comfort but often lose touch with deeper meaning in their lives. I've noticed a lot of American women have this kind of empty look in their eyes like they're just going through the motions. People in that type of state are more likely to cheat. What anchor would they have beyond it?

P.s. Dont get me wrong, this isn't a purely American phenomenon. It can happen in any culture facing similar issues but I happened to notice it over there quite a bit is my point.

I completely agree with you, but she's in France.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

I completely agree with you, but she's in France.

Same difference. Lol

 

[Bingo-Player]

I don't get it, it's not the same thing. She has a boyfriend, and she wants to see me again.

Women enjoy forbidden fruit , its literally written in history

Whilst they aren't typically testosterone driven like men, they certainly have very powerful imaginations and slipping off for a naughty half hour is exciting in what is probably otherwise a very mundane life

I am not sure why you are trying to build it out into a romance novel , its hotel room sex you do not know the BF

its not really a big deal people do far worse and think nothing of it lmao

Imagine walking in on your women in bed with your brother or best friend some sh1t like that

it happens lmao

 

[quentin]

Women enjoy forbidden fruit , its literally written in history

Whilst they aren't typically testosterone driven like men, they certainly have very powerful imaginations and slipping off for a naughty half hour is exciting in what is probably otherwise a very mundane life

I am not sure why you are trying to build it out into a romance novel , its hotel room sex you do not know the BF

its not really a big deal people do far worse and think nothing of it lmao

Imagine walking in on your women in bed with your brother or best friend some sh1t like that

it happens lmao

I see what you mean, but honestly, I promise you I don't care plus, she's great in bed.
So I'd be really happy to see her again!

I just wanted to use this as a case study; I really enjoy learning about human relationships

 

[tesla8520]

She doesn’t even know what's going on inside her own head, so neither you nor anyone else has a hope
But guaranteed it's more to do with something going on in her life, far less than you

That is the only truth.
And yet, my friend, once you realize the chaos going on inside a woman's head—the fact that they live for emotions and that their life choices are 99% based on their immediate circumstances—well, as a man, how can you bring yourself to enter into a long-term relationship with a woman... knowing all that?

 

[Gamisch]

The biggest mistake ofcourse is the fact that you haven't changed your identity in FOUR years!


Women are phases . They represent who we were back then, not who we are today and who we try to become

If I look back 4 years ( 2023) I cant imagine entertaining ANY women I've dealt with. I've learned so much , slept with so many new women, saw so many bew dime pueces left and right that she simply can NEVER hit the same after four years. Basically all womem I've been with , I've outgrown them massively; sometimes simply because four years later she is uglier, fatter, less prime, less fine, more thousand D death stare, more D's on her notch, uglier stories about "bad romances" ..

This should be handled with a polite response and a soft next ( aka let the interaction die a slow silent death) .

My main question is why the feck the new version of you buckles for the 5 year older version of you..

 

[Clockwerk50]

The biggest mistake ofcourse is the fact that you haven't changed your identity in FOUR years!


Women are phases . They represent who we were back then, not who we are today and who we try to become

I agree with this.

This should be handled with a polite response and a soft next ( aka let the interaction die a slow silent death) .

My main question is why the feck the new version of you buckles for the 5 year older version of you..

But this is subjective. For all we know, OP may be in his hoe phase.

@quentin OP, I have had multiple women come and go in my life. I can tell you that, a couple of years ago, one of them was like yours coming out of a long hiatus, and the only thing that came of it was a make-out session at 3:00 a.m. in the middle of a McDonald’s parking lot. There was another one who was apparently texting me while her partner was sleeping next to her, while she lived in the US and I lived in Canada, promising the same things that never materialized.

So look, unless you have your penis deep inside her fallopian tubes, you can only assume that she wants something as little as non-physical validation to something as much more physical and intimate. It is up to you to decide whether you want to find out, and to find out, you need to play her game.

Nonetheless, the post has been up for more than six days, so if she didn’t get what she needed from you at the time, she most likely got it from someone else.

Best.

 

[Gamisch]

I agree with this.

But this is subjective. For all we know, OP may be in his hoe phase.

@quentin OP, I have had multiple women come and go in my life. I can tell you that, a couple of years ago, one of them was like yours coming out of a long hiatus, and the only thing that came of it was a make-out session at 3:00 a.m. in the middle of a McDonald’s parking lot. There was another one who was apparently texting me while her partner was sleeping next to her, while she lived in the US and I lived in Canada, promising the same things that never materialized.

So look, unless you have your penis deep inside her fallopian tubes, you can only assume that she wants something as little as non-physical validation to something as much more physical and intimate. It is up to you to decide whether you want to find out, and to find out, you need to play her game.

Nonetheless, the post has been up for more than six days, so if she didn’t get what she needed from you at the time, she most likely got it from someone else.

Best.

Hmmm..I disagree that a "male h0e-phase " justifies this interaction.

Believe, at the end of the day OP will feel bamboozled (again). The tone of this thread tells me all I need to know. Imo it shouldn't be anymore than a small ego booster. Take that medal and keep it moving..

One chance per woman per lifetime is one of my many personal laws. I learned through experience that breaking said laws comes with harsh punishment...