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Your opinion on a coworker

AttackFormation

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So what would be a better approach here? There's no denying there's chemistry there.
You have already made it clear to her that you want to date her.

Women help and make it easy for the men they want.

That means in my experience the best approach here is to stop trying to make anything happen, not because that will "work" and "make her" interested in you through playing a game, but because it is playing NO game with her and saving your time and energy. She has so far not reciprocated the interest you've shown her and so it's entirely in her ballpark now to make an effort and do it. But, from your account of it and as I said before, I suspect the reason she has not done so in the first place is that all she ever wanted from you was validation and maybe some entertainment. You have to understand that validation is like oxygen to women or like water for a fish, they need a sizeable and steady amount of it to survive.

If you want to, you can go on that meeting with her and that other person to see if you can network through them to other women, but I wouldn't treat it as a "date" as such.
 
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jimmy_scandal

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Hi guys,

Good to be on board, thanks for having me. I’ve been following some online coaching YouTube channels for some time and have learned quite a lot, but still struggling a bit with women, the question below is for a specific one. This girl is a new coworker of mine, and we see each other daily, and when we don’t, we’ll shoot a few DMs over IG - she found me there and regularly follows my posts and reacts to my stories. We’re in different departments and we don’t report to each other or are each other supervisors, so no problem there, even the work policies are OK with it. There’s been a spark since we’ve met, she also knew when my birthday was (I told her once), so her and another coworker surprised me with some goodies; when her birthday came, I surprised her back with a nice gesture, she said that it totally made her birthday and told everyone about it.

Apart from hanging out after work with other coworkers on two occasions, I asked her out for a drink or something two times, and she couldn’t make it once because she was slammed with work (didn’t offer alternative then), and second time she was sick (for a fact, I saw that the next day), and this time she mentioned that we could get together this week, but she didn’t offer a specific day, so I just told her to let me know if she wants to get together and left it at that. She also mentioned that we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well, so that’s the confusing / weird part. Why would she want to have another female coworker there? Other than that, the signs of attractions are very much there, we broke the touch barrier, she always giggles, etc.

What’s your take on this? My current approach is not to initiate contact, but always reply and act as if nothing changed in person, still being charming and flirty, but not pursuing and definitely not asking her out again until she mentions it first.
You took action. That puts you ahead of 95% of the rest of the forum already. You should be giving advice, not receiving it.

She left it up to you to set up logistics and you didn't. You dropped the ball. Having a second girl isn't a dealbreaker. Not by any means. Think about how good it would look for you to be out with two girls. A strong possibility of competition between the two also.

There are lots of incels and mgtow's on this forum who have given up. Don't be one of them.
 

teacha

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You have already made it clear to her that you want to date her.

Women help and make it easy for the men they want.

That means in my experience the best approach here is to stop trying to make anything happen, not because that will "work" and "make her" interested in you through playing a game, but because it is playing NO game with her and saving your time and energy. She has so far not reciprocated the interest you've shown her and so it's entirely in her ballpark now to make an effort and do it. But, from your account of it and as I said before, I suspect the reason she has not done so in the first place is that all she ever wanted from you was validation and maybe some entertainment. You have to understand that validation is like oxygen to women or like water for a fish, they need a sizeable and steady amount of it to survive.
It’s really that simple.

If she was interested, she wouldn’t have turned him down TWICE.

And no, she didn’t turn him down because he projected weakness as some here would like to think (by asking instead of telling her). She simply ain’t physically attracted to him.
 

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user252009

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But first you need to know how to read the signs and it looks like OP don't
Well, the signs so far have been:
- her constantly popping by my office
- giggling at almost anything I say
- surprising me for birthday and baking me something
- looking me up and following me on social media
- initiating contact
- playful physical contact
 

user252009

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It’s really that simple.

If she was interested, she wouldn’t have turned him down TWICE.

And no, she didn’t turn him down because he projected weakness as some here would like to think (by asking instead of telling her). She simply ain’t physically attracted to him.
Makes sense. I'm not too crazy about this girl, as the initial crush faded, so it'll be easy to let it go. And then we'll see what's really going on, I guess.
 

user252009

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You took action. That puts you ahead of 95% of the rest of the forum already. You should be giving advice, not receiving it.

She left it up to you to set up logistics and you didn't. You dropped the ball. Having a second girl isn't a dealbreaker. Not by any means. Think about how good it would look for you to be out with two girls. A strong possibility of competition between the two also.

There are lots of incels and mgtow's on this forum who have given up. Don't be one of them.
No worries - I've been single for years now, so I really don't need anyone to be my best self, got more than enough things going on and succeeding in to worry too much about it (even though I did post about it here, lol).
 

redskinsfan92

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She wouldn't have suggested bringing a third party to your date if she desired you.

I would suspect she is using you to feel better about herself/boost her selfesteem, and entertain herself. But I would actually encourage you not to take my word for it, keep going at it and see how it turns out. I hope I'm wrong, but out of my experience I would suspect not.
She is jerking you arround. Her mentioned a 3rd party is disrespectful to you. Proceed as you wish, but know she doesn't desire you.
 

AttackFormation

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Well, the signs so far have been:
- her constantly popping by my office
- giggling at almost anything I say
- surprising me for birthday and baking me something
- looking me up and following me on social media
- initiating contact
- playful physical contact
All of which means absolutely nothing, a list of red herrings or false flags.

The only two things that matter (for different things) are whether she sexually escalates with you, and then whether she can pair bond healthily. Anything else is noise.
 
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teacha

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Well, the signs so far have been:
- her constantly popping by my office
- giggling at almost anything I say
- surprising me for birthday and baking me something
- looking me up and following me on social media
- initiating contact
- playful physical contact
Tell me, does she ask you to do any favors for her?
 

derby1

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OP as stated and please listen , these women are nuts for orbiters and validation, it aint 1950 no more,

you think women want a good time , make memories , take pictures together ....They Dont.......ignore their BS memes

their whole mission in life is to check how many men fancy them......if you negotiate from this mindset and get a girl to come out, Bonus! If not, you know we advised you what their up to
 

Apex

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1. She's not interested. Move on. It's a waste of time.

2. If she's asking to have a third party present, she sees you as a nothing more than a "friend".

3. If you agree to a third party being present trying to be "nice", she may see you as creepy and wants a witness.

You have no ill intentions, I get that. She has some need for you to "get the message" that you can't date her.
 

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AttackFormation

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Partial PHM quote
Full quote:

"If you find yourself confused by a woman's behavior, its because you are being manipulated OR you are ignorant about how women operate. She sensed you weren't the real deal and you proved her right.

A woman who doesn't want your attention will go ghost. A woman who doesn't trust you will act like a b!tch to see your reaction. Women need to be able to label the men they know ASAP so they know how to behave around those men.

Women know most beta faggots will take any female interaction they can get. The bottom line is.. women who are sexually attracted to you will submit to you. Anything other than submission is attention wh0ring, manipulation or exploitation.

Women like to keep a beta faggot in the dark about where he stands because it allows her to use him without having to f*ck him. :crackup:

As long as the beta thinks he has a "chance" at eventually f*cking her.. he will be a willing, pandering and obedient orbiter. Women like to collect beta orbiters because they come in handy when she needs therapy, a ride, a favor, money, a body guard, etc.

Once a man knows he will NEVER f*ck a woman he loses his incentive to associate with her. So you'll notice a woman will almost NEVER tell a beta he has no chance with her. Its not about protecting his "feelings" its about keeping him useful. :up:

This is why I tell men to get touchy-feely with women very EARLY and make it clear she won't get sh!t from you unless she gives you a sexual relationship."


I would definitely have added that they like to collect orbiters not only because of the things he listed but primarily just for validation and entertainment. Many men just don't realize how important validation is to women, and that men also serve as entertainment. Real shame that PHM couldn't rein whatever got him banned in a little despite the big leeway he was apparently given to keep him here. That was a guy who didn't mince any words in his direct, brutal, honest appraisals. And he did it with the agenda of informing men to make their own choices better, rather than with any hate or insecurity.
 
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andreihaha

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First of all, as no one said it before on the thread, so here it is:
Don't dip your pen in the company ink!

My humble advice is to see her and treat her as a coworker/friend only from now on.
Some say you dropped the ball or that she rejected you twice and she's not interested. Maybe it true. Maybe it's not.
It's important to learn something from past experiences like this but it's not as relevant now. You have to make the best of how it is now.
Most guys lack succes with women because they are not honest with them. Those guys try to "trick girls" into going out or having sex with them or whatever. And women usually see through that.
Here is what I'd do in your place :

Woman: Let's get the other coworker to come out with us too.
Me: Ohhh, so not like date. I always thought you were into me, you have that look in your eyes. Hmm...
Then adjust the conversation based on you still wanting or not to go with these two coworkers.

You told the truth. You stated your intentions. You actually embarassed her a bit, saying she's the one that looks interested. You're a honest guy, not like most of the other ones that are trying to get in her pants. You're used to women pursuing you and you know how to spot that. You're a catch and you have an advantage. She will keep thinking about this, while you're off the hook.

If she's interested, be sure she'll make a move.
If not, move on and treat her as just another coworker from now on. You don't have to live with uncertainty. You're free to pursue other women or whatever you wish.
Looks like a win-win to me.
But that's just my approach, take it or leave it.
 

Espi

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So what would be a better approach here? There's no denying there's chemistry there.
I deny it.

There's no chemistry.

Women who "like" you will make themselves available.

Keep doing what you're doing though. A single failure can help you more than the whole of the DJ Bible (@Pook).

Right now what you have going for you is ignorance (I mean that in a good way). You're new. You're not indoctrinated by PUA dogma, theories, etc. Avoid the "coaches". You don't need them. The newbie who's willing to put himself in the trenches and embrace/experience failure offers 10xs more value than the guys typing up "advice" on their smartphones.
 
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