"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Marriage and dating issue - need advice.
- Thread starter 4evehayoung
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Ranger
Guest
I’m a HUGE suporter of women being under competition anxiety. I think it’s vital to a happy relationship if that is what a man wants.
Women are wired to actually enjoy that shyt. They thrive on it. Men don’t do so well with it. The woman will become more attentive and want more sex from you when she is under competition anxiety. But when a man is under it and tries to do the same thing...it’s needy and feminine. He becomes more attentive. Wants sex. Works harder thinking he is exemplifying proper conduct when in fact...he’s being a girl. It’s the wrong model.
So yes. Put that woman under competition and do it right now. They thrive on that shyt.
lamath
Master Don Juan
I agree that the competition might be good for him.
But i think he got to watch out how far he goes.
AJ84
Guest
Or, she could start dressing better, meet a new guy, divorce her husband and take half his money.
I totally think though what you said works when dating and no one is going to loose half their stuff to the other person and lawyers etc.
Ranger
Guest
Being under competition anxiety wouldn’t be about having side girls actually. As long as she knows that others want him and that in itself is the dynamic. We already know an attractive woman will get hit on and has options. She doesn’t really have to do anything. Goody a$$ men will slobber all over the place.
This is about the man. Falling for a woman is ok. Turning into a noodle isn’t. I need to make that distinction.
Men will think they are safe and will fal into that mode. They might as well put their own head in the guillotine. He can NEVER stop being out there and succeeding at whatever it is that drives him.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Ranger
Guest
Better to lose half ones stuff than to be in a passionless & sexless marriage with a crony. Of course the truth is...he created that passionless cohabitation. I think that’s the real point on this forum.
lamath
Master Don Juan
What you are missing here is the fact the has no drive, dont want sex and she is letting herself go.
This is the problem.
She wants the status quo and he is unhappy in a situation like this.
Id seriously start making.plans to leave her in a way that i can keep as much of my stuff as possible.
Id still try to fix things but imo she not interested in changing
lamath
Master Don Juan
Yes i agree on this.
On a long LTR the bigger problem that arise is the one we allowed to grow.
AJ84
Guest
Agreed.
Couples in a marriage should always strive to be the best version of themselves not only for themselves but each other.
I mean if the trade off is monogamy then step up lady lol. This is what I can’t get my head around, instead of trying to meet his needs because he’s her husband she’s passing it off almost like it’s a headache that she would rather not deal with.
Or Maybe they were never sexually compatible and now that the kids are grown she feels that part of the marriage is done. Maybe she just got tired of him for whatever reason. We don’t know and OP is not giving us much of a back story so I’m just speculating of course lol.
But this is like the stuff that happens when married couples stop dating each other and become roles, rather than two people who compliment each other and are connected as a couple, not just as parents living in the same home.
F**k that.
AJ84
Guest
If she’s not interested in changing I think divorce would be the answer.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
lamath
Master Don Juan
I agree
I think he should try to fix it but imo its a lost cause
Open mariage is not the way imo
Ranger
Guest
Oh we agree. Completely. I was commenting rhetorically for the sake of the thread.
lamath
Master Don Juan
That was for AJ post you where anwsering.
Anyway im pretty sure we are all of the same opinion on this
AJ's postings is always to perpetuate the feminine imperative and convince men to adhere towards it.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
lamath
Master Don Juan
I like seeing the female opinion and i respect it
However even even with my limited experience using some common sense i feel that some.advice given are realy bad and can make a situation take a turn for the worst.
AJ84
Guest
Have a good weekend, Spaz.
Same to you. Don't forget to spend more time with hubby - which he deserves and lesser time with random faceless men on the Internet.
4evehayoung
Don Juan
I agree about lack of sex is a symptom because for the most part she has provide me with good sex for over 20 years whenever I asked. She always claimed that sex wasn't important to her (never got physical pleasure - orgasms) but was willing to keep me happy. We had regular "date nights" and I would try sometimes for an hour of foreplay and only a handful of times did I ever feel her "quiver" with what I thought could be an orgasm. Something changed in the last year or so and she started "taking away" parts of what I liked most such as I asked her to wear certain types of flattering lingerie to cover up her belly fat (says I should like her as she is), intercourse (says it hurts and was willing to give me head), then started complaining oral sex was taking to long (I liked marathon sessions). That's whenever I started talking about the option of finding sex through someone else (about 6 months ago). So yea, what changed and she started withdrawing that what I needed from her after 23 years of what I would appraise as a pretty good marriage? That's what I am trying to find out this weekend. There is the element of depression since our first child (she's 21 now) which has been a source of continuous friction because of my positive nature and belief that most depression cases are attitude self induced. I certainly do not claim to be an authority on the subject but it seams to me our culture is more than happy to medicate us into solving our problems. In some ways I feel it's a cop out for picking yourself up, kicking yourself in the ass, and get back to the land of the living.
AJ84
Guest
You asked her to wear lingerie to hide her belly fat?
You know what turns women on the most? Being desired and being made to feel sexy by the man in their life. Asking someone to hide what you don’t like about their body in order to have sex with them is the complete opposite of that.
How would you feel if she asked you to put a bag over your head before having sex?
Maybe you think that it would encourage her to lose the belly fat but you said she’s depressed, perhaps this is not how to encourage her to get in better shape I don’t know.
I can see why she may not want to have sex with you after that. But I can also see how she may be vulnerable to jumping into bed with the next guy who shows more desire towards her and makes her feel sexy.
And giving you the green light to find someone who meets your needs is giving her the green light to do the same, guilt free.
Word of advice now that you are out there dating: don’t say insensitive crap like that to anyone if you want to get laid lol.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.