Your opinion on a coworker

Suave88

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Hi guys,

Good to be on board, thanks for having me. I’ve been following some online coaching YouTube channels for some time and have learned quite a lot, but still struggling a bit with women, the question below is for a specific one. This girl is a new coworker of mine, and we see each other daily, and when we don’t, we’ll shoot a few DMs over IG - she found me there and regularly follows my posts and reacts to my stories. We’re in different departments and we don’t report to each other or are each other supervisors, so no problem there, even the work policies are OK with it. There’s been a spark since we’ve met, she also knew when my birthday was (I told her once), so her and another coworker surprised me with some goodies; when her birthday came, I surprised her back with a nice gesture, she said that it totally made her birthday and told everyone about it.

Apart from hanging out after work with other coworkers on two occasions, I asked her out for a drink or something two times, and she couldn’t make it once because she was slammed with work (didn’t offer alternative then), and second time she was sick (for a fact, I saw that the next day), and this time she mentioned that we could get together this week, but she didn’t offer a specific day, so I just told her to let me know if she wants to get together and left it at that. She also mentioned that we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well, so that’s the confusing / weird part. Why would she want to have another female coworker there? Other than that, the signs of attractions are very much there, we broke the touch barrier, she always giggles, etc.

What’s your take on this? My current approach is not to initiate contact, but always reply and act as if nothing changed in person, still being charming and flirty, but not pursuing and definitely not asking her out again until she mentions it first.
So, you have asked her out twice now, but first, she was busy and then, she was sick.
So now, when you asked her out for a third time, she wants to go out but needs the company of a coworker. I don't see a problem here. This is normal.

What I dont like is that she does not ask personal questions to you or you don't tell us.
I dont have a good feeling about it. How long have you known her?
If after this first date, she goes out, and you ask her again next week, but again she wants to bring a coworker, then forget about her.
 
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user252009

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What I dont like is that she does not ask personal questions to you or you don't tell us.
I dont have a good feeling about it. How long have you known her?
If after this first date, she goes out, and you ask her again next week, but again she wants to bring a coworker, then forget about her.
We do talk about personal things
 

user252009

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Well, as she mentioned that we could do something this week, I decided to once and for all have closure either way and asked her for drinks for this weekend - no reply yet and that was several hours ago. I can't be playing these waiting games etc., fvck that ****. This way, I can get it over with and get onto other women.
 
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jimmy_scandal

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Haha!
Dude, read my whole post and tell me what was negative about it.
And telling me dating co-workers is the norm and a smart idea shows me how much experience you have: none.
I have dated someone at work once and it went to hell. That was the case for every workplace relationship i've seen in years. People dating and working together changed their jobs because it's not healthy to spend all day with each other. On what planet have you been living on?
Also I just put it first as a disclaimer, he's free to do as he wishes.
I've dated many women at work. Some of the relationships went south, but we were both intelligent, mature and practical enough not to make a stink of it. Breakups are painful, but adults move on. You're a kid working with other goofball kids and can't make things right. It's not a reflection of how adults behave.

Regardless, op, what are your other prospects, either at work, or preferably elsewhere? Focus on those instead. You're better off abandoning this thread altogether, and focusing on new girls.
 

teacha

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Well, as she mentioned that we could do something this week, I decided to once and for all have closure either way and asked her for drinks for this weekend - no reply yet and that was several hours ago. I can't be playing these waiting games etc., fvck that ****. This way, I can get it over with and get onto other women.
third time the charm, eh?
 

andreihaha

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I've dated many women at work. Some of the relationships went south, but we were both intelligent, mature and practical enough not to make a stink of it. Breakups are painful, but adults move on. You're a kid working with other goofball kids and can't make things right. It's not a reflection of how adults behave.

Regardless, op, what are your other prospects, either at work, or preferably elsewhere? Focus on those instead. You're better off abandoning this thread altogether, and focusing on new girls.
You are clearly unaware of how women behave.
Don't sh1t where you eat, man.

I think he posted before that he has no other prospects, but that's better than clinging on to a low-interest woman.

OP, why didn't you ask her in person? We're man, we're supposed to be brave. You would have known by now, no more uncertainty.
 

daproest1

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Hi guys,

Good to be on board, thanks for having me. I’ve been following some online coaching YouTube channels for some time and have learned quite a lot, but still struggling a bit with women, the question below is for a specific one. This girl is a new coworker of mine, and we see each other daily, and when we don’t, we’ll shoot a few DMs over IG - she found me there and regularly follows my posts and reacts to my stories. We’re in different departments and we don’t report to each other or are each other supervisors, so no problem there, even the work policies are OK with it. There’s been a spark since we’ve met, she also knew when my birthday was (I told her once), so her and another coworker surprised me with some goodies; when her birthday came, I surprised her back with a nice gesture, she said that it totally made her birthday and told everyone about it.

Apart from hanging out after work with other coworkers on two occasions, I asked her out for a drink or something two times, and she couldn’t make it once because she was slammed with work (didn’t offer alternative then), and second time she was sick (for a fact, I saw that the next day), and this time she mentioned that we could get together this week, but she didn’t offer a specific day, so I just told her to let me know if she wants to get together and left it at that. She also mentioned that we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well, so that’s the confusing / weird part. Why would she want to have another female coworker there? Other than that, the signs of attractions are very much there, we broke the touch barrier, she always giggles, etc.

What’s your take on this? My current approach is not to initiate contact, but always reply and act as if nothing changed in person, still being charming and flirty, but not pursuing and definitely not asking her out again until she mentions it first.
This is way too indirect and beat around the bush-ish. You’re a man. She’s a woman. U TELL her what’s going to happen, when, and how. Who can come and who can’t. If she accepts, you know she’s into you. If she doesn’t, then u dont care. Move on. As if nothing happened. Because u dont care. You’re important. This is trivial shiit. U have more important things to worry about. Right? Right. Even if u dont. U do. But u should.
 
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jimmy_scandal

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This is way too indirect and beat around the bush-ish. You’re a man. She’s a woman. U TELL her what’s going to happen, when, and how. Who can come and who can’t. If she accepts, you know she’s into you. If she doesn’t, then u dont care. Move on. As if nothing happened. Because u dont care. You’re important. This is trivial shiit. U have more important things to worry about. Right? Right. Even if u dont. U do. But u should.
I agree. Leaving the ball in her court was weak. Be better next time.

You are clearly unaware of how women behave.
Don't sh1t where you eat, man.

I think he posted before that he has no other prospects, but that's better than clinging on to a low-interest woman.

OP, why didn't you ask her in person? We're man, we're supposed to be brave. You would have known by now, no more uncertainty.
I agree that asking in person is the way to go. If he has no other prospects, he needs to start working on that asap.

You're going around in circles. I've dated many women from work. Dated many women outside of work. Dating women from work is the norm.
 

user252009

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After asking her directly, we got together yesterday and it was awesome, so good progress there :) Now gonna take it slow and fun
 

user252009

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I stopped pursuing her, now she initiates contact every few days or so, so I'll let her in this state, but I'll ask her out again this week, and if she's up for it, good, if not, I'll next her.
 

ShePays

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Respectfully disagree.

imo it’s no different from giving a girl your number instead of taking hers. If she reaches out, you know for sure she’s interested.
Yeah. It's better to have strong attraction than just a consenting date. There's only so strong you can come on in an office environment, anyway. Move on.
 

3agle 3yes

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So as you‘ve probably realised op, there’s two camps of people on this forum; one who lets to girl do everything to prove she’s ‘interested’ and the other who will suggest you take control of the situation.

I’m one of the latter. Despite what anyone here says neither is the wrong approach.

However, if you want to have a say over the women you date and have sex with I suggest you take control and don’t wait on her. If she doesn’t initiate with you, it could mean anything, it doesn’t always mean she isn’t interested.

Some guys here think most women are conniving, scheming, evil, devil incarnates. I’m not one of those people.

I‘ve dated and banged girls who brought friends with them when we went out, who rejected several dates that I have offered, who didn’t respond to me well initially, who didn’t want to give me their number, etc.

The truth is, it doesn’t matter, women are much malleable than men. If your frame is stronger than hers, she do whatever you ask her to do pretty much.

The reason why many here were asking you to tell her when to meet up, rather than ask her isn’t because you should be “alpha” or that it’s more likely to “work”. But rather, that you should go after what you want instead of pretending that you’re not interested.
 
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ShePays

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So as you‘ve probably realised op, there’s two camps of people on this forum; one who lets to girl do everything to prove she’s ‘interested’ and the other who will suggest you take control of the situation.

I’m one of the latter. Despite what anyone here says neither is the wrong approach.

However, if you want to have a say over the women you date and have sex with I suggest you take control and don’t wait on her. If she doesn’t initiate with you, it could mean anything, it doesn’t always mean she isn’t interested.

Some guys here think most women are conniving, scheming, evil, devil incarnates. I’m not one of those people.

I‘ve dated and banged girls who brought friends with them when we went out, who rejected several dates that I have offered, who didn’t respond to me well initially, who didn’t want to give me their number, etc.

The truth is, it doesn’t matter, women are much malleable than men. If your frame is stronger than hers, she do whatever you ask her to do pretty much.

The reason why many here were asking you to tell her when to meet up, rather than ask her isn’t because you should be “alpha” or that it’s more likely to “work”. But rather, that you should go after what you want instead of pretending that you’re not interested.
Try to eemember that this is a girl from the OFFICE, when you tell him to "be aggressive," and to "go after what he wants." Office politics trump sexual politics....at the OFFICE.
 

andreihaha

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Try to eemember that this is a girl from the OFFICE, when you tell him to "be aggressive," and to "go after what he wants." Office politics trump sexual politics....at the OFFICE.
So again, why bother with office chicks?
Office is for work, control your wh0remones.
 

user252009

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I don't recall ever being happy about dipping my pen in company ink
I dated women from work before, it was fine, we're all adults here.

So as you‘ve probably realised op, there’s two camps of people on this forum; one who lets to girl do everything to prove she’s ‘interested’ and the other who will suggest you take control of the situation.

I’m one of the latter. Despite what anyone here says neither is the wrong approach.

However, if you want to have a say over the women you date and have sex with I suggest you take control and don’t wait on her. If she doesn’t initiate with you, it could mean anything, it doesn’t always mean she isn’t interested.

Some guys here think most women are conniving, scheming, evil, devil incarnates. I’m not one of those people.

I‘ve dated and banged girls who brought friends with them when we went out, who rejected several dates that I have offered, who didn’t respond to me well initially, who didn’t want to give me their number, etc.

The truth is, it doesn’t matter, women are much malleable than men. If your frame is stronger than hers, she do whatever you ask her to do pretty much.

The reason why many here were asking you to tell her when to meet up, rather than ask her isn’t because you should be “alpha” or that it’s more likely to “work”. But rather, that you should go after what you want instead of pretending that you’re not interested.
Well, she regularly visits my office and the first time we went out was really nice, so will ask her again these days. Not pushing it, no rush here, as I have other women going on as well anyways.
 

ShePays

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I dated women from work before, it was fine, we're all adults here.



Well, she regularly visits my office and the first time we went out was really nice, so will ask her again these days. Not pushing it, no rush here, as I have other women going on as well anyways.
Things always end well between adults in your universe?
 
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