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Why Relationships Fail

casanova

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this is a thread that is going to be the affecting factors of why your relationship is failing...

the first reason, and it is the most important reason for this consequence, the number one rule for anybody before going into a relationship is to never change the person they are dating. I'm not talking about the change where you go fix your significant others bad habits and change her for the better, I'm talking about character, that persons decision making, emotions, beliefs. When we are dating a person, its in our human nature to always see what we want to see. We want to see only the magnificent, amazing qualities of that person, and when we don't see them, we get angry, or upset because they aren't acting/feeling like you want them to, we don't accept other peoples **** ups all the time. There was some sort of quote I don't exactly remember it but it had to do with a flower, and us humans adore flowers for their beauty, their smell, their look and once we pull them out of the ground, we destroy those qualities by imprisoning and destroying their lives, the moral of the story isn't about why pulling flowers is bad, its just that humans should be adored the same way, leaving to be for who they are. It's what we humans can't accept because our species was created by a nut job.

the second reason is toned down to psychology, us humans never think what our subconscious might be feeling, or thinking about, its common and basic psychology that if you give something, you wait for something in return. It's us, humans, remember we are *******s, we don't ALWAYS give and never wait for a return. Generally, we wait, so back to the main point, it's called equity theory. Cost-Benefit theory. Basically, this theory shows that the costs of a relationship must always remain lower than the benefits, otherwise it's not worth being in it. The more the person invests into the relationship, the greater they expect out of it. Human nature and psychology literally state that we can only endure a relationship if its possible for both of the partners, you are right people suffer and still stay in relationships, but I'm talking about why it's failing, not why it's over. That's the point, it can be short term but long term something has to happen.
Equity theory predicts that people are happiest when their cost and benefit is equal as their significant others, so both partners are contributing and gaining the equal amount, relationships tend to change, fail or end if this situation falls out of balance.

well, this is all I gotta say if you believe what I wrote thanks and I don't care <3
 

Serenity

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There's more general things that breaks relationships, but the two reasons you did mention are valid.

The first reason is very true. Don't try to change someone else, it will only bring resentment. The only solution is to make a good choice to begin with, don't ignore the red flags. Carefully and deliberately make sure the woman in question shares a similar way of thought and doesn't have any beliefs that will inevitably lead to conflict down the line.

The second reason is true. Giving more than you get is straight up unfair. Tip the balance in the other direction and the other part of the relationship will feel the resentment which ultimately leads to the end of a relationship. So a balance must be kept for it to ever work out, a difficult task indeed as it requires both parts to contribute to it. This blends into your first reason, finding someone right in the first place.
 

casanova

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There's more general things that breaks relationships, but the two reasons you did mention are valid.

The first reason is very true. Don't try to change someone else, it will only bring resentment. The only solution is to make a good choice to begin with, don't ignore the red flags. Carefully and deliberately make sure the woman in question shares a similar way of thought and doesn't have any beliefs that will inevitably lead to conflict down the line.

The second reason is true. Giving more than you get is straight up unfair. Tip the balance in the other direction and the other part of the relationship will feel the resentment which ultimately leads to the end of a relationship. So a balance must be kept for it to ever work out, a difficult task indeed as it requires both parts to contribute to it. This blends into your first reason, finding someone right in the first place.
Definitely, these two reasons are the ones everybody should know but of course, there are way more factors that may lead to termination.
 

flowtheory

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Definitely, these two reasons are the ones everybody should know but of course, there are way more factors that may lead to termination.
Two difficult points to see when being entangled emotionally with another. Relationships are supremely complicated with many aspects at play. There is a fine line between changing a person and wishing to grow together.
Humans are naturally selfish and wish to shape their world to accommodate their own perspective to justify and validate their existence, so changing others to suit their beliefs is a very common occurrence. It takes a daily practice to see how we dupe our own selves while using others as utilities to achieve our own positive or detrimental objective.
 

glass half full

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It's what we humans can't accept because our species was created by a nut job.
I agree with your other points, however I'm not fond of referring to our creator as a nut job.
The good book tells us how best to live our lives, treat other people, and treat/love our spouses, and our fellow citizens.
Does modern society follow these simple conditions today? Fvck no...
Therein lies the problem. Yes people are just people, but we were supposed to have standards, and now our civilization has thrown that all out the window. Don't blame God for it, and don't push J.C's buttons over it...it's a human condition.
But try to convince a woman of that- she will blame men. And there you go...Catch 22.
 

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I always thought relationships fail because:

1) The man does not keep his emotional distance from the woman
2) The man makes himself too available
3) The man is boring
4) The man doesn’t make enough money at his legal occupation
5) The man lets himself go

Personally, I don’t care if she tries to change me. I don’t care if I invest too much, As long as the woman doesn’t use the system or her emotions to come after me after the breakup, it’s all good. :)
 

Newbee2

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this is a thread that is going to be the affecting factors of why your relationship is failing...

the first reason, and it is the most important reason for this consequence, the number one rule for anybody before going into a relationship is to never change the person they are dating. I'm not talking about the change where you go fix your significant others bad habits and change her for the better, I'm talking about character, that persons decision making, emotions, beliefs. When we are dating a person, its in our human nature to always see what we want to see. We want to see only the magnificent, amazing qualities of that person, and when we don't see them, we get angry, or upset because they aren't acting/feeling like you want them to, we don't accept other peoples **** ups all the time. There was some sort of quote I don't exactly remember it but it had to do with a flower, and us humans adore flowers for their beauty, their smell, their look and once we pull them out of the ground, we destroy those qualities by imprisoning and destroying their lives, the moral of the story isn't about why pulling flowers is bad, its just that humans should be adored the same way, leaving to be for who they are. It's what we humans can't accept because our species was created by a nut job.

the second reason is toned down to psychology, us humans never think what our subconscious might be feeling, or thinking about, its common and basic psychology that if you give something, you wait for something in return. It's us, humans, remember we are *******s, we don't ALWAYS give and never wait for a return. Generally, we wait, so back to the main point, it's called equity theory. Cost-Benefit theory. Basically, this theory shows that the costs of a relationship must always remain lower than the benefits, otherwise it's not worth being in it. The more the person invests into the relationship, the greater they expect out of it. Human nature and psychology literally state that we can only endure a relationship if its possible for both of the partners, you are right people suffer and still stay in relationships, but I'm talking about why it's failing, not why it's over. That's the point, it can be short term but long term something has to happen.
Equity theory predicts that people are happiest when their cost and benefit is equal as their significant others, so both partners are contributing and gaining the equal amount, relationships tend to change, fail or end if this situation falls out of balance.

well, this is all I gotta say if you believe what I wrote thanks and I don't care <3

Yes sort off.. but not completly

We shouldn't change people, this apply to two healthy individuals meeting each other. But in the 30/40 yr old these people is coupled allready. Extimate would be 90% of the dating pool is there for a reason. Because they are complicated and difficult or flawed.

My last relation-ship-wreck she choose occupation as a massuse in a turist zone, very uncool. But it was her selfish choice, without regards for me or the relationship. Should I change her, or walk away? If i choose to stay, the price would be my happiness, security etc.

But yes nr.2 correct; equality, balance and fairness is the key. How to achive this in a biased society? Women are selfish creatures by nature, entitelment, hypergamy?8ee2a8dab984b9d15167429d0bbd9ebf--evolutionary-psychology-social-behavior-1.jpg

These things work in a healthy society, but in todays world they are up there among unicorns, utopia and lottery winners, lost naz! gold.. just a faint memory of what once was possible.

Build yourself up attract a quality female, and she will be high maintainess, and slowly erode yourself worth along with your pleasures, hobbies and money.. till you end up like the beaten betas you see in the mall carrying around her useless shopping items, and swipe your card everytime she needs a dopamin rush from another pointless purchase. All while she keeps 2-3 male orbiters around on social media, and waits for an excuse to monkey branch to the next wallet, and the cycle will start all over again.

She is not yours, it's just your turn...

Welcome to reality in 2019 utopia of social engineering

sorry mate.. the good old days is gone

Cheers
 
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casanova

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Yes sort off.. but not completly

We shouldn't change people, this apply to two healthy individuals meeting each other. But in the 30/40 yr old these people is coupled allready. Extimate would be 90% of the dating pool is there for a reason. Because they are complicated and difficult or flawed.

My last relation-ship-wreck she choose occupation as a massuse in a turist zone, very uncool. But it was her selfish choice, without regards for me or the relationship. Should I change her, or walk away? If i choose to stay, the price would be my happiness, security etc.

But yes nr.2 correct; equality, balance and fairness is the key. How to achive this in a biased society? Women are selfish creatures by nature, entitelment, hypergamy?View attachment 2628

These things work in a healthy society, but in todays world they are up there among unicorns, utopia and lottery winners, lost naz! gold.. just a faint memory of what once was possible.

Build yourself up attract a quality female, and she will be high maintainess, and slowly erode yourself worth along with your pleasures, hobbies and money.. till you end up like the beaten betas you see in the mall carrying around her useless shopping items, and swipe your card everytime she needs a dopamin rush from another pointless purchase. All while she keeps 2-3 male orbiters around on social media, and waits for an excuse to monkey branch to the next wallet, and the cycle will start all over again.

She is not yours, it's just your turn...

Welcome to reality in 2019 utopia of social engineering

sorry mate.. the good old days is gone

Cheers
Very true man, very true.
 

casanova

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I always thought relationships fail because:

1) The man does not keep his emotional distance from the woman
2) The man makes himself too available
3) The man is boring
4) The man doesn’t make enough money at his legal occupation
5) The man lets himself go

Personally, I don’t care if she tries to change me. I don’t care if I invest too much, As long as the woman doesn’t use the system or her emotions to come after me after the breakup, it’s all good. :)
All of the things you just stated are potential flaws in men, you can direct the exact same reasons to females as well, they aren't the superior beings. A relationship doesn't fail because of these reasons, they are just steps that lead to failure. If a man becomes too available for example, that just makes him have more free time for himself, his girlfriend and his hobbies. Now that could be perceived differently, a woman can see that as a flaw, she can literally say "Oh this guy has too much free time, he's not working or keeping himself busy and successful, it's not going to work out". But she can also adore his free time, she can be crazy in love with him and enjoy his availability. These reasons are just steps. And if you don't care how they treat you, good for you because in my situation, I am the one who invests more right now and I'm the one ending up questioning my worth and stuck in a reality of sadness. If it doesn't affect you, live that romantic life my man.
 

casanova

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Two difficult points to see when being entangled emotionally with another. Relationships are supremely complicated with many aspects at play. There is a fine line between changing a person and wishing to grow together.
Humans are naturally selfish and wish to shape their world to accommodate their own perspective to justify and validate their existence, so changing others to suit their beliefs is a very common occurrence. It takes a daily practice to see how we dupe our own selves while using others as utilities to achieve our own positive or detrimental objective.
Yeah, a really good point made regarding the fine line. I definitely agree. A person who can accept the person in front of them for who they are will always be the winner. There is no point in complaining or changing the flaws of the person if they are not willing to or just can't. Embracing that person reduces any high expectations you have from that other person and makes you happier in general.
 

casanova

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I agree with your other points, however I'm not fond of referring to our creator as a nut job.
The good book tells us how best to live our lives, treat other people, and treat/love our spouses, and our fellow citizens.
Does modern society follow these simple conditions today? Fvck no...
Therein lies the problem. Yes people are just people, but we were supposed to have standards, and now our civilization has thrown that all out the window. Don't blame God for it, and don't push J.C's buttons over it...it's a human condition.
But try to convince a woman of that- she will blame men. And there you go...Catch 22.
I genuinely apologise for saying our creator was a nut job. I was writing this thread while high, still not an excuse though. And yes, we can treat people well, with love and care. But does everyone? Is it fair? If you're not expecting anything in return and you're naturally just a giver, it's perfect and you don't lose anything, but it will get down to our biological and sociocultural levels eventually leading us to a realization that we're about to die and we could have gained more than we did.
 

Romanemp22

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Relationships end when sexual polarity and/or attraction is lost. The catalyst for this going faster is that one of the people in the relationship has what they perceive is a better option.
I agree. The thing is Hollywood perceived that the more beta you act, aka being a White knight, you will get that pretty blonde you want so bad.

However, in real life those things don't work out like that and I'm shocked how still there are guys who fall for that movie sh1t.
 

Bigpapa

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I agree. The thing is Hollywood perceived that the more beta you act, aka being a White knight, you will get that pretty blonde you want so bad.

However, in real life those things don't work out like that and I'm shocked how still there are guys who fall for that movie sh1t.
Movies give hope :)

hope is quite important , otherwise you will see a lot of suicides
 

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Romanemp22

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Movies give hope :)

hope is quite important , otherwise you will see a lot of suicides
For an oldest man in the world, you're not senile.

Jokes aside, every hope needs to be rational one, a realistic one. Believing in something that's never gonna happen, it's a painful road of disappointments.
 

Bigpapa

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For an oldest man in the world, you're not senile.

Jokes aside, every hope needs to be rational one, a realistic one. Believing in something that's never gonna happen, it's a painful road of disappointments.
that is true , but sometimes you need this unrational mindset to pass through really tough times , otherwise you will not make it and commit suicide

in the World there are a lot of depressed people . If they have a really genuine reason or not that is a totally different story
 

Romanemp22

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that is true , but sometimes you need this unrational mindset to pass through really tough times , otherwise you will not make it and commit suicide

in the World there are a lot of depressed people . If they have a really genuine reason or not that is a totally different story
Yes that's true, some may believe in something falsely just to avoid being miserable.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Love is a sales tactic. Marriage is a exchange of resources. It wasn't about love. This is a con job. Relationships end because of the expectations of something can't possibly provide what is being sold. When you now evaluate the dumpster fire that is the sexual market place and you have the equivalent of a degenerate used car lot selling a beater for the price of a Lambo. Morons are still buying trash.
 

Bigpapa

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Love is a sales tactic. Marriage is a exchange of resources. It wasn't about love. This is a con job. Relationships end because of the expectations of something can't possibly provide what is being sold. When you now evaluate the dumpster fire that is the sexual market place and you have the equivalent of a degenerate used car lot selling a beater for the price of a Lambo. Morons are still buying trash.
actually guys are buying the old car With a lot of mileage because their lack of options , which more or less is due to them not really wanting to make a progress in anything that is worthwhile in life

it is not about that they do not want the lambo , it is about them not doing everything possible to get what they truly want . They do not have a purpose

till recently the purpose of the guy was to put food on the table for the family , since feminism kicked in it is not really needed for the guy to put food in the table . They remained without a purpose
 
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