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Your opinion on a coworker

user252009

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Ok, let's take it step by step.

I don't like using the word "desperate", but are you so desperate to see her again that you can't wait a week?
How about waiting until you see her and then you go up to her with a "Hey, last time was fun, wanna go out for a [insert coffee, drink, movie, a$$f*cking] on [insert day]?"
What can go wrong? She can flake, no problem, forget about her.

Because of low interest/fear.

She might have been bored and was thinking "Hey, why not"

The point is, women want men. Right?
Why not be a man?
It's just becoming too frustrating at this point, I'll let her reach out and otherwise move on. It's just super weird behaviour from her side, when we're texting fine, and then I ask if she wants to join me for a meal, and nothing - and then the very next day she tries to come to my office like 3 times, but I was busy, always waving and smiling. What kind of fvcked up behaviour is that? And still no reply, will be two days later.
 

andreihaha

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It's just becoming too frustrating at this point, I'll let her reach out and otherwise move on. It's just super weird behaviour from her side, when we're texting fine, and then I ask if she wants to join me for a meal, and nothing - and then the very next day she tries to come to my office like 3 times, but I was busy, always waving and smiling. What kind of fvcked up behaviour is that? And still no reply, will be two days later.
It's women behaviour ;)
I woudn't let her reach out, i'll forget about her. Period.
You know deep down that you don't desire her any more, that she can't offer you much.
You're still chasing her because of your ego. Which is blurring your perception. Snap out of it, be smart, my man!
 

user252009

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Yeah she says she would maybe come, so screw that, I just said “maybe some other time then” and I’ll stop contacting her all together; I’ll only respond if she brings up the two of us getting together. Cheers fellas
 

user252009

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Well, due to my nature (personality), I never actively pursue more than one girl at a time, as my time is limited and so is my energy; however, I do always talk to at least several and line up dates for the future with them. The main problem I have is I live in Germany, where people are very closed off and any attempt to talk to a girl is met with "nein danke, go avey" kind of attitude. Any US guy that's tried to pick up girls here will confirm this. Apart from that and contrary to popular belief, a LOT of young people don't speak English here, so combination of those two things just makes me stick to my own business. And even if I didn't, women never approach me in public anyways. OD is an option, but I get so few matches (I don't wanna waste time or money on women I'm not attracted to) that's it's essentially non-existent for me.
 

user252009

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Have you considered learning German? A couple of my kids taught themselves, and we don't even live in Germany. They became pretty fluent, pretty quickly. Native speakers are impressed. I don't speak German, but I've considered taking it up. It's a handy language to have in business, especially if you do business with Germany, especially if you LIVE in Germany. There really is no excuse for you not to learn the local language. Plus, is might improve your dating options outside the secretarial pool, and it's even rated by DLI as one of the easier languages to learn.
I do speak enough to get by, but I'm not comfortable speaking with native Germans, because as soon as they hear I speak it, they go full-on native mode and then it gets frustrating as I can't keep up, and I can't just switch back to English mid-conversation, especially if they don't speak it.
 
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user252009

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After putting her on a backburner and not initiating any contact, she started reaching out again, and said she was available this weekend, if we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well. I can't make it this weekend, so I told her that and asked what about next week, and she said she won't have time then, so that was it. I'm continuing to not spend any energy on this one or initiating contact, until she suggests just the two of us getting together for a time that works for both of us.
 

andreihaha

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After putting her on a backburner and not initiating any contact, she started reaching out again, and said she was available this weekend, if we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well. I can't make it this weekend, so I told her that and asked what about next week, and she said she won't have time then, so that was it. I'm continuing to not spend any energy on this one or initiating contact, until she suggests just the two of us getting together for a time that works for both of us.
If Brad Pitt would ask her how much time she has next week, what do you think she'd say?
My suggestion: forget about her, low interest. If I were you, she'd be invisible right now. Not "continuing to not spend any energy on this one or initiating contact ". No. She's the old ugly lady in accounting, even if she throws herself at you, you're not interested.
 

user252009

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If Brad Pitt would ask her how much time she has next week, what do you think she'd say?
My suggestion: forget about her, low interest. If I were you, she'd be invisible right now. Not "continuing to not spend any energy on this one or initiating contact ". No. She's the old ugly lady in accounting, even if she throws herself at you, you're not interested.
Nah, she's gorgeous and awesome, but I'm past the point of playing games, so if she wants to meet with me, she'll have to set a definite date with just the two of us, otherwise I can't be bothered
 

andreihaha

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Nah, she's gorgeous and awesome, but I'm past the point of playing games, so if she wants to meet with me, she'll have to set a definite date with just the two of us, otherwise I can't be bothered
I'm not saying she's ugly. Just that you should perceive her as unattractive. That's how she is to you, at least from an objective point of view.
Your ego is just kinda blinding you, you feel that if you'll have her your value will rise. But it's not like that, your hapiness is what matters more. There are girls out there that would appreciate you, maybe they'd kill for a guy like you(maybe:p).
I got hot chicks in my office, but I'd never cross that line, i just see them like they are sisters or girls I put in the friendzone. Maybe I get drunk at an office party and think "Hey, I could hit that", but then I sober up.

Actually what you were doing right now is playing games. You are playing the waiting game, young man. What the other guy suggested you do is to stop playing games. Move on.
Exactly!
 

user252009

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Since I stopped initiating contact with her, she's been texting me every day and coming to talk to me at work. I just politely reply and never bring up getting together. Still interesting to see
 

stringpuller

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Since I stopped initiating contact with her, she's been texting me every day and coming to talk to me at work. I just politely reply and never bring up getting together. Still interesting to see
Sexualize it.
 

dude99

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What's your policy for dealing with women who end up bringing a third party to a date? I had a girl try to pull that crap once.

Would you say that if they do something like that, they're definitely not interested?

And would you just roll with it then isolate/escalate with her later? I'm curious how other people handle this.
When a girl brings a third party to a meeting she is telling you she does not desire you. She is teetering on low to no interest. She is deliberately is bringing an obstacle to a date. That doesn't scream interest now does it. If she desires you she would want you all to herself. Bringing a 3rd wheel is making sure you two are never alone.

I had a girl do this and this is how you handle it. Pay all your attention to the girl she brought. Flirt with her make her laugh. Make her know she the important one. Ask her for her number right in front of the girl who brought her. She will ask something along the lines of "dont you like so and so?" And this is where you drop it on her. "No we are just friends."
Let the first girl know she blew it by putting her into the friendzone. You will trigger her competitive switch and she will realize in order for anything to happen she must now chase you. I did this and not only did i get the third parties number, i took her home that night and the original girl chased me for months.

One chance per lifetime. She blew hers.
 

dude99

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Well, the signs so far have been:
- her constantly popping by my office
- giggling at almost anything I say
- surprising me for birthday and baking me something
- looking me up and following me on social media
- initiating contact
- playful physical contact
You validate her.
 

user252009

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You validate her.
Yeah well, I completely stopped initiating contact and she's orbiting af, texting me every day as well, even though I never text her first. Unfortunately I can't ignore her as we work together.
 

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dude99

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Yeah well, I completely stopped initiating contact and she's orbiting af, texting me every day as well, even though I never text her first. Unfortunately I can't ignore her as we work together.
You can ignore her. Discuss work related stuff only. Anything else doesnt get a reply. Even at work, you just walk away
 

andreihaha

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You can ignore her. Discuss work related stuff only. Anything else doesnt get a reply. Even at work, you just walk away
Yep.
Giving the impression that you're having sex with someone else also helps.
Giving the impression that you're having sex with someone else while actually having sex with someone else really really helps.
Helps in giving no fk about her, of course.
 

dude99

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Yep.
Giving the impression that you're having sex with someone else also helps.
Giving the impression that you're having sex with someone else while actually having sex with someone else really really helps.
Helps in giving no fk about her, of course.
Exactly. Just go date other women
 

stormrider

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Hi guys,

Good to be on board, thanks for having me. I’ve been following some online coaching YouTube channels for some time and have learned quite a lot, but still struggling a bit with women, the question below is for a specific one. This girl is a new coworker of mine, and we see each other daily, and when we don’t, we’ll shoot a few DMs over IG - she found me there and regularly follows my posts and reacts to my stories. We’re in different departments and we don’t report to each other or are each other supervisors, so no problem there, even the work policies are OK with it. There’s been a spark since we’ve met, she also knew when my birthday was (I told her once), so her and another coworker surprised me with some goodies; when her birthday came, I surprised her back with a nice gesture, she said that it totally made her birthday and told everyone about it.

Apart from hanging out after work with other coworkers on two occasions, I asked her out for a drink or something two times, and she couldn’t make it once because she was slammed with work (didn’t offer alternative then), and second time she was sick (for a fact, I saw that the next day), and this time she mentioned that we could get together this week, but she didn’t offer a specific day, so I just told her to let me know if she wants to get together and left it at that. She also mentioned that we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well, so that’s the confusing / weird part. Why would she want to have another female coworker there? Other than that, the signs of attractions are very much there, we broke the touch barrier, she always giggles, etc.

What’s your take on this? My current approach is not to initiate contact, but always reply and act as if nothing changed in person, still being charming and flirty, but not pursuing and definitely not asking her out again until she mentions it first.
In order to engage in romance, you must first understand what constitutes as romance.

True romance is two people feeding equal energy into the romantic bubble. This is the organic chemistry behind romance. There is an actual chemistry to it. Like h20. The chemistry to romance is you cannot reward her with attention unless she makes a WORTHY effort to seduce you. This is the equation to romance. Learn it. Memorize it. Post it on your wall.

This is a universal law of value. Ignore it to your own peril. This is something that can easily be observed and even tested, just like ALL universal laws.

Now let’s see what happens when you break this law. Let’s say you reward her with your attention when she hasn’t made any efforts to charm you. What’s going to happen? She’s going to look at you like you have no standards and think of you as low value.

But forget her for a second. Your own body will reject it and make you feel like a low value piece of sh1t for giving your attention/validation away for free.

Every guy is born with this internal compass. It tells you to only give value to people who value you.

Why does your internal compass tell you this? Because your internal compass is operating from the principle of self love. You must love yourself before anything. Anything that goes against this and negative emotions will be released.

A lot of guys actually ignore this internal compass and it’s the reason why they get chucked/strung along for attention.

What if I were to tell you that if I was in your shoes, I would never get stringpulled like this? When your internal compass is intact, women can recognize it right away from your vibe/presence.

OP I have a feeling this is not the first time you’ve been stringpulled. If anything, you probably have an imprint that she picked up on unconsciously.

And you are okay with it. You are just happy with her pseudo affections. It’s because deep down inside, you don’t love yourself enough to put yourself above her.

And she knows it too. She can never be attracted to you. She can never truly admire to you. Best to cut your losses.

And with the next woman, make sure your internal compass is intact. She must make an effort to charm/seduce you before you can reward her with your attention. That’s her feminine role.

At the first sign of her pulling back, you kick her to the curb out of self respect. Do this enough times and your internal compass will be revived. And then true romance would be possible because your imprint would have changed on a subconcious level.

It is only when you love yourself first and foremost can romance even be possible.
 
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user252009

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You can ignore her. Discuss work related stuff only. Anything else doesnt get a reply. Even at work, you just walk away
Tried it for a week, didn't work, I ended up feeling like an a$$hole and in a bad mood, as she's always very friendly; it's just not who I am.
 
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