Marriage and dating issue - need advice.

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#1
Greetings,
I am a new member and have read the Rational Male several months ago. Everything I read in that book confirmed that what I felt what not right with our culture regarding men and women is actually true. I just turned 60 but look and feel 30. I put a high priority on a fit and healthy active lifestyle. I still have hair and an athletic body. I have been married over 20 years and for the most part it has been pretty good. One issue that has been evolving over the last several years is my wife's decreasing interest in sex and willingness to engage. My sex drives have not changed much since I was a young buck so you can figure out easily what the problem is. My wife believes she no longer has to make an effort to look attractive to me, says that I should love her for who she is. Of coarse that's a complete cop out. Long story short she gave me the OK to date and have sex with other woman. That sounds OK on the surface but have you ever tried telling a potential date your married? Most dating sites are for singles only. I own a thriving business and still have a 14 year old son so cruising the night clubs is almost impossible. Just about everything else about our marriage is pretty good and neither of us want to jump at the divorce route. So the question is - Is there any possibility that this arrangement could work? I have my doubts and open for suggestion. If yes, than I could use some advice on going with dating strategies. If no, then is divorce my only option?
 

Howiestern

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#2
First I would start going out solo just to see if your wife changes her tune. If she doesn't then I'd get a sugarbaby and put her up in an apartment.
 

Spaz

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#3
This is one of many reasons why men should marry younger women.

If you're 60 then ideally the wife should be 40. Sex will still be good.

In your case OP, since the wife has given the go ahead, go get yourself a young single mommy preferably below 30.

I know of some men going through the same shiet as you, they basically got a young single mommy, set up a small business for her (business under the man's name) to keep busy and make some small living. They get to fvck a young pvssy for years with minimum fuss and minimal investment.

Both sides benefits greatly with this arrangement.
 

lamath

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#4
Greetings,
I am a new member and have read the Rational Male several months ago. Everything I read in that book confirmed that what I felt what not right with our culture regarding men and women is actually true. I just turned 60 but look and feel 30. I put a high priority on a fit and healthy active lifestyle. I still have hair and an athletic body. I have been married over 20 years and for the most part it has been pretty good. One issue that has been evolving over the last several years is my wife's decreasing interest in sex and willingness to engage. My sex drives have not changed much since I was a young buck so you can figure out easily what the problem is. My wife believes she no longer has to make an effort to look attractive to me, says that I should love her for who she is. Of coarse that's a complete cop out. Long story short she gave me the OK to date and have sex with other woman. That sounds OK on the surface but have you ever tried telling a potential date your married? Most dating sites are for singles only. I own a thriving business and still have a 14 year old son so cruising the night clubs is almost impossible. Just about everything else about our marriage is pretty good and neither of us want to jump at the divorce route. So the question is - Is there any possibility that this arrangement could work? I have my doubts and open for suggestion. If yes, than I could use some advice on going with dating strategies. If no, then is divorce my only option?
Im doubting your wife intention here.
I wonder if she says that as a way to test you.

When i told my ex gf of 12y i wanted to break up, she pushed me to act real fast.
To make.me change my mine, but it rurned agaist her because it made it way easier for me to leave.
 

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#6
Greetings,
I am a new member and have read the Rational Male several months ago. Everything I read in that book confirmed that what I felt what not right with our culture regarding men and women is actually true. I just turned 60 but look and feel 30. I put a high priority on a fit and healthy active lifestyle. I still have hair and an athletic body. I have been married over 20 years and for the most part it has been pretty good. One issue that has been evolving over the last several years is my wife's decreasing interest in sex and willingness to engage. My sex drives have not changed much since I was a young buck so you can figure out easily what the problem is. My wife believes she no longer has to make an effort to look attractive to me, says that I should love her for who she is. Of coarse that's a complete cop out. Long story short she gave me the OK to date and have sex with other woman. That sounds OK on the surface but have you ever tried telling a potential date your married? Most dating sites are for singles only. I own a thriving business and still have a 14 year old son so cruising the night clubs is almost impossible. Just about everything else about our marriage is pretty good and neither of us want to jump at the divorce route. So the question is - Is there any possibility that this arrangement could work? I have my doubts and open for suggestion. If yes, than I could use some advice on going with dating strategies. If no, then is divorce my only option?
Don't tell her anything about it.

Considering that:
1)You have a business
2)You have son to raise
3)You have wife and rather nice story (in spite of current problems)

I'd say respect your nest and don't poop into it with any new 'relation****s' - hate to break it for you but at your age, fit or not, you'll be most likely aimed by 40 - 50+ gold diggers. Do you really need that?

I'd opt for a young hookers with a thing for older guys. Just pay them, have a good fun with them and go back to your business.

No one needs to know.
 
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#7
First I would start going out solo just to see if your wife changes her tune. If she doesn't then I'd get a sugarbaby and put her up in an apartment.
Flying solo only lasts so long, had my fill of that. OK for a stopgap. I don't think the surgarbaby idea is practical for me. I'm thinking about finding a few FWBs?
 
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#8
This is one of many reasons why men should marry younger women.

If you're 60 then ideally the wife should be 40. Sex will still be good.

In your case OP, since the wife has given the go ahead, go get yourself a young single mommy preferably below 30.

I know of some men going through the same shiet as you, they basically got a young single mommy, set up a small business for her (business under the man's name) to keep busy and make some small living. They get to fvck a young pvssy for years with minimum fuss and minimal investment.

Both sides benefits greatly with this arrangement.
Like what kind of business did these guys go with? It's an interesting idea but seems like a lot of work.
 

Spaz

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#9
Like what kind of business did these guys go with? It's an interesting idea but seems like a lot of work.
Mostly a small outfit that's easy to macro manage for the man.

7 guys I know sets up a small convenience store in the suburbs.

2 guys sets up a small florist in the city.

1 opened a pet shop in the suburbs.

1 open a chicken farm which I think was stupid but to his logic it's on her land and it's relatively cheap to set up - don't think this relationship will last, he's given over power to her. Well he's about 72 now so maybe that's a factor.

It's all with single mommies. Max is 2 young kids.
 
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#10
Don't tell her anything about it.

Considering that:
1)You have a business
2)You have son to raise
3)You have wife and rather nice story (in spite of current problems)

I'd say respect your nest and don't poop into it with any new 'relation****s' - hate to break it for you but at your age, fit or not, you'll be most likely aimed by 40 - 50+ gold diggers. Do you really need that?

I'd opt for a young hookers with a thing for older guys. Just pay them, have a good fun with them and go back to your business.

No one needs to know.
Thanks for the input but not to worry. I've considered all those valid points and come to the same conclusion. I don't need a lot of overhead and I do not intend to screw up what has been a pretty good gig so far. What I need is laid and the hooker idea has crossed my mind as being the most practical in both time and money. I'm not to crazy about the idea because to me sex means more than the physical satisfaction. There is a missing element of the intimacy and emotional satisfaction that's kind of important to me. The excitement of the chase, the conquest, you know - "the thrill of victory" and all that. Plus I am not on the streets to know where the hookers are. Yea I'm 60 but got 20 good years left in me - at least! Today 60 is the new 40 and with the miracle of modern medicine and a healthy life style one could stay pretty active and happy for a long time. What about friends with benefits? 40-50 year old women can look pretty hot if they want to. As long as they act like they can't live without sex, who cares? (or is that only in the movies?) I kind of like the "plate spinning" theory and have a coupe of those kind of relationships. My obstacle is I don't know of a practical way of finding them.
 
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GT40

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#11
Yes. I’d say go out solo. See if she steps up the looks and make up. You need to up
You’re sex rank and show her young ***** is possible.
Be careful on the cheating idea. Get caught and it’s big $$$
 
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#12
Well, the whole idea of getting my wife's blessing to let someone else "do the dirty work" so to say, is not to cheat. If there is full disclosure on both ends (letting potential dates know I am married) then there is no cheating and no deception. My question is - Are there woman out there that want a "friends with benefits" type of relationship? And benefits part goes both ways go both ways, not just for me. There is a new concept of "open marriage" I discovered (at least new to me). If my wife has no problem separating sex and love and is happy with every other aspect of our relationship and wants to keep it, then it's her way of expressing her love for me by endorsing my petition for sex from another woman. It's almost like a relieve for her that I'm not constantly hounding her for it any more and it makes her happy. I am having a tough time getting back out there and beating the bushes (no pun intended) looking for women that could appreciate and accept a man in an open type marriage.
 

Danger

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#14
Greetings,
I am a new member and have read the Rational Male several months ago. Everything I read in that book confirmed that what I felt what not right with our culture regarding men and women is actually true. I just turned 60 but look and feel 30. I put a high priority on a fit and healthy active lifestyle. I still have hair and an athletic body. I have been married over 20 years and for the most part it has been pretty good. One issue that has been evolving over the last several years is my wife's decreasing interest in sex and willingness to engage. My sex drives have not changed much since I was a young buck so you can figure out easily what the problem is. My wife believes she no longer has to make an effort to look attractive to me, says that I should love her for who she is. Of coarse that's a complete cop out. Long story short she gave me the OK to date and have sex with other woman. That sounds OK on the surface but have you ever tried telling a potential date your married? Most dating sites are for singles only. I own a thriving business and still have a 14 year old son so cruising the night clubs is almost impossible. Just about everything else about our marriage is pretty good and neither of us want to jump at the divorce route. So the question is - Is there any possibility that this arrangement could work? I have my doubts and open for suggestion. If yes, than I could use some advice on going with dating strategies. If no, then is divorce my only option?

First you have to accept that she has opted out of her obligations to you in this marriage.

What if you were an unemployed couch potato, would she accept the "you should love me for who I am" line?

She is done and checked out whether you realize it or not. She no longer desires to keep you happy. Once you have accepted this reality, only then can you really move on with your life. And that is truly where you are, in need to move on.

At this point, anything you do to serve part of the status quo is only delaying the inevitable. Keeping a woman who does not care to please you will only get in the way of finding a woman who wants to do so.

Time to think about what you want and to take action to achieve it.
 

rando5495

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#15
First you have to accept that she has opted out of her obligations to you in this marriage.

What if you were an unemployed couch potato, would she accept the "you should love me for who I am" line?

She is done and checked out whether you realize it or not. She no longer desires to keep you happy. Once you have accepted this reality, only then can you really move on with your life. And that is truly where you are, in need to move on.

At this point, anything you do to serve part of the status quo is only delaying the inevitable. Keeping a woman who does not care to please you will only get in the way of finding a woman who wants to do so.

Time to think about what you want and to take action to achieve it.
A 20 years good marriage. Bird starts dragging behind, but gives her blessing that the gent can see others whilst keeping the family together.

Doesn't seem like a simple "next" to me. Huge room to maneuver, and plenty of options moving forward.
 
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LARaiders85

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#16
A 20 years good marriage. Bird starts dragging behind, but gives her blessing that the gent can see others whilst keeping the family together.

Doesn't seem like a simple "next" to me. Huge room to maneuver, and plenty of options moving forward.
I agree with that. It's not like he will find a lot of good women for a LTR if he divorces her. If he can get sex elsewhere there's no reason to leave.
 

Danger

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#17
A 20 years good marriage. Bird starts dragging behind, but gives her blessing that the gent can see others whilst keeping the family together.

Doesn't seem like a simple "next" to me. Huge room to maneuver, and plenty of options moving forward.

I used to think this as well, until I have seen this scenario played out twice now with bad endings.

We like to think that when a woman says to go find sex elsewhere that she really is ok with it.

More often than not they get insecure, but not about the sex. It is about the resources she feels become at risk in the new arrangement.

Inevitably it will get uglier and this is just the first step in that direction.
 
Last edited:

AJ84

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#18
I used to think this as well, until I have seen this scenario played out twice now with bad endings.

We like to think that when a woman says to go find sex elsewhere that she really is ok with it.

More often than not they get insecure, but not about the sex. It is about the resources she feels become at risk in the new arrangement.

Inevitably it will get uglier and this is just the first step in that direction.
What I see happening is her eventually cashing in that chip she gave him.
When a wife says she is done with sex. She’s not. She’s just done with sex with her husband.
I would not be surprised if she hooks up with men down the road somewhere herself, or sooner, perhaps she already has someone in mind.
Who knows? Maybe this will transition into something that works well for the marriage. Stranger things have happened.
 

rando5495

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#19
I agree with that. It's not like he will find a lot of good women for a LTR if he divorces her. If he can get sex elsewhere there's no reason to leave.
Likewise not sure of the worth starting the same over with another woman.

I used to think this as well, until I have seen this scenario played out twice now with bad endings.

We like to think that when a woman says to go find sex elsewhere that she really is ok with it.

More often than not they get insecure, but not about the sex. It is about the resources she feels become at risk in the new arrangement.

Inevitably it will get uglier and this is just the first step in that direction.
Seems well worth a go.

What I see happening is her eventually cashing in that chip she gave him.
When a wife says she is done with sex. She’s not. She’s just done with sex with her husband.
I would not be surprised if she hooks up with men down the road somewhere herself, or sooner, perhaps she already has someone in mind.
Who knows? Maybe this will transition into something that works well for the marriage. Stranger things have happened.
Usually a woman starts making an effort before so. Lines up her ducks and that.

Sounds more like she can't keep up with the old boy.
 

AJ84

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#20
Likewise not sure of the worth starting the same over with another woman.



Seems well worth a go.



Usually a woman starts making an effort before so. Lines up her ducks and that.

Sounds more like she can't keep up with the old boy.
True it could be that too. Either way he’s got a sweet hall pass lol.
 
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