M
member162951
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Can you expound on that or should I just read the book?
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
I’m in deep
- Thread starter Divorced w 3
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
Divorced w 3
Master Don Juan
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How frustrated did I seem in this thread? How frustrated did she seem in this thread? Work through the different scenarios of deviating from your own needs
M
member162951
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I just read the summary. He advocates "empathy" using your emotional brain, putting yourself in the other's shoes, and understanding their perspective versus "theory" which imo is much of what redpill is.
I'm gonna pick up the book, the author is a former FBI negotiator, which piques my interest just from that!
But yeah I'm big on empathy and seeing the situation from the other person's side which is why I have always supported how you handled things with your girl..
Again, my posts were directed at @Foe post.
M
member162951
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Not sure if what's in bold was directed at me, or your "you" was generic, but I wasn't the one trashing on you for how you handled things.
If it's working, I'm actually happy for you, for both of you. Are you?
I am in my relationship.
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Divorced w 3
Master Don Juan
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You misread it. You asked for an explanation.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
M
member162951
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Okay I misread/misunderstood, I thought I might have, which is why I posted this:
In any event, appreciate the explanation and book recommendation, I just ordered it.
Doctor Europeo
Moderator
BeExcellent
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Advice from the old lady:
Sometimes we as humans make a mess of things out of our own insecurities. I think that is what has happened here, to a great degree.
OP readily admits to disliking being alone, and readily admits that he wants a (+) female influence in the lives of his children.
1. Dislike of being alone is the root issue.
2. Need of female presence for the kids is the rationalization.
Does nobody else see this? To me it’s becoming very clear.
The healthy thing for OP to do is NOT move this woman into his home and learn to go through life with a comfort level being by himself. There is something lacking in OP. It is that lack which creates this dynamic in his relationships (and it was also there in some manifestation with his ex wife.)
Until OP straightens himself out and gets comfortable in his own company he’s going to torch his relationships and make hasty decisions like accepting the first girl who pays attention to him.
He is needy and insecure because of his discomfort being alone, everything else is a band aid for that; the associated drama is the necessary by product and distraction.
Just my $0.02
Sometimes we as humans make a mess of things out of our own insecurities. I think that is what has happened here, to a great degree.
OP readily admits to disliking being alone, and readily admits that he wants a (+) female influence in the lives of his children.
1. Dislike of being alone is the root issue.
2. Need of female presence for the kids is the rationalization.
Does nobody else see this? To me it’s becoming very clear.
The healthy thing for OP to do is NOT move this woman into his home and learn to go through life with a comfort level being by himself. There is something lacking in OP. It is that lack which creates this dynamic in his relationships (and it was also there in some manifestation with his ex wife.)
Until OP straightens himself out and gets comfortable in his own company he’s going to torch his relationships and make hasty decisions like accepting the first girl who pays attention to him.
He is needy and insecure because of his discomfort being alone, everything else is a band aid for that; the associated drama is the necessary by product and distraction.
Just my $0.02
Divorced w 3
Master Don Juan
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I think you nailed it. She’s moving in but I agree with you.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT
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Hahahaha, bro she hasn't had a bf in 4 years and she's out approaching dudes at the bar, so In essence she wants male companionship but can't find any, super duper red flag here, a dudes attention is incredibly simple to capture, she literally just had to place herself in front of you and you did the rest... How hard was that? Not hard. So why is she single? Likely ****s with dudes until a conflict arises then the BPD comes out.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
M
member162951
Guest
What the hell happened, dude was banned? I must've missed something.
Oh well, wish him well.
Oh well, wish him well.
Doctor Europeo
Moderator
One week temp-ban
At first, everything was great…
Then, I got a bad feeling when I wasn’t with her and she didn’t answer.
She broke my rules.
Then, other guys.
Now how do I get her out?
It’s been 1 month and I did see her a few times but I can’t forgive her and I can’t let my kids know I seen her after what happened.
What is wrong with me? Why can’t I let go? I have options…
Signed, your future self.
I have drawn this picture for you because it is what happens to guys like you.
Please consider your future self.
M
member162951
Guest
Give it a rest why dont ya, geez man. Dw3 isn't even here to respond (defend his decision), he's been temp-banned per @Dr.Suave last post.
No one knows the 'ins and outs' of their relationship but the two of them, if it turns out to be a mistake, so be, just like everything else we experience in life.
Divorced w 3
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I read your work while I was in solitary… I would consider the source if I was anyone following what this cat is saying.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
BackInTheGame78
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You are way too involved in these forums to be picking up on this kind of stuff...holy cannoli.
Divorced w 3
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Good for her. Hope she finds what she’s looking for.
Divorced w 3
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The timing is not remotely close nor is the situation with my children.
M
member162951
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I've deleted all my posts on this.
Take care guys...moving on.
Take care guys...moving on.
BackInTheGame78
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Wait...you ended up going thru all this, having he move in and then like a week later it's done?
Is that what I am understanding?
Is that what I am understanding?
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.